Category Archives: Performing

Performing, Random thoughts, Teaching

Work, Work, Work

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Since the beginning of May I’ve had a little more time to think and breathe and reflect on my life. And since this week I only have a 4 day work week (thank you summers!) I have even more time. I thought I was busy today because I had students from 10:30 to 8 but I have had plenty of breaks and already did a great workout and practiced some (can’t overdo it as I’m still getting back into shape and my thumb is a little sore.)

I’m not busy though, by any stretch of the imagination. I was able to do a bit of housecleaning as well, and I’ve been working on booking some things for our August trip while I have time now to research.

Normally, as you know, I am busy. And I hear a lot on the internet about how being busy is bad, and I read posts and blogs from other so-called freelancers who tell me I need to say no to more gigs and I need to search within and seek what I really want out of life and cut out the rest. That I should focus all my energy into my absolute goals, which definitely can’t have anything to do with teaching children or being in an orchestra, or any traditional freelancing. And I read these posts and see many people saying in the comments, yes, this is great, this is exactly what new graduates need to hear…and maybe I’m not as busy as I think if I’m reading this junk, BUT…

Nobody told me what to do when I graduated either. I looked around though, and I saw what other people were doing, and I tried to do that, but better, or at least, as good. I networked (that means I tried to be friendly but I also let people know I was seeking work), I practiced (gotta stay in shape, no matter what), and I wasn’t afraid of hard work. In this day and age, if you have bills, if you are actually trying to support yourself as a musician, you have to work a lot. I don’t see anybody telling me another way to do it. All the blogs I mention, the posts on social media, these don’t tell me a way to make enough money to pay bills, to save for a rainy day, to save for retirement. What I do, this pays enough, finally, after years of living here, and before that, what I did in Cleveland paid enough…I’ve definitely made mistakes along the way, but I have had a lot of freelance success, and I hope to continue.

I guess my thoughts are a bit rambled, and since I am a working musician, I won’t spend a lot of time revising this. I am just getting my thoughts down here. Basically I’m saying, take it all into consideration. Listen to a lot of people. But don’t assume you can make a good living without really working hard. And that means that yes, you will take some terrible gigs. But you will also get some wonderful gigs, and sometimes that terrible gig means you meet a person who later gets you a wonderful gig. You will have some terrible students, but you will also have some wonderful students, and if you are lucky, they will all be awesome people and perhaps not always great students. And don’t be afraid to ask people to pay you in advance, and to pay you a little bit more than they are comfortable doing so. And check your email often and be quick to respond to inquiries. And when you do have a gig, show up early and prepared, and be nice.

One of my friends had a quartet gig the other year and she said somebody came up to them (all female group) and said, well, I know you all have rich husbands supporting you. She was insulted, of course, on a variety of levels…but the fact is that some musicians you see out there DO have that. Some have rich parents supporting them. But others are just hustling, working hard, and having to do a bit more to get by. If you are trying to support yourself (and I highly recommend it, as the satisfaction is high), don’t beat yourself up for being tired and busy. Find the quiet time when you can. But work hard, take those gigs, and show up early, well prepared, and always, ALWAYS, with a  beautiful sound.

And sometimes, maybe, maybe I work too hard. And sometimes I need to settle for a little less than perfection. And I definitely don’t have all the career answers, and probably in five years I will have a different opinion of this blog post…and maybe I’m being a little mean towards those well meaning people who post things, but I also know how monetizing things works, and that’s another question to ask yourself, if you are a new graduate, ask yourself what is the writer getting out of the blog post? Question things. And work hard. And did I mention, be nice and show up early?

I promise I’m still going to share my Colorado trip. It involves uploading and sorting pictures (so many!) so I’m putting it off until I have a larger chunk of time.

Performing

Beginning of the Week

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Today is Monday, which is technically the beginning of the week for most “normal” people. For us musicians there is no beginning of the week, nor an end of the week…the week just continues on and on.

