I’ve been under a lot of pressure the past few months. Granted, it’s all my own fault for accepting 8 million gigs, students, and taking on a ton of extra performances, and it’s been a whirlwind of work and fun, but MAN I could use a break.

I thought I’d take this post to just touch on a few things I haven’t talked about awhile.

1. I’ve been working on losing my “divorce weight” as I think of it. I moved and it took forever to unpack my scale, and when I finally did and finally found a place for it (which isn’t entirely true, there’s actually not really a place for it) the number is lovely. Not that a number matters, but one can’t help but be delighted that attempting to eat a regular diet of real food, eating in a rather intuitive manner, allowing myself to eat what I want without guilt or judgment BUT with keeping dietary guidelines in mind and considering what makes me feel good…all this to say, yes, eating normally pays off. And running and walking the dog. I am within 15 pounds of my so-called goal weight, which is where I was a few years ago when I thought I was doing really well, so I’d be more than thrilled to be back there. Incidentally I gave away most of my smaller clothes, SO that means I’ll need to do some shopping. And I fit into my purple pants that I loved so much a few years ago, which is a total shock, because I remember at that time I was keeping a very strict diet and beating myself up a lot then every time I ate something that wasn’t “clean”, and working out insane amounts, and here I am simply trying to be a normal person who cooks and eats good food and doesn’t hate herself for it. It’s delightful, and I plan to keep it up.

2. Cats. I now live with two cats and a dog. The fatness isn’t thrilled about it, but I think secretly she likes the attention. She is evidently the meanness cat ever. I never knew this about her! She is the SWEETEST cat to humans, and she just detests other animals. It’s hilarious in a way…

How could this delightful creature hate the other so much?

Thought that smug white face might be part of it…you can tell she is just sitting on me to make the other cat angry or jealous, right? Hmmm…

This cartoon makes me laugh, because I often feel this way:

3. What else haven’t I mentioned in awhile? Besides perhaps, a social life? HAHAHAHA. MY VIOLIN IS MY ONLY FRIEND. Just kidding, I’m not actually having a mental breakdown…this weekend I am taking a much needed trip to visit my sister and her husband and their new baby, who they haven’t announced technically on social media so I don’t know that I should say much here, but she is a cutie with a full head of hair, and I can’t wait to hold her…she weighs LESS than my cat but is an actual human, how crazy is that? Then again…I probably weigh less than my cat. Let’s just say Fatness regained any weight she lost after I moved, and possibly her strategy for living with a dog is to try to be bigger than the dog. (The dog weighs 90 pounds so this is no small feat, but rest assured, my cat is trying.) But I digress. It’s funny being an aunt to somebody who lives very far away, because on the one hand, my life is changed forever, right? But on the other hand, it’s exactly the same. I think the trick is to bring gifts though, and later progress to cash?

And with that, it’s time to cook some carrots and heat up leftover pizza for lunch, before teaching and a concert tonight at the Tavern of Fine Arts.

And I don’t mean the weather. I mean, mostly, finally getting my schedule finalized, and not having to send a million (exact, not approximate) emails about lesson scheduling every day. Finally my students are simply showing up for their scheduled times, learning violin, and being sent home with practice assignments. I feel like I have a handle on my email inbox, and have mostly returned emails and phone calls, and it feels GREAT.

So that just means practice, rehearse, teach, run, and make attempts to clean and continue to unpack from my move. Yes, there is still a lot to do, but I’m having a great September.

The weekend was a lot of fun. In fact the past two weekends have been, and during the week too. Sometimes I pinch myself (not literally) and can’t believe how good I have it right now. *knocks on wood* I couldn’t have predicted my life today a year ago, and going through all the pain and heartache I’ve been through only makes it better now.

I don’t have too long to blog though, because for all my “free time” I’m really buckling down on practicing. Just over a month until my recital, and then fall doesn’t settle down performance wise NOR can I only work on that repertoire now…I’m also really trying to analyze my teaching methods, my organization for teaching, and try to improve. I have some students that are making good progress and others that aren’t as much, mostly due to lack of practicing, but I have to take some blame (and perhaps it is my fault they aren’t properly motivated to practice) so I’m working on some ideas to improve my teaching. I figure I’ve been teaching off and on for about 20 years, and for about 13 mostly full-time, and I still have another 30 or so to go, hopefully, so I don’t want to get bored OR boring. Plenty of room to grow and learn, and really be a top notch teacher, right?

The following pictures are out of character for my blog, but let’s face it, cats don’t swim. I went to the Maplewood Dog Swim over the weekend. Mackenzie, technically my dog now, had a wonderful time. It was actually quite fun watching all the dogs swim. I imagine a cat swim would be far less entertaining…or not…might be pretty violent at least?

Afterwards there was an opportunity for ice cream due to Eliana celebrating a birthday.

A vanilla malt. DELICIOUS.

I didn’t get a picture of it, but it’s important to note that at the Fountain on Locust they blow bubbles at you on your birthday.

