All posts by hannahviolin

I am a violinist. I also enjoy running, working out, reading, and hanging with my friends and cat.
Quarantine

The Pandemic Continues

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I’ve decided to start a weekly online concert series. Concert is a stretch as it’ll just be a few pieces each time, but that will give me more structure and something to look forward to. It’ll be on facebook live and I’ll post it to my page there as well if you’d like to follow me. I am planning for Mondays at 12:30 Central Time, but it will be up after that as well. I’m thinking of calling it Hannah’s Virtual Violin Luncheon, but that is a fluid brainstorming idea.

I don’t know how long it will go, but I would think I will want to continue over the summer at a minimum. I doubt we’ll be able to do much if any travel, and that means I’ll have more time than ever. I hope most of my students continue (and for the record I am still accepting new online students) and I am thinking of having a few extra classes for them as well…but I don’t know what the future will bring. They may want to take a break, or perhaps people will be traveling, or perhaps their financial situations will go downhill and they’ll need to stop lessons because of that. I’m hoping that it doesn’t happen to many students, or any.

And then of course, people may get sick. We don’t know. This is all to help stop that from happening, but as expected, the lower the numbers get, the more people say, oh well, there was no pandemic, and then states are “opening up” again (which is a weird phrase that we have started using “opening up the economy” as if the ruling party hasn’t claimed for years that the economy is the stock market and it’s BEEN open…and yet suddenly the low wage workers and small businesses are the economy? I’d say they can’t have it both ways but they’ve lied and cheated so much that their supporters believe—somehow—that only the liberals are bad, and therefore they seem to be able to have it both ways), and because of the “opening up” places will likely (sadly) have a resurgence. Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to have the virus not be as big of an issue as scientists, doctors, and such thought, but the way to truly determine that is testing. More testing. Not making low wage workers go back to work or lose their unemployment benefits, while the rich stay hidden away.

Sigh. In a nutshell, the world is terrible. And yes, we are all going to die eventually, but I think most of us don’t actually welcome that and have a lot of things we want to do first!

So, not to be a downer. Ooh, we made nachos last night for dinner. I have never done that before, put chips out, sauteed some peppers, onions, and squash and put that on top, added a can of black beans, some cheese (not enough really, but it seemed like so much that I had to stop), then made a little slaw of red cabbage, rice vinegar, and lime, and added that on top after baking the nachos, and garnished with salsa and plain greek yogurt. It felt decadent but wasn’t too unhealthy, and was delicious!

I’d had a mildly annoying day: three students canceled on me the day of (my policies cover these things so it wasn’t a big deal, but) and then our imperfect foods box contained only the produce I’d ordered but nothing else—one thing we had been looking forward to was a piece of salmon, hence the nachos for dinner. I’m headed to the grocery store shortly to do a shopping trip—I haven’t gone in over two weeks so that seems pretty good. We did have to get milk the other day at the gas station—I’d purchased two gallons of milk the previous visit, and the expiration dates were far in the future, but the second gallon just had a weird taste, so we decided to dump it. I don’t know what went wrong—maybe we just got unlucky.

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I have a variety of supplies of toilet paper being shipped to me. We had a fair amount, but once I started using one of the kinds, I realized the rolls are much smaller than I thought and we’re going through a whole roll about every day and a half in the busier bathroom. That made me nervous, and I already had a shipment coming, but maybe not until mid-May…I managed to find something to ship sooner, and we’ll see what the quality of any of those are, but I’m not having to run from store to store and make a bunch of trips in two weeks or so looking desperately for toilet paper. If this pandemic continues through the summer, who knows if the TP supply issues will also continue. It still stands to assume that things can and will get worse, even as we all remain hopeful that they won’t and that school will return as usual in the fall.

Sorry, I’m kind of a downer today. I definitely find my moods go up and down a lot. I get pretty stressed about grocery shopping, but it’s the job I’ve agreed to do in the house, and I have decided I want to do my own grocery shopping rather than get it delivered—with delivery I grow to not expect exactly what I want and that’s fine. If I go on my own I can select exactly what I want, from the choices in front of me.

I’m using too many parentheses and dashes as well, and probably using them incorrectly. Oh well!

