I feel like my blog has been sort of, well, BORING lately.  So let’s mix it up.  I’m going to do a flashback post from my old blog. 

Before that—would anybody like to guest blog for me?  A lot of the blogs I read have guest bloggers, and I think it would be fun!  Let me know via email or whatnot if you are interested.  Topics are pretty open—you see them in the header!  Life is a pretty broad topic.  Hannahviolin at gmail dot com.

Anyway…here’s something I wrote for my old blog shortly before I moved to St Louis.  We moved here on August 25, 2008, to put things in perspective.  I was more than ready to go.  I don’t regret leaving Cleveland, I don’t regret leaving Charlotte, I don’t regret moving here.  (I have made mistakes in life, but I’m not going to sit around with regrets.  My life is what I have made it, for better or worse.)   It’s just really interesting to look back and see how far I have come…and how much I have stayed exactly the same.  Here you go:

Written on July 28, 2008, 2:42 AM

It’s a post-cruise world

So I decided too much time has gone by to actually finish my cruise blogging. To sum it up…I cannot wait to cruise again! For those of you who say, oh I would never go on a cruise, it’s so touristy, all you do is eat..to you I will say…yes, and so? It’s a great way to relax, feel totally pampered, and have a wonderful out of this world time. Remember the popularity of the water bed? Picture sleeping on a real bed, but ON THE WATER. That’s a cruise for you. I am furiously planning my next cruise though I have no idea when that will be, as I am quickly bearing down on the end of my employment as I know it.
Now, granted, that’s not necessarily a bad thing. My employment, as I know it, is of the sort where I don’t make much money, and when I am making a lot of money, it’s because I’m working hours such as 7 am to 11 pm (counting leaving the house to coming home) 5 days in a row. I think I actually did that in May for a week. It was horrible. But it did enable me to pay for my cruise and other stuff too. Summer is a different story for musicians of course, in that we basically have occasional pops concerts, a few trusty (and dedicated) students, and lots of weddings.

Speaking of weddings…I think the main reason not so many of my friends have gotten married (and yes, I’m totally talking out of my ass at this point) is because we have attended too many wedding ceremonies already to feel that getting married is anything special. Kudos to all of you that think your big day is going to be unique. We know better. You know all those readings you pick out? Yes, been there, done that, heard it already. Special song you choose? It’s already been done 100 plus times this summer. Special meaningful vows? Yup. We’re bored already. But my least favorite is…naturally…that passage from what is it, Ephesians? about the women submitting to their husbands? A wedding I played recently made a big deal about that. Okay, I’ve heard plenty of sermons about this subject (my sister and I used to play at a church that went into great detail about it) and it does seem that in a perfect world a man wouldn’t ask his wife to "submit" to anything that wasn’t already something she would think best. But in light of certain scary books I’ve read recently (American Theocracy for one) this sort of thing is scaring the hell out of me. As women’s rights are being constantly threatened in our current political situation, I am frightened to think of an existence for myself where I might actually have to submit to a man. This was not the woman I was raised to be.

This particular preacher talked about how each partner in the marriage would have to "die on the inside" to become the "one" in marriage. I’m sure that’s all fine and well for some people, but truly I would not want my husband to have to "die on the inside" in order for our marriage to work, any more than I would wish for my individuality to die. I think that would be very boring, and more importantly, I would lose respect for any man who was willing to "die" to make my marriage work. In no way am I an expert on relationships (I’ll perhaps look to my grandparents here, over 60 years of marriage–I’d say they have a better claim on that) as I’ve only been with my current boyfriend for a little over nine years, but I certainly hope that, despite jokes, neither of us have died on the inside. We’ve spent a lot of time together just the two of us, particularly this summer, when most of our friends have been out of town and we are preparing for our new adventures in St. Louis, but I still hope we maintain our individuality. And I will never "submit" to him. I will "compromise."

But I digress. What do I hope for in my new employment? Well, I hope for some great students. By great I don’t necessarily mean "talented" or even "hard-working" because anyone who teaches knows that isn’t what you look for in a student. You look for a student who has a wonderful personality, who says things that surprise you and make you laugh (or cry), and who looks to you for some guidance in this crazy world of violin playing/life. I will truly miss some of my students! I’ve had some of them for five years now, and they have grown up before my eyes. It’s like being a surrogate parent–you get to watch them learn and grow up but you don’t have to clean up vomit or pay for anything (I have my cat for those things). I’m sure my mother would disagree.

I’m excited about the next phase of my life here–I came back to Cleveland after two years in Charlotte and built this "empire" of teaching/gigging here, now it’s time to shut down, and try again. Maybe I’ll work less. Maybe I’ll buy less books. Maybe I’ll let Chris pay for more stuff (wink to Chris). Maybe I’ll work a lot so I don’t have to ask permission to buy shoes. That would suck. Five years here and it’s definitely time to move on. Perhaps in St. Louis I can substitute with the orchestra? At least I can take the sub audition–at least they will actually have one and not cancel two days beforehand and then hire whoever they want, regardless of who might actually do a good job. And it won’t snow as much, that’s a bonus. Who knows what will happen next? All I figure is, if stuff has worked out so far, it should work out again. That’s my faith, I suppose, and the advantage of having led a somewhat charmed life. You always figure that in the end stuff will be just fine. Or maybe it’s because I’m smarter than most of you, that I know there’s always something I’ll be able to do better. (wink?)

For a final note for tonight. What did I do with my economic stimulus check from the government. I just got mine last week. I ended up putting it back into my savings account, as I had taken some money out of savings earlier to cover expenses. So now I’m back to where I was before. And for the summer as a musician, if you break even, that’s good enough.