It isn’t so often that I have a long period of time off work yet at home. After my family left on the 29th, I was left alone for a whole week to myself! Louie is off visiting his family and I chose not to go as I would be going later due to my family visiting, and I had already accepted a couple gigs when we discussed it. I also thought it might be nice to have a little downtime at home.

Don’t get me wrong, I love traveling, and there have definitely been times this week that I regretted staying home. But there have been other times I’ve been so thankful that I’ve been able to take this time to myself!

I have been cleaning up a bit around the house, putting away decorations and such. I was able to finish all the leftovers and hardly waste any food at all (we had a lot of leftover baked potatoes, for instance, so I made potato salad and a spanish omelet type dish.) I ate pies for a week, but I’ve decided things are dire now and I need to have at least a week with no dessert, maybe even the rest of the month. I did toss out a few cookies this morning, and there are still some in the freezer, but I suspect those will still be pretty good closer to Valentine’s Day and maybe we can take some to work then. I have finished several small cross-stitch projects and done good work on another. I practiced (I have a couple of performances coming up). I worked out many times, and have planned a good regime for the next few weeks. I set up my courses online for one of my colleges, and am already trying to organize my schedule…this won’t actually be finished until closer to mid-month, but it never hurts to get started. I have read about 5 books and am part way through another. I bought some clearance Christmas decorations for next year, made some returns, and ordered a few more things that I needed and wanted for the house. I slept in and woke without an alarm clock most days. I got a facial, and I did a few things with friends.

So it’s been pretty good and relaxing. I’m looking forward to Louie’s return, and I’m looking forward to getting back to being a more productive member of society. I do enjoy spending a long time sitting and reading, but I feel like I’m probably too young still to make that my full-time dream. And I could use some money coming in rather than only spending money!

But this has been really nice, and I might have to schedule myself another staycation at the end of the semester or something.  If Louie were here, he would have wanted to go out more and do things, and I am much more able to be happy staying home all day with perhaps not even leaving the house. So it’s been extra relaxing for me! Don’t get me wrong, I do love doing things, going to concerts and parks and hiking and traveling. But so much of my life is scheduled and so many of the scheduled things are things that I really cannot be late for, that it has been extra relaxing having a few days to have literally nothing scheduled, and a few others days with very little scheduled. (I do have a wedding this afternoon, so this day isn’t one, but I have very little to do and the wedding will be with colleagues I love.)

Keep in mind that I usually work 6 to 7 days a week during the school year, so I don’t get weekends to recharge. This is my own fault, yes, I recognize that, but the only way out of it would be to stop being a musician and that is simply not an option.

A few random thoughts for the new year: I’m planning to use more candles. I loved celebrating Hanukkah for the candles, and watching the candlelight. I’ve decided we need more candlelit dinners and more candles in general (with supervision, obviously, because of the cat). I’m also really going to dig in and try to lose some weight. I’m tired of seeing pictures of myself…I let myself be too stressed and eat junk because of it. I am going to really make an effort to eat better and move more. I don’t want to become obsessed with it, because I don’t like that either, but I think a few simple tweaks will work, and it’s just a matter of really meaning it. I sometimes feel like people are judging me for being overweight, and while I don’t actually think that’s true, it still makes me feel uncomfortable, and I think the best thing to do (for me) would be to try to do something about it. I’m only saying this here to make it more real rather than pretending. I have been doing pretty well with exercise over the past year, but you can’t run away from eating too much junk! And while I don’t want to give up desserts forever or be too strict, I think a week or more of no sweets would reset things a bit, and trying to limit snacks to only fruit would be another great step. I think I sleep better too, the better I treat myself!

Perhaps you’ve noticed there are a fair amount of cat pictures in this post. Happy Caturday!

I have this one very distinct memory of my Grandpa on my mom’s side. (We called him Grandpa Miller). He had a stroke when I was in elementary school and was never the same after, and then passed away when I was in college, so my memories of him are from when I was quite young. He had these wonderful old-timey looking glasses, and I recall sitting up front in the middle in a car with a big seat all the way across (this was back in the day when car safety rules were a little different) and he leaned over and said, it’s Christmas Eve Eve! I realized I blogged this story a few years ago…it’s a strong memory I have…is it even true or am I combining things? Who knows! It’s real to me, and I remember my Grandpa was a fun guy, smart, and always had a twinkle in his eye. My Grandma on that side was always laughing too, trying to get us to eat cookies and take sandwiches with us, saying “ai-yiy-yiy” and running around trying to keep everything under control. She also tended to serve cookies people had given her that I didn’t think were very good, like ones with redhots on them, and was also a big fan of jello salad molds and ham loaf. We all thought our Grandma on the other side of the family was a better cook, but we loved both of them and nothing was more fun that when they would join us in a game (board, not reindeer.)

Christmas time always brings up these memories. I’m hosting my family this Christmas, and my sister Leslie and her family are arriving in a few hours, my parents tomorrow, and my sister Carrie the following day. I wanted to make this a wonderful Christmas for my niece Athena, since she might remember it as an adult. I hope she looks back and says, that was a fun time we had in St Louis!

It’s been a busy week. I’ve been getting the house ready, Louie’s been finishing the new shower, and we’ve both been working as well. I have ONE MORE DAY and then I’m on winter break, and it will be glorious. I am completely worn out and running on adrenaline, sugar, and coffee, but honestly, it’s been a fun December. Playing gigs is fun because you see colleagues and I’ve gotten to work with a lot of my favorites this month. I also really enjoy holiday music, because I’m a sap like that. I am looking forward to January though, and relaxing and reconnecting with some friends I haven’t seen much of since before Thanksgiving.

