My quartet’s concert on Tuesday went quite well! And we had a nice audience, and even got a standing ovation afterwards. It’s hard, teaching full time plus and trying to practice to maintain a high level of playing too…it definitely adds to my stress levels.

We saw the Calidore Quartet play at Wash U on Sunday night, and it was so inspiring and wonderful watching a world-class quartet perform. Of course I had a lot of emotions during the performance, ranging from relief that I wasn’t playing on the concert (ha) to a bit of jealousy at how much time they likely have to practice and rehearse, and also simply enjoying the intense musicality and emotions from the music. I need to take more time to attend and enjoy concerts. I need to change a few things.

Louie and I were talking the other day and he suggested our problem is that we try too hard, that we need to just allow ourselves to be “good enough.” I tried to take this thought to heart going into Tuesday’s concert. I relaxed in the afternoon a bit rather than drilling some spots in the Schubert (Death and the Maiden) and who knows, I missed a few things, but I might have missed them anyway. I don’t have enough time to practice as much as I would need to to guarantee hitting everything (or a higher percentage) so I just have to do my best. I am a professional musician, but when you have 47 students sometimes something has to slide! Or at least I’m trying to convince myself of that. It’s like I’m worried that all my former teachers will come out and tell me I’m a complete disappointment and a failure at life.

I want to just be a positive person and not compare myself to others and not compare others to myself, and simply enjoy my life experience…but gosh it’s hard.

I’m so happy to be done with the concert on Tuesday.  And I finished my 100 days of viola practice on Instagram!  Now I don’t have anything pressing on the calendar to stress over, so I can practice in a relaxed manner, I can play etudes and scales (I love them!) and I can (next week) take my violin in to figure out why it’s making weird noises. I can also read and relax, work out, hike and bike perhaps, cook more, see friends, and perhaps even respond to some emails that have been lingering for awhile (there are so many work things to do even still that I just have to chip away and again, be good enough.)

Oh, after this weekend that is, because I’m headed up to Springfield for the Illinois Symphony. It’s not a stressful thing but it does take up all my time. Brahms First Piano Concerto with Stephen Hough and Beethoven Sixth Symphony. I’m looking forward to playing this concert, even though it’s a bit of a drive and a time commitment, and I feel a little guilty for skipping so many lessons and taking so much time to do it.

As you can tell, I’m liking the idea of trying to be “good enough” but have a lot of work left to put it into practice. I do need to take the summer to seek more balance in my life (and just relax more) and then figure out how to make the fall work well with a little less stress and angst. I made it through this school year, but this spring semester has been incredibly tough and I don’t know that I wish to repeat it.

In any case, things with new kitty Muriel are good, Louie is doing well and almost done with his semester as well…and after Wednesday I’m kind of sort of on summer vacation, so life is really looking up!