All posts by hannahviolin

I am a violinist. I also enjoy running, working out, reading, and hanging with my friends and cat.
Hope, Teaching

Wednesday

This is the first week in a long time that has gone by fairly slowly. As I texted to my sister last night, it’s because I finally have something to look forward to…she and her kids are visiting!

They are en route to their summer job location and are stopping by. Is it a little risky? I suppose so. But they’ve been being careful (I’m talking about the virus right now, in case you forgot there’s a pandemic) and I’ve been careful, and we are all low risk and will be careful after our visit as well. So I’m super excited to see them! What will we do? Well, nothing really. Run through the sprinkler in the backyard? Cook at home and wash a lot of dishes? Take a socially distanced walk through the neighborhood? These are all thrilling possibilities.

So that means a bit of cleaning since one of them is a crawler. Thinking of a toddler poking around your stuff really makes you see how dangerous your house is. Bottles of bleach, just sitting around. Boxes of cat poo. Stacks of books! Maybe I should just build a small toddler cage and make life easier.

I’m just kidding…to an extent. After all, I have two cats. All my valuables have either been broken by now or are on the one shelf Muriel can’t get to.

This is just a sort of mundane post. All of the anti-racism stuff will be a long haul. It’s still great everybody is talking about it. I hope this energy continues and translates into real systemic change. I’m not naive enough to think that most of the companies and institutions that posted statements last week will actually do much, but I’m just naive enough to think that change will happen, starting with all of us talking about racism. Last Tuesday I saw the thing on Instagram about putting a black box and was really touched by how many of my friends did it. Did it mean anything? I don’t know. But it told me that unlike a few years ago during the Michael Brown protests, this time people were paying attention and looking beyond what the president was saying. This time people believed that George Floyd shouldn’t have been killed by the police, and this time people are saying, enough, and what can we do to help. So the support will come from all of us, and that’s where it has to come from. I have hope, again, and that hope was lost for awhile. I am looking at everything my eyes wide open though, and definitely that includes my own behavior as a white person.

On a lighter note…CATS.

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I celebrated my birthday on Sunday. My mom sent a few old birthday pictures of me.

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It was a pretty low key birthday…not the best ever, but certainly not the worst. I had made myself a Texas Sheet Cake a few days earlier, which is just a rich chocolate cake I often had when I was younger (I think we started making it for my birthday when I was in high school). Louie and I got takeout from Peacemaker Lobster and Crab then—it’s sort of become a birthday tradition to get takeout from there and I have a lobster boil. We keep saying we’ll go another time not on my birthday to try some of the other less extravagent things on the menu but we never do! But yes, a lobster died so I could celebrate my birthday and it was delicious (also the biscuits are to die for).

So now I’ve got three more days of teaching, and then I am taking two days off teaching to enjoy the visit with family, and it’s the first break I’ve had since getting back from Atlanta which was sort of in the before times. I’m more and more hopeful that we will indeed go on our vacation at the end of July, and things are just looking up generally.

I’m still teaching online, in case you were wondering. Especially with having family visit and such, it’s important to minimize contact. I know some of my students have been traveling and I can’t trust them to be safe, so the best thing is to continue avoiding each other. I think it’s a little easier for people now that they have started doing a few more things outside of the home, and now that school is over. A few of mine are not loving being online so much, but I do still think at this time it’s the best thing. We’ll see what happens for the future.

Teaching

Having time to think about a more diverse musical canon for teaching kids to play the violin

I read that somewhere recently: that it is a privilege to have time to think, to have time to process all of the Black Lives Matter stuff happening right now.

I had a whole lesson with an adult student dedicated to discussing how we can incorporate music by non-white male students into our teaching, and how to avoid problematic pieces. It’s not easy! But that doesn’t mean it isn’t important, and that, yes, I should have been thinking about this earlier, but hey, I’m doing it now, so it’ll have to do.

I teach private violin (and a few viola) lessons, so I do something that is optional and generally accessible to higher income families. There are places in the city for lower income people to go to have lessons, but I have not worried myself about doing that in my own studio. I have always told myself I didn’t have the time to worry about how to make my studio more inclusive to lower income people..and I don’t really. But maybe I should try to find some students who need lessons anyway, and either use my time to give them lessons, or solicit donations from other more affluent people in my studio to cover the lower income students. So there’s an easy thought. How to find those students? And right now isn’t the best time just because I’m only teaching online, and it’s not a good time for beginners to start.

