This year I took an additional week off from teaching in January than I often do. It DOES make the month fly by! This week I started up again, and though I must admit I was dreading the first day of lessons, it ended up being a fun week seeing everybody again and getting back into the swing of things. Some of my students impressed me and practiced tons over the break. Some took some time off and are (hopefully) ready to get back into a routine. One told me he hadn’t practiced much at all, and while we were discussing how much he could practice this week to try to get back on track his mother overheard and told me that he had actually taken one week off from practicing over Christmas but then after that practiced every single day except the day before.

Incidentally, it’s been a busy week. I’m practicing for a quartet concert and a sonata concert in February. I met a couple of new people for “networking” purposes, one a long time twitter friend and freelance photographer, another a musician who lives nearby. I found out that the director of the band I gave way too much time to last year has decided to “let me go” because he deemed that a violinist who can also sing backup would be a better asset…which is okay because several of the other players that I admired most and enjoyed working with won’t be returning either, nor was I planning to, I was just waiting to get paid…(sigh).

One of the things that came up during one of my coffee meetings this week was my freelancing life. And it also came up talking with a friend from the band. That I am a fairly successful freelancer AND somewhat experienced at it. I keep forgetting how long I’ve been doing this…sometimes it feels like I just got started. But then people ask questions, and I find that I have (some) answers, and that while I make plenty of mistakes, and don’t make enough money, and probably let too many people walk over me, I have learned quite a bit over the years and might have advice to give people.

Okay, this sounds ridiculous, but it really struck me the other day when I thought, HEY I am doing some things right and I do have knowledge and experience in this and I am doing okay! Like, look at me. I’m a freelancer. I make a living playing and teaching the violin and (here’s the real kicker) some people might think that that is pretty cool and be perhaps, even slightly jealous. Not that I want them to be jealous, nor do I think they should be, but that all over the world there are people who wish they did music full time…and here I am doing it. Living the dream, if you will.

So I’m trying to think of myself as more of a success story than a failure. Granted, I worry about money quite a bit, and don’t have nearly enough saved for retirement at this time. But I’ve only been doing this for around 15 years, and I could probably work mostly full time another 30…so that means I’m only 1/3 in. Plenty of time to save, to earn more, to create, to learn, and to dream. (I added that last phrase for cheesiness purposes.) But honestly, looking at myself as a successful musician, a person who has been successful at making a living as a violinist her whole working career…that’s a really strange way to think about things for me. But I kind of like it. Perhaps this is the year of thinking more highly of what I do.