All posts by hannahviolin

I am a violinist. I also enjoy running, working out, reading, and hanging with my friends and cat.
Hope, Random thoughts

New Year, Same Me

I find I tend to alternate between feeling like things are under control to feeling cranky and overwhelmed and stressed out. Possibly that’s just adult life…I am a major planner and when things go wrong, as they invariably do, my first impulse is to get annoyed and blame myself for failing to plan something properly rather than say, hey, you know what, things don’t always go according to plan.

This is where “same me” comes in. It’s not like this is new. I mean, really, I’m not getting younger, and my habits are becoming more and more set. It doesn’t mean I can’t change, and honestly, aren’t we supposed to be mellowing as we get older? One of my colleagues today told me one of her “secrets of adulthood” (Gretchen Rubin’s phrase, not my colleague’s) was to not stress out or worry about things that she can’t do anything about. I was worrying about scheduling some things and how I wasn’t hearing back from people I needed to hear back from…and right. It wasn’t my fault. I took some deep breaths, wrote a few kindly worded emails, and then I went ahead and made some scheduling decisions. Things will either work out or they won’t, and when they don’t work out, that’s certainly not the end of the world.

To be fair though, I don’t want to be one of those “oh, it’ll all work out” type of people, because my observation is that those people are the ones the rest of us are waiting on! And then yeah, it does work out, because the rest of us did all the hard work and scheduling. But there’s no reason to be constantly stressed out. At least that’s what I keep telling myself. The fact is that we are not talking about life and death here, only violin lessons.

Otherwise, life is good! We had a lovely weekend: breakfast at IKEA followed by shopping. I have many ideas for the house, if we decided to remodel. Bad ideas, but ideas nonetheless. I don’t have that “eye” for redecorating and am just really good at making do and having stacks of books and music. Then Saturday night we saw the Bad Plus at Jazz at the Bistro and it was a very fun show. I think I’ve seen that group for 4 years straight now and each show I enjoy more.

IMG_6869

We sort of jumped on the bandwagon of prepared meals. My friends gave me a free week to Hello Fresh and we got three meals on Thursday. The meals ranged from ok to very good, but what they all shared was that they were quick enough and easy, and you didn’t have to shop and plan, which is fun sometimes but other times…so exhausting! I certainly would never plan for three new meals in a week! The portions were quite big and the meals seemed quite healthy and well balanced. We tried the vegetarian box, 3 meals for 2 people, and there wasn’t any choice, you just took what there was for the week. I thought there could have been more proteins (legumes, tofu, etc) but that was my only real complaint. I do think there was a lot of packaging, comparing to buying similar things at the grocery store though, but it wasn’t overwhelming. If you are interested I have a coupon code for $40 off one week so you’d get the week for about $20. It’s pretty easy to cancel, though I haven’t…I’ve only “paused”. But you can cancel your account online too.

IMG_6876IMG_6879

Two of the meals. I’m quite the food photographer, I know. I loved that last one, with pumpkin seeds on it.

I’m dog-sitting for my friend April. Her dog, Olive is a total cutie. (So is Mackenzie of course, of course!)

IMG_6883

Tomorrow is the one-year anniversary of my cat Oistrakh’s death. I still miss her, and sometimes I’ll see something out of the corner of my eye (a sweater on a bed for instance) and think it’s her. She was the best kitty!

Anyway, I better get a few more things checked off the ol’ to-do list before I teach. Hope your week is going well!

Random thoughts, San Francisco, Travel

I did not leave my heart in San Francisco, but I did enjoy it

2 Comments

And Happy New Year!! I am belated in my wishes, but they are sincere!

Where does the time go? Is this just a natural part of aging, that time flies by and you don’t know how to stop it?

I read something that said, don’t say you don’t have time for something, say you aren’t making it a priority. I guess I haven’t been making blogging a priority, which is okay, but I always enjoy writing.

