Winding Down

April 26, 2018 hannahviolin 1 Comment

My quartet’s concert on Tuesday went quite well! And we had a nice audience, and even got a standing ovation afterwards. It’s hard, teaching full time plus and trying to practice to maintain a high level of playing too…it definitely adds to my stress levels.

We saw the Calidore Quartet play at Wash U on Sunday night, and it was so inspiring and wonderful watching a world-class quartet perform. Of course I had a lot of emotions during the performance, ranging from relief that I wasn’t playing on the concert (ha) to a bit of jealousy at how much time they likely have to practice and rehearse, and also simply enjoying the intense musicality and emotions from the music. I need to take more time to attend and enjoy concerts. I need to change a few things.

Louie and I were talking the other day and he suggested our problem is that we try too hard, that we need to just allow ourselves to be “good enough.” I tried to take this thought to heart going into Tuesday’s concert. I relaxed in the afternoon a bit rather than drilling some spots in the Schubert (Death and the Maiden) and who knows, I missed a few things, but I might have missed them anyway. I don’t have enough time to practice as much as I would need to to guarantee hitting everything (or a higher percentage) so I just have to do my best. I am a professional musician, but when you have 47 students sometimes something has to slide! Or at least I’m trying to convince myself of that. It’s like I’m worried that all my former teachers will come out and tell me I’m a complete disappointment and a failure at life.

I want to just be a positive person and not compare myself to others and not compare others to myself, and simply enjoy my life experience…but gosh it’s hard.

I’m so happy to be done with the concert on Tuesday. And I finished my 100 days of viola practice on Instagram! Now I don’t have anything pressing on the calendar to stress over, so I can practice in a relaxed manner, I can play etudes and scales (I love them!) and I can (next week) take my violin in to figure out why it’s making weird noises. I can also read and relax, work out, hike and bike perhaps, cook more, see friends, and perhaps even respond to some emails that have been lingering for awhile (there are so many work things to do even still that I just have to chip away and again, be good enough.)

Oh, after this weekend that is, because I’m headed up to Springfield for the Illinois Symphony. It’s not a stressful thing but it does take up all my time. Brahms First Piano Concerto with Stephen Hough and Beethoven Sixth Symphony. I’m looking forward to playing this concert, even though it’s a bit of a drive and a time commitment, and I feel a little guilty for skipping so many lessons and taking so much time to do it.

As you can tell, I’m liking the idea of trying to be “good enough” but have a lot of work left to put it into practice. I do need to take the summer to seek more balance in my life (and just relax more) and then figure out how to make the fall work well with a little less stress and angst. I made it through this school year, but this spring semester has been incredibly tough and I don’t know that I wish to repeat it.

In any case, things with new kitty Muriel are good, Louie is doing well and almost done with his semester as well…and after Wednesday I’m kind of sort of on summer vacation, so life is really looking up!

Performing

The end is near so come to our concert

April 20, 2018 hannahviolin 1 Comment

The end of the semester, that is…

Since I teach at two different colleges, that means the end of the semester is a big deal. I’m finishing up all kinds of lessons and stuff in the next two weeks and then, by my figures, I’ll be dropping about 15 hours of work and driving time from each week. This is a significant thing. You might say, oh my gosh, what will you do with all your free time, but the real question is, how did you have 15 hours to give to those students and those jobs? The short answer is: I don’t know, and this is why I did a lot of crying in January and February.

I posted on twitter yesterday in response to a question about work –life balance, that I would love to have more free time and get paid work for the work I do so that I could do less work. But the truth is probably that I would simply fill up that free time with more work, as I’m constantly seeking career and musical satisfaction.

However, the truth of the matter is that I’m possibly seeking things I already have found and just piling on my stress. I’m going to try to “take it easier” this summer. My first step was to give myself two weeks of vacation at the beginning of June—we are taking a trip and also having some visitors and I’m not teaching or doing anything violin related during that time (with perhaps one or two necessary exceptions). Then I’m just not doing as many things this summer—well the colleges are off and so that is just not an option, and I’m going to try to relax and recharge, get in shape, practice, do stuff around the house, and get outside and do fun stuff too.