Look at that shiny new shower!

From 2019 Opera Edwardsville (Photo Credit: Scott Evers)

I hope you are having a wonderful second night of Hanukkah, or a wonderful Christmas Eve Eve, or simply a great night enjoying some downtime and/or time with friends. In other words, Happy Holidays! I wish you the best!

One more week of teaching…

I tell you. This December has been the busiest. Maybe because of work, maybe because in between working I’m getting ready to host my whole family (minus my brother) for Christmas…time is flying by, but I’m having a good time preparing, playing a ton of fun gigs, and teaching my students. It’s just…hectic and there’s a lot happening, and my life is full of lists and online shopping.

I’m probably buying too many gifts for people. And baking too many cookies, and having too many decorations, and all of that excess. I know that we are supposed to slow down and have experiences and spend quality time, but the truth is Louie and I work entirely too much for that—he with a full time job and working towards a doctorate, and nobody who hasn’t done that truly understands how much he works outside of work, and me with a variety of part-time jobs that usually add up to about 1 and a half full time jobs, and we are just too busy. I don’t say that to brag or to make you think I’m overwhelmed…it’s just the truth of the matter. So I lie in bed at the end of the day and sometimes just scroll on my phone, and find things online to buy that will make our lives easier in the short term, or something that I want my niece to have, or a little something new to decorate for the holidays because my holiday décor (Christmas mostly, but we are celebrating Hanukkah this year too for Louie) brings me great joy. I sent out photo cards this year, and still have a few to send but most are out, and that brought me joy as well. In fact, most of what I’m doing is bringing me joy because this is my favorite time of year.

I’m not stressed, really. I’m exhausted, and I’m full of thoughts and to-do lists and music and making sure that each night I know what to wear and what to bring for the next day, but I’m not stressed or overwhelmed. I’m just getting it done. I feel grateful I have the opportunity to play so many concerts this month, and I honestly love holiday music. So I’m feeling good, though you are saying, yeah, lady, but you’re writing about this on a Friday night. True. I’m at home, and I didn’t go to Ikea with Louie’s family to celebrate whatever the name of the event there tonight is because I was teaching late, but I also hate crowds, so I’m fine with that. We had the holiday party at my college job today which is my favorite work event of the year (okay, it’s the only work party all year, but it’s great fun to see everybody) and then taught, and now I’m just relaxing and probably going to bed early because tomorrow I have three different things happening from 9:30 am to 10 pm, so it’s a big day!

This isn’t the most recent picture of the décor, so I’ve added a few things: stockings and a star for the tree.

The crowd at Thanksgiving. We went to Louie’s mom’s house and it was a lot of fun, with delicious food.

Anyway, time to relax! And…there’s only 11 more days until vacation…I’m doing a few gigs between Christmas and Epiphany, but I think it’s like two weddings and that’s all. It’ll be a nice time.

I tell you what, if anybody tells you they want to be a musician or self-employed, ask them if they like working all the time. There’s probably another way, but I haven’t found it.

Thursday and Friday of this week were tough. I felt like I was teaching from the wee hours of the morning (8:45 am) until late at night (8:30 am). Well, I was, actually, on Thursday. And Friday wasn’t much better. I had some time off, an hour here, an hour there, lunch, but it was still exhausting. I keep thinking I’d like to try to do a solo recital in the next year and then I wonder, can I manage with my current teaching load without being crazy? (I have been on a more relaxed performing schedule this year, but I would like to do a bit more and push myself in the next year or two or I’m worried I’ll lose my edge.)

I just want to get ready for Christmas and bake stuff, but it’s still too soon, I think. I never get around to all the organizing and decluttering I want to either…my music library is still not done being organized and I think it’s been over a year (or more?) since I started. The truth is I have too much music for the shelves, so I need either more shelves, or less books, and neither of those things are terribly appealing, so I just sit in limbo. We have to get rid of a few more things in the lower level of the house too, large speakers and old files, and who knows what, but that is also a daunting task, and not one one wants to tackle after a long day of work. We do have to make space for Christmas time though, and all the guests we are having, but that’s on the docket to work on during the Thanksgiving break.

I had taken a break from my bullet journaling but started up the other day. I had been using it to work on growing my business and my life, and then this year I just got tired and relaxed, and while it’s actually been quite nice, I’ve started feeling restless, like others are doing things and I look at them and wish that were me. So I’ve been thinking about my next steps and brainstorming. Of course, I’m also still tired…perhaps not as much long term as simply right now. Then again, sometimes I dream of having a few weekends off in a row, or taking a summer off, or having a week of vacation but not spending it hiking and camping…and I don’t know. Am I doing life right or am I wasting it away trying to force small children to play the violin when we’d all rather be doing something else? Then again, I’ve got a studio recital next weekend and they are always fun and inspiring!

It’s not that I’m feeling particularly down or anything. I’m just pondering. I feel like this is a tough time of life for doing things other than working or hanging out with Louie…everybody else is busy with their own careers, partners, children, etc, and sometimes it starts to feel a bit lonely, I guess. Private teaching can be isolating, and since my quartet is on whatever sort of hiatus we are on, I no longer have that weekly interaction. I see other people still doing things with friends and playing chamber music and such and I get a little jealous. But I will remind myself of the cool stuff I’m doing, and just relax and enjoy myself in this time of life.

I don’t even have any good cat pictures to share with you today. How lame am I?