My Christmas vacation was nice. We flew to San Francisco, rented an SUV, drove a few hours (longer due to the California traffic) to a small town called Angel’s Camp, spent the night there. The next day we loaded up and headed to a remote cabin near the town of Bear Valley and Lake Alpine and spent 4 nights there. Then 3 nights in San Francisco, 1 in Berkeley, and then home. My travel blogging has been terrible, but I wanted to just share a few pictures for now. I’ll say: it wasn’t the easiest of trips, because the cabin was perhaps a bit more remote and colder than I realized, but it was nice to get away and spend time with friends (Louie and I traveled with another couple), it was great to see San Francisco, and it was really nice to meet some of Louie’s family in Berkeley.

IMG_6708

There was no shortage of snow!IMG_6716

I managed to bake two Sour Cream Apple Pies on this antique stove. And the stove below tried to provide heat for the entire house. It was nice and toasty by the fire, and I would be happy to spend a few more days there, reading.

IMG_6728

A flat roof would be a bad idea for this cabin! I don’t really have a good idea of how it looks because there was so much snow.

IMG_6735

And then to San Francisco. I met this handsome fellow at the Yerba Gardens near the Museum of Modern Art.

IMG_6748

A fed coyote is a dead coyote. Truer words never spoken.

IMG_6779

We walked along the bay and enjoyed a gorgeous sunset. If Louie or I had started a software company and sold it for billions, maybe we would have a boat here.

IMG_6786

These steps (Filbert Steps) are technically a street—but it’s too steep for a street so there are only steps. And people live there, in houses that are only accessible for steps. Sounds like a great opportunity for Amazon Drones! In any case I’m glad we went DOWN them.

IMG_6804

We had a lovely lunch at a restaurant by the Marina called Greens. Other notable restaurants we ate at include Burma Love and Mochica.

IMG_6821

And then we walked to and on the Golden Gate Bridge. Louie and I did insane amounts of walking for two days!IMG_6835

And now I am nearly back to work. I start teaching tomorrow and today I am continuing to catch up on emails and other correspondence, trying to get back into shape on the violin, and planning and preparing for the upcoming semester. It’s a rainy, gloomy day, here and definitely feels like January except that it’s not super cold. This is not a complaint!

Lots of folks spend time writing about their goals for the year. I have some things I have been working towards that I want to keep doing—I’ve put a lot of specific efforts into my career over the past couple of years and plan to continue doing that. Personally I want to be more sociable and friendly, as I feel I’ve been focusing on work and Louie to the detriment of my friends. I also want to manage stress better, as the upcoming year will likely be full of various stressors, but I don’t have to overreact to all of them! And I want to continue to travel and see concerts and shows, maybe even more, maybe the same, and to (always) make a positive impact on the world.

Random thoughts

Winter Travels

4 Comments

Today is my last day before vacation (for two weeks, mostly…one gig)!! I’m thrilled.

Christmas has snuck up on me this year. I think this year has been a tough one, as I’ve said, and honestly, I won’t be sorry to see it gone. Not that years matter because a calendar year is an artificial construct. But I’m ready to get away for a few days and hopefully get to relax a bit and then to come home and start up again fresh.

It’s never really fresh—the house needs a lot of work and is constantly a mess and it really starts to bother me. I can’t do enough about it though to get to where I want it to be. Sometimes I feel very helpless in life!

This time last year we were struggling with a large variety of pet health issues. Now we are single pet owners and while the medicine schedule is crazy sometimes, Mackenzie’s illness is well under control and it’s a wonderful thing. Her fur is thick and she has been shedding her normal, fairly obscene, amounts all over the house.

I haven’t done any baking this year. Really I haven’t baked much in awhile. Part of it is my current kitchen situation: it isn’t as conducive to wanting to bake! Another part is how busy I’ve been, and when I’m not working I’ve wanted to just read or sleep, or lie very very still. But yeah, the kitchen is in the basement, and it’s not my favorite place. I got ingredients for pumpkin bread and jam-filled butter cookies but never made them! The ingredients will keep though (maybe not the eggs, but otherwise) and maybe when I get back I’ll make a few things. I am planning a sour cream apple pie for Christmas dinner though Smile

I feel like I’ve been posting when I’m overwhelmed and stressed and not enough other times. I’ve been thinking about goals for the new year and one is to write more. It helps me think through everything and helps me keep track of where I am.

