Monthly Archives: April 2014

Deep Thoughts

Figured it was about time

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Blogging is a weird thing. You want to share a lot about your life, but not everything.

Of course, then you read other people’s blogs and get annoyed at them for not sharing the negative sides of life, but when things are happening to you, you don’t want to share too much…it’s tough to make a balance between being open and honest and being TOO open and honest, particularly when it is something you don’t want all over the internet. Maybe that’s hypocritical, but it’s also smart. Better to put things out there on your own time and with reflection.

This is all to say that you might have noticed I no longer mention my husband on my blog. That’s because we are in the process (what a long process) of getting divorced. It hasn’t been fun, and it definitely is a difficult process, and I don’t recommend it to anyone…but it is for the best. I spent a very long time with him and it’s been incredibly hard getting accustomed to being without him.

I wouldn’t be where I am today without the help of some really wonderful people, many of whom stepped up far beyond what I felt I deserved or needed.

I wanted to get this out in the open, so I can begin to share my thoughts about divorce, and starting over in life, and how things have changed, and how people I thought were friends have reacted, and how people I didn’t realize were such good friends reacted, and just a million thoughts I’ve been holding back on. Now they can all spill out into my blog posts, and I don’t have to cover anymore.

But for today: just to open up and say, yeah, I’m getting divorced. If you didn’t know, or if you wondered, that’s what has been going on. We’ve been separated since June. And I had many reasons for not sharing it on the blog, but I thought it was time to tell you. To make my blog a place I’m comfortable again.

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And look, I finished a half marathon yesterday! I’ll tell you about that tomorrow, or soon. It made me really think about how far I’ve come this year, what I’ve accomplished, what I’ve lost and gained, and just how much things have changed.

Random thoughts

Oatmeal

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I got quick cooking steel cut oats at Trader Joe’s today. I love steel cut oats but they take forever to cook, and frankly, they aren’t nearly as good reheated. I eat leftovers a fair amount for sure, but I don’t really want leftovers for breakfast (this made all the whole 30 breakfasts especially annoying).

Thanks for your comments on my last post (some on facebook.) I definitely agree with one who said that for her, not thinking about food and just eating when she’s hungry is the best bet, and just aim for qualities in her meals like balance, variety (lots of colors!) gratitude and moderation. I would love to be able to do that, and I do think that is my ultimate goal. It’s hard when your weight has always gone up or down to really figure out how much you ACTUALLY need to eat to maintain. And since I’m trying to lose right now, I’m not any closer to being able to do that. HA.

I do figure that continuing to work out regularly will help me out. And I really do enjoy lifting weights, and I really do enjoy walking and biking, and occasionally running (had a great run earlier this week) and always the feeling AFTER finishing a run.

My friend April shared a great link about running today. You might have seen it, but anyway: 75 Thoughts Every Runner Has While Out for a Run.  Number 7 and 43 are my favorites.

Random thoughts

April Showers

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Well we are definitely at that part. Tornado sirens woke most of the city up this morning before 6 am and there is another storm coming through right now. April is the cruelest month, so I hear.

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That didn’t stop me from hitting the gym this morning to wail on my pecs (or something like that!) and now I’ve got some work to do on my band music (in case you forgot, I’ve joined a band—I’m the violinist for a Trans-Siberian Orchestra Cover Band) for practice this Sunday. Bands practice, orchestras rehearse? And then teaching. I feel like this week has flown by…is that a sign of being busy or old?

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That’s me, transcribing something I need to learn. I can learn by ear, I suppose, but it’s way easier once I see it written down. I’d been putting it off, but honestly it only took about 20 minutes to write that down. It’s amazing what you can do when you just sit down and do it!

People have been asking me my thoughts on Whole 30 after I finished. I have so many thoughts, but it’s hard to figure out what are real thoughts and what are reactions to being “able” to eat whatever I want again. Today I have had oatmeal with pb, yogurt, and bananas for breakfast, followed by a post gym meal of eggs, bacon, and a mix of purple cabbage/beet greens. It was delicious and totally hit the spot (both meals.) I’m definitely trying to stick with “healthy” eating, but eating Whole 30 for a month has made me question what that means…really I just want to eat without giving it that much thought, feel good about what I eat, and not spend too much money. That seems easy enough, right?

Tuesday night was a lot of fun. I met up with a friend from out of town at Mission Taco. I’d been there once before and had tacos, so this time I tried a burrito. It was delicious! I couldn’t believe there was a 30 minute wait for a table on a Tuesday night, but I guess that’s the price of trying a “trendy” restaurant. Fresh margs and mexican food…worth a 30 minute wait indeed. Whole 30? Not at all. Delicious and something my brain needed? Absolutely.

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Though I’ve gotten pretty used to black coffee. Some people say, if you can’t drink your coffee black, maybe you don’t really like coffee. I say, I can drink coffee any way it’s served. Black is good, cream and sugar is good, coconut flavored coffee (this pictured cup) is good too.

Enough random thoughts. Hitting publish and off to work/practice!