I stole this picture from Eliana’s facebook because it is the greatest picture of me ever. I haven’t even approved it for my timeline yet, so you are seeing it here first. But let’s focus on the fun that was had and how delicious the ice cream was. Louie and I couldn’t eat too much though as we had dinner plans with his family, so we had to share the vanilla malt 🙁

That’s enough updating for me today. I think I need to write more often because I feel out of practice on 1) sharing my life and 2) forming complete sentences. Certainly there is no cohesiveness in this post, but that’s life, isn’t it? If life isn’t random, what is?

Ask me questions in the comments! I’ve been getting a ton of spam comments on old posts lately, and I miss real commenters. Tell me what you want to read about on my next post!

So one of the good things about being home is not worrying about bears anymore.

And with that, we are back to work.

For me this year, work consists of about 30 students in addition to my other playing responsibilities. I finally have my schedule organized, my students notified, and for the most part they are showing up when and where they are supposed to, but scheduling this year was a HUGE time commitment. The more students I have, the more challenging scheduling is, as there is less wiggle room. It was a few weeks of stress and panic (double booking students, overbooking, telling them something different than I wrote down, people asking to switch to what had been an empty time a week ago, etc.) but I seem to have everything mostly under control for the moment. I am also losing my fear of losing students, because I have so many that if one drops then another will likely call and take their place.

This is not to say that I want any of my students to drop, because I care about them and want them to continue to learn! And also because it is easier to teach a student I have an existing relationship with than a new one, but simply to say that at the moment I’m not worried about teaching income and whether my schedule will be full enough. (I do have a few openings, but they are very limited!)

Playing wise, I’ve updated my “violin” page to tell you about my upcoming concerts. I’m excited about the Perseid Quartet concerts, but I’m really excited about a “solo” recital I’m playing on October 12. My friend Jen (a wonderful pianist) and I are playing Brahms A Major Sonata and Prokofiev’s D Major Sonata together, and then she is playing some solo organ works and I’m playing Bach’s Sonata no. 1 in G minor by myself. It is a very challenging concert and I haven’t done a solo recital (this is certainly what we called a solo recital in school, even though Jen’s part is just as challenging if not more so!) since graduating from school. I also hope to make it a yearly (at least) activity to give myself motivation, to continue to improve on the violin, and frankly, to stop being terrified of playing alone and that people won’t like the way I play.

I have spent many years being worried about performing solo Bach, that people won’t like the style, that it will be too romantic or something, and honestly, I’m realizing that it just doesn’t matter. I’m pushing myself and it should be a lot of fun, hopefully for me AND the audience. Jen has been wonderful to work with, in addition to being a good friend, and we are excited about our upcoming performances and some other projects we have in the works.

One of the “life” themes I’ve been working on fits into this idea, of not worrying what people think. As I get older, I am really trying to do things that I want to without worrying that people won’t approve. I spent most of my life seeking approval from other people, and I’m realizing that it just isn’t there anyway or that it just isn’t important enough, OR (even better) that people will still be there for you even when you live your life your way (obviously within reason and without purposefully hurting people). Those are your real friends, and those are who matters. This past year has certainly taught me that, if nothing else.

It’s time for me to stop pondering the merits of performing Solo Bach and get down to it. Fugues don’t memorize themselves, do they?

In case you were wondering.

I’ve just been busy doing other stuff, and not being at home enough to feel like blogging when I am. I wouldn’t even be doing it now as I SHOULD be practicing but my thumb feels funny and I thought an evening off would be wise. Lots of time tomorrow for that, and catching up on other stuff. (Nervous laughter).

It’s hard to know where to start, so I’m just going to caption some photos and then you’ll feel all caught up, right? Apologies to those who follow me on instagram for some repeats, but I’ll tell you more here. Probably. Maybe. Maybe not.

Cake at Citygarden. Was downtown having lunch with a friend who was doing his civic duty sitting around for two days waiting fruitlessly to be called for a jury.  That was a hot day.

I took my car in for a repair and had the brilliant idea to bike there and pick it up. My brilliant idea involved having a bigger car or knowing how to take my bike apart. At some point I must have wiped my face. Ultimately I was able to get the front wheel off and the bike in the back seat, but it was touch and go for a few minutes.

April and I at a fundraiser for Safe Connections. They had a photo booth.

Kitty!

Pondering my beer at my friend’s Fourth of July BBQ. It was actually on the 5th of July and the weather was phenomenal. This summer has had some hot days, but overall it’s been amazing and I just can’t complain. I’ve been getting back to running 3 times a week, and it’s been pretty easy with this weather.

Leslie sent me this picture. I can’t imagine why this product is on sale.

I went to see Union Avenue Opera play La Traviata. I rarely go to the opera—I play a lot of them, but I don’t attend much. My main thought had to do with how silly the plot was and how so many problems could be avoided if the characters communicated better.

This past weekend was spent in “tech rehearsals” for my band. Our Chicago trip is this weekend.

I probably should not ALWAYS be bending backwards.

