All posts by hannahviolin

I am a violinist. I also enjoy running, working out, reading, and hanging with my friends and cat.
Deep Thoughts

Finding Joy

I sometimes wonder if I’m having a mid-life crisis. I am just busy enough that I do occasionally have time to reflect on how busy I am and wondering if I’m doing this wrong. I think that other people are able to make time to see friends and do things in the evening other than collapse into bed. Then again, based on the memes people put on facebook, I’m not sure if that many people do!

I have a little downtime now. I have students in about 45 minutes, so I thought I’d blog before then. I thought I had a student this morning, but I guess not. I got some practicing done and some errands though, and got a pretty intense workout done before that. I have been listening to the podcast, The History Chicks, while I drive around, and right now it’s about Louisa May Alcott. There was a bit where they talked about how much she loved the outdoors and running around, and such, and I thought to myself that in all honesty, my greatest pleasure is reading a good book. But I do enjoy the outdoors, and I always feel good after I exercise, but those things still require a mild struggle. There is no struggle to sitting down with a book! Louie is the opposite—he totally loves going out, he loves going for a hike or a run. I enjoy seeing new things, I enjoy getting out into the woods and the mountains, and I especially enjoy taking pictures and planning things.

It’s funny, isn’t it, what brings us joy? My cats don’t question these things. We got a new, larger, cat tower, and they don’t worry whether they are enjoying the tower enough. (The answer is, probably not enough yet but I’m hopeful they will use it more once they are used to it). They just are. They scratch, they meow, they sleep, they groom, they don’t seem to worry about anything.

Not that I can be like a cat, because the cats have a me, and I don’t have a me unless I am me. But that I can take some ideas from them: one is to try to enjoy my downtime. Yesterday morning I woke up and was really stressed out, even though I really had the morning free! I ended up not getting to enjoy my downtime as much as if I’d said to myself, yes, you have the morning off, so let’s drink some coffee, let’s read, and let’s not stress out about what comes next.

I don’t want to cut back on my work schedule right now, for a variety of reasons. But I do want to find more joy and enjoyment in my life. Sometimes I feel like the only thing all day that I look forward to is eating and having a drink at the end of the day, and that doesn’t seem quite right. I want to enjoy what I’m doing as I do it (…some students make this easier than others for sure!) and I want to have things in my life that I enjoy, that I look forward to, that I can just do and have fun with.

Granted, my philosophy for life isn’t centered around my own happiness as being the number one, but you read a lot of stuff about “self-care” and how you can’t help others if you aren’t doing okay yourself. And while I don’t think I’m dealing with any real depression right now, I have been feeling a little bit down, and feeling a little bit lonely in the world. I often feel like whatever I do is letting somebody down or upsetting somebody else. I know that that’s probably not quite true, and that I shouldn’t worry so much about other people, but…it’s always easier said than done!

But on the bright side: Louie’s birthday is coming up and we have some fun activities planned. We are heading into the fun part of the year with holiday after holiday. I’m making progress on a variety of home projects. I’m not managing to lose any weight, but I’m getting in much better shape, which is the true goal anyway. I should reevaluate some aspects of my diet, but I’m happy that I’ve gotten into a regular exercise routine again. I decided to treat myself and ordered a few actual paintings from Etsy that I really loved, so I’m looking forward to seeing those in person. And tonight will be pizza at Union Loafers with Louie and a friend (yes, I’m looking forward to food, but also seeing friends). I haven’t been able to get to Union Loafers for pizza in months, so I’m super excited! (It’s my favorite pizza place in town, currently.)

I know I need to focus on the positive. I’ve always struggled with feeling satisfied and finding joy in my life. I’m lucky that I have a full studio, a fairly full gig calendar, a loving partner, two adorable cats, some good friends even though I don’t have time for them, and family around the country that will always be there for me. I’m also lucky that the library lets you borrow ebooks for free, that I paid off my student loans over a year ago, and that the cost of living in my city is low enough that I can make a decent living as a musician. (It helps that I get my health care from my partner, because that is an expense that is MUCH cheaper through his employer.)

That is a lot of good things! So glad we had this talk. Also, I’m wearing a velvet top, which is a great thing about fall—fuzzy tops and sweaters. Related to fall: Louie has never had a pumpkin spice latte. I might have to have us make a stop over the weekend to indulge. He might hate them, but I won’t.

Hiking

Shaw Nature Reserve and more

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Yesterday we got some of our concrete steps redone in the front of the house. It was a bit of a wait to finally get to this point, but today they look fantastic! We also had to deal with our furnace not working over the weekend—we bought a brand new furnace last winter, and since then we’ve had to replace the circuit board twice and something else once. It’s not promising for a long life for the furnace, but we will make sure that the company is the one with the problem. You think that if you throw money at an issue it means you won’t have to deal with problems, but that’s just not true. I guess if you throw enough money around you can pay somebody else to wait at your house for you or something?

