The good news is I’m finally staring to feel better. It’s been a rough week!

The bad news, well, we are all going to get the coronavirus, right? Or it might interrupt our upcoming travel plans. I did go down a bit of a rabbit hole yesterday learning about things, and then ended up stocking up a bit more on canned goods and bottled water than I might normally have. I suppose this fits in well with my jamming and pickling hobbies! I guess if we all get quarantined I can always teach facetime lessons? The president tweeting about fake news and stock markets and how CNN is lying about the stock market and the virus to make him look bad (yes, this just happened) probably isn’t helping anybody here feel safer…nor is it helping the stock market, I wouldn’t think. If the flu is making people panic, there’s certainly no reason to stop panicking yet. But remember, don’t cash out your 401k. Markets go up and down, and this one went up for a long time.

On other notes, since I’m feeling better I’m finally going to try to work out this morning. It snowed overnight so it’ll be an indoor workout (yes, it snowed—it was 60 degrees on Sunday and it snowed here, which would be absolutely unbelievable if you had literally never been anywhere in the Midwest before—if you had, you would shrug and say, c’est la vie!).

And then I don’t know. Wednesdays are my day to catch up on everything, and I have a lot of things I should do and will do, but I am also still recovering. I’m tired, I’m sniffly (which doesn’t even seem to be a real word!), and I have a lot of things to do that I don’t feel like doing. I’ll probably do some of them and kick the others down the road until later. Maybe productivity is overrated…if the president can spend most of his days tweeting and golfing, why do the rest of us have to do any work?

I get a lot of headaches. I’ve always gotten a lot of headaches. My eye doctor will tell me it’s my vision, eye strain, what have you. I’m used to popping an ibuprofen or two a few times a week.

The past year or so, I’ve been having a very bad reaction sometimes after drinking a glass or two of red wine. I’d wake up with an absolutely horrible headache, a dull ache that wouldn’t go away for anything…no amount of water drinking, ibuprofen, excedrin, would do anything. It would get gradually better and usually by the fourth morning I would be good as gold. Yes, three days. I didn’t mention this to my doctor because 1)I think it had only happened once or twice since I last saw the doctor and 2)because it seemed to be alcohol related and so I figured, well, I’ll just stop drinking red wine.

Which mostly worked, until Tuesday morning, when I woke up with a dull headache that I thought, well a workout will help that and then by noon was dealing with a full blown headache compounded with grips of nausea and blurriness. And I hadn’t had anything to drink for several days before hand (though I recall being tired, and having neck pain, but neck pain is a fact of life for a violinist, at least on occasion!). I felt like a loser, but I ended up having to cancel my teaching that day and just laid around doing very little, napping quite a bit. I figured by the following day I would be doing better, but then I had trouble sleeping and no matter which way I lay down my head hurt and I spent some time in the bathroom feeling like I was going to throw up.

The next morning I didn’t feel better, so I called my doctor, and they couldn’t fit me in until the following day, so I headed to an urgent care center for the first time in my life. Things that are broken in our health system: I still don’t know how much this will cost me. I have excellent insurance, except it’s a high deductible PPO plan, which means things are negotiated but I still have to pay up to the deductible, which is low for a high deductible plan, but still. And of course, nobody knows what anything costs at the point of service. Like, this isn’t news, we all know these things suck, and yet, we act like this is just fine and normal and that it’s totally acceptable that I’m sitting in an urgent care center being asked questions and the doctor thinks maybe we should do a brain scan and I’m texting with Louie wondering if that’s necessary, how much it will cost, and trying to figure out if there’s any way we could possible know if that would be in or out of network (since our deductible is different for those two options.) We decided there was actually no way to know (he is no stranger to insurance companies) and I actually opted NOT to get the brain scan. Maybe I will later, if another doctor tells me I need it.

In any case, they think it’s migraines, that I have been having migraine headaches and that I was in the middle of one. They hooked me up to an IV for what they called a “headache cocktail” and I stayed there for about an hour and half, hooked up to the tubes, watching HGTV on mute (the noise annoyed me) and being generally uncomfortable. It did help the headache slightly, and I haven’t had any nausea since, and they sent me home with some more drugs to take, and I’m supposed to do a follow-up with a neurologist or maybe my regular doctor. I’m on day 3 of the headache now, and it’s still here, but it’s very mild and I can handle it. I couldn’t sleep well last night, probably some of the drugs, and I know it’s going to be a long day of teaching today (I see 7 1/2 hours of students across 8 hours and those things tend to spread) and another long day tomorrow, so if nothing else, hopefully I can sleep tonight.

