I don’t have too much time to chat today, but just a quick hello. My first week fully back at work went well: hectic, but good. The new classes are going well, the new students are good, and the weather was better when it was a little cooler rather than today’s heat and humidity.
My mom asked me how I was feeling, post-surgery, and I said, pretty much back to normal, and she asked was that normal September, when I’m really tired? (I’m totally misquoting this conversation, sorry Mom). The answer is yes and no…I do feel like the early mornings are easier for me this year than last year: that’s probably a cumulation of having done the job already now for two years. But the next two weeks are crazy busy with the Fox show and all my teaching (I’m excited, but totally apprehensive), so I imagine I’ll be fairly tired.
Went for coffee the other day. This is my motto for the month, coffee!
On top of that I’m dealing with a little shoulder injury. It’s been bugging me since the late winter/early spring (not exactly sure, as something happened and then I assumed it would start feeling better over time and it did a bit but not really). In any case, I finally saw a doctor about that today and I am supposed to do some physical therapy for it. That will start in October. Exciting times, getting old, am I right? I’m fortunate to have good insurance, but I am using it a lot recently and feel like doctor’s appointments are happening entirely too often. Sigh.
Beignets!
We met a friend for brunch recently and ordered beignets, which I had actually never had. They were, of course, good. We are planning a trip to New Orleans over Thanksgiving Break, so we’ll try them again then. (Of course pastries covered in sugar are good. It’s a no-brainer.)
I’m off to more work! How was your weekend? Did anyone get to the balloon glow, local readers? What are you up to this week?
People get so angry about Pumpkin Spice. Or excited. Or both!
Anyway, I’m doing that thing where I’m entirely too busy for the whole month of September from here on. Remember me, back a few years ago during the pandemic, saying things like, oh, isn’t it so wonderful to have weekends free, I’ll never work so hard again, and then here I am.
I mean, granted, inflation hits hard. I haven’t gotten a raise at all in some jobs, and in others it definitely doesn’t cover inflation. I set my own rates for home teaching, so I have nobody to blame but myself. But my retirement savings also aren’t looking so good, and then just when I start feeling like I’m making a decent amount of money, I was seeing a teacher (somebody I don’t know, but follow on twitter as they are in the personal finance world) complaining about how little teachers make, like obscenely little, and then said they make $70,000 a year! Now, I know some teachers make less than that, but 70 grand a year is way above the median income and then I started doubting everything I’ve ever known about teacher salaries, and my own sense of what a good living is, and really, like I said, everything. I’m being slightly overdramatic of course, but still. I’m not telling you what I make, and like I recently said to Louie, I don’t even know what I make: I learn how much money I made when I file my taxes each year.
All those words to say: I’m happy to be busy this month because everything I’m doing is fun and things that I’ve chosen to do, but it’s also a little bit overwhelming looking at the calendar. It’s really just the next two weeks (not this one) and then it’ll be back to just normal busy and totally manageable. I’m back at it in my before school job, which simply means that I woke up very early to spend 50 minutes putting tapes on violins two days in a row, and will do the same tomorrow and Friday. I’m thrilled to be coaching a chamber music group at Wash U–I have been teaching there for 7 years but this is my first year doing a chamber music group, and our first rehearsal was really fun. And I played on a fun concert over the weekend.
I played with a group some friends started called the St Louis Chamber Soloists. Miles on the catio. It’s out the back of our house.
Louie and I have a standing weekly lunch date, and we go somewhere on the Loop or nearby. Most recently we went to the Bahn Mi Shop. I highly recommend it, though I was afraid to eat the peppers.
Bahn Mi with Tofu and Lemongrass, yum. Not pictured, shrimp spring rolls, also yum.
I got my new COVID booster, very exciting! I wasn’t sure if I should wait longer, but I really wanted to just teach the students and not worry, so I went for it, as well as the flu vaccine.
I kind of want this sign for my home.
