Prompt: Wisdom. What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out?

Decisions!  We all make decisions every day.  I thought about this one all day—what big decisions did I make this year?  I resigned from ProMusica Chamber Orchestra, a group I had played with for over five years.  I joined the gym and started working with a personal trainer.  I took on several new teaching positions.  I attended a summer institute to continue my Suzuki Violin Teacher Training.

Then there are the smaller, everyday decisions:  what to eat for dinner, where to go out with friends, what social engagements to accept and which to decline, what to wear, how to do my hair, etc.

The thing is, I feel like my wisest decision has already been beat to death on my blog, but yet I can’t come up with a better response.  I even discussed this with Chris over dinner at Dressel’s tonight (a great decision!)—and he said immediately:  well, we joined the gym.  You’ve all heard it already, but it’s true:  joining the gym and signing on to train with Joe is by the wisest decision I made this year.

I will always be glad I made that decision.

How did it play out?  I lost weight, I completely changed the way I eat and look at food, and I now love working out and sweating.  I’ve run several races and am training for another one.  I feel strong and healthy.  I know even if I gain weight indulging over the holidays I will be able to lose it without a problem.

Seriously wise decision.

HBBC:  yesterday: 7 f/v: 1 point, today: 1 mile run: 1 point, workout with Mike: 4 points, 7 f/v: 1 point, total for two days: 7 points.  Total for week: 26 points

Prompt: Beautifully different. Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful.

What makes me different?  Different from whom?  I find this an incredibly odd prompt, if for no reason that it isn’t even really open-ended, which has bothered me all day.  In fact, it’s possible that I disagree with the entire premise of this prompt, which makes it incredibly difficult to write.  Great start, huh?

What makes me different?  I am very sarcastic…I have a great sense of humor and love making jokes.  I have a huge smile and I love to laugh.  I’m tall.  Are any of those things different? 

Sometimes I think the things that make me different are actually less than beautiful.  I can be caustic.  I often think too highly of myself and my intelligent and look down on people.  I often feel that my intelligent separates me from other people…and that is hardly a beautiful thought.  I’m moody…I’m a good liar…

Do I seem combative?   I feel combative (is that different?).  That’s two days in a row I’m not doing well with these prompts.  This project is bringing out some very negative feelings in me! 

I didn’t sleep very well last night (was suffering from some sort of stomach ailment, which ultimately led to me calling in sick to work this morning) and kept thinking about the community post.

It seems that, firstly, I am not alone in feeling without a community.  There is such an emphasis on “community” in our culture, and for those of us that live our lives on the fringe of society (or feel on the fringe whether or not we actually are) it can be difficult to find a place to fit in.  But what does community actually mean?

from the entry for Community on Wikipedia:

In sociology, the concept of community has led to significant debate, and sociologists are yet to reach agreement on a definition of the term. There were ninety-four discrete definitions of the term by the mid-1950s.

Since I’m feeling a little under the weather this morning, I will consider Wikipedia to be the ultimate source.  So nobody really knows exactly what community means, least of all sociologists, for whom you would think it would be important to know. 

Let’s be inclusive then, rather than exclusive as I was in my previous post.  What communities do I really belong to?

Well, the community of violin teachers.  I even belong to a couple of email lists!  I also belong to a variety of organizations.  Suzuki Association of the Americas, American String Teachers Assocation, that sort of thing.

I’m also a performing violinist and member of the American Federation of Musicians.  I perform in orchestras and also play for weddings—I certainly fit into a variety of groups under those umbrellas.

I belong to a gym.  Often when I go there I run into quite a few people I know-

Online I have a few different places on the internet that are mine, that I check into often, that I post in, and even exchange Christmas cards with some of the people I’ve met.

These are examples of what I thought of last night…

The fact still remains that none of this is INTEGRAL to my life, to my happiness.  These are all little things that combine to make my life more interesting, more complete, but they are all things I could easily do without.  So I haven’t made any more progress, have I?  

Am I bothered by my lack of community?  Only since I was prompted to write about it.

Prompt: Community. Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011?

I’ve been struggling with this one all day.  I really don’t have anything to write about—I don’t feel like I have a community nor do I really want one.  I enjoy doing things with other people, but I prefer to hang out with people in a small groups.  I enjoy reading articles and blogs about people doing similar things to what I do, but I don’t feel a real need to connect with them on a more intense level.  I enjoy chatting with people when I go to my various jobs, and I suppose there’s a sense of community there, but often I feel like an outsider.  I’m a 30 something who isn’t married with children.  I am not a home owner, and I’ve lived in various different places in my life.  I don’t like to play team sports and I don’t enjoy crowds. 

Now I’m starting to sound like a sociopath, huh?  But the truth is:  I just really don’t have a community where I belong.  I never really have, though…so I don’t know how that would feel.  I’ve spent most of my life without a community.  I’ve had strong family connections, and many friends.  Maybe that’s the same.  Maybe I’m just not using the right word.

Do I want that to change?  I don’t know. 

Maybe I’ll revisit this topic later.