Confession: I didn’t have tacos today.

BUT I did have tacos on (I think) Sunday night, so that totally counts, I believe. Vegetarian (perhaps even vegan, but I’m not counting) tacos with sweet potatoes, seitan, onions, and peppers. I am not a huge fan of peppers but I’ll tolerate red peppers that are cooked. I am a huge fan of onions and sweet potatoes though.

As an aside, I can’t say “sweet potato” without thinking of “Suite Potato” which was the name of a family concert with the Canton Symphony many years ago. My sister Leslie had this sad, homestar runner like way of saying “Suite Potato” that went on all season in anticipation of the family concert. I don’t have much recollection of the actual concert, but I do recall her saying “Suite Potato.”

I’ve decided that my life has gotten kind of boring lately. I’m spending entirely too much time focusing on the violin and teaching and playing and practicing and whatnot, and what is left? Yeah, sure, there’s running and dog walking and pet parades and such, but I feel like mostly it’s work and then TV watching. Which honestly, is totally fine LIVING it but writing a blog about it…perhaps a bit boring? Maybe it’s my fault for not making what I do sound more interesting. That’s probably what I really need to work on. Because obviously work is important and what people mostly do in their lives, right? And TV, especially Dr. Who and then Broadchurch because you miss David Tennant as Dr. Who, well those are both important and interesting…right?

One of the highlights of every week is quartet rehearsal.  We rehearse nearly every week on a morning, because that just works well for us. Oh, and we have a concert coming up on February 21 at 7 pm. I was thinking about playing chamber music the other day. While at school (back in the day) I wasn’t really into chamber music. I had a few groups here and there and they generally dissolved with great drama, anger, and resentment between the parties involved. We never managed to get our acts together and be mature enough to really have fun and play together. I’ll never know if this was mostly my fault or just bad luck but the most awesome part of my quartet is that AS OF YET we still get along well enough and respect each other and have a great time making music. I’m sure we each have days where we leave rehearsal a little annoyed and it’s not that every rehearsal is just a love fest (though many are, in that we end up just telling ridiculous teaching stories and waste half the rehearsal doing that!) but that we learn from each other, we work hard, and we are (mostly) all on the same page as far as our goals and our commitment to the group. I also feel that my playing has improved since joining the group and it’s just been one of my favorite things that I’ve been involved with in the past year. I’m really looking forward to our next concert as it includes two of my all-time favorite quartets—Borodin’s Quartet no. 2 (my guilty pleasure piece) and Shostakovich’s 8th quartet.

I was having a discussion with Louie the other day about being our best selves, and I said to him that I really felt I was in the best violin playing shape of my life. l don’t know if that’s true exactly, because how does one know? But I do know that I feel like I am, and that I feel like I’m becoming a real violinist, and a real person, and I’m not living in anybody’s musical shadow or following them around anymore, and it’s really been quite fun. I won’t say that I don’t have moments of feeling like a total failure but overall, I’m enjoying what I’m doing. I’m also not saying that my calendar is totally full and in fact today I thought to myself, wow I have mostly wasted the day AND I’ve gotten most of what I needed to get done done…I need more to do! But then I remembered a whole bunch of things that I should be working on so I think I just had one of those days where I didn’t feel stressed or productive. I could use more paying work, but who couldn’t? And I’m sure that the calendar will fill up and get crazy again soon and this is just the late winter lull…and I’m trying to take advantage of it and have fun! And it’s been easy to do that on the weekends at least.

Anyway, that’s my brain dump on this here “Taco Tuesday.” I had bean soup for dinner.

I like to take this stuff and make it in the crockpot. Today I added “Soyrizo”, carrots, a can of diced tomatos, and some barley I had on hand. It turned out great and I had nearly two bowls worth.

Happy New Year!

I haven’t blogged for some time and you’ve all probably been wondering, gosh, what on earth is Hannah up to? And I could tell you everything, but the truth is, Hannah has just been busy. Good busy though, mostly, finishing up the Christmas season with shows and concerts and gigs, doing things with loved ones, celebrating the new year, all of those wonderful things.

I wrote this status update on Facebook as my year in review and I’ll copy/paste it here for you.

“If I were a better blogger I’d have done a year-end recap. I didn’t do a Christmas letter either: I’ll just do it here–

I played a bunch of quartet concerts, joined a band, played opera, a recital with solo Bach and put out a CD. I traveled to Phoenix, Philadelphia, Nashville, Chattanooga, Chicago, El Paso and more. I moved and now live with two cats and a dog. I became an aunt to the world’s cutest niece. I got to see my youngest sibling graduate from college and can’t believe we are finally all grown up! I read a bunch of books, watched a variety of television shows, a few movies, ate at some good restaurants and some not-so-good ones. I hiked, sometimes longer than planned, I ran, I lifted a few weights, I ate some great food at home, drank some good wine, stayed up too late on occasion, and tried to be a decent friend.

Now I’m getting ready to put on my party dress and my party shoes and celebrate the coming of 2015. This year was okay. There’s no point in rehashing the crappy parts of the year, because I’m not looking to remind myself of those (though finalizing a divorce is really a good thing, I think!) I’m focusing on the good stuff, and looking forward to ringing in the new year with my loved one(s).

Here’s to all of you that made the year tolerable, that made the year special, that helped me up when I was down, and who were there in spirit when you couldn’t be in person! I wouldn’t have wanted to do it alone.”

So what are my plans for 2015?

Music wise, I want to keep doing more. Musically, I haven’t been this satisfied in years! I want to continue to push and challenge myself and grow as a musician beyond the narrow mindset of “I’m a failure since I don’t have an orchestra job” that has plagued me for years. 2014 helped me grow as a musician in ways that I could never have imagined, between playing with Jen, the Perseid Quartet, the Illumine Ensemble, and the TSO tribute band.