It’s been nice getting back into the swing of things. I’ve mentioned before I’m sure, the semester has a rhythm to it, and I am used to that rhythm. People who don’t work in the college/school system may not feel the seasons so strongly, but each one has a different feel. Fall is the new start, the fresh start, before you get too tired and run down from the cold. Yet it’s also the end of summer, so there’s a bit of sadness (hence the pumpkin spice love) but it’s nice to get back into a routine. We will push through until Thanksgiving, and by then we will be utterly exhausted. But not yet!
How is your week going? Have you had anything pumpkin spice flavored yet?
I’ve been a union member for a long time. Currently I’m a member of the AFM Local 2-197, which is the musician’s union here, as well as a member of the SEIU Local 1, which is the union I belong to for my adjunct teaching. Unions certainly don’t solve all the problems in the world, and certainly many of the union jobs I play should pay more than they do, but being in a union is still better than not being in one, and we definitely have the labor movement to thank for so many things many take for granted, things like weekends (though as a musician, that isn’t a thing for us) and ending work on time and getting paid for overtime and more. So, Happy Labor Day!
I’m taking today off from teaching, ostensibly because everybody wants to have barbecues or cookouts on Labor Day and nobody wants violin lessons, but it’s a gloomy rainy day and nobody wants anything really. It’s my last day off before the craziness of September really hits.
I know you are all wondering, how did my first week back after surgery go? Pretty well. The first few days were the hardest and then I was super happy I had taken Saturday totally off again and really got to rest some more. Yesterday I had the first rehearsal for something since before, and it went okay too, though I realized I cannot yet move while playing in the way I might want to. My incisions are healing well, but the stuff on the inside is still healing and that’s what I still need to be careful of. I have been frustrated sleeping sometimes because I can’t yet lie comfortably on my stomach but I really want to sometimes. But all in all, everything is going well. I’m glad to be back to teaching again, and I am looking forward to a bit of a busy September.
Things that are happening: chamber music concert with friends, starting up college teaching this week, starting up before school classes NEXT week, and then adding two weeks of a musical at the Fox the following week. Once that’s done, I think October will be a bit less hectic…I have never played a Fox show while doing the early morning classes, and while I’m excited about it, I know it will require more coffee than I usually drink–I’ll be getting home between 10:30 and 11 (depends on the length of the show) and then getting up to be at the school to teach by 7:15 am. It’s only two weeks though, and only 6 days of doing both so I’m sure I’ll manage. There is a bit of dancing/choreography for the show, so if you go (Ain’t Too Proud at the Fox) look for the musicians onstage at the end!
Louie has been doing great things around the house lately, or I should say, outside. He has dug a few drains to help our house and garage stay drier. He has done a ton of yard work as I sit inside, recuperating, learning Norwegian or Spanish on Duolingo, and reading. He has also taken over my usual house chores such as laundry and grocery shopping, though hopefully not much longer. He has been invaluable to me during the last few weeks and I am so grateful to him for his assistance, love, and patience. (He doesn’t even read here!)
I’ve been catching up on my music reviews as well the past week. I write reviews for the American String Teacher Journal. Every few months I get a half dozen or so pieces in the mail (this totally varies) and I am supposed to write a review of them for the journal. I tend to leave them in a pile and ignore them until I’m right up against a deadline and then I quickly sit down and write a few and it really isn’t a big deal. I’m trying to clear out my pile (two down this month, two more remaining) by the end of September, which should be easy enough. It’s quite fun to see all the music being published and getting to have my say, and of course it’s always great to see my writing in print. (It is a volunteer position, though I get to keep the music.)
In honor of starting teaching my college students this week, let me share this tweet.
I started back my fall teaching yesterday. I only had a few students because I wanted to get started but I am still recovering from surgery so I didn’t want to work too much. This whole week is fairly light for that reason. I start up my college students next week, and my public school job the week after that.
But, summer is lovely, as I’ve said. Not necessarily the weather, because it is sometimes too hot. But you always know you can walk out the door without a jacket! And that things are more relaxed, schedule-wise, and people travel more, and with the extreme exception of really bad flooding, you know you can just get in your car and drive to where you want to go without worrying about snow or ice.