My other thought as far as teaching is to include more diverse composers in my teaching. It’s SO easy to just follow along in a method book (I am sort of kind of a Suzuki teacher, so I tend to follow the Suzuki books which are only dead white male composers), and that means kids don’t play anything by Black people, by women, or by anyone living if I don’t branch out. I do tend to branch out a touch, but more to add in “fun pieces” like jazz or fiddle tunes, which thankfully are often written by Black people, or even living people, but that’s not enough—plus, music by Black people shouldn’t have to be FUN, it should also be used to be educational and part of the core repertoire, it should be considered good enough for that. Oh, and there is an etude book I sometimes use by a woman, and one intermediate level piece (Yes, Josephine Trott, I’m looking at you.).

Awhile back I ordered Music by Black Composers but haven’t done anything with it: it’s got a variety of pieces by a variety of composers that would be great for young students, but I was afraid to be seen as pandering (I.e. I didn’t want to give it to my Black students for fear that they would feel singled out, but I wasn’t sure how to use the book across my studio…so I did nothing.). In any case, I am going to try to start teaching one of the pieces, and then perhaps another, and go from there. I also ordered some of the other books recommended in this article on violinist.com that has stuck in my head recently. It’s about how to incorporate more diversity into the core repertoire of your teaching and is written by Claire Allen. I already have the Music by Women Composers Series and haven’t done as much with it yet either, but will. I think my conversations with my student yesterday have lit yet another fire under me to do more with all of this. I want my students to know that music can be written (and WAS written) by anyone and everyone, and that the reason that most music we play is by white men ISN’T because that music was superior (I mean, goodness, so much of it is awful and boring, so why can’t we play awful and boring music by non-white men too, why must it always be BETTER) but because of a culture of white supremacy and patriarchy. 

Okay, another step, how to increase diversity in my studio itself? I teach in the city, and I believe firmly that living in St Louis is important because I want to live in a diverse places, surrounded by different kinds of people (though the actual neighborhood I live in isn’t that diverse…but all sorts of people walk down the sidewalk in front of my house every single day), and I believe that is a step I have chosen to take and continue to take, to stay here and to be here. So my studio should reflect more kinds of people, and yet mostly I have the students of professors, teachers, doctors, and scientists. On the other hand, I think that those adults believe more strongly in music lessons and the importance of education, and also they have more money to spend on these things. I do have Black students, and non-white students, but not many of them.

So those are some of the thoughts I have bouncing around my head, how to make my teaching more inclusive. I know many other teachers are doing the same, and yes, it’s terrible we haven’t done this before. Honestly, I’m embarrassed to be writing this, and to be saying to myself, well, it’s not like you weren’t teaching ANY Black composers, and it’s not like you were doing anything differently that the norm…that’s definitely not good enough. I’ve always wanted to do better than the average, to be better than the people around me. So I will do better, and late is always better than never. And I hope that those around me also continue to do better, and I hope that somebody with more research experience than me makes a book of core repertoire to teach from, not just Black composers, or woman composers, but a whole series of books using a truly diverse selection of songs that all students can use and look at and learn violin from (without having to purchase four books at a time and know that the Black composers, and the woman composers, are in a different book than the main book). I want the main book to be for all the composers, White, Black, from other countries, Male, Female, non-binary, etc…using pieces from them all to teach kids to play the violin. With wonderful age-appropriate history and writing about them all so that music and history are taught side by side.

Deep Thoughts

Black Lives Matter

Suddenly everybody is saying this, and it’s great and terrible. It’s terrible it has taken us so long to do so, and it’s terrible we have to. I have been afraid, and then I was reading something about if white people are afraid to speak because they are afraid to say the wrong thing, then imagine being a Black person, the fear they live with. But it’s great that we are talking now, and that more and more people are realizing that things aren’t equal.

So I’m sorry. I support the protests: I think they are wonderful, though I’m scared for the people. I think that the police need to stop murdering Black men and women. Police brutality is a terrible problem, and I see so much of it on twitter these days in the protests, and I realize it’s been going on this whole time, but now I am really seeing it clearly. I’m scared for our country (especially since the president is going full fascist calling in the military and nonviolent protestors are being gassed for photo ops), but I’m hopeful. I am thinking about my own life and how I treat people, and things that I’ve learned in the past and things that I know now, and thinking about how I can do better to fight against systemic racism and to be part of the solution.

