My quartet’s concert on Tuesday went quite well! And we had a nice audience, and even got a standing ovation afterwards. It’s hard, teaching full time plus and trying to practice to maintain a high level of playing too…it definitely adds to my stress levels.

We saw the Calidore Quartet play at Wash U on Sunday night, and it was so inspiring and wonderful watching a world-class quartet perform. Of course I had a lot of emotions during the performance, ranging from relief that I wasn’t playing on the concert (ha) to a bit of jealousy at how much time they likely have to practice and rehearse, and also simply enjoying the intense musicality and emotions from the music. I need to take more time to attend and enjoy concerts. I need to change a few things.

Louie and I were talking the other day and he suggested our problem is that we try too hard, that we need to just allow ourselves to be “good enough.” I tried to take this thought to heart going into Tuesday’s concert. I relaxed in the afternoon a bit rather than drilling some spots in the Schubert (Death and the Maiden) and who knows, I missed a few things, but I might have missed them anyway. I don’t have enough time to practice as much as I would need to to guarantee hitting everything (or a higher percentage) so I just have to do my best. I am a professional musician, but when you have 47 students sometimes something has to slide! Or at least I’m trying to convince myself of that. It’s like I’m worried that all my former teachers will come out and tell me I’m a complete disappointment and a failure at life.

I want to just be a positive person and not compare myself to others and not compare others to myself, and simply enjoy my life experience…but gosh it’s hard.

I’m so happy to be done with the concert on Tuesday.  And I finished my 100 days of viola practice on Instagram!  Now I don’t have anything pressing on the calendar to stress over, so I can practice in a relaxed manner, I can play etudes and scales (I love them!) and I can (next week) take my violin in to figure out why it’s making weird noises. I can also read and relax, work out, hike and bike perhaps, cook more, see friends, and perhaps even respond to some emails that have been lingering for awhile (there are so many work things to do even still that I just have to chip away and again, be good enough.)

Oh, after this weekend that is, because I’m headed up to Springfield for the Illinois Symphony. It’s not a stressful thing but it does take up all my time. Brahms First Piano Concerto with Stephen Hough and Beethoven Sixth Symphony. I’m looking forward to playing this concert, even though it’s a bit of a drive and a time commitment, and I feel a little guilty for skipping so many lessons and taking so much time to do it.

As you can tell, I’m liking the idea of trying to be “good enough” but have a lot of work left to put it into practice. I do need to take the summer to seek more balance in my life (and just relax more) and then figure out how to make the fall work well with a little less stress and angst. I made it through this school year, but this spring semester has been incredibly tough and I don’t know that I wish to repeat it.

In any case, things with new kitty Muriel are good, Louie is doing well and almost done with his semester as well…and after Wednesday I’m kind of sort of on summer vacation, so life is really looking up!

The end of the semester, that is…

Since I teach at two different colleges, that means the end of the semester is a big deal. I’m finishing up all kinds of lessons and stuff in the next two weeks and then, by my figures, I’ll be dropping about 15 hours of work and driving time from each week. This is a significant thing. You might say, oh my gosh, what will you do with all your free time, but the real question is, how did you have 15 hours to give to those students and those jobs? The short answer is: I don’t know, and this is why I did a lot of crying in January and February.

I posted on twitter yesterday in response to a question about work –life balance, that I would love to have more free time and get paid work for the work I do so that I could do less work. But the truth is probably that I would simply fill up that free time with more work, as I’m constantly seeking career and musical satisfaction.

However, the truth of the matter is that I’m possibly seeking things I already have found and just piling on my stress. I’m going to try to “take it easier” this summer. My first step was to give myself two weeks of vacation at the beginning of June—we are taking a trip and also having some visitors and I’m not teaching or doing anything violin related during that time (with perhaps one or two necessary exceptions). Then I’m just not doing as many things this summer—well the colleges are off and so that is just not an option, and I’m going to try to relax and recharge, get in shape, practice, do stuff around the house, and get outside and do fun stuff too.

I’ve started a new workout routine. I say started as I’m on day two, but I’m doing the blogilates videos online. They are pretty silly, but I have always wanted to be better at pilates moves, and I’m sore, so I think so far this is a success. I’ve been having some knee pain since our NY trip so I don’t want to run yet, but I wanted to make myself move more. I think I can commit to about 30 minutes a morning, which is all that this takes, and I know it will be good for me.

I’m nearly done with my 100 days of viola practice on instagram. I haven’t done as much time as I’d like, but isn’t that how life is? I really only manage to practice my primary instrument 1 to 2 hours a day on average, so it’s hard to squeeze in another one. The trick is consistency and practicing smart. I realized recently I think I’ve developed my own practice techniques for violin, that might not work for everybody but they do for me—lots of things like, let’s slow practice this part now that I don’t need to play until later, and then when I come back to it a few weeks later it is magically better. I don’t know how it all works, but I suppose after 35 years of violin practice things stick around in some way. My violin is buzzing even more than normal and I’m not sure what to do, because I don’t have time to take it in until later, so I’m just pretending that it will go away, and hopefully it will. I’m borrowing a viola from my sister Carrie and it’s very lovely. I need a better bow but my first attempt at trying something new fell through and I haven’t made the time for a new attempt yet.

