It’s been a year, for sure. I don’t know that tonight will change anything, but 2020 will be behind us, and we will be that much closer to January 20.

I was looking back through my blog this past year, and I was really struck by how much life changed in March. Everything just stopped and hasn’t started back, and might not for months and months more. It’s really weird, and awful, and stressful, and we are all experiencing it in our own different ways.

There have been some bad things that happened this year, and good things. I want to reflect on the loss first, and then the good things.

We’ve all experienced loss this year in one form or another. I had a few personal losses: my friend and colleague Tracy; a friend of my family and one of my best friend’s dad’s growing up Mr. Pitts.; my friend Roz’s dad who I never met but felt like I had; Louie’s late wife’s stepdad who I had met several times, Bill; my mom’s good friend Ramona. How much of this was COVID, how much would have happened anyway…how much is just from growing older and more people you know die? At least two of those were directly from COVID, that much I know. It’s not too hard to wear a mask. It’s harder to avoid seeing friends and family, but it’s better to avoid them for a year than forever. My thoughts are with closer friends and family members of everybody I mentioned and I hope they are all finding peace.

There are and were many other losses: losing a trip to Paris, to Colorado, missing seeing Hilary Hahn play live for the first time, losing an opportunity to perform Sarasate’s Carmen Fantasy, and Brahms Piano Quintet, missing seeing friends for a whole year, having students graduate and move away without seeing them in person, missing seeing my students in person for nearly a year, missing hearing live violin other than my own playing, missing having my birthday with friends, Thanksgiving, Halloween, Christmas, New Year’s Eve, etc. (Some of those things might have been able to happen but since everybody has their own idea of what’s “safe” in the pandemic, what is truly the safest is just to do things within your own household, since Louie has been teaching in person all fall. )

There are losses I’ll never know, of things that might have happened. And I may be lamenting my performance career, though who knows, but for better or for worse, teaching has brought me through this pandemic, and missing all my performances showed me that I don’t miss that many of my performances.

These losses are mostly surface losses, but worth mentioning in a personal blog. We all lost so much, and some lost so much more. I feel so lucky to have made it through this pandemic as well as I have, and I hope my luck continues.

Which leads us into the good and interesting parts of the year:

I got to see my sister Leslie and her family several times over the summer, before things seemed entirely too risky to even leave the city. Our cat Miles got returned to us, because of his microchip. We managed to pull together a camping trip to Yellowstone in late summer. In March right before everything went bad we visited my friends April and Charlie in Atlanta and got to see their new house. My dad visited briefly in February en route to Yellowstone and points west.

I learned how to make and can jams and pickles. I did a series of livestream concerts, both alone and with my friend Michael and our band. I put in a garden and harvested ridiculous amounts of zucchini and delicata squash. We did a lot of hikes nearby and walks around Forest Park. I read a ton of books and watched a lot of TV shows, many of which were good.

I had a business logo made and added Creative Ability Development classes to my schedule. I successfully moved all my students online during the pandemic and took online pedagogy classes. I started a new school job teaching beginning violin. 

My family started having a weekly zoom meeting and have kept it up all year long, communicating and bonding more than ever during this difficult time.

Before the pandemic we went to many concerts and jazz shows and hope to do that again someday. I took some time off practicing and spend a lot of time reflecting on how I want my career to look post-pandemic. I sent Christmas boxes to my family members, and all but one have arrived. I got better at cooking and tried dozens of new recipes. I planned and executed various fun holiday menus for the two of us, and kept eating healthy and interesting meals. I kept up a regular exercise routine.

I lived through a pandemic so far, and continue living through an attempted coup by the losing presidential candidate. I am hopeful that things will get better, and that the pandemic will come to an end worldwide in 2021.

I learned that I enjoy having weekends free from work, and that I didn’t miss playing weddings and some other gigs. I did miss playing Christmas jobs, and I’m not sure if I missed playing regular concerts or if I miss the adrenaline rush. I definitely like the lower stress work I do now, but that might be because I have enough outside stress.

I don’t want to pretend to guess or know what 2021 will have in store, but here are some hopes and plans I have:

I’m greatly looking forward to our new president, and new leadership on dealing with COVID and the vaccine. We need competence in government, and I am so eternally grateful to other Biden voters for saving our country from the brink, and hopefully bringing us back into the world and getting through to the end of this pandemic.

I hope to continue to feel positive about teaching and grow my CAD/improv teaching. I’m loving that aspect of my job right now. I also want to continue to feel like my schedule isn’t too out of control and that I can continue to have weekends more free with the exception of things that are fun and enjoyable to do.

I hope to start being able to attend concerts and shows again by the end of 2021 at least. I hope to be able to start visiting family again this year and I hope to be able to resurrect some friendships or cultivate new ones.

I hope to continue to be healthy and happy (enough) and I hope that 2021 is a better year and will end on a more positive note than this year.

Happy New Year to you! May 2021 bring better things.