Louie and I had off during the day on Monday due to various Fall Breaks  so we decided to go out for breakfast and then for a hike (before having to be back at the house to meet the heating repairman). We went to Southwest Diner for breakfast—one of my favorite breakfast places, I think, and then decided to go to Shaw Nature Reserve. We hadn’t been for many years—they don’t allow dogs so we never went with Mackenzie. But seeing as how the weather is lovely for hiking and sadly Mackenzie is no longer with us, we thought it would be a great idea.

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We did one longer hike and one shorter hike—we started with the Rus Goddard River Trail. Part of it was closed, but this one did take us down to a gravel bar along the Meramec River. It reminded us that we never got on a canoe trip last summer and that this summer we shall try harder for that.

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The hike was relaxing, the air was brisk, and we only saw one other person while we were there!

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We had enough time for another short hike after that one, so we went to the Wetland Trail.

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This one wandered around a pond with lily pads and had two small buildings to observe wildlife from. There was also a stretch of boardwalk to walk along.

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We only had a short period of time to explore, but we enjoyed our trip. Admission is $5 per person, but if you are a member of the Botanical Gardens it is free. We talked about joining, because we’d like to belong to things like that, but we really don’t have time to go very often. Maybe if we joined we’d make the time?

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I do find that buying tickets to things makes you go. Does a membership do the same or is that not a specific enough purchase?

Over the weekend we went to two concerts—one at the Sheldon: Wynton Marsalis with the Jazz at Lincoln Center Orchestra, and then to the St Louis Symphony the next night (we subscribe so we go to 5 or 6 concerts a year). My weekend was busy but pretty good—I have been having a hard time with my work schedule and needing some downtime, but I made it through. Barely. I may have have a series of small breakdowns but I did make it through as I’m still here.

One of the cool things about seeing a concert at the Sheldon is there are art galleries to browse beforehand or at intermission. There was a display of musical instruments.

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I liked that one and imagined it would be even more amazing if the little man carved on the scroll were playing an instrument with him carved into the scroll, and so on.

I played at the Artica Festival with part of my band. It was chilly but fun.

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And I managed to get some time to hang out with the cats, of course.

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Deep Thoughts

Friday FreyDay

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Those are pronounced the same.

Today I only have 4 hours of teaching. I slept in a little bit, worked out, did the usual emailing and checking to make sure I’m up to date enough on things, and prepped some for my weekend activities. I have a little bit of time before I have to go teach a student, so I thought I’d pop in and say hello here!

I’ve been a little down lately—being so busy with work and feeling like I don’t have any time to spend with friends has been difficult. Sometimes I worry I’m working too hard and I’m missing out of some aspects of life that I’ll regret, but I don’t know. I saw a fellow musician on twitter asking others how to deal with work-life balance, and I didn’t weigh in, because the truth is, as I’ve said here lately, I’m choosing to work more rather than life. I’ve tried it the other way and that didn’t really make me happy either, so *shrugs* here we are!

It’s not than I’m unhappy either, it’s just the general blahs. I think the election and the news and all of that are my starting place of mild depression and then everything piles on. I’d love to just ignore what’s happening, but I can’t do that in good conscience, and I can’t do it as a woman. I can’t believe that 41.5 percent of people approve of what our government is doing. Making 5 year olds sign away their rights. Being okay with a reporter being killed. Being okay with women getting raped and assaulted on a daily basis. Being okay with hundreds of immigrant children, many who were here to seek asylum, being locked up in camps, where they are often molested and raped. You can argue that the previous administration also allowed these things to happen, but you would be putting up a false flag, and you would also be saying that you are okay with these things. I am not, regardless of who is committing these atrocities, to be clear. I would link to all of those things, with reputable articles from reputable sources, but google would work just fine for you, and I work 80 hour weeks because I’m worried about my health care, my retirement, and the future of our country.

I hate getting so political, but politics are life for so many. It’s political to be upset about children in cages! It’s political to be upset that women are assaulted and yet the word of the man means more than the word of dozens of women. It’s political to feel that my body should be my own. It’s political to think that my friends should be able to marry the person they love. It’s political to want our planet to have a future! (This, this climate change is something that I can’t even think of, because it seems like we have known for years and decades and nobody freaking cares!)

