Third Annual Sweat Your Thorns Off 5K AKA How Running Underwater Feels

Today was the Third Annual Sweat Your Thorns Off 5k hosted by The Boring Runner.  I said I would run it, and then I totally wanted to chicken out because it’s super hot.  But my friend Rose pointed out that that is the whole point of the race—to run in the heat and be really sweaty.  So I decided, okay, fine, I’d run it, but I wasn’t going to run it fast. 

It wasn’t really any hotter today than it had been all summer, but the heat index was over 100, and as usual we are under a heat advisory.  I forgot to screen cap, because I ended up texting Jen and asking her to run with me, and then we ended up watching the Men’s 10k on the Olympics and that was both inspiring and depressing.  Then it was time to go run our own 5k.

I mapped out a route that avoided big intersections, was a fairly interesting double loop, and would allow for a slight warm up and cool down (Ha!!) but be home in time for a nice sweaty picture.


I decided since it was a virtual race, I’d have a virtual bib.  I didn’t print this out, both to save paper and because the printer is all the way upstairs.

The run absolutely sucked.  Sucked, sucked, sucked.  It was like running uphill, underwater, on dead legs.  It was the slowest 5k "race" I’ve ever run, and was difficult the whole way through.  We took about a .4 mile walk break in the middle, and did I mention it sucked and felt like running underwater?  If I didn’t, I will say this:  it was very hot outside and running in it sucked.


Yeah, there’s the embarrassing time.  Slowest 5k ever.  I "sprinted" towards the end as I realized we could at least break 40 minutes.  To be fair, we weren’t trying to run it fast.  We were just trying to finish without dying.  This goal WAS accomplished.


I stood in the kitchen and drank a whole bottle of G2 before getting in the shower.  I was dripping sweat from all over, especially my back.  Near death, but not actual death. 

There you have it!  The Third Annual Sweat Your Thorns Off 5K AKA Why would anybody run a race underwater?  39:57. 

3 thoughts on “Third Annual Sweat Your Thorns Off 5K AKA How Running Underwater Feels”

  1. I like how I forced you to do it, and couldn’t even be bothered to complete my own race. I’m pretty sure that makes you the badass in this relationship.

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