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We finished the Marvelous Mrs. Maisel last night, and will be picking a new TV show tonight. I’m not sure what direction we will go.  I’m looking forward to doing a few more things in the garden this weekend, and as a summer project we may be tearing down our back porch (it is quite rotted in places) and not replacing it, but instead just building a little stairway. That would give a larger patio around instead which could be a place to use the grill or just hang out on in certain kinds of sunlight. If we aren’t doing much travel this summer (or any, though the thought of not getting to see my niece and nephew in person this summer absolutely breaks my heart) that means it’s a good time to do a few more home improvement projects we haven’t had time for.

Here’s to a more positive mindset and a good rest of the week!

Quarantine

All days are the same?

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Another weekend is almost gone, and unlike in my “normal” life, since I actually don’t officially work on weekends, I’m back to that feeling of sadness that it’s almost Monday and back to work. Then I remember that I don’t have anywhere to go, I have basically two more weeks of college classes, and the true sadness isn’t that it’ll be Monday again, but that it will be the sixth week of quarantine during a pandemic and our government doesn’t have an actual plan for getting us out of this and into the other end that doesn’t seem to involve shady numbers, profiteering, and simply wishing for the best.

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So yeah. We had a decent weekend. Mexican takeout, where no one was wearing masks except us. A few nice walks in the neighborhood. Some gardening. Some baking (double chocolate zucchini bread and jammy baked oatmeal) and some cooking. We ordered frozen pizzas from Katie’s Pizza and Pasta and made one of them last night with a salad packed with chickpeas, grape tomatoes, and more.

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We’ve been eating better than ever—in case you’re wondering how, the answer is, I think about food constantly and spend a lot of time figuring out what to buy, and as I’ve said before, Imperfect Foods has helped with tons of produce, Blue Apron every few weeks to break the rut, and just buying a ton of staples so that I can look at what produce we have on hand (since you can sort of order but it’s often a surprise exactly how much you’ll get) and put together a meal from it. I’ve been improvising much more than before but it’s still going really well. We’ve been lucky, I think, and there’s only two of us, and neither of us are terribly picky with our food preferences other than we try not to eat meat.  (I hear it’s been hard to get meat sometimes, so I imagine this also is helping us…)

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I’m also lucky in that I’ve picked up a few new students in the past week, and that really helps out. I attribute this to good luck and perseverance. I’m not too proud to post on every social media platform and message people I know to let them know I’m looking. This has often been my rule with my business: I let people know I’m looking for work and often that means they contact me for work. Often it seems in the music world this sort of thing gets a bad rep, but let me tell you, it has always worked for me. The BEST place to get more students is from the ones you already have—always let them know if you want more, as people with children generally know more people with children! Of course, trying to be the best musician and teacher you can is always a good idea. Oh, and the other best place to get students is from other teachers. Now is a little different, because people who might ordinarily not be looking for more students likely are, but normally letting your colleagues know you are wanting students is a great idea as often established teachers only have a few openings every year and those will go quickly and they’ll want more names of good people to recommend.

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We just finished our weekly “roll call” Zoom chat with my siblings, parents, and niece/nephew. This is something positive that has come out of the quarantine, that we all have enough time and not things to do that a weekly date for a Zoom meeting actually works. We started this a few weeks ago and now it’s just a standing event, which will go I guess until we are all free to leave the house again and concerts start up. Who knows when that will be. Each week we have less interesting things to talk about though, since nobody goes anywhere.

I finished watching The Stranger on Netflix and now am watching the latest season of the Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. What should I watch next?

I often think I should record myself playing violin on Sunday rather than Monday morning but I haven’t showered yet today and if I do, I certainly won’t be doing my hair or anything, and as a result, I’ll look bad on video. I suppose plenty of women don’t wear makeup or do their hair and look fine, but not me. If I’m posting a video of myself playing violin online, I definitely need to look like I made an effort with my appearance, even if it’s just in a casual outfit. Does that make me shallow? I don’t care if others do, but it’s just my own preferences.