Teaching wise, I need to stay on top of things better and continue to grow. I might be able to swing a Suzuki Institute this summer and get inspiration and fresh ideas! I am pretty aware of my strengths and weaknesses as a teacher and I want to obviously change those weaknesses into things I’m less weak at.

Personally: I want to try to be a better girlfriend, friend, daughter, aunt (!!!), and sister, to be more patient and listen more, and perhaps interrupt a bit less. I’m becoming more aware of some of my personal limitations (group travel is the worst—I literally cannot deal with groups of people for very long and I can become very unpleasant) and I want to work on dealing with my limitations better at least, especially when situations are unavoidable. I want to keep traveling and exploring the world, and I want to give back as much as I can. (Our CD sales have raised around $800 so far for the St Luke’s Life and Hope Fund and we have more copies to sell!)

Sometimes I am struck by how incredibly resilient I am in the face of difficulty, yet other times I am struck by how incredibly lucky I am. I suppose most of us feel this way. Like I said in my facebook status update, basically, THANKS for being there for me. Whether or not I was there for you. Let’s make 2015 an even better year together.

Long time blog readers know that I am a stressed out bundle of nerves sometimes and other times I feel really great about myself. Often it’s one wrapped in the other. Occasionally it’s wrapped in bacon. Or prosciutto.

For instance, I feel like I’m a pretty great violin teacher. Except when I’m worried that I’m too easy on my students, or too hard on them, or when I’m worried that my house is a mess and all the parents are looking down on me for that, or that everybody has noticed that I gained and lost a large amount of weight over the past few years…or that my pets are too hairy, or maybe the place smells funny, or that each student is judging the one beforehand and finding them (and therefore me) lacking.

Violin playing is another thing. Some days I feel fantastic, like I can play anything. Other days I feel utterly terrible about my playing, and feel like a giant loser compared to all of the truly successful people I went to college with. Today I feel out of shape so at least I have a valid excuse, but generally I feel like I don’t work hard enough and that I am not good enough. Except when I feel like I sound pretty darn good and that thing come entirely too easy for me. It’s a toss up. A lot of the time I remind myself that I’ve made sacrifices in my career for my ex, and those were my choices at the time. And honestly, I love many of the musical activities I’m doing now, and I wouldn’t be here without a series of choices. I shouldn’t judge my own career based on how much money I make or someone’s narrow-minded view of what a musician does.

Or being a friend. I often feel like a terrible friend. I talk too much about myself and don’t ask enough questions. Or I don’t participate in the conversations enough. Or I’m not around enough or ask people to do stuff because I’m too busy…then again, they could ask me…then again how many friends does a girl need? I “lost” a lot of “friends” in my divorce, but then again, I’m using the quotes because obviously those people weren’t my real friends anyway. (I know I’ve mentioned this before, but it still burns occasionally).  Divorce is hard. Harder still is having to make all new friends. I’m sometimes surprised I’m still standing!

I probably sound a little sad or something, but honestly, I just felt like I hadn’t poured much truthiness into my blog lately, so I’m writing about something that occurred to me after I finished teaching today. So I thought I’d give you a nice dose of feelings so we can bond.

PSA: Check your dryer for cats before starting it.

I detest “throwback Thursday” because…honestly, who says “throwback”? What happened to flashback Friday? People actually say “flashback” I think?

In the interest of better SEO though…I thought I’d use the word. People always say your titles for blog posts need to take SEO into account, since pageviews and clickbait are all that matters today…rather than good writing, ACTUAL content, and using lots of…

Picture time! If I don’t post a certain amount of cats I get angry comments about it.

And baby pictures!

Somebody is very tired…probably she misses her aunt Hannah!

My cat still weighs more. Winning.

Oh, and here’s a picture one of the singers in my band took and made fancy:

Our “tour” starts tomorrow. It’s not a tour, but that’s what we call it for some reason. If you live in any of those areas, it’s a fun, cheesy Christmas Show for the whole family and I recommend it if you want something light.

(Self-promotion, you see?)

I’ve been really into soup lately. I made a 15 bean soup with sausage and tonight is beef stew. The crockpot is my friend, because you just add your ingredients earlier in the day when you have time, and then when you’re done working dinner is ready AND your house has smelled like dinner for hours so you are really hungry!

It’s cold here. It turned cold a few days ago and everybody started to freak out. Then there were snow flurries and you cannot even imagine how folks were reacting. It might actually snow tomorrow and I think most of the people I follow on twitter will actually self-destruct because there is nowhere else to go. I’ve run in the cold a couple times and I forgot how it isn’t fun to be both cold and sweating at the same time.

I’m finally a bit more relaxed. Rather than dreading the busy holiday season, it’s finally here, but I can relax on my practicing and everything, since all I have to worry about now (well, after two other shows this weekend with the Illumine Ensemble, ha) is the band stuff, which we have rehearsed so much that I don’t even need to think anymore. I’ve been waking up NOT feeling overwhelmed, which is fantastic. I’m looking forward to the “tour” being over and really being relaxed though…but that’s over a month away.

Oh, and I started watching Doctor Who. I’m pretty confused because I started partway in, but I think I’m getting the hang of it. Time travel is pretty fun, eh?

I feel like I should use an old picture for the throwback part of my title, but I don’t think it matters…and I realize it’s not Caturday yet either, but I’m busy all day tomorrow and HEY maybe you are reading this on Caturday anyway?! Or maybe you read it on Caturday years ago? Or you just feel like you did?

Have a wonderful weekend! Come see me play my purple violin! Or my brown violin, OR whatever! Don’t just sit around all weekend watching Netflix, okay?