Acceptance

Okay, so my morning post was a WEE bit overdramatic.  Couple that with reading an awful story on NPR about a photographer who was taking pictures of a little bunny and ended up CRUSHING the bunny by accident (I am not linking to the story, and I had to block it from my newsfeed because I kept crying)‚Ķand I was a bit of a drama queen. 

My wrist hurting is more than a first world problem, since it continues to plague me throughout my career.  That being said, I had the signs leading up to it all week. I am taking today off, and as I tell my students, if for some reason you can’t practice, LISTEN.  I’ll be doing that.

It’s just that I woke up early to practice all morning and then my schedule was off.  Those who know me well know I like having my schedule set, I like knowing what’s going to happen and where I’m going to be, who I’m going to see, that sort of thing.  Sometimes I get a little bit anal about that sort of thing, and I don’t adapt well to change.  Once change happens, I have a mini freak out, and then I am usually okay.  (Well, as long as large groups aren’t involved.  The older I’ve gotten, the more I just cannot handle large groups.) 

But I’m very resilient, I am okay NOT practicing today, really. At least I’ve gotten some good practice in this week, right?

See, aren’t I doing well?  Aren’t we all proud of me? 

Today’s workout was heavy on the deadlifts.  I was awesome and deadlifted an amount that my trainer reminded me, just a few months ago, made me cry and say "I can’t, I just can’t."  I took that to me I was getting stronger, he took it to mean that sometimes I tell myself I can’t do things that I actually can.  Agree to disagree.

Frustration

 

Like, not practicing the violin regularly, then practicing again regularly, and I suppose not building to that (though I feel I have), and invariably your damn right shoulder starts tingling, and you sort of stretch it out, but not really, because you are lousy at remembering to stretch.  And then a couple days later your right wrist hurts.  Not tingling, but the sort of aching, mildly nauseating pains as you attempt to play spiccato.  And you feel like you really are doing a lot of things right.  You’re standing up straight when you play, you’re working out so your arm and shoulder muscles are strong, your back could not be stronger than it is.  Everything should be going in your favor.

And of course it’s not.  Because your right wrist is always going to conspire against you and hold you back.  And you don’t know what to do, other than cry (a little, only a little bit), step away from the violin, and just try to relax.  Always it’s the right wrist, ever since you first starting having problems, at the age of 12.

This of course the day after you thought, damn, I just might be in the best shape of my life.

That’s what you get for being proud.

Insanity:  expecting that I can play the violin at some sort of high level without my body conspiring against me. 

Only a little bit of crying, right?  That’s okay, isn’t it?