I feel like lately I’ve had a lot of conversations about things that end up with me saying, oh, yeah, I used to (fill in the blank) but then (voice trails off).
For instance “I used to run around Forest Park weekly, but now…” or “I used to eat really healthy and have a vegetable at every meal, but now…” or “I used to play a different concert with a different orchestra every week, but now…”. The list could go on and on.
The question is: what is important to me. Honestly, I’m eating like crap, and I felt so much better eating better (and I have loads of clothes that are a bit or more too tight, there’s a definite connection there)…I’d like to be that way again. Running…well I definitely need more physical activity in my life, though I’ve been getting better recently. A friend and I have been doing some running and actually I went hiking over the weekend, and that is helping me feel better about myself. (Way easier to force yourself to run when somebody is meeting you too.)
Minor problem, I turned my ankle on a “run” this morning—stepped off the path and MAN that really hurts. I hadn’t rolled my ankle in awhile…and I forgot how freaking much it hurts. But that’s a little setback, I can deal with a little setback, right? (Ignoring the fact that the entire year feels like it has just been one little setback after another, I will continue to maintain positivity as best as I can.)
Violin wise…it’s always a question of what do I want. My entire adulthood has been based on “hey, I really like playing the violin, how do I make this my living.” It’s a constant stream of trying to cobble everything together…and this year I’m excited to have some regular chamber music rehearsals happening in addition to my teaching, practicing, and wedding gigs.
So…I’ve talked about how I’ve tried to let myself off the hook, (and a few years before that, oh, and wait here’s another one about not comparing myself to…myself) and how I am trying to relax and just be and be okay with that. But honestly, I don’t WANT to eat like crap and just sit around watching netflix. I think that’s boring and among many things, I don’t want to be boring. I also don’t want to look back on my life and the things I used to do fondly, I want to be doing those things. But it’s a challenge, and I know I have to strike a balance figuring out what I am mentally capable of and not to stress myself out more or be too hard on myself…but I don’t want to use that as an excuse.
Though maybe sometimes lying on the couch watching TV and trying to figure out which face angle is best for selfies is just what the doctor ordered…I’ve decided it depends on whether or not my ear is showing as to which side of my face is best. This is the real important stuff I manage to accomplish, rather than checking off important items on my to-do list like getting my BOW REHAIRED.
I do often feel like I’m just going in circles…I’ve written this post over and over, haven’t I? Maybe this time I mean it, with “it” meaning whatever I want it to mean. And I really do need a bow rehair in a bad way, and that needs to happen this week. (We string players have to get the hair on our bows replaced every so often as it gets old and worn out. The bow is made of wood and the hair is horsehair, and that’s the replaceable part.)
A few blog business items:
Oh, and a great idea that started with a comment from a dear reader: want your cat to be included in a semi-regular kitty round up? (I imagine it’ll be on a Caturday)—email me (firstname.lastname@example.org) with some awesome pictures of your kitty or kitties and I’ll include them in an upcoming post! If you have a blog I’d be happy to link to it, or a twitter handle or whatever. Whatever information you want to share would be awesome.