So, did I tell you? We are going to California: to San Francisco, Berkeley, and the Sierra Nevadas (near Bear Valley). The good thing about Bear Valley is that it is winter so there shouldn’t be any bears. Though I remember learning from an old computer game that bears don’t hibernate, they actually just sleep, so they COULD get up and walk around in the winter.  (I tried to find what the name of the computer game was and couldn’t but then fell down the hole and am reminiscing about the game “Lemonade Stand” that we used to play a ton until we figured out how to beat it and then it wasn’t quite as fun. Does anybody know this trivia game? I recall we played until we memorized all the answers…)

I hope you have a great rest of the year. I’d say Happy Holidays but I hear that now we are required to wish everybody a Merry Christmas because it’s in the Bible and there is a War on Christmas (very evident as when I go to stores there is not sign of the holiday!).

Happy New Year too. Am I allowed to say that? Smile

Random thoughts

Ice Daze

2 Comments

Last night didn’t turn out as planned. Louie and I were planning to go to the benefit concert after he finished at work. It was freezing raining a bit (freeze-raining, freezing rain?) and the traffic was bad…we got in the car and headed out and the roads were bad. After it took us 15 minutes to go one block, and then Louie had to brake to let a car back up, and we slid slowly for a long time and only by sheer luck and excellent, gutsy driving into the center lane did we avoid yet another $500 deductible on the car this year…we decided to give up and go home. Another few blocks, some sliding, and home safe.

I feel like St Louis wants to pretend the city doesn’t need to shut down due to inclement weather but doesn’t want to put in the street treating required. I know some people said the ice was a surprise but I had heard it as the forecast in the morning. Sigh. I sound grumpy, don’t I? It was an abrupt end to my year of performances, and while I’m not on vacation yet, I’m on a practicing vacation until after the holidays! I hope things don’t get too bad overnight because I have a wedding gig in the morning (I know, weird) and then a reception and then an evening concert, so it’s a full day of doing stuff…either way it’ll be really cold. Today I’m just at home—I had two parties to go to, and even got an amazing “ugly sweater” for the second one, but I am calling it, and staying in, in the warmth and safety. Our front steps iced over by 3 pm and as much as I love seeing friends (I swear I do) I don’t want to risk the auto damage.

So here we are. Blogging again.

Honest question: do you think I worry and/or stress out too much? Sometimes I feel like I’m very high-strung. Other times I feel it’s the nature of this profession, and yet other times I feel like I’m too laid back and need to be more organized and procrastinate less. Perhaps the fact that I’m asking this question gives me the answer.

I have to say: I’m really looking forward to vacation. But I’m also really looking forward to next semester. It should be slightly less intense than this fall was, but still lots of fun and challenging.

I’m thinking about this year in review. I suppose it’s time to really evaluate the good and the bad. It’s been quite a ride, and overall a really difficult year. But that’s life: it goes on, things are hard, you have moments of clarity and wonder.

Time to veg, watch some Man in the High Castle, and who knows what else. How is your weekend on this, the last weekend before Christmas?

Deep Thoughts

Holidaze

2 Comments

As you’ve no doubt noticed (well, there’s a doubt) I haven’t found the time to blog lately! Or made the time…time is what you make of it, right? That’s why I’ve decided that each day will henceforth have 27 hours rather than 24 to fit more things in, including sleep.

But seriously, I haven’t blogged all December. So much has been going on! We had our last Perseid Quartet concert of the year, at the Danforth University Center on the campus of Washington University (Wash U, as we call it) and it was a great success—full house, plus talked to some great people and might have gotten another interesting opportunity from it. The next week I played a concert with my newly formed piano trio in Illinois. It was a cold night, but we had a few in attendance and had a nice time sharing our program. It was a little stressful as rehearsals had been harder to schedule than we’d hoped but we pulled it off.