Well, except I’m free today until late afternoon. We finished the Phantom of the Opera run last night, and I am sad to be done. It was a fun show to play and the most fun I’ve had in the pit! I know that many “serious” classical musicians like to hate on Phantom, and like to hate on playing shows, but the truth is that it’s an amazing paying gig here, and I have learned I quite enjoy doing it. Each time you play the same thing, yes, but you try to do better every time.

Today I’ve cleaned the bathrooms and done some vacuuming already (much to the chagrin of my dog Mackenzie—she is only afraid of one thing and that is the vacuum cleaner) and soon I shall do some exercise before starting on my practicing. I also have to run some errands with Louie and then I have about 3 hours of teaching. Not a bad day, really!

This week is the calm between the storms, as next week I’m playing Book of Mormon. It’s been a great month as far as opportunities go, and don’t think I’m not thankful for the work. I feel like it’s taking me a long time to get established here, but as I’ve said recently, I’m starting to feel comfortable enough knowing that if I keep playing well and showing up, people will keep calling me. And that the students will keep coming…hopefully this is all true and writing it here doesn’t change everything Winking smile

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Have a great Monday, readers!

Performing, Random thoughts

May Flowers

I keep waiting for the extra time I calculated from no longer having college classes to materialize but it really hasn’t yet. Of course, playing 8 shows of Phantom of the Opera each week cuts into that time…

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I attended a board meeting for a music teacher’s organization I’m a board member on. While I haven’t been able to contribute as much to my position as I feel I should, I’m still glad I’m doing it. I learn so much from the meetings and the other people! Most of the other members are piano teachers, but they run such creative and amazing studios and want so many opportunities for their students and I find it inspiring. It’s also nice to learn about organizing events, disagreeing with other people yet remaining civil, and how to stay organized while remaining so very busy. Though as the woman sitting next to me said, well of course you’re busy—you teach at so many different colleges! I realized, as I’ve said here, I may have bitten off too much. I’m allowing a small amount of attrition in my private studio to let myself breathe a bit (though, in all honesty, it’s mostly because I have 7 weeks of shows booked for the fall and that means so much evening teaching I’ll need space for rescheduling.)

Nonetheless, there were years here in St Louis where I felt like my musical experience was completely underused and underappreciated, and the other day when I got another request which I unfortunately had to say no to, and was feeling bad, Louie said, well, isn’t it great to feel so in demand? And yes it is! Right now I feel like things are at a point where I will continue to have a reasonable amount of work without panicking …and that if things start to dry up because I had to say no to too many things I have so many contacts that I will have no problem making things flow again. And that feels positive!

Of course, often I worry about being positive because then that’s when things go wrong, right? Eh, I think this time things are looking up. I just have to figure out how to balance it all so I’m a little less overwhelmed than I was last semester!

I was delighted last night when one of my student’s families came up to the pit at the end of the show. They didn’t even know I was playing, but were just looking into the pit to see all the musicians, and we were surprised to see each other. I love that they were curious about the music!

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I’m lucky to have the opportunities I’m currently having too—as much as I complain about my stress levels and such, I’m lucky, I’m grateful, and yet I also know I’ve worked hard and deserve some measure of success, even though that measure is different for everybody.

The other thing I deserve IS time off. I’m looking forward to taking a short trip to Rocky Mountain National Park. We are camping for four nights at Glacier Basin Campground (we’ve stayed there before) and I’m really excited. I’ll be celebrating my 40th birthday while I’m there, and we are definitely taking another downhill bike tour. Other than that we plan on lots of hiking, hopefully seeing a bunch of critters and animals, taking pictures, and hanging out by the campfire.

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Planning is in full force! It isn’t a crazy trip like we’ve done in the past, just going there, camping, and coming back, and I’m really looking forward to it!

Until then, teaching, playing, and lots to do around the house! I’d better go work out, run a few errands, hopefully do some practice, and then teach.