So if I’m saying the wrong thing, so be it. Others have said things far more eloquently than me, and that’s great. I’ve been reading and trying to learn. I’ve been contacting my congressmen and I’ve been donating. This article gives some great places to donate, if you are able to do so, but there are many. Look around. Support Black-owned businesses (I read that you should capitalize Black which is why I’m doing so, I hope that’s correct) in your local town or city. Protest if you feel you can and do what you can.

I have to consider other things too…how do I perform more music by Black composers and how do I work with more Black people and how do I deal with the fact that I work in a predominantly white field with concerts primarily attended by white people and play for organizations that are run by people who make racist statements? How do I reconcile all of this for myself, and what do I do to change things from my position? This is all stuff I’m pondering, and I don’t want to just move on when things die down and then get bogged down with life again, as has happened over and over again.

Quarantine

Clarification/Random Thoughts

I’ve gotten a couple comments lately and figured I’d take a few minutes on this Monday morning to follow up.

As far as my students: I don’t know if they read this blog. Mostly, definitely no. Do I think of them as misfits, as in, don’t belong to society? Of course not. But I think of them as unique students, because when other teachers talk about their students, they act as if they tell their students what to do, the students do it, life moves on.(From things like, get a binder, get a music stand, to keep track of your practicing on this paper.) My students are more creative and move to the beat of their own drummer. So when they all did so well on the recital and actually played using big bows and full sounds and things that I’ve been trying to teach them, I was really moved! Do I wish they were more diligent, practicing regularly for hours a day? Sure! But maybe they are doing their best and I think they are great people no matter.

It’s possible that I’M the misfit teacher. I don’t like to nitpick my students about things that don’t matter and I like having a variety of things happening during the week.

Oh, and as far as Katie’s Pizza and Pasta. I LOVE their pasta when we go to the restaurant. We haven’t gotten curbside pickup there because it is about 20 minutes away and my experience is the farther you go, the worse the takeout is when you get home to eat it. But the frozen pasta was a bit greasy for our taste. That being said, on the second day (we ate half the dish, then oven reheated the second night) it was better! I think it dried it out just enough to be less oily, but not too dry. But that might simply be a personal preference. We’ve enjoyed the pizzas immensely, and only had one that was a little watery and probably we should have just baked it longer. I think it’s great that the restaurant has sort of reinvented itself during this time. Necessity is the mother of invention. And you can probably order from them if you like. May I recommend the morel mushroom pizza!

In any case, I’d better get going to teach. I have a few this morning, and a few later in the day. In between I am not playing a live concert today but am planning one next week and should back into practicing since I’ve taken a few days off after finishing a short video recording last Wednesday for a difference project.

Hiking, Quarantine

Buford Mountain

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We decided to take advantage of the decent weather yesterday (and less things to do so that we could both afford a day trip) and drive about 90 minutes to hike Buford Mountain. Initially we just planned to hike about 6 miles to Bald Knob and back, but when we got there I was feeling great and so we decided to add on the extra 4 miles of the loop…I did regret that from about miles 7.5 to 10 and especially when I ran out of water (never forget: fill up ALL 3 liters in your water bladder) but it was a great diversion and a tough hike that took us away from St Louis and COVID for awhile. Buford Mountain is often found on lists of “the hardest hikes in Missouri” but don’t let that scare you if you are in decent shape: just pack lots of water and snacks and print out a map before you leave. It gets buggy in the summer though, and we beat that time of year, luckily. The hardest hike in Missouri is tough, but not like, say, the hardest hike in Colorado.

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Along the way we had to make one pit stop-we had hoped to not have to but my bladder didn’t cooperate. We stopped at a Casey’s General Store and the only other people wearing masks were the workers. It was concerning, but I got in and out quickly and then sanitized my hands before reentering the car.

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We got back and made a frozen pasta dish from Katie’s Pizza. We’ve ordered from them a couple times for frozen pizza and pasta. The pasta isn’t my favorite but it’s good. The pizzas are GREAT. We’ve become sort of addicted to the Morel Mushroom ones even though they are pricey.

Today is a relaxing day: it’s hot but I am trying to postpone the airconditioning until it’s more humid, so we’ve got windows open and fans going. We’ll see how this goes. (Note, it went about for thirty more minutes and we caved.)

I found this picture somewhere and laugh every time I think about it.

