I read that somewhere recently: that it is a privilege to have time to think, to have time to process all of the Black Lives Matter stuff happening right now.

I had a whole lesson with an adult student dedicated to discussing how we can incorporate music by non-white male students into our teaching, and how to avoid problematic pieces. It’s not easy! But that doesn’t mean it isn’t important, and that, yes, I should have been thinking about this earlier, but hey, I’m doing it now, so it’ll have to do.

I teach private violin (and a few viola) lessons, so I do something that is optional and generally accessible to higher income families. There are places in the city for lower income people to go to have lessons, but I have not worried myself about doing that in my own studio. I have always told myself I didn’t have the time to worry about how to make my studio more inclusive to lower income people..and I don’t really. But maybe I should try to find some students who need lessons anyway, and either use my time to give them lessons, or solicit donations from other more affluent people in my studio to cover the lower income students. So there’s an easy thought. How to find those students? And right now isn’t the best time just because I’m only teaching online, and it’s not a good time for beginners to start.

My other thought as far as teaching is to include more diverse composers in my teaching. It’s SO easy to just follow along in a method book (I am sort of kind of a Suzuki teacher, so I tend to follow the Suzuki books which are only dead white male composers), and that means kids don’t play anything by Black people, by women, or by anyone living if I don’t branch out. I do tend to branch out a touch, but more to add in “fun pieces” like jazz or fiddle tunes, which thankfully are often written by Black people, or even living people, but that’s not enough—plus, music by Black people shouldn’t have to be FUN, it should also be used to be educational and part of the core repertoire, it should be considered good enough for that. Oh, and there is an etude book I sometimes use by a woman, and one intermediate level piece (Yes, Josephine Trott, I’m looking at you.).

Awhile back I ordered Music by Black Composers but haven’t done anything with it: it’s got a variety of pieces by a variety of composers that would be great for young students, but I was afraid to be seen as pandering (I.e. I didn’t want to give it to my Black students for fear that they would feel singled out, but I wasn’t sure how to use the book across my studio…so I did nothing.). In any case, I am going to try to start teaching one of the pieces, and then perhaps another, and go from there. I also ordered some of the other books recommended in this article on violinist.com that has stuck in my head recently. It’s about how to incorporate more diversity into the core repertoire of your teaching and is written by Claire Allen. I already have the Music by Women Composers Series and haven’t done as much with it yet either, but will. I think my conversations with my student yesterday have lit yet another fire under me to do more with all of this. I want my students to know that music can be written (and WAS written) by anyone and everyone, and that the reason that most music we play is by white men ISN’T because that music was superior (I mean, goodness, so much of it is awful and boring, so why can’t we play awful and boring music by non-white men too, why must it always be BETTER) but because of a culture of white supremacy and patriarchy. 

Okay, another step, how to increase diversity in my studio itself? I teach in the city, and I believe firmly that living in St Louis is important because I want to live in a diverse places, surrounded by different kinds of people (though the actual neighborhood I live in isn’t that diverse…but all sorts of people walk down the sidewalk in front of my house every single day), and I believe that is a step I have chosen to take and continue to take, to stay here and to be here. So my studio should reflect more kinds of people, and yet mostly I have the students of professors, teachers, doctors, and scientists. On the other hand, I think that those adults believe more strongly in music lessons and the importance of education, and also they have more money to spend on these things. I do have Black students, and non-white students, but not many of them.

So those are some of the thoughts I have bouncing around my head, how to make my teaching more inclusive. I know many other teachers are doing the same, and yes, it’s terrible we haven’t done this before. Honestly, I’m embarrassed to be writing this, and to be saying to myself, well, it’s not like you weren’t teaching ANY Black composers, and it’s not like you were doing anything differently that the norm…that’s definitely not good enough. I’ve always wanted to do better than the average, to be better than the people around me. So I will do better, and late is always better than never. And I hope that those around me also continue to do better, and I hope that somebody with more research experience than me makes a book of core repertoire to teach from, not just Black composers, or woman composers, but a whole series of books using a truly diverse selection of songs that all students can use and look at and learn violin from (without having to purchase four books at a time and know that the Black composers, and the woman composers, are in a different book than the main book). I want the main book to be for all the composers, White, Black, from other countries, Male, Female, non-binary, etc…using pieces from them all to teach kids to play the violin. With wonderful age-appropriate history and writing about them all so that music and history are taught side by side.

