Often I get to this point in the year and I’m just beyond thrilled to be done with school. I’m not there right now, and I could attribute it to not having been quite as busy this semester, or it might just be that the funk that I fell into when Miles went missing overrode any other emotions. He’s still gone, and I’m guessing we might not see him again. It’s been quite difficult to deal with—losing a pet with such uncertainty is a real challenge. I feel like I’m coming out on the other side, and (of course) I would be thrilled to see him again…we’ve still been occasionally putting up more signs, walking around looking for him, checking online daily, but the feeling is turning more into a feeling of…not hopelessness, but sort of a futile-ness behind the whole thing. Surely if our actions were going to bring him home they would have done so by now. We’ve learned about numerous other black cats living here and in nearby neighborhoods, but none of them seem to be Miles. It’s still possible he’ll show up or get picked up, but it just seems unlikely. I dream about finding Miles, and about how cute and bitey he was, but during the day Muriel doesn’t seem too bothered by his absence, and there is just no sign of him ever having been back around.

So there you have that. On a brighter note, I’m playing with The Who this week, so that’s fun. I must admit my complete ignorance of pop culture and bands and such, especially from when I was younger. When I got asked to play with the group (they are doing a concert tour with orchestras), I asked Louie, do you know the band The Who, figuring he did as I’d heard of them, but not really knowing how big they were. He started laughing at me.

I’m also just waiting for my nephew to arrive—he was supposed to make an appearance today, but you know babies—they are never prompt. I’m sure my sister and her husband are even more eager than I am!

This week is a short week: three days of teaching, one with The Who, and then 4 days off for the holiday weekend. We are headed to Eureka Springs to spend a few days relaxing and sightseeing with friends. We’ve booked a little cottage through VBRO and are really looking forward to a few days away. I haven’t had a day off since late-March, so to say this is a well deserved break would be a bit of an understatement.

Louie and I did manage to get out for a hike yesterday. OH and Louie got a new car. It’s our car and his car, in that it’s his day to day car, but it’s our car to take on road trips and such. We got a Subaru Forester, and it will be invaluable on our camping road trip this summer!

So we took the Forester and went for  hike on the Lime Kiln Trail at Rockwoods Reservation. We have hiked that trail several times in the past, but not for a few years. It was nice, but I did get a few bug bites…I guess it’s time to start putting on the spray.

I’m deep into wedding season and the summer is looking pretty good as far as gigs. I’m also trying to get my students as organized as possible, but that’s always difficult! (So many moving parts!). I have been running regularly, albeit quite slowly, and I think that’s really been helping with my sleep. I’m happy to be off from my college teaching for a few months and have a little more time to do other projects I’d been putting off. I also took some me time today and got a pedicure—my first for the summer season. I tried a new place that had opened recently near my house and thought it was just fine, so I’ll probably return.

Muriel really enjoys boxes. This one in particular seems to draw her in and she has spent quite a lot of time in it. Her other favorite place is standing on top of a router in my living room. I think it’s because the router is smooth but warm.

I liked this picture because she looks like she is just taking a little break from reading. I’ve got a stack of books I’m hoping to get through over the summer, and this Bill Bryson is one of them. It’s not my favorite of his, but I’m learning quite a lot. I got it and a few of the other books because of the History Chicks podcast, which one of my students turned me on to. I highly recommend it! Speaking of, I’m looking for new podcasts—any suggestions? I’m not interested in politics podcasts, but anything well done otherwise?

My grades are in for the semester so I’m officially unofficially on summer vacation. I put it like that because I’m still teaching my private students, of course, but between the quartet being on break due to a member having a baby and not having college lessons, I have much more free time. Well, I will after this week and next week because I scheduled all manner of appointments that needed to be done (doctor, dentist, etc.). And of course wedding season is in high swing-I have a lot of double wedding days this month for which I am thankful, but it also makes things busy…and my band did a recording and we are meeting again for mixing.

Okay, so I’m still busy, but I’m pretending I’m not. I’m less busy though, I swear! I’m planning to spend the summer reading a lot, going for runs, doing a few projects around the house (I’m still in the middle of a music organization project which I started in the fall or maybe before and I need to finish it), and…maybe that’s enough. Oh, and practicing the mandolin. I bought a mandolin back in January to learn, and I put it on the side burner. I’ve been practicing several days in a row now so I’m definitely creating a habit

Miles, my cat, is still missing. I can’t be too sad about it anymore, because I just don’t have it left in me. I’d be thrilled if he returns, but I just don’t know where he is. It’s been very hard, as you might imagine.