Enough ranting. It’s a lovely rainy fall day. I always write more when I’m annoyed. This weekend should be lovely, with two concerts to attend, one to play, a festival, a wedding, and festival event for my students. Monday I get the daytime off due to a fall break, and we might go to Shaw Nature Reserve, or something like that. If the rain isn’t too much more—I hate mud!

My cats are adorable, my niece is having a birthday soon (though I can’t attend the party, but I’ll see her in a few months), I have new purple shoes…life is mostly good. Isn’t it funny how I feel the need to convince you that I’m okay? I’M FINE EVERYTHING IS FINE.

I’m trying to decide where to take Louie for his birthday dinner. Any new amazing places with excellent pescatarian options in town?

How’s your day shaping up?

Southern Road Trip 2018

Southern Road Trip: Finale

After Savannah and Macon we headed to Charleston for two nights. I’d rented an AirBNB that was a little camper, located about 15 minutes drive from the downtown Charleston area.

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We had a great two days there. I’m doing highlights now, because it’s been too long to do more, but I want this here for me and perhaps for you!

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Dinner: FIG. Amazing. Highly recommend. I got reservations early for this one.

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Dinner: The Grocery. Also amazing, and not busy enough. This place was really great and needs more buzz—so many people had never even heard of it!

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Brunch: Husk. Loved our brunch—I couldn’t get dinner reservations at Husk in Charleston so I thought brunch might be good instead. It definitely was, though the peach pancake was out of control and I’m so glad we were sharing it rather than one person eating it. SO sweet! The cheese grits were unnecessary but the best cheese grits of my life.

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Brunch: The Early Bird Diner. This was near our AirBNB.

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Drinks: Prohibition. Loved this place—the drinks were good, the ambiance was cool, the bartenders were dressed with suspenders.

Sightseeing: We went to the McLeod Plantation and it was really interesting. I chose that plantation because it told the story of the place from the point of view of the people who worked there: the enslaved peoples, and then later, the formerly enslaved people and the children of those who were enslaved. I feel like this is an area of our country’s history that we often try to pretend didn’t happen, or didn’t matter much, or frankly, doesn’t affect things today, when from the things we learned on the tour, it obviously still does. I didn’t want to just ooh and ah over what rich people got for themselves by owning other people and forcing them to work for nothing. It was a great tour, and I highly recommend.

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Otherwise, for sightseeing we just walked around all over the city. The Battery, College of Charleston, King Street, and all over.

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Camper thoughts: the hosts were wonderful, the bathroom situation wasn’t so great—it was not a regular toilet but something else-a marine toilet? and it worked okay, until an incident the last morning that I’m not going to talk about.

After Charleston, we drove to Edisto Island and Edisto Beach State Park. I’d had fond memories of camping at the beach with my family as a kid, and thought it would be fun. It WAS fun, but it was very hot and our campsite was not at all shady. We did have a tarp that we set up that helped a bit. We were within walking distance of the ocean though, which was very lovely. We spent some time in the water, but ended up getting more red right away than expected and our beach day wasn’t quite as fun as we’d hoped.

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Sightseeing: We went to Botany Bay Plantation. There isn’t much left of the Plantation except a stretch of totally untouched beach. Oh, and this bird that slowly walked in front of us while we were trying to drive.

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Food: We ate at the campsite some, but we had dinners out. We loved Whaley’s Restaurant and shared a fried seafood platter there. We also ate at the SeaCow Eatery for dinner and it was fine.

Then we drove to Clinton, South Carolina to visit my parents. We stayed there for two nights also (everywhere on this trip was two nights.) My mom and dad had some sightseeing planned as well, and we walked around Presbyterian College the first evening, played games, and then spent the next day in Greenville wandering around Furman University, up to Paris Mountain State Park and to downtown. Downtown Greenville has changed so much since I was younger—I never even really went there when I was young because there was no reason to. Now it’s very lovely. We ate lunch at  Tupelo Honey, walked around the Reedy River, and looked at an electric assist bike shop.

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Our final stop on the trip was Atlanta to see my friend April. She didn’t really have enough space for us so I’d found a place within 15 minutes drive of her that was a teepee. Yes, a teepee (through AirBNB). It definitely seemed to have air-conditioning, and access to bathrooms so I though it would be okay. It ended up being amazing!

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There was a huge backyard with two different teepees and a camper—ours was in the corner away from things. The hosts were really nice, and there were animals all around—7 chickens, a dog, a cat, a rabbit, and a fenced in area with goats and ducks! It was such a fun place to stay. I couldn’t recommend it more—we didn’t even take advantage of everything, but if you lived nearby it might be a great staycation as well.

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Brunch: Murphy’s Restaurant. I’d been there before because it’s an excellent brunch place within walking distance of April’s house.