I will likely be on STL TV tomorrow promoting my upcoming Perseid String Quartet concert. I’ll share the link with you later if it’s not too embarrassing! (Ha!)

How is it Friday again? I have been keeping busy and not in the mood to write…today I have a day off so I thought I had NO excuse not to blog a bit.

It’s been a good week. I played at a retirement home on Tuesday night with my good friend and wonderful pianist Jennifer, and we had a blast. We’d been working on some music for awhile for a concert in October (it would have been earlier, but Jen got diagnosed with cancer this year and she’s been busy dealing with that. Things are going great now and we are all looking to a wonderful future!) and this was our first “concert” putting a few things together. Brahms and Prokofiev Sonatas might not be the most excellent choice for a retirement home, but we figured there wasn’t any reason NOT to play them, and hopefully people would enjoy it. I think I heard one person say, during the Prokofiev Sonata, “This isn’t music!” but it IS and it’s a delightful piece to play. We did the whole “talk about the music” before you play it that is the norm these days. I think it’s important to give the audience some background on the composer, the piece, and sometimes a bit of personal information about why you chose the piece and what you love about it. People like to moan and groan about how classical music is dying, but if you look back, people have been moaning and groaning about that for nearly 100 years or more, and we’re still here. If classical music is so dead, why are there so many people pursuing careers in it? I say it is alive and well and we just need to expand our audience by getting other people to love music as much as we do!

As much as I hate when people tell me I am so lucky to have such a “talent”, I do feel lucky that I get to make money doing fun stuff like playing sonatas with a friend, and bringing joy to other people. I don’t feel as lucky when I look at all the (unpaid) hours and years of hard work I have done and have yet to do. It’s a mixed bag sometimes, but Tuesday was fun, last week’s quartet concert was fun, and I’m looking forward to many more performances in the future. In between there is a lot of work and rehearsals!

I played at a student’s wedding the other week. We even played a short piece together, which was kind of awesome. (This was an adult student, not a child.)

I have to figure out what to do differently with my teaching next summer. Keeping track of my schedule has been a very time consuming challenge. During the year I have a very regular schedule with teaching, each student has a time on a day each week, but in the summer I’ve needed to be more flexible, but this has led to a few double booking problems, people forgetting, and generally spending way too much time emailing, calling, or texting in order to make sure the week is in order. I don’t know quite how to fix it—teachers, what do you do in the summer? Is there a way to make this easier yet still continue to teach, or should I just take a month off each year? Suggestions are more than welcome.

There’s been plenty of time for fun though. And plenty more cakes being found and still more yet to come.

That last picture was actually for a gig, not “fun” but whatever. I go all over the place playing weddings, and more often than not there’s a cake at the location, ha!

What’s on the docket for the weekend? Work tomorrow of course, but Sunday is a DAY OFF. I guess it’s possible that my busiest time of year is finally over and July will be a bit more relaxed, at least as far as working goes. I’ll have plenty to do, don’t worry, and my band is going to be playing in Chicago in July…and a quartet concert in August, and opera coming up too…so wait, maybe I should just appreciate today and Sunday and really try to catch up on my inbox, my voicemail, and cleaning. And practicing.

I’m doing something a little crazy and thinking about playing a Bach Solo Sonata on a recital in October which means I’m working on that…nothing scares me more than the word “fugue” and I thought that was a good reason to do it! We’ll see if I change my mind as it gets closer, but for now it’s a great challenge. I spent many years only playing orchestra music and I have to say, I’m enjoying playing chamber music and solo works for awhile now. Of course I miss orchestra, but if the symphony isn’t going to be calling (evidently they won’t be, rumor has it, even though they deigned to put me on the sub list based on audition…)I’m not going to just sit around. I feel like I have a lot to offer the world with my playing and my teaching, and I’m tired of sitting around feeling like a loser because I don’t play precisely in the manner that a committee would like me to. If I sound bitter, you’re obviously an orchestral musician 😉 If I sound determined and hopeful, that’s what I’m going for.

I leave you with this cat in a sink. It’s Leslie’s cat—they have been having major plumbing repairs. Evidently it doesn’t matter WHERE the sink is, a cat will still sit in it.

You guys. I’ve been busy and haven’t gotten to tell you anything that  I’ve been up to since my birthday!

Highlights (since I’m in a hurry still today but I wanted to share!):

Finished a 5k. Actually finished 2 and I will tell you more. One went well, one went less well, but both were fun.

Played a concert with my quartet. I meant to blog about it more  beforehand but I forgot. Sometimes I even forgot I had a blog.

I went biking on Grant’s Trail today. I wore the wrong sort of shots for biking, but it was fun anyway. I am getting LESS excited about seeing cakes everywhere, but it is still pretty fun.

Had a bon voyage party for my friend April who is going to Africa for two weeks. Missing her but wishing her well!

I’m off to practice and play a wedding. Hope you are having a wonderful summer so far! I promise I’ll check back in soon as I know you are all SOOOO worried and curious about what I’ve been doing.