In other words, “winter is coming”. And we are on the path. I finished up my last student at 8 pm last night and for the first time in months, it was dark when I finished. Also, they aren’t kidding about feeling like you got hit by a train trying to do too much after surgery. I was literally doing a job where I am basically just sitting in a chair and I was utterly exhausted and luckily had a 30 minute break to lie down because I was not doing great. It’s okay, I think it would always have been hard getting back to it, but wow, I was exhausted, and anticipate today being difficult as well. But I digress!
I was talking with Louie about it, how I’m sad that summer is over. And he started pointing out the virtues of fall: crisp, cooler air, less humidity, leaves turning, exciting activities, etc. And it hit me.
This is why people get so excited about the Pumpkin Spice Latte. Because at least we have that. We may not have summer anymore, and we may not {technically} be in fall, but we have to have something. So let’s stop taking that away from people, okay? Life is hard enough.
Because also, as Louie pointed out, after fall comes Thanksgiving and Winter Break! It may be cold, but there are delicious desserts, wonderful events, and lots of fun. It will be a good fall semester, I am going to make sure of it.
It’s a weird time for me: did my summer vacation end the day I went in for surgery or does it end tomorrow?
You should know: summer is my favorite. Not because of the heat, but because school is out, and my schedule is more flexible because my students have more flexible schedules. I also work less, which I really prefer not to do year round, and Louie is more flexible, and we get to travel and have adventures and also do nothing. It’s so wonderful.
And then it ends, and fall comes and everything gets busier and the students have soccer and musicals and we all get stressed.
Couldn’t get these guys to look at me.
But, let’s look back on the fun. It was a wonderful summer. We spent 2 1/2 weeks in Norway. We went to Austin for a few days. We visited my family in New York State for a few days. We had some lovely meals, wine dinners, dinner with friends, dinner out, dinner cooked at home. We had a Fireworks BBQ with friends. I read a lot of books. We watched some good tv shows. We slept in, we relaxed, we did some yard work (admittedly, I didn’t do much), we got rid of more stuff and gave it away to other people.
Work wise: I played a lot of concerts and an opera. I taught a bunch of students, some new just for the summer which was fun too. I didn’t play too many weddings, though I did play one on viola. I wrote quite a few sheet music reviews and some just came out in the journal.
And then my surgery, but it went well, I’m getting better (pain level 0-2). I’ll have a checkup this week to see how things are going. I would have preferred not ending the summer that way, but that’s how it worked out. At least I didn’t miss much work as I was planning a break from teaching anyway.
Louie made a french drain from the garage.
I have some cool stuff coming up in the fall: several fun chamber music concerts, some bigger ensemble concerts (orchestra, small orchestra), a show at the Fox (Ain’t Too Proud), playing for some visiting artists (The Who), and more. I’ll likely have a few new students at Wash U along with some awesome returning ones, as well as a couple new ones at home. I’ll have all new students in my before school job, and I still have two weeks before that starts. I may also take an improvisation course to continue building those skills, and I think I’ll be teaching two Creative Ability Development Classes each week. Yes, it’ll be a lot, but I should still have some time most days to do other things that I enjoy doing.
Roasted broccoli and baked tofu (why isn’t it roasted also?) over momofuku noodles Leslie gave me for my birthday.
Non work-wise: we have tickets for some symphony concerts, a paddle trip on the Mississippi, a likely trip over Thanksgiving just the two of us, visiting my family over Christmas, some random weekend trips, definitely some hiking when I am ready (which will ideally coincide with the cooler weather), and some fun with friends.
And hopefully fall will go well, and not be too stressful. Ha! I will try to focus on the positive rather than the negative and remind myself that each gig I took was for a reason 🙂
I mentioned I was having surgery, so I thought I’d check in and tell you a little about how it’s been going.
I think there are moments in your life, little moments, that change you all the time. And then there are moments in your life, big moments, that you know you will never be the same after. This fits into the latter. I’d had some medical procedures, but this one has changed me forever. And I don’t just mean physically, but with everything.