I did tell my students yesterday the gist of what was going on. I always try to pretend everything is fine, and then occasionally cancel a day of teaching, but I had already done that and really did want to teach the day for money reasons. I ended up having to cancel a couple in order to get settled after the doctor’s (and squeeze in a nap and a shower in the hopes I’d wake up from the nap magically better…did not happen). But then I taught a few hours and it was fine. I’ve taught through headaches before, but it’s just when you are wracked with nausea it’s much harder.

I don’t know what happens next, other than I will be following up. The internet is full of helpful, not helpful, and somewhat terrifying information. I think this probably happened about three times last year, maybe four, and this is the first time I’ve had an incident like this completely independent of red wine (the first few times it happened I hadn’t yet made the connection), so who knows what brought it on. It’s also possible that I’d been taking a bit too much ibuprofen the past few years—I hurt my neck during a concert/sleeping funny a couple weeks ago and I’d been taking some medicine for that. The internet says headaches can be caused by taking too much medicine, so after I nip this one in the bud I’ll try to resort to topical treatments for awhile.

It’s not fun, being sick, is it? And as a self-employed person I don’t  get sick days, so any time off is money lost (plus the money spent at the doctor, which again, who knows what that is going to be? Seriously, I don’t know if it’ll be $200 or $1200 or??) It’s the cost of business, and I run my budget low assuming that I’ll have some lost income  (plus my taxes are always a who knows what that will be so I save plenty), but it’s really stupid. I didn’t get to choose my doctor either since they were booked up (and the appointment that was available wasn’t with the doctor anyway, it was with a nurse practitioner who would be perfectly qualified, but a complete stranger, so all that bs about choosing your own doctor, is simply bs. You get who you get, and you can try to choose, but when you get sick, you wait in line, you get who is available, and you have no idea what it’ll cost you.) Our health care system sucks, and every time I use it I am reminded of that, and I am also reminded that I only get to have the good health care I have throughout my boyfriend’s employer. Otherwise I’d be on the exchange, and paying hundreds of dollars a month for an even worse plan and constantly living in fear of losing my health care when the GOP decides to finally pull the plug on the ACA…why is health care only something for the rich? Okay, rant over, for now.

While writing this blog I got an email that my first student has canceled. I got up early for them, but really I got up early because I couldn’t sleep any more, even though I feel like I barely slept. I am tempted to just cancel my entire morning and go back and lie down, but I think I’d better not. Ooh, on the bright side I pick up our “crop box” today, our second one. We will be getting fun stuff like mushrooms, blood oranges, watermelon radish and white turnip. I have recipes and plans in place, and don’t even plan to do much pickling as we have two jars of pickled things still left to eat (one jar of carrots/green radishes left, plus a half jar of pickled red onions.)

The week has been a bit of a bust. I planned to do a fair amount of practicing for an upcoming gig (we got the music really late and ended up having approximately a week to learn an opera before the first rehearsal) but due to my migraine, I have done no practicing. I am not too concerned, as I’m trying to let go of things I can’t change, and I’ll be fine for the first rehearsal, but it’s frustrating. You know I like planning and getting things done. And here it is Thursday again, and I feel like it should be Monday and I want a do-over of the week, but instead I’m headed into my two busiest days without having accomplished all the things I like to accomplished during my less busy days. I am basically caught up on emails though, and the other things are mostly things I’ve been pushing back anyway, so another week won’t hurt.

I think I’ll get another cup of coffee before I have to go teach, now that I have time. Or maybe a half cup, so I don’t overdo it on caffeine.

I’ve been on a kick this week of pickling things. I’ve pickled red onion and a green radish/carrot combination (got a green radish in the CSA so that was fun). I’ve also been eating the jam I made the other week, (not this exact recipe but from a cookbook, same recipe but smaller scale) and wow is it good!

There’s been exciting things happening. My dad stopped by for a surprise overnight visit last week en route to Yellowstone National Park. It was good to see him, albeit briefly. He’s doing a fun but a little scary sounding trip, driving out west to see some of these places in the winter. Evidently you can’t go into the park, but you can take a snow bus tour.

