Category Archives: Random thoughts

Feeling Okay

I can do this. Things are okay. I have a fridge full of fresh fruits and veggies—I have gotten two shipments from a company called Imperfect Foods, and we got a Blue Apron package this week. We keep eating meals full of vegetables under the idea that “down the road” we might not be able to, and honestly, it’s fantastic. We haven’t eaten so well in years, probably, because neither of us has had enough time to cook so much, and suddenly my weekends are just…free.

I’ve often joked that I’d make more money only teaching than playing other gigs. While it’s not true, especially in regards to shows at the Fox Theatre and such, it certainly makes me more relaxed when I’m only teaching and not worried about running off here and there. I’m hoping that Congress passes a stimulus bill that helps people out because then I will be less worried about my students dropping out due to being unable to pay. If people keep getting paid, they’ll keep taking lessons, and things will be okay, even if I’m just sitting all by myself in the room talking to a computer. Not to mention that will help everybody!

710A572A-0C78-44CD-8C2F-BC01B56A9875

If not, I worry that over the next month or two students will start to leave lessons. It’s a hard enough time already without all of us worrying to death about money and health care.

But today I shall stay positive. It’s Wednesdays and things are going to be okay.

IMG_4162

We added a new basket to the cat tree. It is popular.

Oh, and I made this video the other day. Enjoy!

Shelter in place

How much difference a week or two makes. Two weeks ago (or more) I was commenting on people’s facebook pages that they weren’t thinking realistically that the virus wasn’t going to come here. And here we are, today, with a  shelter in place order going into effect on Monday.

I slept in this morning, then did a long video workout. I made potatoes and eggs for lunch, and the potatoes took much longer than anticipated, so we ate lunch late while chatting on facetime with my sister Leslie and her family. Then we went out for a walk in the neighborhood (social distancing of course, which meant that people were crossing the street to avoid one another) and then I had to record a video for my band: we were planning to meet this weekend to record a video for the Tiny Desk Concert, but instead are doing it piecemeal. Maybe it’ll work, maybe it won’t. It took awhile to figure out set up and then another while to get a take I was reasonably happy with. Music making is difficult in these times.

IMG_4124

I feel like since I never leave the house to work, I’m constantly both at work and not at work. I told my students they can send me videos of practice for feedback and some have taken that to heart! I realize I’m lucky that I can continue to work from home and that so far my students seem to be happy to make the switch to online lessons.

I can’t believe it’s already past 6 pm and it’s time to think about dinner. We did get curbside takeout somewhere last night, and so probably I should cook tonight to save money. Then again, we want to support our favorite restaurants that are doing takeout/curbside service. Then again, does that actually spread the disease more? We get conflicting information from different sources…I guess nobody knows for sure? I wish we had some smart people in charge instead of what we have.

IMG_4125

But these guys. They are really starting to be besties again. At least there’s that.

Day 5

Some people are doing a good job keeping up on all the changes from day to day. I’m just struggling to get by—making the transition to online teaching, reading and responding to dozens upon dozens of emails about online teaching, about dealing with the restrictions the virus has thrown upon us…spending too much time reading the news and scrolling (this I need to cut down on)…it’s been a tough time!

I’ve made a document of all the gigs and concerts that I’ve lost so far. It’s been a lot, but I can power through. I’m missing playing though, and I’m debating whether doing a live stream “concert” would be something worth doing?

I’m lucky in that so far all of my private students are agreeing to move online, but the longer this goes on…how many of them will have to cut back on violin lessons as an unnecessary expense? Hopefully few and I can keep my hope up! I’m also teaching most of my college students in a similar way and honestly, it is almost as good as an in person lesson. You don’t need a lot of fancy technology, unless you don’t have a computer or a smart phone. People online will make you think you need a $400 microphone and expensive headset to make it work, but so far the biggest difference I’ve seen in my lessons seems to be the internet connection. I joined a few facebook groups for online teaching ideas, and one of the posts yesterday seemed to imply that you should make sure no one else was using the internet for streaming as it would slow down your connection. I thought that was hilarious because at my house I’m using video chat and Louie is streaming video and using video chat for his job as well and we just have to deal.

60627875347__43A9ED1F-F950-4EF8-A4CC-F32CE9E3ECC8

I sometimes think maybe my students are just different than others…other teachers say, make them use zoom. I feel like if I tell mine to do something specific that will just make everyone give up. I asked mine to do what was easiest for them, and truly, everybody has different technology comfort levels. For instance, I was attempting to use bluetooth headphones yesterday and I couldn’t get them to work and so ended up hanging up on a student. Another student couldn’t get the video on skype to work and ended up having to use a different device. Some tell me they’ve never used video chat before and don’t understand it at all…I think the name of the game right now is making people feel as comfortable as possible so I’m teaching using a variety of platforms, and it seems to be working well enough. I won’t insist that their parents stop working remotely during the lesson even if it slows down the internet because that is (dare I say it) more important than the lesson. Music is important to life, but let’s not overstate the importance of a music lesson. I think it’s important for kids to keep things as normal as possible, and that it’s important to learn music, and if we are going to be stuck inside for awhile, we might as well keep going, plus it’s something to keep occupied with and take your mind off other difficulties. But I don’t care if the sound quality is a bit sketchy and if the student isn’t standing exactly in the right place. Maybe I need to step away from the facebook groups!