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It’s my nephew Luca’s first birthday, so we have a family zoom meeting later. I made a small batch of lemon cupcakes in his honor—the batch made only 4 cupcakes, which is just about perfect for the two of us. I even froze the other two, but likely we will eat them in honor of my Dad’s birthday on Wednesday. I think they’ll stay fresher in the freezer however. They are lemon, with a strawberry jam filling with lemon cream cheese icing and should be pretty good. I don’t think I’d made cupcakes since I was a little kid, but I think I did an okay job.

This week looks to be pretty much the same as always. We are mostly still staying-at-home so that’s what we are doing. I suppose we’ve done a bit more going out and about, but we’ve been definitely continuing to practice social distancing, and plan to continue to do so for the future, until we see proof that relaxing standards isn’t causing a rise in deaths.

How are you?

Quarantine

Are We Open or Not?

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It depends on who you talk to: some of us say, no, nothing has changed. Others say, time to go out to eat!

I’m sometimes struck by how different my life apparently is than others, because one of the first comments on a Facebook news article was about what a wonderful job Cracker Barrel had done with dining in and I thought, you went to Cracker Barrel right away? Hey, if you love Cracker Barrel, don’t let me get you down, I do like those dumplings and the fun table games, and Louie and I eat there while traveling sometimes…but really, after two months of quarantine that’s what you craved? That’s what you just couldn’t wait to get out of the house for? Here I am, missing eating at various locally owned and operated, often family run restaurants with reasonably low prices and great food very different than what I cook at home…and others are like, yay, Cracker Barrel is back! I suppose I am a snob, but based on the number of small, locally owned and operated, often family run restaurants within a ten minute drive of my house, I’m not the only “snob” who is preferring to go to those restaurants rather than some national chain.

It’s grocery shopping day, so I’ll be doing that soon. We are out of milk, for starters, and I have a meal plan for the next two weeks. This is how I operate now…I spend days coming up with a meal plan, making sure everything I want to make is on the list, because I don’t want to go back. I don’t see how that has changed recently…I’ve talked with some of my students and every family has different comfort levels. Some have returned to church already. For others, they are visiting with a small group of friends and family. Others are staying at home and only going out for necessities as before. It feels quite a bit like early March to me, before the government said or did anything, but we all saw the writing on the wall…so far my family has been lucky enough to weather this storm and I hope we continue to.

I had a fun live performance of solo Bach on Monday. I am taking this coming Monday off from live concerts, ostensibly because of Memorial Day, although it’s not like there is anything different about Memorial Day. Holidays seem somewhat meaningless. Back in March it seemed unfathomable that I’d celebrate my birthday (June 7) at home, but it’s looking highly likely. Things are changing a bit…I have a doctor’s appointment in June (annual checkup) and I need to make a few more appointments like that. I suppose it’s time? What are other people doing about this sort of thing? Why does absolutely everything in my mind come back to the quarantine, no topic untouched or life subject unchanged by it?

I had a short conversation yesterday with a student who wondered if he would be allowed to visit his family in other countries any time soon? He hypothesized it might be up to 5 years from now. I found that more upsetting than not getting a haircut, though I know some would beg to differ.

I had a zoom recital for my private students on Sunday. It went really well, and was actually really quite fun. I am always impressed by my students at recital time. I think it’s because in their lessons I am always focused on how they can improve, and in the recital I just sit back and listen. It often feels like my studio is a bunch of lovable misfits who do their best but don’t have the discipline and drive that my colleagues’ students seem to have, but I wonder if that’s actually true, or if I’m just more laidback about things. I’m not actually a very laidback person, but I am laidback with my students. (I suppose some might argue, especially the one who got mad at me for making her put her music on the left side of her phone last week so I could see her playing and then lectured her on how yes, she really should own a music stand). But it was great to see everybody in one place, to see them perform, and to have a bunch of grandparents and other people watching. I guess it likely won’t even be the only zoom recital we have…though one can hope.

I don’t have pictures to share today. I haven’t been taking as many lately because nothing changes. The cats remain cute but often just sit on top of the tower which is the same picture I’ve taken before. Otherwise they race around the house in a blur. I make food. I make pickled vegetables. I make jam. I teach violin. I read. I watch tv. I work out. That’s what I do. I remember there were days I left the house to play concerts, to attend events, to go out to eat with friends…and truthfully, it doesn’t help that the weather has been gloomy and it rained a ton last weekend. We are actually thinking of doing a longer hike this weekend, weather permitting. I think that will help my mental mood!

Anyway, time to get dressed up (ha) and hit the grocery store. Planning to get lots of good things. And yes, I’ll be wearing a mask.