All posts by hannahviolin

I am a violinist. I also enjoy running, working out, reading, and hanging with my friends and cat.
Quarantine, Random thoughts

4th of July

It doesn’t feel like a holiday, and that’s okay. There isn’t a barbecue or cookout to attend. There isn’t an official fireworks show. There isn’t a functioning federal government with an appropriate response to the pandemic we are living in. Yet, life goes on.

I’m playing a short concert with my friend Michael and our band this afternoon. It’ll be hot and I’m sort of regretting it, but I agreed because it’s good to get out of the house. It’ll be livestreamed at 3 pm CDT.

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It’s been over a week of cooking at home. This isn’t so bad: I’ve gotten much better at cooking and improvising pretty decent meals. Last night we made pasta with mushrooms and kale from the CSA, a teeny amount of chard from the garden, and preserved lemons I’d made a few months ago. I’ve made a few jars of fridge pickles lately with some things from the CSA too: dilly green beans and dill pickles. Those will be ready to eat when we get back from our trip to Chautauqua. If we can take it…so far Missouri isn’t on the quarantine list for NY.

It’s hard to know what to do: we’ve been pretty cautious, and we think this is an okay risk to take. We also still want to do our camping trip later in the month. Camping isn’t a hugely risky thing, we’ll stay apart from people as much as we can while hiking, cook or pack our own meals, wear masks, I have loads of wipes and such…the other option is just sit at home and wait, and part of me says, if Louie is supposed to be back in the classroom in September we might as well take these risks now because that is certainly risky…not that that’s a good way to look at things, but as I’ve said before, I start to feel like a crazy person trying to avoid this virus that so many have just given up on.

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(And then I remember that I am teaching online from home and haven’t played a real concert or a show since March and it is unlikely that will happen again in the next 6 months, because without a strong federal response to this pandemic, we are on our own and thousands and thousands will suffer and die, needlessly, as other countries have shown us.)

I started blogging feeling pretty good so I’ll try to return there. Are you doing anything fun for the holiday? I asked one student that earlier this week and she said “setting off fireworks in our backyard!”

Quarantine

Another Week Begins

1 Comment

Last week had a lot of ups and downs. I finally feel like I’m over the burnout I was feeling earlier, and at that point in the summer where I can really accomplish a few things that felt impossible earlier. I had a wonderful time attending a teaching seminar online (even though I don’t consider myself a bona fide Suzuki teacher, I take full advantage of their teacher training opportunities as the ideas and teachers are top-notch) and am working my way through a few other webinars on video. I signed up for two more seminars in July on teaching, so I look forward to learning more and being inspired.

But the virus surprisingly hasn’t simply gone away when we ignored it, and as you know numbers are rising everywhere. And it’s shown to be because people aren’t wearing masks in public, but yet this is a political issue, because why not, why not make whether or not to die from a virus a political issue, everything else about life is. I sometimes feel like I must be going insane when people say things like, well, how could anyone have predicted this? And then they will go on to espouse all manner of conspiracy theories and propaganda about not being able to breathe properly and all kinds of bull, while I’m sitting there thinking, but he disbanded the pandemic task force! I sometimes think people really just don’t understand how much other people really DO know…they don’t know things so they assume no one does. I assume the opposite, that somebody probably knows the things I don’t.

So it’s hard to focus on anything positive. I worry I won’t be able to go visit my sister again in July or do anything else. I worry that I will be teaching online for the whole next year but half of my students will quit because they don’t want to deal with online anymore. I worry that people I know will get sick and die…I am still thankful I don’t personally know anybody who has died of this illness and I hope it continues (I, unlike so many, don’t actually need a loved one to die to take it seriously, even though I know I haven’t been taking it as seriously lately as before and have done a few riskier activities lately, which would be LESS risky if everybody around me wore masks).

And during all of this, we have a mayor who is threatening protestors, we have people waving guns around threatening demonstrators who dare walk down their streets, we have a government trying to take health care away from freelancers and small business owners and unemployed people IN THE MIDDLE OF A PANDEMIC.

So it’s nice to sit for a few hours and listen to a more experienced teacher than myself talk about how listening to music helps a child learn. And I try to read books instead of the news and twitter…and I am still doing a lot of physical activity and trying to get outside.

I think what hurts the most is feeling like all the drastic life changes we made in March were for nothing. And I’m tired of the people who say, oh, my life is about the same. If that’s true, they are likely part of the problem. My life is completely different and I don’t see how or when it will ever change back…do we really think that there will be musicals and concerts in the fall?

So I forge ahead. I can read. I can cook and bake and jam. I can exercise. I can keep an eye on my garden.