I am going to practice a bit now, and then figure out what to cook for dinner. Something with mushrooms, as we have a bag of them that should get eaten, and maybe with broccoli as well. I’ll figure that out in a bit (yes, I’ll add a grain and likely some sort of protein.)

Deep Thoughts, Quarantine

TGIF?

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Another week gone…the fifth week of quarantine, as such. It’s been a very long time since I’ve spoken in person to anyone other than Louie. I do get to talk to a lot of people nearly everyday online though.

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There isn’t a whole lot to write about…I’m keeping busy with teaching and even picking up a few more students (I definitely have some openings right now, especially since college classes are wrapping up). I can’t see how concerts go back to normal any time soon so I’m assuming lessons are the way to go for quite some time. I am hoping I’m wrong and that the timeline people are talking about for concerts (basically, when there’s a vaccine) won’t come to fruition, but since everything else has happened, it’s hard to see how!

I’ve been continuing to make a weekly video of myself performing. I’m having trouble deciding what to do next week but I have a few random ideas. I hope you enjoy this one! It’s by a woman named Grazyna Bacewicz and is a short unaccompanied piece called Polish Capriccio. I had a student play it a few years ago.

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There’s been a lot of talk about how musicians and orchestras should reinvent themselves during this time. Naturally there’s been a lot of people berating musicians for not being adequately prepared for the streaming world, but I think they are missing the point. The main reason I am hired is to provide live music. If people just wanted streaming concerts they could probably get by with listening to a half dozen solo violins and two orchestras, but the idea is that you can have live music—at the concert hall, in a smaller space, at your church service, in your home for a party, etc. We are the musicians you hire to personally have in your lives, and that is why we live amongst you and not in New York or Vienna. Yes, having an internet presence is important, and live streaming performances or having good quality videos might also be a good thing, but let’s not pretend that 1) there is anything normal about all of this or 2) that there is room for the number of musicians that exist if we weren’t providing small scale, local events and instead were just doing thing for a greater, international audience. And it’s a GREAT thing that no matter where you are, you can (normally) attend events which feature local musicians and you can go up to them and say hello, and you can hire them for your wedding or see them play at your local church or whatever. They aren’t just some superstar who exists (to you) only on the internet.

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Suffice it to say, this will change things, and many good musicians will likely have to jobs in other fields. And I don’t know the future. I just hope that I can continue making my videos, maybe getting a few $$ in tips along the way, and teach lessons on the internet while it goes on.

I’m getting calls for events in the fall though, so who knows. I’m thinking, do I want to play everything I did before…should I focus more on what I truly enjoy? I enjoy serious concerts, I enjoy broadway shows and operas, I enjoy working with a variety of local musicians…I don’t particularly love when I have to reschedule students too often, and I don’t love having every day busy but sometimes it’s unavoidable. Then again, what will really be happening in the fall? Will there be school/college? Will it be canceled or online? When will I see my students in person again?

These are all answer no one knows, and at the rate of testing here in the US, the answer seems to be, not for some time. So we persevere. We persist. We keep at it. We try not to let the naysayers and the negativity get us down, and we just do what we always do: we work hard, we network, we tell people we are looking for more students and more work, and we do the work.

It goes without saying, but in case it doesn’t, I’m going to say it. I am fortunate that I am able to do a lot of my work from home. I am fortunate to have a safe home with an awesome boyfriend (who is also able to work from home) and we enjoy spending time together. I am fortunate to have my health, and that so far my family is also staying healthy. I know many during this time have much greater worries and struggles. But this is my space on the internet, and I’m just sharing my thoughts and concerns.

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I haven’t gone anywhere, I haven’t been in a car since last Friday evening, can you believe it? We are planning on takeout again tonight—it’s our quarantine tradition, so we’ll drive somewhere. If the car starts, ha! I didn’t have to go grocery shopping this week at all due to some deliveries, but plan to go next week, probably on Wednesday. We’ve been eating well, tons of veggies and such, and I’ve had more time to cook which really helps (and plan deliveries as well). We’ve taken a few walks this week, but less than we probably should…it’s been cooler and I haven’t felt like going out as much. I hope we don’t go straight to summer without having a bit more of spring.