My band raised $600 at a concert to benefit two charities related to helping those affected by the Bushfires in Australia—one is a group in Australia and the other is a local group working to combat climate change which is the big issue causing fires and other natural disasters. $600 may seem like small potatoes, but we were pleased with it.

Since I last talked with you, we have gone to a Jazz at the Bistro show, a St Louis Symphony Concert (a fantastic rendition of Beethoven Ninth Symphony), a Zafira Quartet show (some friends of mine), and saw Aaron Diehl play at Wash U. We’ve had dinner at Indo (quite good, though we probably spent too much), dinner at La Catrina (newish Mexican place nearby), made a few more breadmaker loaves of jam, made homemade granola, visited the Arch, and probably a bunch more things, but mostly, taught students.

Oh, and we had a wonderful Perseid Quartet concert last weekend. I keep feeling like, ugh, too many things to do and then I just have a great time. I suppose I always enjoy the after-concert glow! I keep waffling between whether I want to try to do a solo recital (well, with piano) next year, or not commit yet. I don’t want to go downhill with my playing—I want to continue to challenge myself and improve.

So life is busy, but not without time for a few fun things. We’ve also been watching The Crown and I’ve been reading a few good books. And exercising, mostly indoor stuff lately as the weather has been pretty crappy outside. I definitely feel like I’m into the swing of the semester, and back into the “getting things done” part of the semester—it’s hard to get adjusted, but once I do I’m good at planning out my week to accomplish what I need to, mostly. There’s a lot of to-do lists, and scheduling a lot of things for Tuesday and Wednesday, which are my freer days. This weekend I don’t have too much going on, so I’m looking forward to a bit of relaxation and maybe even a day to sleep in, not that I can do that much these years. They don’t tell you (well, I think they do but I wasn’t listening) that when you get into your 40’s you don’t sleep like you used to.  In case you are reading this and you are younger: you’ll wake up more, and your feet will hurt at first when you walk to the bathroom. You will be glad to sleep past 8, and you’ll be glad when you don’t remember waking up too many times. Or at least, that’s how I feel. Maybe I should transition into blogging about how it feels being in your 40’s without having kids…most of the time you learn how people with kids feel and they always blame their kids for things (not sleeping being the main one I’m thinking of) that might also be just a natural part of aging.

I’m off topic though. Today’s topic is really “how to pickle.” Did I mention I bought a mandoline slicer (with a thumb saver part as well) to slice things to pickle? I was using it to slice the carrots and radish, but Louie took over because he really enjoyed it. It made great slices and I think we’ll use it more in the future!

That’s is for now as I need to get going on my day. How was your weekend?

I love that there is now a word for sitting around with slippers and a warm blanket and reading a book. Of course it must be a Scandinavian term to be truly trendy, but it’s always been a great way to make it through the winters. I am as guilty as the next for complaining about dark afternoons and frigid temperatures (and snow, why is it snowing again, though it doesn’t look like it’ll be too bad), and there is something about spring and rebirth and such that is lovely, but winter is, at heart, a lovely time. And what’s wrong with spending more time indoors?

I’ve been feeling pretty stressed out about this week but trying to manage it. It’s mostly because of this viola gig tomorrow, isn’t that silly? I did get (most) of my students figured out, and then Monday’s schedule, and yesterday’s, was even lighter than anticipated due to a couple of sick students. Today is not bad, but after teaching we have a band rehearsal, which (okay, maybe I’m contradicting my attitude in paragraph 1 but) means it’ll be cold and dark and I have to go out in it. (I say winter is best INSIDE wearing cozy clothing). We also have a quartet concert this weekend, and while I’m not particularly stressed about it, it is another THING to do. And I have to copy programs and talk about one of the pieces beforehand. Sigh.

Really it’s all fine though, this is how stuff is, for everybody. Little stressful events and life chugs along. The snow falls and covers the sidewalks.