A few Muriel pictures before I go to tackle a few items on my to-do list before my private students arrive (I was supposed to teach 4 college students this morning and only ended up teaching ONE)…

She’s a little bit of a jumper!

Oh, and this Tuesday, my quartet is playing at the Sheldon. It’s our last concert this season and we are super excited about it.

Fan Favorites at the Sheldon: Beloved Chamber Music of Schubert and Ravel

There are certain pieces in the string quartet repertoire you just can’t help falling in love with. We’ll start with Schubert’s emotive, stormy string quartet titled “Death and the Maiden”, a favorite among generations of string quartets.
When the young Maurice Ravel penned his singular string quartet, he pushed the boundaries of musical form and incorporated diverse influences including Balinese gamelan music.  Initially scorned by the musical establishment, his quartet is cherished for its evocative tone colors and musical atmospheres that create a dazzling effect.

​Tuesday, April 24, 2018 at 7:30pm
Sheldon Concert Hall
3648 Washington Blvd, St Louis, MO 63108​ Directions
Tickets: $10 at the door

Check it out! This is a highlights reel of my November performance with the Metropolitan Orchestra of St Louis. I’m still pinching myself how much fun it was to play, and I only wish I could do it again. I’d be delighted if you took a few minutes (up to ten, actually) and watched the video. Many thanks to Wendy Lea for putting this together and making it ALL happen.

It was a real career highlight–hopefully the rest of my career isn’t downhill from here.

Can you tell how over excited I am? And my dress…I felt like a million bucks.

Some action shots!

I had a bit of trouble with my hair but I guess it looks cool…

And I was just SO happy to be done, but particularly happy that the performance went really well. I’m still just so thrilled about all of it, especially all the people that helped make it a night to remember. (Thanks to Wendy and all the members of the orchestra, and to Louie for putting up with me being so stressed out…)

I made it! I made it through several weeks of craziness, and I had a fantastic concert!

I worked hard, I spent months and months learning and perfecting the piece I was to perform, and the work paid off. I felt that the concert was one of my best performances ever, and that I was very happy with how it went.

Me and Wendy Lea, conductor. I’m so glad she gave me this opportunity and had a blast working with her!

I want to play the piece again! I felt like so much of my violin playing until now was just leading up to me learning and performing Astor Piazzolla’s Four Seasons! And I want to wear that dress again…it was amazingly flattering!

My parents came out to see it, several friends and quite a few students did too. It was really a blast, even though it was also very stressful and I know that I had a hard time dealing with the stress leading up to it. I couldn’t have done this nearly as well without Louie’s support, and I’m so grateful for him.

But now it’s DONE and it went great, and I’m happy, and there will be a video and more photos, and now…now what? What’s the next big thing?

Right now, it’s just a few days getting back into the normal life, and getting ready for a Perseid Quartet concert next weekend, and going to visit April in Atlanta this weekend. And being more relaxed. The next few months (until Christmas) are still very busy, but the stress level is WAY down.

And yay for many of the election results last night. Perhaps our country can turn some things around. Perhaps we aren’t too far gone. Perhaps all the hard work people have put in will pay off even more.

Other photos from the past few weeks:

We went on the radio with Jim Doyle to promote our concert. Mostly we talked about my love of the color purple…

Playing with the Illinois Symphony. I’ve learned and relearned quite a lot between playing in a quartet, in an orchestra, doing some improv in a group, and playing as a soloist with an orchestra, all in the past 30 days! Each group requires different skills, different sound, different WAYS to play the violin, and I’m so glad I’ve been saying yes so much! (I say this TODAY, since I had the morning off to run errands and all the stress is currently behind me or in the distant future…) In any case, I didn’t realize how much I missed playing in orchestra, and I’m glad I signed on for a few concerts this year. I always have a lot of teacher guilt when I have to miss or reschedule lessons, but I have to admit: performing is my first love. And more performing makes me a better teacher, and a happier person.

I want to do some more things now: I want to blog more, I want to get back to running (I’ve taken two weeks off, and now I’m taking a little more time off because I had to get a weird thing removed from the back of my leg, but I should be good early next week), I want to focus on some broader technique ideas on the violin in order to help my students more, and I’m thinking of doing 100 days of practice on the viola when I finish up my current challenge. (Follow me on Instagram!) I’m not making it 100 days in a row, but I’m allowing for travel in between—I took off for our Smoky Mountain trip, for a day when I cut my thumb, and I’ll miss this weekend because I’m not bringing my fiddle with me, but it’s been a great challenge nonetheless. I keep meaning to work on the viola more (I’m technically the viola instructor at one of the colleges I teach at) and I think the 100 days challenge will be a fun way to push myself. It’ll be harder because I won’t be bringing the viola with me as much, but it doesn’t require much time, only consistency.

I also want to reconnect with friends that I’ve left behind over the past few months. It’s been a hard fall! And I want to get back into more involvement with the resistance movement. I’ve been too busy and too stressed to show up.

Who am I kidding, it’s not over yet. Atlanta, quartet concert, lots of gigs, lots of teaching, recitals, juries…I don’t suddenly have loads of time. But this is the life I’ve chosen, and I’ve realized over the past few weeks, this is the life I want! At least a lot of the aspects of it