Do you ever have periods of time where you just find it really difficult to get things done? You know you have a lot to do, but you just…can’t?
I’ve been like that for awhile. You work (and maybe practice too, in my case) but beyond that simple tasks can seem really overwhelming. Or you think, man I ought to go for a run, but then you just don’t feel like it?
It’s kind of like a depression, but it’s not.
I’ve decided to let myself off the hook. I’m tired of feeling guilty for what I am or aren’t getting done. As long as the bills are paid, the students are taught, the gigs are played, the rest, well, I’ll just do what I can. I think that’s good enough right now, isn’t it? If I want to spend the entire evening lying on the couch watching TV, that’s okay. If I want to stay up until 2 am and stay in bed until 10:30 am, that’s okay too. I’m tired of feeling guilty and overwhelmed. The guilt is all in my head.
It doesn’t matter if my dishes are washed promptly, or if my bed is made, or if my apartment is smartly decorated. It doesn’t matter if I dry my hair or if it’s a bit wavy, and it doesn’t matter if I go a day without eating the US RDA of vegetables. If I want to cook pasta for every meal, that’s okay too. In the long run, yeah, maybe some of these things matter, but in the short run, no they don’t. If I have the chance to ask a friend how he or she is doing, that’s great. If I forget, or I just can’t, well, that’s fine too. Friends will understand.
It’s hard enough just keeping up with my work schedule! I feel so old and forgetful, though now that the school year is started and everybody is supposedly coming regularly it’s a bit easier. And it’s easy to get ready to go to a gig…it’s just doing anything else in the downtime that’s challenging!
But that’s my mantra going forward here. It’s okay. It’s my life, and I’m not going to stress myself out anymore by beating myself up.
Remind me of this tomorrow, okay?
My friend April took this picture of me in the opera pit the other night. It was intermission so I had my violin away for the moment. I like to think of it as “me in my natural habitat.”