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I’ve got a full day of teaching ahead of me today-about 7 hours worth. I woke up before my alarm this morning and couldn’t get back to sleep, so that’s why I ended up having extra time to blog. I always want to write more often, but get bogged down with other stuff!

Deep Thoughts, Quarantine

Week 5

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Today is the start of week 5 of working and teaching remotely. I’m now at the point that I actually can’t imagine going back to in person teaching…the idea frightens me right now. I suppose it is because I worry about spreading germs, but I suspect that whenever it is that things go back to normal, we are all going to be pretty weird for awhile.

Let’s focus on the positive today though. Okay, we had a lovely Easter. My parents, siblings, and niece and nephew have all being doing a weekly video chat on Zoom (my niece calls it “roll-call”) and we had a nice time catching up and being silly with Zoom backgrounds. My sister Carrie has hurt her knee in the sort of way that if she weren’t in New York City during a pandemic she would have already been into the doctor about it but instead had a video conference with a  friend’s dad who happens to be a doctor and is waiting a few day to see how it goes. I know I said I’d focus on the positive (the positive is I’m sure she’ll be fine either soon or eventually, and she has lots of friends to help out) but this is the sort of trickle down effect from all of this, and still we have politicians pretending things are just fine. People are avoiding going to the doctor for other injuries because they don’t want to get sick and because they don’t want to be a burden on the system.

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Other positive. Louie and I finished doing some planting in the garden. I forgot to take a picture (my hands were dirty and I didn’t have my phone with me at the time) but I’ll take one later. We made a small plot and planted a few things. We are planning to make at least one more plot over the next few weekends. I honestly have no idea how big the plots are…6 by 3 foot? That’s a total guess and might be way off. But since I’ve had all my weekends free and will likely continue to do so for some time, a garden seemed like fun. We planted swiss chard, beets, and some sort of green beans. We will see what happens…it seems crazy that you could plant little seeds into the ground and they would grow into vegetables!

We finished watching Ozark and have started something called “The Stranger” on Netflix. Netflix gave me a 98 percent match on it, and so far it’s quite good. I’ve also been reading some Jenn McKinlay mysteries on my kindle (thank goodness for the library during these times!).

I baked a carrot banana bread but might have made too many substitutions and it ended up being more of a bread pudding. I also likely should have baked it longer but it was starting to get too dark on top and I didn’t think of tenting it in foil until later. Nonetheless it was tasty with a bit of ice cream on top.

We ended up just doing the Seder with the two of us. Louie’s mom cooked and picked up things for him and he went by and chatted (from a responsible distance) and then we attempted it on our own. I had only been to his mom’s once for a Seder but Louie has been attending for years of course, so we did our best. I apologize for the white wine, but we’ve determined that red wine is a migraine trigger for me so I can’t drink it anymore.

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We’ve been mostly doing a lot of cooking, but we have a quarantine tradition of Friday night takeout. This Friday it was the 58hundred which is a nearby restaurant, and we got fish fry takeout, so some fried cod and fried shrimp tacos. I’m not sure if those things are actually Passover-friendly, so we are mixing up our religions…neither of us are remotely Catholic, but we just like fish and wanted to support a nearby restaurant since we are tired of cooking.

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I mention this because Muriel loves bags. Sometimes I worry that Muriel is being neglected or feeling neglected because Miles is taking up a lot of space and attention. But they seem to get along pretty well and hang out near each other on the cat tree. And she always loves getting into bags or boxes.

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I made little plate of pickles with dinner last night. The pickled beets are my new favorite thing, though the little dill pickles from Trader Joe’s on the plate were pretty tasty. Those are left from Christmas, and needed to be finished up to make room in the fridge for…more pickles, probably.

Well, those are my random thoughts for the day. I hope you have a decent week. Are you holding up okay?

Quarantine, Random thoughts

Tuesday again

Some people say it doesn’t matter what day it is. I guess I should be grateful that my students keep me grounded. I need to know what day it is so I know who to call when.

Normally this would be a very busy week, full of church services. I still have them in my calendar, I guess so I can see what I lost. It’s not only the money, it’s actually quite a lot of fun to play where I’ve been playing the past few years—doing a few nights in a row with some of the same musicians gives a real sense of camaraderie and makes life feel different from the normal day-to-day.