Quarantine

Errands

Running errands is so full of strife, isn’t it? This morning I had a dentist appointment and then I needed to get a few things at the grocery store. The dentist went well, there were very few people (1) in the waiting room, the receptionist was behind plexiglass, and the dentist and assistants were all wearing quite a lot of protective gear. The grocery store was fine…a few more people without masks than usual (WHY can’t the store just require them and make everybody safer? Oh, it’s because our stupid government has managed to politicize a public health pandemic and wants to kill tens or hundreds of thousands in the name of “freedom” and “personal responsibility” which means they don’t take any personal responsibility and as a result, we are mostly stuck at home unless we believe the virus is fake. But I digress.)

The one things at the store was I couldn’t get everything on my list because the produce section was in bad shape. Normally I would go to a different store afterwards and finish up, but instead I chose to improvise. It was not a problem, but for everybody who thinks our problems are behind us…everyday we do so many things differently because of the pandemic. It’s childish to think it’s behind us, which is what our governor here in Missouri is making us believe.

It’s hard NOT to digress, because the information from the government is so dangerous. And seeing other people is such a tricky thing, and I’ve found that many people we thought were being careful really aren’t, and that’s a tough thing too…when you think you’ve been clear on what you are comfortable doing and someone else agrees but then in the moment you have to keep being “the bad guy.” It’s tiring, and I know at this point we just have to make our own choices about what is safe, but it’s just tiring not having the government giving correct information and not having basic health precautions required.

SO! The good news.

I told you we planted a garden in the late spring, right? I planted a variety of seeds, and some seem to be growing well and others have not grown at all. We knew our “garden beans” (seem to be green beans but the seed packet said garden beans), beets, and swiss chard were doing well in our first plot. The second plot was planted a few weeks later with lima beans, basil, zucchini, and carrots. In that one there is no sign of the limas or basil, but the zucchini are growing like crazy and the carrots are there as well. (I’m concerned we will have an overabundance of zucchini—we have about 5 plants and I read online later than 1 is good enough and will produce 7 to 10 pounds of zucchini…). We also have raspberry bushes which produce each year but usually mostly get eaten by the birds.

We had gotten a few berries though, and I went out yesterday morning to check…all gone. But I noticed, hmm, the green bean plants are drooping quite a lot, why is that? And lo and behold, beans were ready!

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This may not be that exciting to some of you, but I always pooh-poohed the idea of a garden in the past because it seemed too time consuming. This year I knew I had more time, and so far so good! I really haven’t put much effort into it after the initial planting which took a couple hours total. (That was also my plan: low maintenance, keep track of what works and doesn’t, so that looking to the future we can maintain the garden with low effort as I’ll likely be busier in future summers).

I went back later and also got a few swiss chard and beet leaves to eat, so we made a lovely dinner with some salmon from Imperfect Foods.

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I’m hoping we will get more beans. The internet tells me more grow after you pick them. They were very tasty! And I’ll have to check into the beets soon, it’s hard to know how something is growing when it’s underground, any tips?

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Tomorrow we are getting some lovely produce in our CSA box, so that will make up for the dearth of produce at the grocery store tomorrow. I’m trying to eat down a few things in our pantry with added fresh vegetables. We stocked up a few months ago (like most of you!) and now we want to cycle through some things so we don’t have too many things just sitting around forever.

Another really cool thing going on this week is I’m taking an online Suzuki Teacher Seminar (for violin teachers). We had one class yesterday morning and it was wonderful: inspiring and educational. Tomorrow is the next class and I am looking forward to it. I love that this is an opportunity we haven’t had in the past that has only happened because of the pandemic…I don’t like to be that person finding good things about the pandemic, because no matter what it would be better if it never happened or was properly dealt with, but it’s good to focus on the positive. I love learning more about teaching (I always have more to learn) and I already tried to apply a few of the things we talked about. I’m not a real Suzuki teacher, but I take a lot of the principles into my teaching.

I’m feeling finally like I’m relaxed again. I have been burned out for a long time and just pushing through. I don’t want to feel more relaxed now than in normal times, but yet I do. I worry that my students are growing less happy with online lessons and will want to have in person lessons before I’m comfortable with them: one of my schools in the fall is definitely online due to the small spaces, but I’m feeling a bit pressured (perhaps only in my head, as we were told it was a choice, but for reasons I am feeling pressured) to teach in person at the other school in the fall. I know ultimately it’s up to me, but as you know, sometimes the decisions we make lead to much less income, so that’s always part of the decision making process. So I’m relaxed, but I’m also still worrying Smile

How are you doing? What’s your area doing as far as “getting back to normal” and “pretending the pandemic isn’t real?”

Quarantine, Random thoughts

Farewell Tour

I read a tweet that called Trump’s rally in Tulsa the beginning of his Farewell Tour. Oh let it be so.