I’ve started a new workout routine. I say started as I’m on day two, but I’m doing the blogilates videos online. They are pretty silly, but I have always wanted to be better at pilates moves, and I’m sore, so I think so far this is a success. I’ve been having some knee pain since our NY trip so I don’t want to run yet, but I wanted to make myself move more. I think I can commit to about 30 minutes a morning, which is all that this takes, and I know it will be good for me.

I’m nearly done with my 100 days of viola practice on instagram. I haven’t done as much time as I’d like, but isn’t that how life is? I really only manage to practice my primary instrument 1 to 2 hours a day on average, so it’s hard to squeeze in another one. The trick is consistency and practicing smart. I realized recently I think I’ve developed my own practice techniques for violin, that might not work for everybody but they do for me—lots of things like, let’s slow practice this part now that I don’t need to play until later, and then when I come back to it a few weeks later it is magically better. I don’t know how it all works, but I suppose after 35 years of violin practice things stick around in some way. My violin is buzzing even more than normal and I’m not sure what to do, because I don’t have time to take it in until later, so I’m just pretending that it will go away, and hopefully it will. I’m borrowing a viola from my sister Carrie and it’s very lovely. I need a better bow but my first attempt at trying something new fell through and I haven’t made the time for a new attempt yet.

A few Muriel pictures before I go to tackle a few items on my to-do list before my private students arrive (I was supposed to teach 4 college students this morning and only ended up teaching ONE)…

She’s a little bit of a jumper!

Oh, and this Tuesday, my quartet is playing at the Sheldon. It’s our last concert this season and we are super excited about it.

Fan Favorites at the Sheldon: Beloved Chamber Music of Schubert and Ravel

There are certain pieces in the string quartet repertoire you just can’t help falling in love with. We’ll start with Schubert’s emotive, stormy string quartet titled “Death and the Maiden”, a favorite among generations of string quartets.
When the young Maurice Ravel penned his singular string quartet, he pushed the boundaries of musical form and incorporated diverse influences including Balinese gamelan music. Initially scorned by the musical establishment, his quartet is cherished for its evocative tone colors and musical atmospheres that create a dazzling effect.

Tuesday, April 24, 2018 at 7:30pm
Sheldon Concert Hall
3648 Washington Blvd, St Louis, MO 63108 Directions
Tickets: $10 at the door

Cat

Muriel the Cat

April 18, 2018 hannahviolin 1 Comment

Oh my goodness, where DOES the time go? I have been too busy (not as a badge of honor, more of a running around screaming sort of thing) but the semester is almost over! I should probably sit down and reevaluate my life choices but I simply don’t have the time.

I did have the time to get a new cat though, on March 31. We named her Muriel and she is about 1 year old. She’s a sweetie, and she is such a stereotypical cat: she gets into everything, she climbs on stuff, she knocks some stuff down, she sits in boxes, all that jazz. She is soft and smells wonderful and I’m happy to welcome her to my home. It turns out that like 50 percent of my current students are allergic, so maybe this cat will scare everybody away and then I’ll be less busy Winking smile She does tend to get overly excited by the violin so I keep her in the other part of the house while teaching.

I took her to the vet the other day, the same vet I’d taken the Fatness to. It is amazing that even though over two years have passed, when I walked in that door I felt so much sadness, because the last time we were there was putting her down.

When I was a child, I remember deciding that older people didn’t get sad when people they knew and loved died, because if they did, and all those people died, why, they would be sad all the time, and how could anybody live like that? And as I’ve gotten older, I realize that I was both right and wrong as a child, that you aren’t sad all the time, but you do just live with your loss. And while this is a post about a dear cat, and my new cat, and how one is replacing but not exactly replacing the other, it applies to human loss as well, in many ways. Sadness and grief are part of life, along with joy and happiness.

So I shed a few tears in the waiting room, and then I got her checked out by the same vet, and he said she looked really healthy, and we talked about what she needed in a future appointment, and then he said “have fun with her!” which at first I thought was odd, but then realized, oh right, why even have a cat otherwise?

So my feelings are mixed, but Muriel is her own self, and she is likely to become a natural part of life here. At first, it seemed so weird, you can just go get a cat and take it home and keep it, without signing papers or applying for licenses or anything?

Mackenzie seems to like her well enough—they are getting more used to each other, but there hasn’t been any fighting or growling or hissing, so that’s been really good. Muriel had lived with a dog already so we’d hoped that would be okay.