I was reading online a bit about the Midwest and how people on the coasts don’t understand its beauty. Firstly, we must decide whether Missouri is part of the Midwest. I would agree that it is. I think no matter where I go, I appreciate the beauty of the landscape. This wasn’t true as a child, but you know how things are: you grow up and start to appreciate more of the things around you! (I remember being bored of seeing the Grand Canyon as a kid). I do think it’s possible to admire the quiet beauty of the Tallgrass Prairie National Preserve in Kansas or enjoy a quiet hike in Babler State Park, but also appreciate the Rocky Mountains and the Golden Gate Bridge. Many people seem to think only travel is only worth doing if you go to Europe or Asia, but I think no matter where you go you can appreciate the beauty of the land, and you can learn something new. I’ve been stuck (by choice, as obviously I have the privilege to be able to go away when I like) in St Louis since getting back from our trip in August, and to some of you that may not seem long, but I’m feeling a bit stuck and wanting to see new places. Some of that just means I need to seek out places here, and we do that when we can (one thing I do is work entirely too much when I’m here, so that does cut down on local sightseeing) but going away is such a lovely thing, isn’t it?

I realize this is a random blog post. I had a sort of resolution to blog more often and to be more detailed in my blogging. Why do I continue to blog even when this is supposedly a dying activity? It’s my public journal, and I enjoy it. But I also want to feel it is worthwhile! I don’t want to just be yelling into the abyss (I’m not generally yelling, but you know…) about myself. The world is a terrible and uncertain place, but this is still fun.

We have had a fair amount of snowy days. We are all getting more used to it, and just deal. It’s been colder too, which is I suppose correct for January, but after such a warm Christmas, I don’t like it!

I’m used to being busier again. It’s funny, isn’t it, how you can be on a vacation, and think, oh, this is so nice, why do I work so hard? and then you are like, oh no big deal, I only have 6 hours of teaching students plus an opera performance, it’s totally fine because that allows me a 15 minute lunch break and another hour break in the afternoon in order to change, pack dinner, and maybe even answer some emails!

I am aware that not everybody can maintain my schedule. I barely do, on occasions. There was a point where I wasn’t so busy, but it was never when I was freelancing and teaching enough to happily live on. It’s not for the faint of heart or for those that don’t derive great happiness from working long hours. I think it’s important that we all admit that: this isn’t a job you can make an easy living at. And when I’m not working paid hours, there’s still plenty to do, and there’s always practicing to be had, and since my sort of year long break from practicing is over, I’m back at it!

My students will ask me how much I practice, and I find that hard to answer. On a good day, an hour! I do play practically all day, lots of slow scales, shifting, long bows, all the technique stuff they have to learn. But really practicing and learning music…not so much. I wonder if this is normal or if others manage to do better? Symphony players claim they need their easier schedules so they can practice their music, do they spend that time doing so? Practicing is always one of those things that nobody feels they do enough of, and it really is the “magic bullet” that makes the different between “talented” and “not talented.”

I’m mostly just rambling on a Friday morning. You guys! I was looking back through my old posts of my trip to Paris way back when, and I used to be so much funnier. It’s really unfortunate that I’m not anymore. I suppose that comes with getting older and getting divorced and being tired, but hmm…there’s a chance we are going to Paris this summer due to a work conference and I am super excited. I’m researching small house museums and what to wear on the plane so you are comfortable and not freezing, and what shoes to wear…shoes are always my city issue. I will wear a pair of shoes that I think is comfortable but then end up with terrible blisters. Or my feet will simply be numb by the end of the day. I need something that I can wiggle my toes in and feel like my feet can move and breathe, but that won’t rub them raw. And yet is perhaps a teensy bit stylish so the french people don’t laugh at me. (I.e. I’m not wearing hiking shoes). I have a few new ideas. Oh, and not Toms, because while I love wearing Toms and they fit the bill, I also need a shoe with a sole that won’t make me slip and fall on the marble steps (has happened twice in Europe before!).

We don’t want to spend the whole time in Paris. I’d also like to get out and spend a couple days in a smaller town or more country area, to get a sense of something else. Ideally somewhere we can just take the train to and get around by walking or taking public transportation. If any readers have any great ideas, let me know. I’m not certain this trip will happen, as it’s contingent on a few factors out of my control, but if it does, it’ll be in the summer, and will be at least 10 days in Paris.  (And I’m not opposed to spending it all in Paris, but figure that mixing it up a bit is a great idea too.)

As busy as today is (oh, and it is busy…any day you have to pack lunch and dinner is busy) tomorrow is a day off from work. We have a jazz show at night (so many these first months of the year) and dinner plans with friends, and I am planning a few projects at home, and working out, and it should be a lovely day. Sunday evening is free as well, which hasn’t happened in a few weeks, so I’m really looking forward to a nice weekend.

I’d better wrap this up so I can get to teaching. Have a great weekend, readers!