I was thinking about my last post, and I did want to add: I am fine with all the plans changing…I recognize the privilege that Louie and I have, to be able to work quite successfully from home (if you ignore the fact that I am also a performer, and miss that). But yet, I can be understanding and still be sad for what might have been, and what might be or might not be. I can wish the pandemic wasn’t going on while being grateful that no one in my close circle has gotten sick.

It’s hard to know what to do. And that’s okay, I’m okay with the worries. I don’t need to be one of those white people who has all the answers who is on facebook lecturing others (while perhaps, not wanting to live in a diverse neighborhood “because of the schools”)—in fact I definitely don’t want to be that person. I also don’t want to be jumping down other people’s throats for being late to the party, yet I’m also not going to rallies or protests because I am still trying to stay away from large groups of people. So I’m thinking, I’m assigning my students pieces written by Black composers (but it’s been ragtime and jazz stuff, which I worry isn’t enough), I’m reading a variety of books (but are they the right ones?), and I’m donating a bit of money here and there (but is it enough and since I mention it here is that patting myself on the back?), and I’m continuing to nag my Senators and other elected officials as I have been for a few years now. But I’m writing this silly blog, and who does that help besides me?

I had a short teaching week this past week and my students were all pretty delightful. I think being out of school has been great for them mentally…most of them seemed to really hate online learning. I don’t know what the fall will bring though, and I think that anybody who claims to is lying. Remember February, when all of this would have been incomprehensible? And then March happened, and then on March 11 everything changed (at least that was the date everything started getting canceled for us in St Louis). So to think that in JUNE we know what August will look like is absolutely ridiculous to me. I understand trying to prepare and plan of course, and there’s nothing I love more than preparing and planning.

Anyway, just a lot of random thoughts, as you might expect if you are a long time reader of the blog! Let me leave you during this crazy time with some cat pictures. Throughout all the worries and troubles, isn’t it great to have pets?

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The cat trees are in a sort of “extra” or “Junk” room. My house has a kind of weird setup (I’m sure I’ve mentioned the kitchen is in the basement, for instance) and this room is a room I walk through all the time en route somewhere else but it’s really not good for much because it’s sort of small, and well, has a lot of junk in it. I’ve thought about different ideas for it, but honestly, cat trees, bookshelves, file cabinets and such are pretty good ones. I would still love to have slightly less junk but some of the stuff I wished I’d gotten rid of has come in handy over the past few months, whether actually or mentally.

Anyway, I’d better go. Time to go outside for awhile and enjoy that whole fresh air thing…later tonight we are doing a socially distanced gathering with another couple. It’s always funny: we tend to eat quite late, usually between 8 and 9 pm but hardly anybody else does, so “normal” dinner times always really seem to cut into the day! Even in the pandemic times Louie and I are trying to pack too much into the day. (We also just see dinner often as the last thing of the day, dinner, maybe a little TV or a walk, and then bedtime. I think other people have dinner, more activities, snack, etc.)

Random thoughts

No Cat Pictures

I feel like our nation has taken a turn, and we are all talking about things we haven’t been talking about, and it seems somehow different. To that note, today is Juneteenth and I really have to admit before a year or two ago I absolutely had never even heard of this holiday, and now people are wanting it to be a federal holiday, and it’s all great. Let’s continue this trend! Let’s continue to learn, to do better, and let’s get the madman out of OUR White House while we are at it.

I was finishing up an Edx course I’ve been taking and thought, I haven’t popped into the blog in awhile. So I thought I’d pop in and say hello. Things have been busy here but fun. I had my sister and her family visiting over the weekend through Tuesday, which was both normal and surreal…we hadn’t hung out with other people in months, and it felt wrong to do so, but yet we decided to go ahead with it. We’d all be doing pretty good at social distancing before the visit and are continuing to do so. I have been to a few more places than in the past, and even had a little gig for playing church music. I will say, it’s harder to play the violin in a mask, and I did take it off for the video, but only because there were only two of us in a giant sanctuary and we were more than six feet apart. Oddly I found it harder to hear in a mask, which makes no sense at all. But I wear the damn mask when I’m out and about, because all the science shows that we should. I wish more would do so, but I guess the American way is to be selfish and inconsiderate.

We plan to visit my sister again in a few weeks. They are in New York state now for a few months (and should be said, they canceled a flight they were planning to take for a few reasons, one of which was that masks were not required in the St Louis airport and therefore they felt less safe there) and it will be easy enough to drive to visit. We are still planning to take a trip out West. On the one hand, the virus. On the other hand, if others can do what they like, why can’t we, if we take precautions such as distancing and mask wearing around people, and mostly spend our time outside? We’ll be driving, and it’s still over a month away and some numbers are climbing while others are dropping…so who knows. Life feels more normal now…it feels normal to do nothing, to see no friends up close, to sign in when you go to a church to facilitate contact tracing (that made me feel safer, because I’ll know), and to be relieved at the grocery store when nearly everyone you see is wearing a mask and to know that THAT is why our numbers in the city are pretty good even while the rest of the state is growing.