How do I mean? Okay, so without specifically putting my entire medical history onto the internet, I will say I had laparoscopic surgery on some issues with my lower abdomen. It was what needed to happen to resolve some issues I’d been having. I knew back in May that I would be having this surgery, so it was scheduled for several months.
I was so stressed about it. I pretended I wasn’t, and put on a good face for everybody, but I was. I was scared of the pain. I was, well, afraid of my own mortality, because I thought, this is the first physical thing that I have had that is truly irreversible, I’m getting old, nothing will ever be the same again, what if I never wake up from surgery even, those sorts of thoughts. And I was scared of the pain, that it would hurt and how I would deal with that.
Muriel never lets things bother her. Not actually true, as evidenced by her anti-vet behavior, but she certainly knows how to relax.
I realized, and this is stupid of me for realizing so late, that other people likely feel exactly like this going into surgery. How easy it is for us to compare our insides to other people’s outsides! How many times did I tell people good luck on their surgery and remind them of how successful it would be and that they had nothing to worry about? How likely it is that on the inside they were also terrified?
I had been so stressed that there were a couple of late night moments over the summer where I had a quasi panic attack, started crying and hyperventilating, that sort of thing. I just couldn’t imagine it. One of my coping mechanisms for life is visualizing outcomes, and for this I didn’t have enough to compare it too.
Luckily I had already been to the procedure center however, for an earlier procedure, and I did know what it would be like going under anesthesia, it was just the afterwards, and staying in the hospital, and being in pain that I had trouble with. And feeling like this was a decision I made, (the right decision, I believe) but still, I was doing something for an issue that wasn’t even causing me any obvious trouble.
As the time got closer, it became harder and harder to think or talk about, and the days just ticked down. My sister Leslie visited the two nights leading up to surgery as she was en route from her summer workplace to her home the rest of the year. It was a nice distraction. I had to drink a bunch of ensure drinks before the surgery, and wash with special soap.
Leslie’s cat Albergo enjoying my teaching chair.
Louie and I got up early a week ago, and arrived at St Clare Hospital by 5:30 am. Things got moving from there, checking in, paying, getting into my gown, getting my IV placed on my arm, etc. I was tired and stressed but also just ready to be done. The anesthesiologist came in to tell me what they would be doing, my doctor/surgeon came by (she was ready early, but we didn’t get started early), a bunch of other people stopped by, and then I was saying bye to Louie and they took me down the hallway to the surgery room. The people taking me (I don’t know if they were nurses, doctors, orderlies, whatever, you see so many different people) were joking amongst themselves about driving the stretcher, and seemed to enjoy their jobs. I imagine the sedation was already starting to kick in, but it was funny observing how my stretcher kept gaining people walking with us, from 2 people to 4 or 5 people. And then we stopped and I helped move myself from the stretcher to the operating table, and that’s all I remember of that.
I woke up in the recovery room with a nurse by me who I had met before. I was in pain, I felt cramping, pain, and also an intense feeling of having to urinate. She told me I shouldn’t have to but I insisted I did (I did) and I asked for more pain meds and asked how it went. She said it went very well, just as planned. I remember going in and out of sleeping there, and feeling like the pain was worst than I had imagined and wondering what on earth the anesthesiologist had meant about how they would make sure I was comfortable. I will say this: though I was able to sleep off and on, I was in no way comfortable. I don’t know if that is normal for surgery, but I was in quite a lot of pain for the rest of the day, and always wanted more medicine than they were willing to give me.
After awhile they took me up to my private room for the rest of the day and overnight. Louie was already there, and I was situated on the bed. I was more alert (likely not too much) but I wasn’t feeling well. The nurse tried to get me to eat some, and I was feeling nauseated. I finally did eat a little when she told me if I ate something she could give me a stronger pain medicine. I rested the afternoon away, and Louie napped as well–the room had places for family to sleep.
Anyway, I was up for eating by dinner time, so I ordered some food. I ended up not having much of an appetite, so I didn’t eat much of the quesadilla I’d ordered, but I did enjoy the chocolate brownie. (If you are staying at St Clare’s Hospital in Fenton, order the chocolate brownie). I was surprised by how many items there were on the menu to order, and I could have anything I wanted! It is too bad I was sick and wasn’t able to really take advantage of this.