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Museum: Atlanta History Center. We didn’t get to explore the grounds as much as we’d hoped because a huge storm came through! But it was really interesting and definitely worth a visit.

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Anyway! That’s it for the trip! It was a very nice time. I think Louie and I wished we’d been able to do something a bit less hot and more mountain-y but it was great to see family and friends, eat some wonderful meals, and enjoy almost two weeks of vacation.

Teaching

Don’t Cry For Me

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I definitely felt a bit grateful about my free time last week…I was down to only one full time job (sort of)! Of course, things were still crazy, and mostly I’ve been fighting through to-do lists. I have managed to work out a bit more than usual which has been fun, and I no longer feel like I’m drowning in work, but the work is still lapping at my chin as I struggle to keep my head above water. I think I’d thought October would feel freer than it is, but the fact that I have time to blog means it is indeed a bit freer.

We had a great quartet concert on Sunday at Second Presbyterian Church. The concert got a great crowd (this was part of an existing music series) and they were really welcoming.

Louie was gone for a conference until Saturday night so I mostly worked and hibernated. I did get to read a bit more for fun, and I stewed about how women are treated in the current government.  It’s not good, people, but I remind myself that it hasn’t been good for a long time, and that just because things are in the news doesn’t mean they haven’t been going on for a long time.

I had a question in the comments about the headphones I was wearing for the show the other week. I thought I’d explain here in case others were wondering. We were under the stage, and our sound was piped into the hall—nothing “live” was coming in or out, so the headphones were so we could hear things like the keyboard (the conductor also played keyboard, and without hearing that we would have been really lost) and the singers. I shared a mix with the violist and cellist, which meant we had to negotiate how much of each part we wanted to hear in our headphones. Some instruments, like the drums and brass players we could hear just fine live, and others like the guitar and bass were in the headphones. We could also have our own sound in the mix, which I find a little bit weird. It’s a little odd to wear them while playing but I found I got quite used to it. I do have to take earrings off and wear my hair up or the headphones will slide off.

Every show I play is a little different as far as how the sound works. Some shows I’ve worn headphones and gotten to choose my own mix, and with other shows there will just be monitors around so you can hear the keyboard/synthesizers. Since there are so few string players in any given show, and so few musicians generally, the keyboards really take up the slack. It’s a mixed bag; we are glad they use live musicians AT ALL, but honestly, a violin mixed with a violin synth sound just isn’t the same as a full violin section. But the audiences don’t seem to care, and musicians cost money. I’m happy to play when needed, and the fun thing about being the only violin means each time I play is a solo of sorts and the stakes are high (which I like).

Hope that helps! One reason I blog is to tell the world about my life as a freelance musician. As my career and work have grown these past few years, I’m often torn about whether to change my focus into something more helpful to younger musicians, or really try to monetize this blog, or close it down all together. But I think, if nothing else, it shows how a musician lives her life, for better or (sometimes) worse, and how I live MY life. You obviously enjoy reading it or you wouldn’t be here!

Okay, fun stuff now. CATS. These guys can be really destructive (they love scratching suitcases and furniture, tearing up paper, and of course knocking things over) but they are super cute. They groom each other and they also fight hard, with claws and teeth.

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SO CUTE.

Though I still wish we had another dog. Well…the truth is mostly just that I miss Mackenzie. The students miss her too, sitting on the couch enjoying the violin lessons. We miss taking her out for walks and into the woods for hikes. And just having her presence in the house was nice, especially when I was home nights alone.

But I’m glad we took on this guy:

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Today I had the morning off rather than our usual quartet rehearsal, so it feels very decadent. We meet every week to rehearse, and some days I am not super happy about it, but it is a fun and important commitment in my life. I do teach a long day today, 11 students, but this week is generally okay. We are attending a couple of concerts this weekend for a change, and I’m also playing a Prince Tribute Show at the Fox on Sunday.

Let me go into a little detail about my schedule: 11 students today. 6 1/2 hours total—a mix of 30 and 45 minute students, plus one hour. Tomorrow I am free until 3:30 but then I have 7 students. That means tomorrow is a great day to practice and run errands and maybe do a bit of housecleaning (we let our house keeper go a few months ago and haven’t found a new one yet). Thursday is one student at the college in the morning but not early, then 7 at home. This is also a nice day in that I have time to workout before the college student, and then time to practice and do any paperwork before teaching. Friday I normally have 3 college students, but it’s only 2, then I go home and teach 6 students before heading to the Sheldon for a Jazz Concert. Saturday I have the morning off, a short wedding in the afternoon followed by a performance at the Artica Festival with my band, Third Millennium World’s Fair or 3MWF for short. After that I hurry home and then we are going to the Symphony. Sunday I meet my students for the Arch Cup in the morning, and then to the Fox Theatre for rehearsal and the Prince Show.

