Frustration

 

Like, not practicing the violin regularly, then practicing again regularly, and I suppose not building to that (though I feel I have), and invariably your damn right shoulder starts tingling, and you sort of stretch it out, but not really, because you are lousy at remembering to stretch.  And then a couple days later your right wrist hurts.  Not tingling, but the sort of aching, mildly nauseating pains as you attempt to play spiccato.  And you feel like you really are doing a lot of things right.  You’re standing up straight when you play, you’re working out so your arm and shoulder muscles are strong, your back could not be stronger than it is.  Everything should be going in your favor.

And of course it’s not.  Because your right wrist is always going to conspire against you and hold you back.  And you don’t know what to do, other than cry (a little, only a little bit), step away from the violin, and just try to relax.  Always it’s the right wrist, ever since you first starting having problems, at the age of 12.

This of course the day after you thought, damn, I just might be in the best shape of my life.

That’s what you get for being proud.

Insanity:  expecting that I can play the violin at some sort of high level without my body conspiring against me. 

Only a little bit of crying, right?  That’s okay, isn’t it?