Deep Thoughts, Performing

Freelancing will make you crazy

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I just got home from a long day of rehearsal, teaching, sound check, and a performance. It was a fun day—both challenging and satisfying, with some good conversation, lovely colleagues, and a few interesting lessons. But what a day.

I’m trying to put together my gig schedule for next year and I keep getting offered really cool opportunities, that conflict with other things I’ve done. This is the big conundrum of freelancing: to bail on the first gig to take the second gig? I don’t like doing it, in fact, it makes me sick to my stomach, but I have to sometimes. This is my job, and I am failing at my job if I turn down $3000 (or more) to make $300. It’s hard though, because you want to be seen as dependable!

I was having a hard time making a decision today, until an older colleague who I greatly respect said, well, of course you have to take the other thing, when I was telling her I didn’t think I could play this gig she’d asked me about. And yes, she was right. I have to sometimes put myself and my financial future first, and take the well paying job. Why is this something that makes me feel bad? It was a no-brainer.

I also had to rearrange a quartet concert. This was a hard thing too, because my quartet is my favorite thing to do and I want to be dependable.

I want to be dependable. I always show up early, I’m prepared, I’m ready, I’m dependable.  I’m talking about a job that is 4 months away, and worried about canceling on people.

It’s been a hard year. A good year in many respects, in terms of career opportunities, financial rewards, and things like that, but hard. I’m hoping things get a little easier in the months ahead, though I had that feeling in the pit of my stomach all afternoon, just the stress of it all.

Freelancing will make you crazy.

I shouldn’t have to be uncomfortable with some form of career success. I’ve worked really hard to get where I am, on every level.

Performing

Winding Down

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My quartet’s concert on Tuesday went quite well! And we had a nice audience, and even got a standing ovation afterwards. It’s hard, teaching full time plus and trying to practice to maintain a high level of playing too…it definitely adds to my stress levels.

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We saw the Calidore Quartet play at Wash U on Sunday night, and it was so inspiring and wonderful watching a world-class quartet perform. Of course I had a lot of emotions during the performance, ranging from relief that I wasn’t playing on the concert (ha) to a bit of jealousy at how much time they likely have to practice and rehearse, and also simply enjoying the intense musicality and emotions from the music. I need to take more time to attend and enjoy concerts. I need to change a few things.

Louie and I were talking the other day and he suggested our problem is that we try too hard, that we need to just allow ourselves to be “good enough.” I tried to take this thought to heart going into Tuesday’s concert. I relaxed in the afternoon a bit rather than drilling some spots in the Schubert (Death and the Maiden) and who knows, I missed a few things, but I might have missed them anyway. I don’t have enough time to practice as much as I would need to to guarantee hitting everything (or a higher percentage) so I just have to do my best. I am a professional musician, but when you have 47 students sometimes something has to slide! Or at least I’m trying to convince myself of that. It’s like I’m worried that all my former teachers will come out and tell me I’m a complete disappointment and a failure at life.

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I want to just be a positive person and not compare myself to others and not compare others to myself, and simply enjoy my life experience…but gosh it’s hard.

I’m so happy to be done with the concert on Tuesday.  And I finished my 100 days of viola practice on Instagram!  Now I don’t have anything pressing on the calendar to stress over, so I can practice in a relaxed manner, I can play etudes and scales (I love them!) and I can (next week) take my violin in to figure out why it’s making weird noises. I can also read and relax, work out, hike and bike perhaps, cook more, see friends, and perhaps even respond to some emails that have been lingering for awhile (there are so many work things to do even still that I just have to chip away and again, be good enough.)

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Oh, after this weekend that is, because I’m headed up to Springfield for the Illinois Symphony. It’s not a stressful thing but it does take up all my time. Brahms First Piano Concerto with Stephen Hough and Beethoven Sixth Symphony. I’m looking forward to playing this concert, even though it’s a bit of a drive and a time commitment, and I feel a little guilty for skipping so many lessons and taking so much time to do it.