I found myself completely exhausted all weekend. I did quite a few things too, but just wanted to lie around and read. I feel like maybe I’m fighting off a cold or maybe it’s just burnout. I think I’ve been getting enough sleep and exercise, and trying to eat well.

In any case, here we are again at a Monday. How does this happen? Like, seriously, where does the time go? It’s nearly the end of February and I feel like it just started. Even the weeks that I don’t think are that busy, are. I counted up and I’m teaching about 30 hours this spring, so that might be why things are so hectic. You may think that doesn’t sound like much but remember that’s not all I do for work, and for every student there is some outside work/planning and admin, which adds up. And then I have practicing, and rehearsals, and gigs. Three out of my five weekdays are insanely busy and the other two are very light and manageable, and I can’t decide if it’s better that way. The crazy thing is that the college semester is nearly half done already—we are on week SIX of 14 which is also crazy.

So the gist is, I feel tired and a bit like time is just flying by and I’m just barely keeping up. On the other hand, I feel totally on top of things…I just feel like all I’m really doing is working and that I am not enjoying or appreciating life as much as I could be.

Then again, I spent the weekend preserving stuff. Louie is out of town and I figured since I was on a learning curve with how to preserve and pickle thing, I should push ahead and get more practice with stuff while I had the chance. So I made cauliflower pickles, apple butter (one jar didn’t seal), coffee apple jam (my first recipe using pectin and I’m not sure how well it turned out) and a triple citrus marmalade that made my dry hands sting like the dickens while cutting the fruit but might be my favorite thing. I also preserved a jar of meyer lemons for cooking this spring/summer. I’m not sure why I’m so into preserving right now, but oh well I decided to just go for it. I suppose I’m avoiding practicing or having friends or something. There’s something about making things that not everybody knows how to that is very satisfying. It is probably the same with cross stitch—it’s neat having things around that you have made yourself. Maybe it’s a mid-life type thing and wanting to leave my mark on the world in some way.

I am feeling guilty for not attending the Wash U orchestra concert last night. I meant to, and planned to, and then just couldn’t do it. I was too worn out and needed the night to recuperate and not work for a day. Even though attending a concert is ostensibly not working, it still is. I do like to encourage my students, and I know some teachers are like family members to their students, and I just am not that sort of teacher. Maybe if I cut my studio in half, or stopped doing playing gigs, but I am who I am, and I love playing.

I am looking forward to Spring Break and having a few days off from teaching. It takes a lot out of you, always trying to figure out the best way to relate to each student and help them learn the best they can. Sometimes my students just want to chat and avoid playing entirely! Other times they can’t wait to show off their hard work and other times they are desperate for my help to figure something out…but then often ignore my advice on how to practice because it sounds like a lot of work!

I told Louie last week I’d love to just quit working and spend my days cooking, doing stuff around the house, reading, etc. He said I’d probably start hating it, and I said sure, but not for a week or two at least! I do feel like I just had a vacation, but I need another one. Or a sabbatical. How do other musicians keep going all the time? I feel like I’m constantly being pulled in different directions and that there are always people wanting things from me, and sometimes I just need a break, but I’m not sure how to really take a break. Even on a day off I end up having to send emails, fill out paperwork, and practice (that was yesterday) and then feel guilty for not doing all the things I’d planned!

I probably am doing just fine though. Don’t we all have too much on our plates, and yet we soldier on? I will try not to worry about whether I’m meeting every need of every student, or being the best violin teacher ever, and simply be the best I can be, meet my needs, and do the best I can for my students.

And another semester begins! This semester my Monday starts later than usual, so I should have been doing all manner of wonderful and productive thing this morning…instead I spent a bit of time researching this and that on the internet and then I thought, oh, let’s type up a quick blog post to share with my “readers” before heading out to work. I did pack a lunch though, and dry my hair!

I teach at two different colleges and each semester I have a different number of students. Sometimes it is more students here, other times more students there. This time I’m only out at my Monday school for about 4 hours, but I have 7 hours at the other place (over two days). Last semester I was gone Monday for over 6 hours, but only had 5 at the other school. I have to just stop worrying and let each semester have its own character.

I’m excited that I managed to find a day for Louie and I to regularly have lunch again. Last semester I had a hour off that we could meet once a week (I teach near where he does for one school) and that was really fun. Even though workday lunches aren’t as relaxing as the end of the day dinners, it is still nice to meet up! We both have schedules that change each semester so we just have to take advantage of what we can do rather than worry about what comes next.