We are doing (I think!) an online Seder with Louie’s family tomorrow night. I guess the advantage of not having as much work is that I am more available for things. The disadvantage is that we are just at home all the time, obviously.

I did end up deciding to do my own grocery shopping yesterday instead of having it delivered. I got to choose my own items that way. There was no toilet paper, but there were paper towels and a large variety of pasta. I wore an old surgical mask we had on hand and I hated it the whole time, which made me hurry home.

I made a video yesterday of myself playing one of my favorite movements of solo Bach. It feels intimidating putting these things out there: it’s the feeling of “I’m not good enough to share with my facebook friends” in particular, but I want to continue to share my music and I want to continue to push myself and do things that are difficult beyond simply going to the grocery store.

Here’s the video. 

I’m also enjoying watching everybody else’s videos and things they share online. It makes us all feel connected more in these difficult times. Every time I start to feel okay something will remind me that I’m not and that we aren’t. All of this most likely could have been avoided, and yet here we are. Struggling at home, struggling to get basic supplies, people refusing to stay at home and putting more at risk, grocery store workers who are typically maligned as unimportant putting themselves on the line to earn their hourly pay which obviously should have been higher this whole time, doctors not being provided with proper protective gear because our government is too busy buying it to sell it to middlemen who then make hospitals and states bid for it at a higher price…the whole thing seems surreal and unreal and all of those things and here we are, just stuck at home for who knows how much longer.

They officially canceled the Paris conference, which wasn’t a surprise. I think how 6 weeks ago we were just looking forward to things this summer…and people in government did nothing to mitigate the threat coming our way, except for those that sold stock and bought other stocks in order to financially capitalize on their knowledge. But other than those people, others did nothing, and others did worse than nothing, such as our loser president, who lied and minimized the threat in order to what, make more money and gain more power? In order to try to get re-elected, or to “stick it to the libs” or what? Someday historians will look back on this time and see what could have been different, but we are living it, and even living it we see what could be different, but instead it is how it is.

This should be a week to be looking forward to summer, to be enjoying the fine spring weather, to enjoy dinner on a patio at a nearby restaurant, to be planning a wonderful summer of travel to various places and to see family members, to be counting down the weeks left in the semester until my schedule frees up, but knowing that this hard work now pads my bank account to make it through the lean summer months and to be able to afford a vacation and the time off that takes since I don’t get paid to not work. All the people who canceled their weddings, all the church services canceled, the concerts, etc, canceled. Nobody pays the freelance musicians for not working.

If you are reading my blog you might think I am angry all the time. I’m not, but I’m angry now. I let it go and go about my day. I’m making baba ghanoush today. I’m going to work out. I have a few hours of teaching (well, that’s even an understatement), and we will eat a nice dinner and watch an episode or two of Ozark afterwards. But that’s not what I want to do every night. To me, that isn’t a life well lived. I don’t want to spend every night, every day, every weekend at home. We are all making sacrifices. I had so many concerts I was looking forward to seeing, to playing…it’s all gone now. I suppose this will pass, but when? We are so looking forward to seeing Hillary Hahn with the SLSO this September—will that be canceled? Likely: how can we have large gatherings of people then, without a vaccine? I think of trump saying “what have you got to lose?” Little did we realize (well, many of us did realize, but we didn’t specifically imagine this) that what we had to lose was more than simply our lives, it was everything about life than made it worth living. That’s what we have lost lately. And yes, I know people are sick, and don’t you worry, I’m angry and worried about that too, more and more. So many have been sick and so many have died and more will and it is just absolutely horrifying and terrible.

I stopped there for a few hours and took a break. I did a video workout. I made baba ghanoush and roasted some tomatoes for a salad for later. I took a short walk around the neighborhood and read a book during lunch. I taught one student and now have a bit of time before the rest of my teaching day continues.