As you can tell, I’m liking the idea of trying to be “good enough” but have a lot of work left to put it into practice. I do need to take the summer to seek more balance in my life (and just relax more) and then figure out how to make the fall work well with a little less stress and angst. I made it through this school year, but this spring semester has been incredibly tough and I don’t know that I wish to repeat it.

In any case, things with new kitty Muriel are good, Louie is doing well and almost done with his semester as well…and after Wednesday I’m kind of sort of on summer vacation, so life is really looking up!

Performing

The end is near so come to our concert

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The end of the semester, that is…

Since I teach at two different colleges, that means the end of the semester is a big deal. I’m finishing up all kinds of lessons and stuff in the next two weeks and then, by my figures, I’ll be dropping about 15 hours of work and driving time from each week. This is a significant thing. You might say, oh my gosh, what will you do with all your free time, but the real question is, how did you have 15 hours to give to those students and those jobs? The short answer is: I don’t know, and this is why I did a lot of crying in January and February.

I posted on twitter yesterday in response to a question about work –life balance, that I would love to have more free time and get paid work for the work I do so that I could do less work. But the truth is probably that I would simply fill up that free time with more work, as I’m constantly seeking career and musical satisfaction.

However, the truth of the matter is that I’m possibly seeking things I already have found and just piling on my stress. I’m going to try to “take it easier” this summer. My first step was to give myself two weeks of vacation at the beginning of June—we are taking a trip and also having some visitors and I’m not teaching or doing anything violin related during that time (with perhaps one or two necessary exceptions). Then I’m just not doing as many things this summer—well the colleges are off and so that is just not an option, and I’m going to try to relax and recharge, get in shape, practice, do stuff around the house, and get outside and do fun stuff too.

I’ve started a new workout routine. I say started as I’m on day two, but I’m doing the blogilates videos online. They are pretty silly, but I have always wanted to be better at pilates moves, and I’m sore, so I think so far this is a success. I’ve been having some knee pain since our NY trip so I don’t want to run yet, but I wanted to make myself move more. I think I can commit to about 30 minutes a morning, which is all that this takes, and I know it will be good for me.

I’m nearly done with my 100 days of viola practice on instagram. I haven’t done as much time as I’d like, but isn’t that how life is? I really only manage to practice my primary instrument 1 to 2 hours a day on average, so it’s hard to squeeze in another one. The trick is consistency and practicing smart. I realized recently I think I’ve developed my own practice techniques for violin, that might not work for everybody but they do for me—lots of things like, let’s slow practice this part now that I don’t need to play until later, and then when I come back to it a few weeks later it is magically better. I don’t know how it all works, but I suppose after 35 years of violin practice things stick around in some way. My violin is buzzing even more than normal and I’m not sure what to do, because I don’t have time to take it in until later, so I’m just pretending that it will go away, and hopefully it will. I’m borrowing a viola from my sister Carrie and it’s very lovely. I need a better bow but my first attempt at trying something new fell through and I haven’t made the time for a new attempt yet.

A few Muriel pictures before I go to tackle a few items on my to-do list before my private students arrive (I was supposed to teach 4 college students this morning and only ended up teaching ONE)…

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She’s a little bit of a jumper!

Oh, and this Tuesday, my quartet is playing at the Sheldon. It’s our last concert this season and we are super excited about it.

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Fan Favorites at the Sheldon: Beloved Chamber Music of Schubert and Ravel

There are certain pieces in the string quartet repertoire you just can’t help falling in love with. We’ll start with Schubert’s emotive, stormy string quartet titled “Death and the Maiden”, a favorite among generations of string quartets.
When the young Maurice Ravel penned his singular string quartet, he pushed the boundaries of musical form and incorporated diverse influences including Balinese gamelan music.  Initially scorned by the musical establishment, his quartet is cherished for its evocative tone colors and musical atmospheres that create a dazzling effect.

​Tuesday, April 24, 2018 at 7:30pm
Sheldon Concert Hall
3648 Washington Blvd, St Louis, MO 63108​ Directions
Tickets: $10 at the door