Through it all you know how December can be for musicians, lots and lots of extra concerts. Remind me next year not to commit myself to any serious performances in December that require practice…for instance, tonight I’m playing a solo performance to benefit some of my students, but AH I’ve had to keep up on practicing while going crazy. At least I’m done for the semester at Wash U now, grades are submitted…oh, and I got another adjunct position, at Lindenwood University, so that’ll be another thing to add to my schedule. Louie joked that I’m taking all the jobs, singlehandedly, and there aren’t any left for anybody else, but the truth is, to make this whole freelance thing work financially you have to work a ton. I’m having a good time with it though, and I honestly feel like this has been the best year, career-wise, in a long time. And the other truth is that I have hectic crazy weeks but I have time, it’s there, it just needs organizing. And I love doing all this. I thrive on being overworked.

It’s been a terrible year otherwise, and I’ve also been grabbing as much work as possible to try to save money for fear of what is going to happen over the next few years. Luckily I am now going on Louie’s health insurance rather than staying with the marketplace because that’s just a mess. I don’t know how our insurance will be impacted if and when the idiots in government repeal the ACA (without replacing, because they are the party of “NO” without any ideas of their own) but I know whatever happens will be better through his employer than through the marketplace. I am angry and bitter that I have to, that I cannot make this work in this country without a partner. But he is a good partner at least and is somebody worth depending on Smile

I think I’m going to try to get a quick nap in before the day gets away from me (I was up really early and didn’t get enough sleep due to a late rehearsal) and I need the energy to perform tonight. I’m playing Prokofiev’s Solo Sonata—I’ve performed the first movement several times over the past 15 years, but never all three movements! Wish me luck!

Random thoughts

Conference Call

I had a conference call this morning. For some of you that might be really normal, but it was definitely outside the norm for me. It’s for a committee I’m serving on for the American String Teachers Association, and I mostly listened—it was really interesting hearing from some “big name” teachers. Hopefully they won’t regret allowing me on the committee! I have been trying to get more involved lately in the  “community” of string teachers/private music teachers and this is part of it. I suppose I am also a somewhat experienced teacher and have things to offer as well, but I still feel like I know nothing (like Jon Snow) and that I have SO much to learn.

Then I practiced, taught a student at Wash U and now I’m about to teach a whole bunch of students here at home. If I reflect on it, I am really enjoying my college teaching and hope to have a few more students in the spring. I still love my home teaching, but it’s been pretty nice to get out of the house more often (it pains me to say that) and it’s nice to have to wear shoes. Though it’s also nice NOT to have to wear shoes, so I think it’s the variety that interests me.

Sometimes I feel like I’m not giving anything enough of my time, but I suspect most people feel like that, and so I’m in good company. I’m trying to focus on not getting stressed out and just staying focused and making sure I know what day it is. (Just kidding. Well, sort of. At work this morning I did have a moment of worrying I had shown up a day early.)

The thing is, I really enjoy most of the work that I do. It just has been causing me a lot of stress, for whatever reason. I feel like performing has been extra stressful lately, maybe because I feel like I’ve been holding myself to really high standards. Which sounds ridiculous, but the farther I get from making a living playing music (I’d have to run the numbers, but it’s definitely closer to 1/4 than 1/2 or more that it’s been in the past) the more I feel I’m playing violin better than ever. It either feels like a big irony of life, or that I should be taking auditions. To be honest, the more I talk to people with orchestra jobs, I’m glad I’m not taking auditions. Often they are just complaining or acting like they are loads better than everybody else (sorry guys, that’s how you are coming across to a lot of us freelancers) and it doesn’t make me wistful. I am wistful for more money, but I think that that is a normal human thing Smile

Probably I sound jealous, but I’m not. I’m happy with how things are going, and I’m looking forward to knowing that the future isn’t going to be as planned, and that’s okay! Whenever I start to feel stuck, life has a way of throwing new opportunities at me. Or I run after them. Is that enough ridiculous metaphors/vagueness for you? I’m not even talking about anything, I’m really ONLY being metaphorically vague.

Please keep reading Smile