It’s hard to deal with all the emotions we go through on a daily basis. I know I need to read less news, but I keep thinking, well, I need to be informed…if we are stuck at home indefinitely I owe it to myself to know what’s going on. But the truth is, it’s all very upsetting, and yes, contrary to what many have said in the past, this all does affect our daily lives in a negative way and there’s no avoiding it. But whether this person was fired, or this person knew and sold stock, or this person is abusing the office of the presidency for personal profit and a whole bunch of people are allowing it…at this point it doesn’t affect my day to day life. My day to day life is what it is now, and what can affect it is my attitude. I was reading a bit of a blog post by Gretchen Rubin of the happiness project about writing a letter to yourself to be read after this is over about what you’ve accomplished. I know many are struggling with being laid off or dealing with kids, or of course, are sick or have loved ones who are. But it’s easy to say, oh, we are in a pandemic, I might as well not work out or eat vegetables because this is a stressful time. And the truth is: life is full of stressful times. Yes, nobody will care if you lost or gained five pounds when you are dead. But what if how you treat your body right now means that you might live longer? Or that the life you live is of a better quality because of decisions you make now? So that is keeping me on a good workout regiment (after all, I often postponed things because I didn’t have the time, and I have time for a lot of workouts on most days now) and we are trying to eat a lot of good healthy foods. I keep thinking there might be a time we can’t get good fresh vegetables and fruits and so we keep eating more of them than ever. And then at the end of the night, maybe I’ll have a treat—a piece of chocolate, a glass of wine, and that might be a bit more often than normal, but the day’s activity and diet allows for it. We are eating out less, we are eating healthier than ever (and better tasting), and I am moving a lot more than I often am able. I will come out of this stronger and healthier than ever, and that’s my hope. I also hope that if I catch Covid that I am in a healthy place to fight it off. Yes, I’m anxious and prone to get depressed, but I’m always anxious and prone to get depressed, so I am well equipped to deal with actual adversity in my life.

I am excited about dinner, and I’m excited to see my Tuesday students. I find teaching online to be generally less stressful than teaching in person. I don’t have to worry about people coming to my house before I’m ready, or staying too long. Sometimes students show up really early and it interferes with my ability to get other things done. I ask them not to but often they do anyway. Now I just call them when it’s time! I have to think about how to continue my control over my schedule in the future…it really helps me relax when I know nobody is going to show up early, and while I know sometimes they need to use the bathroom or perhaps they want to unpack so they can be ready to start their lesson on time…maybe I just need to say, yes, you can come in 5 minutes early to unpack and such but absolutely no more than that under any circumstances, even if I’m already teaching and if they do, charge them for the extra time? What would you do? With online teaching, these stressors are gone. I like to have my schedule set and then be able to transition from what I’m doing before I teach (often practicing, but sometimes eating lunch or trying to do household chores, running errands, or commuting) and worrying about being interrupting OR being interrupting ruins this. And yes, I have asked people directly not to come in early, and for the most part, this doesn’t work either. So that’s another reason I find online teaching to be less stressful. The other reasons I am not sure why, I just find it easier. It’s easier to keep the student’s attention, and like I’ve said, it’s likely that the rest of my schedule is much lighter so I’m just not as tired and worn out as usual. It’s an odd combination of feelings: far less work stress yet far more financial stress and worry about the general state of the world, plus the worry about the virus!

Anyway, this post has gone on long enough, I’m sure. I don’t even have any good cat pictures to add, so I’ll just sign off. Thanks for reading my ramblings!

Deep Thoughts, Quarantine

The Days Go By

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Time seems to be a bit frozen, doesn’t it?

It’s not that each day seems the same, because for teaching, everyday is different and I always need to know what day it is. But then there are these two days totally off (well, except for the inevitable emailing and such, and perhaps practicing) and the weekend seems like it should be full of fun and relaxing, but you can’t go anywhere, and you have to carefully plan everything that you might need that you don’t have.

So that’s where we all are though, and there’s something in solidarity. I am trying to read a lot of mysteries (cozy mysteries are a solace as usual) and we have been watching some tv every night and taking walks and working out and gardening when the weather is nice (which isn’t enough, I was hoping today would be nicer than it is, as I need to keep working on the garden beds).