Muriel really enjoys sitting on that router. She is drawn to things that are hot.

We’ve been trying to catch up on our rewatch of Game of Thrones. In January or so Louie and I decided we wanted to rewatch the whole series before the last season came out, and we still haven’t quite caught up. The spoilers have made it challenging, but I’m convinced I’ll appreciate the new episodes more really knowing who all the characters are and remembering their motivations and such. We only have three more episodes to rewatch, so by NEXT Sunday we should be up to date. I plan to immediately go on facebook and twitter and give details.

I feel like life has been kind of blah and in a holding pattern lately. I thought once the semester ended things would be all bright and flowery, but with Miles missing it’s been hard to find much joy. I feel that things are returning, and we are hopeful that he has returned to his feral roots and is living an outdoor cat life…maybe he’ll return someday. Everybody has their stories, and I’m still checking online, looking around, keeping up signs, all of that.

But there are exciting things ahead: my sister Leslie is having a baby very soon, we have several fun trips planned, we are seeing several operas in June, seeing other family members, all kinds of fun things coming up. I’ve got a large stack of books to work through and I really do intend to read more this summer than I did during the year (and this during a year where I did bump up my reading). Oh, and Louie and I might run a 4th of July race. We’ve both been running more than we had been and thought it might be a good motivator to continue as the weather gets hotter.

I wrote and rewrote and then deleted a whole paragraph about health care. I had to establish care at a new doctor yesterday because mine moved away awhile ago. I’ll just say this: the insurance industry is a racket and the whole thing is completely unfair. We as a country can do better.

Anyway, I’m off to work out and then some business banking errands to do. I am revamping a few aspects of how I take payments and need to make sure my bank account is right for my needs. I might hit up Target as well for a few items, and then I have a full afternoon and evening of private students. Such is the life!

I feel like the time is flying by! How is it Friday already?

This week has been a little less busy because a few students are out of town for their spring breaks. There were three different weeks this month of spring breaks, and so each week a few were missing. It’s been nice, but I’ll be eager to be back to full teaching capacity next week.

I’ve been taking advantage of the slightly less busy days to get other things done. I’ve done all my annual doctor checkups, gotten both of my violin bows rehaired, and changed my strings. I realized I hadn’t gotten a bow rehair since the summer, right before my luthier moved to Bulgaria to retire. So I had to find somebody new. When I first moved to St Louis I let my partner at the time handle those things, but when I got divorced I felt great pride in establishing my own relationship with my luthier here. I think I’d let myself get down and feel like I wasn’t a real performer…I won’t go into that all, but suffice it to say, I’m still dealing with imposter syndrome and wondering how much of my personality is really ME and my wants and needs and all those things one struggles with…but I got my own bows rehaired and will continue to do so. I get to decide things for myself, and I am a good violinist, and I am worth doing things for. (And Louie is always supportive, even when I forget that he might be.)

That paragraph might not even make sense to non-musicians. A luthier is the person who repairs and maintains violins and bows. Things need to be done on a regular basis in order to keep your instrument in tip-top shape!

Since I have this summer’s vacations all planned, naturally I started brainstorming for next summer. I have ideas. Then again, I shouldn’t complain about time going too fast if I can’t stay in the summer I’m in! But I want to go to Europe…I get so inspired (and maybe a tad jealous) by my friends and colleague’s pictures of Europe…they go on vacations and they go on tours and live there…and I want to go back. So I think I shall plan on that for next summer, and Louie and I will save up for something fun there.

Thank you for your comments on my last post, about how to tell people what it is that I do. Just to say: I appreciate your suggestions. I can’t say, yes, I’m in the symphony, because while on rare occasions in the past, I did sub on a few things, I’m not in the symphony, and they no longer call since my ex is a member of the group. (Yes, that’s why, and even though yes, I took the sub audition again, and actually got onto the list by my own merit, they have never called. That’s how it is. That’s the music world for you, I guess! ) And if I tell people I am a professional violinist, they ask am I in the symphony. If I tell them exactly what I do, they still ask, and they still give me that look of pity. I have tried a variety of tactics, and they all seem to fail. I will continue trying, though, and try to have more confidence in my voice as I answer. And the truth is: for some people, my answers are enough, and they just accept it, and I just need to accept that a certain percentage of people will always be rude about my occupation.

So I’d better get my lunch before I have to go teach a few college students.  We went to Union Loafers last night and there are leftovers!

And, it’s been about one year since we got Muriel!

I have been watching my timehop app to see the exact date, and I think it is Sunday, but we’ll see for sure!

