5 most terrifying side effects of exercise

Cracked.com’s 5 Most Terrifying Side Effects of Exercise.  Please click through!!

I saw this on Eat, Drink, and Be Meiri’s Blog today and wanted to share with you.  It’s very funny, especially if you work out!  You should read her blog too, but I’m going to copy her idea and give my own thoughts.  (Flattery, Rose, right?  I hope you don’t mind I copied your idea!)

#5 Running makes you poop yourself.

Well as you may know I already covered this on my blog the other day (which led to my blog being found from a google search for the word “poop”).  I personally have not had this issue…yet…  I’ve gotten mixed opinions from my friends on whether pooping your pants is worth it to make it into the Olympics.  Some say yes, some say, no, because even if you win the Olympics you are forever known as that woman (or man) who crapped their pants.  I guess it depends on your level of vanity.  How often do you fix your hair in the mirror at the gym?  (way too often…and it continues to look bad)

#4 Constant, endless sweat

Yes. I do find that I sweat more these days.  But I feel like that’s GREAT.  Plus when I’ve had too many martinis or glasses of wine the next day I know I can just go to the gym and sweat that out and feel fantastic.  Or get robbed.  Either or.  But I do throw my gym clothes into the laundry after every wear.

#3 Abuse to your feet, nipples, and “scrotal zone”

I agree with Rose, I’d rather have blisters than not be able to see my feet!  But seriously, mine aren’t TOO bad, just blistery and some callouses that I STUPIDLY allowed my pedicure lady to shave off the other week.  That made my run hurt on Sunday, but I learned my lesson.  I have a little black spot on one toenail, but nothing really impressive.  My friend Jen has a lovely black toenail (pride, Jen!) and Leslie got an awesomely nasty blister (oozing) after her marathon.  As far as nipples and “scrotal zone”, well, I’m just glad I’m not a guy.  And I recently discovered Bodyglide, which is helpful for wearing shorts (stupid thighs rubbing together).

#2 Swimming can kill you in endless creative ways

I can’t recall ever swimming for exercise.  My gym doesn’t have a pool and I don’t think we are meant to swim in the Mississippi River?  (can somebody clarify this?  is that something people do?  has the river ever been on fire?)  But I DO know that you are supposed to wait 1 hour after eating or YOU WILL DIE IN THE WATER FROM STOMACH CRAMPS.

#1 Your junk disappears

Firstly, I really hate the phrase “junk.”  Secondly, well, may I say AGAIN how glad I am that I am not a guy.

This comes to mind:

Jerry, George Costanza: Elaine!
Jerry: Do women know about shrinkage?
Elaine: What do you mean like laundry?
Jerry: No, like when a man goes swimming afterwards.
Elaine: It shrinks?
Jerry: Like a frightened turtle!
Elaine: Why does it shrink?
George Costanza: It just does.
Elaine: I don’t know how you guys walk around with those things.

 

My thoughts:  it’s easy to come up with reasons not to exercise or not to eat healthfully.  These are not good reasons!  But it’s a funny article.  People always seem to get upset over articles on cracked as to not being “accurate” but they must have missed the whole “America’s only humor site since 1958” tagline, which (to me) implies it’s a humor site.

 

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Michael Scott: Finishing that 5K was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I ate more fettuccini alfredo, and drank less water than I have in my entire life. People always talk about triumphs of the human spirit. Well today I had a triumph of the human body. That’s why everybody was applauding for me at the end. My guts, my heart and well I eventually puked my guts out. I never puked my heart out, and I am very proud of that.

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3 thoughts on “5 most terrifying side effects of exercise”

  1. I love your commentary! And I totally don’t mind. The article is hilarious, and I love reading what other people think.

    That episode of The Office is one of my favorites. Rabies. Man.

    1. My trainer and I constantly joke about that episode of the Office…so funny! I remember when I first saw it a 5k seemed like such a long way…and I’m glad you don’t mind.

  2. I would like to add another side-effect…though I guess it relates more specifically to lifting and the ingestion of a lot of protein: flatulence. This is extremely helpful when there are many people crowded around the machine you want to use. A little passing of gas, wait a few minutes and your immediate area will be clear for you…of course, you’ll have to put up with the noxious fumes yourself, but hey. You can super-set to your heart’s content! 🙂

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