I know we aren’t supposed to read the news, but part of me says, well it’s a civic duty to stay up on things, after all, isn’t part of why we are stuck like this because people aren’t informed? Then again, being informed just means you know that the government has done the worst possible job in preparing for this pandemic, and yet knowing that somehow people will forget and likely think the government did a good job, and then 20 years from now some other horrible thing will happen that could have been avoided and then people will once again forget…etc, etc, etc.

I’ve been thinking how it is rather relaxing to be stuck at home. Other violin teachers are saying how teaching online is so much more tiring that teaching in person, and I am not feeling that at all. I find it much easier. Then again, do I? Maybe if I were doing the exact same schedule and teaching in person I would feel even more relaxed…if I didn’t always have another gig to run off to, or a concert to play? But then again, I love playing. I miss playing. I also love going out and doing things, even though it can be tiring. I could spend the rest of my life doing a similar schedule to this, but I would feel that I was wasting my life, and I would feel that I was wasting my violin skills (and also the financial thing).

I suppose I should just focus on the positive here in order to stay sane (obviously there is mostly negative in this situation as people are sick and dying and others are struggling so much financially), and the positive is that Louie and I are having a bit more time to spend together and that I have a bit more time to cook and am having fun with that even if the ingredients are harder to come by, and that I am really getting a lot of relaxing in, to the point that I definitely am getting tired of having so much relaxing time, because it feels very lazy. But not only that, but I don’t want to look back on my life and say, oh it was great how I got to sleep in on the weekends and didn’t anything interesting or productive to society. So that’s why I do what I normally do, but…I suppose this is a time for respite.

I know I am all over the map here. It’s a tough time for us all, isn’t it? The constant anxiety and stress is really tiring as well, which might be why so many teachers feel more tired than usual. I’m generally pretty anxious and stressed, so that might be why teaching online is affecting me slightly less, but there is still a low-level anxiety present at all times. I worry about getting sick but I worry more about my loved ones getting sick. I worry about how long this will go on, and if large scale concerts will happen again this year or even next. I am accepting jobs for the late summer and fall, while thinking there’s a low likelihood that they will even happen. People talk of “going back to work” but I haven’t seen anyone really laying out a way to have large scale events while the virus is still a threat at all. And that means that musicians can’t go back to work any time soon…

So while things are stressful, a few fun things:

CATS!

Earlier in the week it was nice enough outside to have the window open.

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A bird was sitting on top of the house.

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The cats have been doing some parkour/MMA style fighting lately, but I think it’s all in good fun.

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We’ve been doing takeout once a week (we figure yes, it is riskier behavior but we are doing our best to take precautions and feel it helps our mental health) and this was Friday night. Chile relleno from our favorite Mexican restaurant, Lily’s Mexican.

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They even do takeout margaritas, with little bottles to all the alcohol later.

Oh, and in case you want to know which Cozy Mysteries I’ve been reading, I just finished the Hat Shop series by Jenn McKinlay, and am starting her Library Lovers series. I do a combination of library kindle with some purchases for my reading, always checking the library first. Lately Amazon has been offering $3 in digital credit for slower shipping so that helps out (normally it’s $1) and they often run other specials. (I share a prime account with Louie already.)

I’ll probably put out another video tomorrow, or do a facebook live soon. I’ve got a couple of pieces in mind, and I hope people are enjoying the videos. Comments are appreciated!

I’m getting my first grocery delivery from Schnucks tomorrow morning, if all goes well. I am conflicted on getting delivery, but I thought I’d give it a shot..if I don’t get some of the more important things I need (milk!)I’ll have to go in search of them later, but I feel fairly confident there will be options for the shopper tomorrow morning. Our imperfect foods delivery last Tuesday had some mixups and I’m still waiting to hear back from customer service about that (they’ve sent some automatic responses telling me they are swamped, which is understandable), but the produce part of the delivery was still good so I’ve got another order coming Tuesday for that (if they mess up the rest of the delivery again that will be telling). I feel like thinking about food and supplies is all consuming for me, but I also think I’m using this as a way to control my anxiety, so I’m just going with it. I don’t know if food supplies will get better or worse so I’m just trying to do my best.

In any case, how are you all doing? Are you staying well? Having trouble getting basic supplies or doing just fine with that?