Where are your doughnuts?

I usually do the weekly shopping on Tuesday after I meet with Mike at the gym.  Today was no exception.  Usually I get a mix of fruits/vegetables, meats/fishes, breads and rice, some milk, cheese, coffee, etc.  I’ve been trying to do better using up the stuff I freeze and the cabinet stuff, so today I mainly just got fruits/vegetables, some pork for a planned menu dish, coffee and some deli meat/cheese.  As I was unloading my stuff onto the conveyer the woman in front of me says, “Wow, I should have you shop for me with all that healthy stuff!” and the cashier says “Where are your doughnuts?”  I laughed, knowingly.  After all, the doughnuts are at the restaurants!  The healthy food is at home.

Keep in mind, this came after a week where I think I have actually gained three pounds…it’s amazing how in the morning before you PR on a half marathon you can be bothered that you weigh more.  After all, I wanted to lose weight this month, not gain…even if it is just a couple of pounds…even if you “carb-loaded” the night before.  THEN Mike tells me he is trying to “cut 10 pounds” for the half marathon so he will be very grouchy the next two weeks.  Of course…10 pounds in two weeks, that’s healthy right?  I suppose we have different half marathon goals—his is 1 1/2 hours (probably secretly less) whereas mine is 2 1/2 hours, and I can’t run as well if I am starving myself.  But that certainly made me more likely to buy a ton of vegetables at the store! 

So there I am in my gym clothes at the store, as usual…and I’m loading up on broccolini (is that even a real vegetable?), broccoli, spinach, carrots, etc.  And thinking how if MIKE can lose 10 pounds in two weeks, surely I should be able to lose a few pounds and fit into that pair of jeans in the bottom of my drawer that I am continually ALMOST able to button (and somehow still run 11 minute miles for the half on April 9), and my cart is SO full of healthy foods that the cashier actually comments on it…then I suppose I am doing something right…right?  And the scale is just a number, and certainly shouldn’t be the thing that makes me decide whether I feel good about myself or not.


So I get home and make a large salad with a delicious new honey mustard dressing I’m trying out, and tell myself that the only snack I am allowed between now and dinner is a fruit…and we’ll just have to see how that goes.  I followed a very strict diet from January through November of last year, and since November I have gained approximately 3 pounds, which is actually pretty great (especially since I am in much better shape overall) but now it is so hard to follow a strict diet because I just don’t have as much incentive.  After all, most of my wardrobe fits and looks great, I can do a ton of workouts, I can run 4 to 5 days a week…I’ve run 92 miles this month (1 more to go to meet the goal!)…and honestly I’d rather be a little stronger than thinner…I guess I am still convinced that everybody is looking at my fat and judging me.  (Do people ever do that?  Am I alone in this fear?) 


This is what I need to do to beat 2:30 in the half marathon.  I want to shoot for 11 minute miles.  If it’s not too hot, if I don’t get cramps or side stitches, and if I don’t have to stop to use the bathroom, I know I can do it. 


I can’t remember the last time I had one of these…years…does anybody remember the Boston Crème Donuts at Presti’s (anybody from ye olde alma mater of CIM, that is)?  

Damn.  Now I really want a doughnut!  Unfortunately I didn’t buy any at the store.  Guess it’ll have to wait.