Time seems to be a bit frozen, doesn’t it?

It’s not that each day seems the same, because for teaching, everyday is different and I always need to know what day it is. But then there are these two days totally off (well, except for the inevitable emailing and such, and perhaps practicing) and the weekend seems like it should be full of fun and relaxing, but you can’t go anywhere, and you have to carefully plan everything that you might need that you don’t have.

So that’s where we all are though, and there’s something in solidarity. I am trying to read a lot of mysteries (cozy mysteries are a solace as usual) and we have been watching some tv every night and taking walks and working out and gardening when the weather is nice (which isn’t enough, I was hoping today would be nicer than it is, as I need to keep working on the garden beds).

I know we aren’t supposed to read the news, but part of me says, well it’s a civic duty to stay up on things, after all, isn’t part of why we are stuck like this because people aren’t informed? Then again, being informed just means you know that the government has done the worst possible job in preparing for this pandemic, and yet knowing that somehow people will forget and likely think the government did a good job, and then 20 years from now some other horrible thing will happen that could have been avoided and then people will once again forget…etc, etc, etc.

I’ve been thinking how it is rather relaxing to be stuck at home. Other violin teachers are saying how teaching online is so much more tiring that teaching in person, and I am not feeling that at all. I find it much easier. Then again, do I? Maybe if I were doing the exact same schedule and teaching in person I would feel even more relaxed…if I didn’t always have another gig to run off to, or a concert to play? But then again, I love playing. I miss playing. I also love going out and doing things, even though it can be tiring. I could spend the rest of my life doing a similar schedule to this, but I would feel that I was wasting my life, and I would feel that I was wasting my violin skills (and also the financial thing).

I suppose I should just focus on the positive here in order to stay sane (obviously there is mostly negative in this situation as people are sick and dying and others are struggling so much financially), and the positive is that Louie and I are having a bit more time to spend together and that I have a bit more time to cook and am having fun with that even if the ingredients are harder to come by, and that I am really getting a lot of relaxing in, to the point that I definitely am getting tired of having so much relaxing time, because it feels very lazy. But not only that, but I don’t want to look back on my life and say, oh it was great how I got to sleep in on the weekends and didn’t anything interesting or productive to society. So that’s why I do what I normally do, but…I suppose this is a time for respite.

I know I am all over the map here. It’s a tough time for us all, isn’t it? The constant anxiety and stress is really tiring as well, which might be why so many teachers feel more tired than usual. I’m generally pretty anxious and stressed, so that might be why teaching online is affecting me slightly less, but there is still a low-level anxiety present at all times. I worry about getting sick but I worry more about my loved ones getting sick. I worry about how long this will go on, and if large scale concerts will happen again this year or even next. I am accepting jobs for the late summer and fall, while thinking there’s a low likelihood that they will even happen. People talk of “going back to work” but I haven’t seen anyone really laying out a way to have large scale events while the virus is still a threat at all. And that means that musicians can’t go back to work any time soon…

So while things are stressful, a few fun things:

CATS!

Earlier in the week it was nice enough outside to have the window open.

A bird was sitting on top of the house.

The cats have been doing some parkour/MMA style fighting lately, but I think it’s all in good fun.

We’ve been doing takeout once a week (we figure yes, it is riskier behavior but we are doing our best to take precautions and feel it helps our mental health) and this was Friday night. Chile relleno from our favorite Mexican restaurant, Lily’s Mexican.

They even do takeout margaritas, with little bottles to all the alcohol later.

Oh, and in case you want to know which Cozy Mysteries I’ve been reading, I just finished the Hat Shop series by Jenn McKinlay, and am starting her Library Lovers series. I do a combination of library kindle with some purchases for my reading, always checking the library first. Lately Amazon has been offering $3 in digital credit for slower shipping so that helps out (normally it’s $1) and they often run other specials. (I share a prime account with Louie already.)

I’ll probably put out another video tomorrow, or do a facebook live soon. I’ve got a couple of pieces in mind, and I hope people are enjoying the videos. Comments are appreciated!

I’m getting my first grocery delivery from Schnucks tomorrow morning, if all goes well. I am conflicted on getting delivery, but I thought I’d give it a shot..if I don’t get some of the more important things I need (milk!)I’ll have to go in search of them later, but I feel fairly confident there will be options for the shopper tomorrow morning. Our imperfect foods delivery last Tuesday had some mixups and I’m still waiting to hear back from customer service about that (they’ve sent some automatic responses telling me they are swamped, which is understandable), but the produce part of the delivery was still good so I’ve got another order coming Tuesday for that (if they mess up the rest of the delivery again that will be telling). I feel like thinking about food and supplies is all consuming for me, but I also think I’m using this as a way to control my anxiety, so I’m just going with it. I don’t know if food supplies will get better or worse so I’m just trying to do my best.

In any case, how are you all doing? Are you staying well? Having trouble getting basic supplies or doing just fine with that?