I was still mostly lying on my side because of the pain and cramping, and my right shoulder also hurt tremendously. It had been hurting the previous few months and especially during opera, so I wasn’t super surprised, but since then it’s been fine, and I think that oddly the surgery made it worse! (this is a real thing.) At some point after dinner, Louie went home to sleep and see the cats. My night nurse gave me something to help me sleep, I think, and I ended up having the best night’s sleep I’d had in a long time! I believe I slept from 12:45 (the last time I called her in to help walk me to the bathroom) until 7 am.
Hospital selfie as I waited for check out.
I woke up and got my vitals checked (they did this periodically), got my medicine, and ordered my breakfast. I was pretty hungry but didn’t want to eat too much (they warned me not to because of digestive issues), though I could eat anything I liked. Louie came back after awhile, and I got discharged mid-morning. They took me down in a wheelchair and helped me into the car and we went home. I really can’t say nice enough things about the nurses and the staff at St. Clare: they were fantastic across the board and I would gladly have stayed another day for their help.
Getting home went well, and then getting into the the house wasn’t so bad. I couldn’t walk too well, it was impossible to stand upright, but I made it and he helped me get situated on the bed. And that was the day really. Each day has gotten a little better, and today I woke up feeling the best yet, thankfully. I am still not sure if I can sit up for a long time–it’s easier to stand up or lie down, but I feel like today I might be able to sit upright longer than before, and will try to walk around the house even more. I’m not on the stronger pain pills anymore–I started cutting those off on Monday but I’m still taking regular ibuprofen and tylenol. My incisions hurt sometimes, and itch sometimes, and definitely freak me out, but they look like they are healing just fine.
My handy-dandy water cup from the hospital. They kept refilling it with ice water and it was the best thing ever. I am still using it and using the ice water as well.
The days have passed quickly, and Louie has been the best at helping out: the first few days I needed him for absolutely everything and he was amazing. We had people stop by and bring food and visit and that has been really nice too, much nicer than I realized. I didn’t share much beforehand with people, and I shared on instagram, and the well wishes really lifted my spirits. I’d been feeling stressed out, and a bit lonely and depressed, and it is so wonderful to be on the other side of this. I am thankful to my family and friends for being there for me, and for being supportive and helpful and kind and generous.
I don’t know if I’ll ever have to have another surgery, but if so, I think I’ll have a much better idea of what to expect. I also hope that I can better support my friends and family who might go through a similar thing.
Muriel, lending her support.
I am still feeling okay sitting here typing, but I might go lie down again soon anyway. The one thing people keep emphasizing is to take it easy especially as you start to feel better, and that you might get really tired all of sudden. I am planning to do some teaching starting on Monday, but I need to be able to sit upright for several hours at a time for that. I think I should be okay, as today is only Wednesday and I can tell I’m feeling better today than yesterday, but continuing to rest and do light walking around the house will probably help the most.
I had been unsure of what to pack for the hospital. I packed some toiletries, pjs, a change of clothes, my kindle, chargers, and an extra battery pack for charging. I didn’t need most of this: I wore my glasses the whole time, I did brush my teeth but not the first day. The battery pack was useful though so I could have my phone near me overnight without risk of it dying. I couldn’t concentrate well enough to read my kindle, and of course I was wearing the gown and slipper socks they gave me and that was fine. I was glad to have my things with me in case though, so there’s no harm in packing more than you need, but I guess I really only needed my phone battery pack and charging cord, my toothbrush and toothpaste, and a ponytail holder for my hair.
So that’s it, one week later. I think it was just about one week ago exactly that I was waking up, so I’ve come a long way in that week. One last thought, as I was waking up, I remember thinking to myself that while I could wake up, it didn’t matter, because I had the rest of the day off, and I could finally just rest. It has been nice having time off just to rest, and letting myself heal, and knowing that that is all I really have to do.
