This winter has been gloomy lately. I suppose that’s normal, and in all honesty, it reminds me of living in Cleveland (you’d think that was a bad thing, but it’s not!). But as most midwesterners, I’m prone to wish for weather we don’t have…right now I’d love the sun, but I’m sure in July I’ll regret that wish and long for a cold, rainy day like today.

Life is chugging along. I found out last night that one of my dad’s good friends for many many years passed away, and I’m very sorry for him. I had a moment of “oh my goodness everybody I know is going to die or just get old” and then I passed it, and just felt sad for the specific death, because there’s no good in dwelling on the enormity of loss.

I have been feeling a bit “what am I doing with my life” lately though. Along the lines of, why do other people seem to enjoy teaching so much more than I do, and why do students even bother taking music lessons, and are music lessons worth it in a family if it just causes more arguments between parents and a child? Combine that with the stress and drama of freelancing and I’ve been feeling kind of blah about it all.

I’ve been escaping by reading cozy mystery after cozy mystery, and by diligently planning and making camping and other reservations for our big summer road trip. August seems far away, but the National parks book up fast. I’m hoping our government is open in August, and that the forest fires out west aren’t as bad as intelligent people worry they will be. I am also trying to focus on the positive in each day (and this is a real struggle for me, I am not good at living in today), and trying to be a more positive person (another struggle!).

In any case! The cats are adorable, I recorded with my band over the weekend and that was fun, and this Saturday is a day off. I feel constantly burned out, so I just need to allow myself time to relax and regain some strength and motivation. I’m often torn between my extroverted tendencies (let’s have lunch, dinner, go for a hike together!) and my introverted ones (no, I think I’ll just stay home and curl up with a book) and as a result I end up making plans with friends, and then kind of dreading them, but then having a wonderful time.

I think the weather is affecting me more than I realize. In the meantime, I’m going to read about hiking in Yellowstone and get myself pumped up to workout!