IMG_4082

So how are we doing? Stressed and anxious…but doing okay. I’ve been eating well (we’ve been cooking up tons of vegetables) and exercising daily since getting back from Atlanta. I miss going out and seeing people—I never even thought of myself as that social but there’s something about feeling like you can’t do something that makes you especially miss it. I suppose our favorite activity to do was to go out to eat, to let someone else serve up the food, and we would eat it surrounded by other people chatting and hanging out. Who knows when we will get to do that again?

I am still holding out a twinge of hope that summer is better but I also know this could go on for a year or more, at least in some form. I have plenty of toilet paper because I stocked up before we went to Atlanta. Louie can do his job remotely, even if he also misses going to work and seeing colleagues and being around people (it’s the being around people, just generally, that really bugs me). I am lucky to have him, and I feel empathy for those that live alone and might feel especially lonely. I worry about the long reaching effects of social distancing. I worry about job losses, especially for the self-employed, and also for those with employers. In my field, most people have lost their work, so many if not most of my friends are affected. I have friends who are already on furlough from their jobs as well. We may not get to go to France, but it’ll be okay: we will go another time. Or we will still go…part of me still has hope that the scientists and doctors will figure this out really quickly!

I call this Day 5 because we drove back from visiting friends in Atlanta last Sunday, so this is Day 5 of teaching from home. The weird thing is that I actually have a weekend in front of me: with proper time off and everything, even though I didn’t ask for it and didn’t want it. We’ve decided to start a garden since I have the time, and bought things we needed earlier in the week. It’s been quite rainy this week but hopefully tomorrow we can at least start the weeding and redo the borders on the garden beds in the backyard (they used to have bricks lining them, but with the plumbing issue last year the backhoe ruined a lot of them).

IMG_4086

It’s too bad we don’t have any leadership from the state or federal level in this crisis, but our city leaders have been doing well. We need more testing and we need help for people—I am a firm believer in straight up cash to help out, because what else will really do it? But our federal elected officials are more concerned with making profits and hiding the truth than actually helping people or avoiding a pandemic (horrible conspiracy theories involving the president either causing the pandemic for profit or, at a minimum, allowing it to grow for profit, start to feel more real when you read about senators having intelligence briefings, then selling stock and buying stock in companies that help you telecommute, and then telling the american people that the virus is under control or not an issue at all…it starts to make you think anything is possible with these horrible people in charge, who care only about their own personal profits).

I know I’m ranting, but this is my page to do so Smile . And things are rough right now, for everybody. Don’t you wish we had a president you could trust was doing her (or his, I suppose) best for the nation, for everybody in it?

Anyway, what are your weekend plans? Are you going to work on your yard, if you have one? Binge watch TV? Rearrange your furniture? Watch live-stream concerts?

Delight

I was listening to an episode of This American Life yesterday about delight, and various stories about people who find delight in their lives. It reminded me quite a bit about Gretchen Rubin and the Happiness Project stuff she works with.

I think lately I’ve been struggling finding happiness. Having another headache this week (not as bad as the other week, but still overwhelming at times) hasn’t helped in any way. Worrying about coronavirus and the presidential election (which honestly, hasn’t the primary been going on for a year now and still isn’t over) isn’t helping either. I do find myself happier when I ignore the news, but then I’m uninformed, and I’m not sure I want to trade that.

I was trying to think, what brings me delight? What are moments throughout the day that I can find happiness to relieve the tedium and stress I seem to be finding on an everyday basis. It’s hard. I feel like I’m working too much and not getting a lot of enjoyment out of my work. And then I just get done, and I’m exhausted and Louie is exhausted and we make a quick dinner and watch a show on netflix and then go to bed, and the day starts again the next day the same way. If we are lucky, we might have time to go do something outside, like a hike or run, but lately every time I do high impact exercise (okay, this has been twice in the past three weeks) I end up with a terrible headache after…(each time I started with a  mild headache hoping I would sweat it out). So my running is also super slow, which is something I don’t enjoy but it’s hard, and then that is something else that is bringing me stress. Hiking is fun, and we enjoyed the one last weekend, but then I work a lot of weekends and we don’t always have time. Traveling is fun, and we are planning to go to Paris this summer as part of a work conference for Louie…except we are worried about it getting canceled due to the coronavirus and then what? Seeing friends can be fun, but there’s often a pressure to drink alcohol and I’m cutting back due to my headaches, and honestly, who has the time? It would be nice to do other things with friends, museums, hiking etc, but then it all boils down to time and the lack of it. I’m probably doing too many things, and I’m doing too many things that just don’t bring me enough delight (or joy) but then I just don’t know which ones to give up. All of it? Just quit it all and spend my days in meditation?

