I was listening to an episode of This American Life yesterday about delight, and various stories about people who find delight in their lives. It reminded me quite a bit about Gretchen Rubin and the Happiness Project stuff she works with.

I think lately I’ve been struggling finding happiness. Having another headache this week (not as bad as the other week, but still overwhelming at times) hasn’t helped in any way. Worrying about coronavirus and the presidential election (which honestly, hasn’t the primary been going on for a year now and still isn’t over) isn’t helping either. I do find myself happier when I ignore the news, but then I’m uninformed, and I’m not sure I want to trade that.

I was trying to think, what brings me delight? What are moments throughout the day that I can find happiness to relieve the tedium and stress I seem to be finding on an everyday basis. It’s hard. I feel like I’m working too much and not getting a lot of enjoyment out of my work. And then I just get done, and I’m exhausted and Louie is exhausted and we make a quick dinner and watch a show on netflix and then go to bed, and the day starts again the next day the same way. If we are lucky, we might have time to go do something outside, like a hike or run, but lately every time I do high impact exercise (okay, this has been twice in the past three weeks) I end up with a terrible headache after…(each time I started with a  mild headache hoping I would sweat it out). So my running is also super slow, which is something I don’t enjoy but it’s hard, and then that is something else that is bringing me stress. Hiking is fun, and we enjoyed the one last weekend, but then I work a lot of weekends and we don’t always have time. Traveling is fun, and we are planning to go to Paris this summer as part of a work conference for Louie…except we are worried about it getting canceled due to the coronavirus and then what? Seeing friends can be fun, but there’s often a pressure to drink alcohol and I’m cutting back due to my headaches, and honestly, who has the time? It would be nice to do other things with friends, museums, hiking etc, but then it all boils down to time and the lack of it. I’m probably doing too many things, and I’m doing too many things that just don’t bring me enough delight (or joy) but then I just don’t know which ones to give up. All of it? Just quit it all and spend my days in meditation?

So what I’m left with is stealing time during the day to read, which I do truly enjoy. And blog, which is good because even though I just seem annoyed and possibly a bit depressed, blogging is a small delight.

Cats always bring joy, except when they run away and then they bring great sadness. Muriel is not worried about her joy and is just enjoying the sun and bird watching. I should be like Muriel in many ways.

I think having a few days away next week will be really good! I am feeling like I’m in a bit of a funk and usually the best way to break that is to mix things up a bit. I’m visiting April in Atlanta, and I think that will really help my mood. I’m also visiting my doctor soon to talk about my headache issue and hopefully get some ideas on relief. It’s possible they are stress related as well, and I am going to reflect on how I can reduce stress, at least on the inside. I can’t control the my outside world (I’m talking on a larger level) but I can work on my inside world, and my immediate outside world.