Yesterday a student told me she didn’t want to play on the G String because it was dark and angry sounding, and that’s not how she felt. I told her that music was like acting—that you didn’t have to be angry and gloomy to play gloomy music. What I didn’t tell her was that so often it’s the opposite, that you feel angry and gloomy and have to put on a happy face for the world. She’ll learn that soon enough.
A friend of mine is battling breast cancer. She’s already had a double mastectomy and now she will have to undergo chemotherapy and radiation for the next few months. She’s going to be fine (yes, yes, she will, the doctors say so too) but I’m still afraid. And I have to stay strong for her, because again, it’s not about me. I find sending plates of bar cookies home with her kid (student of mine) makes me feel like I’m doing something.
And more so, the recent tragic loss of Drew Thompson, bassoon player in the SLSO. I am shocked and saddened by the news. This isn’t my tragedy, as I had only hung out in a group with him a few times, but I feel so much sympathy for others who were closer to him.
Sometimes I feel like all we get in life is bad news, that life is just full of tragedy with fleeting moments of happiness and hope that never quite comes to fruition.
Here’s the thing: amidst all the awful junk that is happening right now, there is good news. My audition the other day was a success—for what it’s worth—(not a guarantee of work 😉 )—moments of hope, right?
And I have a new polka dot top from Old Navy. Gotta find your moments of happiness in the small things right?
I figure, the world needs more polka dots. We can be sad, we can be angry, but if we dwell too much on the tragedy and forget about our moments of happiness, even if fleeting, if we forget to laugh, to joke, to smile, then we have truly lost. And we have already lost so much…
A little Bach helps too. This is exactly the mood I’m in.