Are you tired yet? The good news is that Monday is Fall Break at my Monday college, so that means I am free all day until the evening! And remember, this is a less busy week. Louie works a full time job and is working on getting a PhD so we are both workaholics right now in our lives, and we are just dealing with it. I tell myself after he gets the degree maybe I’ll start saying no to things more often (I say no, but it’s mostly because I’m already booked) but I like being in demand, honestly. And even though I sometimes dread the schedule of a given day, mostly once I start working I have a good time and enjoy playing or teaching or interacting with the students.

I do wish I had a little more time for friends, but I’m not making that a priority right now. I am managing to see people here and there and I definitely see plenty of people day in and day out, and have conversations and whatnot, and that’s enough for me now. Or I’m telling myself that Winking smile. I’m done apologizing to myself about it I think, and I’m just going to embrace the busy-ness. I’m not busy for the sake of being busy, but because being a musician is hard work and there is always something more to do.

On that note, I’d better go deal with a few things and do a bit of violin practice before my teaching day starts. I got a ton of stuff checked off the to-do list earlier today, but a few more things have been added (never-ending!) so I might tackle some of those.

Random thoughts

October is here

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Hello! Maybe you thought I forgot about this blog. I didn’t. I was just doing a million other things. September was a rough month: I knew it would be rough, I had a wonderful time being extremely busy and working the equivalent of two full time jobs, and now it’s done and behind me, and I have money in the bank, and finally a bit of free time. Now I’m only working 1 1/2 full time jobs so I feel like I have these decadent hours of free time here and there, and I even got done working today at 6:30, which was insane!

So here we are. I finally managed to change the strings on my violin, and I cooked myself a dinner, and I am now relaxing in front of the computer (Louie is off at a conference so I’m on my own this week.).

It was a crazy month. I played 30 shows of Evita at the Repertory Theater of St Louis, and the truth is, I had a great time. I also taught as many of my students each week as I could…I have, by my current count, 43 students. I actually thought it was less than that, so I’m not sure what that means. I remember there was a point last year where I realized I had 45 students, and then I’ve lost a few, but somehow I’m still at 43, and I feel like my teaching schedule is light. You get used to what you get used to, I guess! I also am teaching a chamber music class and not counting those students, and in September I also played a few extra gigs and did a quartet concert.

Oddly I found I had enough time to FINALLY put some stuff up on the walls in my house, and I began reorganizing my music collection. I’ve bought a few frames and things like that in order to put up pictures and I am super happy with what I’ve done so far. But that was all in September. Now I’m in October, and I’m getting lazy again already…I’m just kidding. I did skip an online workshop I was considering doing in order to have lunch with a friend, and that was so worth it. Seeing friends is definitely something that I put by the wayside this semester, at least so far, and while I haven’t missed it too much (I still have Louie, and perhaps at this time of my life that has to be enough), PLUS I had fantastic colleagues for Evita that I saw constantly…I forget the beginning of this sentence (how do people write long sentences? Editors, I suppose?).

I had some fun with selfies during the show. I just went back through my photos to see if there was anything worth sharing for those of you who don’t follow me on instagram (I didn’t give up on doing social during the month, just blogging and having friends!).

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I think this was early in the show’s run.

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Just a note: because I needed to wear headphones that meant I had to wear my hair up and take off my earrings.

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One of my favorite tops.

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One of my colleagues made us some Eva Peron signs to hold up. I should mention, the pit was completely under the stand so the audience really couldn’t see us, so we got to wear whatever we wanted and be a little sillier than usual.

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Why don’t they just share the hedge?

What else have I been up to? Browsing etsy for various décor has become a good pastime. I’ve also started planning a summer road trip for next summer (so far away, but I have big plans—Yellowstone, Glacier, and Banff- and it diverts my mind from the current political awfulness that is going on). And I’ve been reading, and doing a little practicing, and watching Ozark and Tin Star. And I got back into running, a little bit.

Plans for October: continue decluttering house. Continue adding wall decorations, both at home at and at my office at Wash U (I’m there only twice a week this year, but I am only sharing with one other person so I wanted to personalize it more), run 2 to 3 times a week, do blogilates 2-3 times a week, try to eat more vegetables and less snacks, see a few more friends, and facetime with Athena my niece more often! And teach those 43 students, keep up on my October gigs, and rest up for a three week run of Aladdin in November.

I might also finish blogging about the trip in August, if only to do a summary and tell you some fun things and remind myself for the future!