(my plan to use more candles in day-to-day life is working!)

Ugh, the “x” key on my computer is sticking. You’d think that wouldn’t be a big problem but the word next is evidently a word I use quite often!

This week isn’t too bad. I have a few new students, I start most of my college students, but otherwise it’s just teaching and practicing and such. I’m finishing up a few cross-stitch projects and reading a book in my free time, trying to exercise (another x!), and taking the car in for a checkup and visiting a dermatologist (nothing much, just being an adult). I’ve gotten a bit more into crafting the past few months and I find myself wanting to branch out more from cross-stitch and felting. I am also interested in making my own jam and considering learning how to do some light canning, but that might be a better summer project. Maybe this is a sign of aging, wanting to put my own mark on the world or something? Any canning advice? I had some delicious cranberry jam over Christmas and want to make my own with some leftover cranberries I have in the freezer. It seems a little scary but do-able.

(New random cat décor)

I am full of random thoughts! The beginning of the semester is always a good time for reflection, I suppose. I managed to stay fairly not overwhelmed last semester even with tons going on, so I’m hopeful about this one. Having a more relaxed start to my Monday will help!

We have some potential travel coming up this year. There are a few conferences Louie might be presenting at and I am hoping to join him (over the summer) and extend the trips. I had originally thought it might be a low-key year for traveling, but if these things happen, it won’t be!

I have been doing well with diet and exercise so far this year. I’m just trying to make good choices and be active as many days as I can. I am also trying to pursue more fun in my life and not work all the time, and have had some good activities with friends, worked on my hobbies (so many hobbies, ha!) and had time to read as well. I’m keeping up on the house, only a bit behind on practicing (I had a long rehearsal yesterday and my left index finger base joint has been hurting off and on so I’m taking the day off practicing despite really needing to work on a few pieces), and only have a few short things I need to do outside of teaching.

So that’s my random thoughts for a Monday morning! Are you prepared and ready to face the week ahead?

I had a recital for my private studios over the weekend. I always think of trying to have them twice a year, but mostly end up only managing once a year-it’s not easy to put together and get everybody to agree to attend! It’s always worth it though, to push the students to practice, to get them to hear other students and hopefully be encouraged, and to get the parents to see the progress that their kids (and perhaps compare them to the other kids in a healthy way) are making.

I got a lot of nice comments afterwards, and I had a few parents talk to me about their hopes and goals for their own kids’ violin playing. It’s good to hear, especially when those goals are reasonable and fit into the plan we already on, but it’s good for me to reevaluate how I’m encouraging each student and how I can be pushing them to do better. Every student learns in a different way, and one of the probably more underestimated challenges of teaching is figuring this out, and then continuing to teach in a way that helps each student the best. There is no one way, there is no one path, and what works for 5 students won’t work for the other 5. Sometimes I figure a student out quickly (this is obviously easiest when they learn and are inspired by similar to things to me) and other times it takes much longer. Sometimes I’ll really hit the nail on the head for awhile and then something changes-sometimes I’ll get a beginner who progresses really well for the first few years and then really stalls out, or other times a student will have a very slow difficult start and then really fly. Sometimes I get a transfer student (one who came from another teacher) and I’m very different than the previous teacher so it takes awhile to get adjusted. Or that transfer student will have a lot of technique difficulties that I have to address right away and the student feels like I’m nagging them too much and resists, and I have to figure out how to strike the right balance between letting them play and making them fix their posture.

I think I’d been feeling kind of negative the past few weeks, and I’m glad to have the recital behind me as well as a stressful quartet performance. I feel a great weight is lifted off, and I am hopeful that spring is (somewhat) near. I always worry about recitals, but then they end up going well and the parents seem happy.

Then I start thinking of how to improve the recital and when to set up the next one—it HAD been a year, though I’d planned one in November which I had to cancel. Maybe I’ll shoot for that again, something in late October or early November. I’ve been keeping information about this sort of thing in a “bullet journal” I’ve had for a few years now (I don’t write every day, obviously). I have a list of what to bring for recitals and a timeline of what I’ve done that works. I also brainstorm ideas for future events.

The most important thing I took away from the recital is that I’m doing okay with the students, and that I will keep encouraging and pushing the in the ways that I can do best.

And there’s a picture of the quartet from the other week. Action shot!