These are stressful times. Here we are, living through this pandemic, over 200,000 Americans have died, and others act like everything is fine and it is all overblown. Every day we are bombarded with more bad news about what our government (though I’m not sure we should use the word “our” anymore, since most of the so-called elected officials act on their own behalf and did not receive as many votes as other officials—I’m talking about the fact that the president didn’t win the popular vote, that most Senators represent a smaller amount of people than they should in a democracy), but every day like I said, more bad news. People being killed by police and shot by vigilantes, people dying of a disease running rampant, women getting hysterectomies in prison camps without knowing they would be r why, a president saying he won’t step down and doesn’t think the ballots should be counted, and the GOP just not caring and being fine with it if it means they can stay in power in order to force their will on us all.

So yeah, I’m a little anxious. I did a “yoga for anxiety” video yesterday but it didn’t really take. I suppose I’ll have to try again, but it seems like, I shouldn’t try to just calm down and act like everything is okay. It’s not okay. I run errands feel like every time I enter a store I’m entering a potential hazardous waste area. Louie goes into work and has to constantly worry about getting too close to the students and how long he is in a room with how many. He can’t just heat up his lunch at the kitchen and eat there, he has to go back to his office and eat alone so he can safely remove his mask. It’s all a whole bunch of little things that add up to constant, never ending stress.

So how are you all doing? I said to an adult student last week, “oh, hanging in there,” and she said, oh you know when a midwestern says “hanging in there” they are on the edge!

But let’s see. Not everything is bad. If I pretend that it is totally normal that you wear a mask everywhere, many of your neighbors think fascism is a-okay and that Black lives don’t actually matter, that it’s okay that we are at what, 10 percent unemployment including my sister being at full unemployment, my other sister being somewhat unemployed…that’s just in my immediate family.

Like I said, nothing everything is bad. My new job is fun. It would be even more fun in person, the way it should be, where I teach kids to play the violin where I can see them and hear them NOT over the internet and NOT at their homes where they are sitting at couches and where they have to be muted most of the time and I can’t really see if they are paying attention and I can’t really see if they are totally disengaged and I can’t really hear if they are playing. I can’t imagine doing this all day long, I teach for 30 minutes and I’m just overcome with WHY was this on the back burner for the US? Why didn’t they keep bars and restaurants and such closed, and prioritize opening the schools, and hire even more teachers and really put money towards the education of our children? Oh, because we don’t care. We don’t care about chidren, we don’t care about the poor, we don’t care about anything or anybody except ourselves. We couldn’t pay people to stay home in order to get kids back out into schools so they could learn and be engaged and be outside of their homes. And yet people are saying, open the schools, and maybe we will open the schools, but it would be the way we opened restaurants. We didn’t open bars and restaurants because it was safe. We didn’t see how many people could actually fit into each one and how many cubic feet of air there was and determine what the airflow would be. They just took the fire safety numbers and divided them up and said, okay, go ahead, who cares if you get sick, you’re on your own. And I fear we will do the same with schools (and I know some are open) and that people will say, oh who cares if teachers get sick, they signed up for this, just like apparently they signed up to get shot and to get denigrated by society and get paid very little while working all summer long to prepare for this fall of having no idea what would happen and working all weekends.

That’s where I am. This week has been very hard, mentally. I have gotten used to getting up earlier. I’m enjoying teaching the kids, though I feel like it isn’t real. I’m enjoying learning from some more online seminars I’m doing, and I’m working on some pieces to record for an upcoming concert.

Oh, and Sunday afternoon I’m playing a benefit concert with my band, to benefit the Oregon Food Bank (Michael is from Portland and we wanted to help out people affected by the fires). It’s in person (socially distanced, please) outdoors but we will also livestream it. It is always good to do things to help other people, and I hope you can attend virtually and donate as well.

I’m pretty tired, I guess, for being used to getting up early. I am feeling pretty burned out already, and maybe that’s because not having very much true human interaction other than Louie is a bit difficult. I see people all day long online but it’s all very superfluous and tricks my brain! I also just need a nice weekend to relax but I keep having commitments as always…I suppose you can’t teach old dogs new tricks (I’m the dog in this analogy). But this weekend is mostly free, except for Saturday morning and the benefit concert, so it should be relatively relaxing.

I’m sorry but not sorry to be so cranky and political. I should try to avoid the news I think, but it’s hard to do so. It’s also hard to pretend everything is fine when my life is so different because of COVID and the horrible lack of response by the government (and our governor and his wife have it now…the unelected governor who refuses to even encourage people to wear masks…has COVID. Not shocking in anyway.)

Okay, a few positives: the cats! How cute are they? They are enjoying this open window weather (as I am) and since I’m home all day I can just leave the windows open and let the house air out. The cats enjoy me being here too, though I suspect they take it for granted. I still can’t believe Miles was lost for 11 months!