So what I’m left with is stealing time during the day to read, which I do truly enjoy. And blog, which is good because even though I just seem annoyed and possibly a bit depressed, blogging is a small delight.

IMG_3921

Cats always bring joy, except when they run away and then they bring great sadness. Muriel is not worried about her joy and is just enjoying the sun and bird watching. I should be like Muriel in many ways.

I think having a few days away next week will be really good! I am feeling like I’m in a bit of a funk and usually the best way to break that is to mix things up a bit. I’m visiting April in Atlanta, and I think that will really help my mood. I’m also visiting my doctor soon to talk about my headache issue and hopefully get some ideas on relief. It’s possible they are stress related as well, and I am going to reflect on how I can reduce stress, at least on the inside. I can’t control the my outside world (I’m talking on a larger level) but I can work on my inside world, and my immediate outside world.

Cliff Cave Park

It was a gorgeous weekend, weather-wise, so Louie and I took a hike one day. There had been an article in the local paper about various places to hike and it mentioned Cliff Cave Park. I had had it on my list for a bit, but it often seemed to be flooded. I assumed (incorrectly) that since the article mentioned no flooding that the park would be fine to hike.

To be fair, we were still able to hike several miles, but a long part of the hike was closed due to flooding. Dear reporters, don’t just google stuff and put together an article. Maybe go check it out.

IMG_3911IMG_3914

Anyway, it was a lovely day and we enjoyed walking around near the Mississippi River. We probably walked about 4 miles total.

Otherwise, the weekend flew by. For once we didn’t have any concerts to attend, but I had a bunch of rehearsals and a few students, and before we knew it, it was Monday again.

I have now done a fair amount to “prepare” for coronavirus disruptions. We probably have two weeks of food and 3 days of water (for whatever reason) so I feel better about things. I suppose I’m tired of feeling like everything is terrible and feeling helpless and that our president is a completely narcissistic fool and yet so many of my fellow Americans are…well, fine with that. It’s upsetting.

I’m also annoyed that we don’t get to vote in the primary today. I’m annoyed that we don’t all vote on the same day: the concept of momentum is stupid, and we should all just get to vote on the same day (or week, really) for the candidate we think would do the best job. Perhaps even the top three candidates, in order, and then the one who got the most votes would become the nominee. Why does the primary season feel like it’s been going on my whole adult life?

In any case, the weather is beautiful, I don’t have to teach until 1 pm, so maybe I’ll get out for a run! Sorry there aren’t any cat pictures——I ‘ve been too busy to take any, and honestly, she just does the same things Winking smile

Popping in Again

A more positive post: I have gotten so many things done today! I’m still a bit under the weather but I’ve made various appointments, made a marmalade and a pickled mushroom recipe (really, I don’t know why, except I’m obsessed), organized my music for a concert in late March, done laundry, dishes, and I think I’ll even have a bit of time in the afternoon to both relax AND practice a bit. I won’t let the world get me down!

I am looking forward to spring break. It’s tricky to even take a break, as none of my different schedules actually line up to have a break, so I’m taking a break with the college students and Louie, by extension, and we are going to hit the road to visit my friend April. I haven’t left town in some time and I think it’s wearing on me. We are also planning a fun day this Saturday and hoping the weather forecast holds: we have plans to hike and also have a fun dinner with friends. This weekend shockingly doesn’t have ANY performances to attend, and I think we will really enjoy not seeing a concert. I have enough rehearsals on Sunday and then next week to make up for it anyway.

I think I’m doing too much, overall, but I’m not entirely sure how to stop. I have a few students who are quitting/cutting back and my impulse right now is to not fill those spaces. The only sort of annoying thing is that I do have some awkward times open on Tuesdays, and I dislike having a 30 minute spot here and there, because it ends up being 20 minutes of me just doing absolutely nothing, because the students will stretch to fill the space and then I don’t have enough time or energy to do anything useful! So I guess I’d like to fill up about 1 hour worth of students earlier in the day on Tuesday and then not fill the later times and end up having some earlier evenings some days. I may not try to do anything right now and see how things shake out over the summer and fall.

So anyway, just rambling thoughts. This post probably needs more cat pictures but I don’t have any good ones right now and she’s hiding under the desk. Smile