I’m just blerghing now though, and you probably want cat pictures. I don’t have them right now! I have been busy catching up on teaching, reading, and just frankly, not taking enough cat pictures. They are adorable, but they keep hanging out in the same places and doing the same things, sorry!

I also don’t have food pictures. I think pet and food pictures are very controversial: people either love or hate to see them. I think, if you hate them, unfollow me or keep scrolling but other people really seem to enjoy complaining. I’ll try to do better this next week!

I’m going to read more about Juneteenth now. I am trying to take advantage of my more relaxed summer schedule to learn different things. In the alternate universe, we were supposed to be at a conference in Vail and then probably doing some sightseeing. Then we were going to be in New York visiting Leslie, which we are still doing, no matter what, and then we were going to be in France for two weeks, one for Louie’s conference and one for sightseeing. I still have the library books I checked out for that trip (are we allowed to return them now, I should look into this!). But instead, we are hoping to do a driving trip and camp, and hike, and do all many of outdoor activities (sitting around the fire, walking, watching wildlife, etc) and I hope it can happen. We may also be headed into another shutdown, so who knows! If so, maybe we’ll stay in New York longer Smile if we get there.

Hope, Teaching

Wednesday

This is the first week in a long time that has gone by fairly slowly. As I texted to my sister last night, it’s because I finally have something to look forward to…she and her kids are visiting!

They are en route to their summer job location and are stopping by. Is it a little risky? I suppose so. But they’ve been being careful (I’m talking about the virus right now, in case you forgot there’s a pandemic) and I’ve been careful, and we are all low risk and will be careful after our visit as well. So I’m super excited to see them! What will we do? Well, nothing really. Run through the sprinkler in the backyard? Cook at home and wash a lot of dishes? Take a socially distanced walk through the neighborhood? These are all thrilling possibilities.

So that means a bit of cleaning since one of them is a crawler. Thinking of a toddler poking around your stuff really makes you see how dangerous your house is. Bottles of bleach, just sitting around. Boxes of cat poo. Stacks of books! Maybe I should just build a small toddler cage and make life easier.

I’m just kidding…to an extent. After all, I have two cats. All my valuables have either been broken by now or are on the one shelf Muriel can’t get to.

This is just a sort of mundane post. All of the anti-racism stuff will be a long haul. It’s still great everybody is talking about it. I hope this energy continues and translates into real systemic change. I’m not naive enough to think that most of the companies and institutions that posted statements last week will actually do much, but I’m just naive enough to think that change will happen, starting with all of us talking about racism. Last Tuesday I saw the thing on Instagram about putting a black box and was really touched by how many of my friends did it. Did it mean anything? I don’t know. But it told me that unlike a few years ago during the Michael Brown protests, this time people were paying attention and looking beyond what the president was saying. This time people believed that George Floyd shouldn’t have been killed by the police, and this time people are saying, enough, and what can we do to help. So the support will come from all of us, and that’s where it has to come from. I have hope, again, and that hope was lost for awhile. I am looking at everything my eyes wide open though, and definitely that includes my own behavior as a white person.

On a lighter note…CATS.

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I celebrated my birthday on Sunday. My mom sent a few old birthday pictures of me.

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It was a pretty low key birthday…not the best ever, but certainly not the worst. I had made myself a Texas Sheet Cake a few days earlier, which is just a rich chocolate cake I often had when I was younger (I think we started making it for my birthday when I was in high school). Louie and I got takeout from Peacemaker Lobster and Crab then—it’s sort of become a birthday tradition to get takeout from there and I have a lobster boil. We keep saying we’ll go another time not on my birthday to try some of the other less extravagent things on the menu but we never do! But yes, a lobster died so I could celebrate my birthday and it was delicious (also the biscuits are to die for).

So now I’ve got three more days of teaching, and then I am taking two days off teaching to enjoy the visit with family, and it’s the first break I’ve had since getting back from Atlanta which was sort of in the before times. I’m more and more hopeful that we will indeed go on our vacation at the end of July, and things are just looking up generally.

I’m still teaching online, in case you were wondering. Especially with having family visit and such, it’s important to minimize contact. I know some of my students have been traveling and I can’t trust them to be safe, so the best thing is to continue avoiding each other. I think it’s a little easier for people now that they have started doing a few more things outside of the home, and now that school is over. A few of mine are not loving being online so much, but I do still think at this time it’s the best thing. We’ll see what happens for the future.