The weather is warm, the birds are out, things are looking up. I do feel like warmer weather gives me more energy and a more positive attitude, what about you?

I know I shouldn’t care what other people think, but twice in the last week I’ve gotten comments about my career. Here’s how it goes: I am introduced to somebody, and they ask, what do you do for a living. I say, oh, I play violin: I teach and freelance, and then they say something along the lines of, hopefully you get your real job soon.

I remember reading once in David Leibowitz’s blog or book, can’t recall, that the French consider it rude to ask what people do for a living. Maybe we should consider that.

I definitely think it’s rude to tell me that someday my real job will come. I haven’t told any of these people that I’m looking for a different job than what I have. I don’t think they are saying it to me to be rude, but they are definitely assuming that I am not planning to teach and freelance for the rest of my life. Why no, I’m not.

I’m planning to retire and spend my days traveling, reading, taking walks, baking, and perhaps some volunteer work. Until then, I will teach and freelance, as that’s what I’ve decided I’m doing. Some days I think maybe I should do something else..maybe I should work at the IRS or become an accountant. But other days (sunny days like today), I think, well this isn’t so bad. I’m on top of my scheduling, I’ve got a pretty good relationship with most of my students and their parents, and I am currently not being too overworked. I’ve got a few fun gigs coming up, and it’s all going okay right now. I make enough to get by, and I’m doubtful that more money would bring me more happiness. I haven’t found that many of my friends who are not freelance musicians are happy every minute of their work day either, so I think that’s okay!

So here’s a thought, when you meet somebody who is a freelancer, don’t tell them one day they’ll be lucky enough to have a full time employer. They are their own boss RIGHT NOW, and it’s very possible they enjoy that immensely. What might help is supporting public policies to help them get benefits such as health care without having an employer. Help freelancers by voting for people who respect their place in society. Every violin teacher I know is super busy, yet we aren’t valued by society. Our time isn’t considered valuable until someone needs a teacher for their child, and suddenly our time is too valuable!

And don’t tell us how much a high schooler would charge to do the same thing. I charge less than I should for lessons, but trust that I am well qualified to do what I do. I also run my operation as any other small business: I pay estimated taxes, I keep detailed records, I carry liability insurance and various other insurances that I need, and I am constantly marketing myself and trying to learn more about my field and my business. I enjoy all of these things, most of the time.

I wrote on twitter than the next person who asks, I’m just going to yell “violin” at them and then dump coffee on their head. When I tell people I am a violinist, they take a breath (I can see this happen) and then they ask “Oh, are you in the symphony?” It makes me feel like I am greatly disappointing them when I say no. And sometimes I just say no. Other times I try to tell them some of the groups I play with, but normally they don’t care. When they don’t care, that’s totally fine. It’s when they tell me that hopefully soon I’ll get my real music job that I am bothered.

I feel better writing this down though. Sometimes I think I should go back to school (this is because Louie is in school still) and get a DMA or PhD in order to be able to write more. And then I remember that I am probably too busy for that.

What bothers you most about your job? Do you get ill advised comments about your job or career?

Ah, the joys of homeownership. We had some sewer issues the other week during a big storm, and thought we’d solved them, but upon returning home from Branson discovered that was not true. In fact, one of the pipes in the back yard was completely broken, and so that means that a large sum of money is spent fixing it, and that also I had to send an email to my students saying, please don’t use the bathroom here until further notice. Good times!

The work is being done quickly though, and for that I am so grateful. Shortly after we made the decision to get the work done with the company we chose (Roto-Rooter, because they could do it right away, and the other places were booked until at least early next week, and we were at a “do not flush anything” point already,) people were stopping by the house marking with spray paint where not to dig. Seriously, that happened within an hour! And then before 8 am this morning we got a knock on the door, and then before I knew it, this machine was in our back yard!

Then the man used it to dig a giant hole, and we saw when he dug up some of the old broken red clay pipe.

The house I live in is from 1906, so the sewer system is pretty old and strange. There are definitely some weird things, but it had worked really well up until it didn’t. The pipes under the house are evidently going to be in need of replace sometimes “soon” but they aren’t an emergency.  I’d love to do some different repairs on the house (look at that porch, it’s a sad thing!) but time and money aren’t infinite, as we know. I’m just thankful that this work is being done now, and that our plumbing systems will be back in full service soon. I have often said that indoor plumbing is man’s greatest invention.

These guys are such buddies, aren’t they? The weather is getting warm, the cats are adorable, the toilets will be able to be flushed with abandon soon, and the semester is more than half over. Life is good.