Random thoughts: (as always)

I can’t believe it’s almost Thanksgiving! The weather has been so warm (hot, almost) that fall still seemed to be somewhere in the distant future. Between that, stress, being overly busy, suddenly I’m two days away from traveling and feel like I’m forgetting a million things.

This fall has been a unique time. I know everybody thinks they are super busy and stressed out (and if not, congrats!) and I’m no exception, but I think I’ve overdone it. I also think the added political stress hasn’t helped. I’m trying to work with that. Humor helps, as always. Alec Baldwin on SNL is a life saver to counteract it all, for instance.

I seem to only be blogging once a week, which isn’t great. It’s fine, but writing is a little bit of an outlet for me and I think I need to make a point to do it more often. I’ve been getting overwhelmed and frankly probably been a little depressed. I haven’t been running due to a variety of factors, including but not limited to hurting my other foot somehow (I came home from the August trip with a hurt right foot from a fall).

We did manage to get a lovely hike in yesterday at Greensfelder State Park though! One commenter asked me to rate my favorite hikes in the area, and I’ll have to think about that further, but I love Castlewood State Park, the Lewis and Clark Trail (must return and do the longer loop!) and we find ourselves at Greensfelder a fair amount too. There’s not a whole lot of gorgeous scenery there, but the fall colors are still nice, and now that the bugs are gone (fingers crossed at least, are they gone?) hiking in the woods is much more pleasant.

I have three more solo/chamber music performances this calendar year, so I’m practicing hard for those. I also have quite a few choral/orchestra performances and various other gigs, of course, as the holidays are here or at least approaching, and that means extra work (!!). I’m looking forward to having a little downtime over the winter holidays, doing some traveling, doing some relaxing, maybe some de-cluttering in the house, check shredding (this is an actual thing I have to do occasionally), who knows what else.

One thought: as a freelance musician and private teacher, I often feel like my fancy conservatory education has gone to waste. I see former classmates doing amazing things, playing around the world, playing with major orchestras, and then there’s me. But when I wipe my eyes, I see other classmates doing what I’m doing…it may not have the glory, but it is still a successful career in music. We are in the trenches so to speak, teaching the kids, playing for the people, and while our paychecks might be small (and many), we are still making the world a better place through music. This is my goal in life. I want to make the world a better place, and I must not let the lack of glory and public acknowledgement stop me from continuing to help kids love the violin, to make a newly married couple happy, to play to a small crowd at a local venue…

Music does bring us together. We attended a very full symphony concert Saturday night. The program was very emotional: a piece by John Adams written after 9/11 and Mozart’s Requiem. One of my students was singing in the choir for the Adams, which was really neat to see. I definitely was very emotional during the concert. It’s been an emotional time.

I am trying to make a dentist appointment but I guess shortly after open on Monday isn’t the best time. I was on hold for over 5 minutes before giving up. I gave up mostly because every few seconds there was a long beep. I can’t believe I made it 5 minutes, but I felt bad hanging up. My insurance is changing at the end of the year so I wanted to get another appointment in since I’ve paid for it! I’ll try again shortly.

Does anybody else keep a to do list on their phone? I put everything on there, and make sure to check it several times a day. I realized I went about a week without doing that (back the other week, post-election blues) but I’m crawling out further now, step by step. Life goes on, the resistance is not futile, and hey, there’s evidently a new Harry Potter movie? Is it good?

The other day Louie asked if I felt like I just had so much free time now that my recital is over. I thought about it, and realized, well, no. BUT before the recital I was putting off a whole bunch of things and just barely getting by. Now I don’t have any extra time but I’m actually accomplishing what I need to get done instead of just kicking it down the road. I’ve been working on a variety of projects that I’d been letting pile up.

We hear a lot these days about busy-ness and how being “busy” isn’t good. I do think that a certain amount of busy-ness makes one feel productive. I am not looking to be busy for the sake of being busy, nor do I think that “busy” is a great answer to “how are you?” but I definitely feel more productive and useful to society when I’m doing things rather than sitting around watching TV. I assume that’s true for most people.

I had a dream the other night that Louie became president. Of the United States. Over Hillary Clinton. She was his vice-president and was pretty ticked off that he entered the race at the last minute and beat him. I was pumped because I was the First Lady and we moved into the White House. (Louie was less than excited about being president.) Anyway, in my dream what happened was a lot of folks started asking me to play various things on the violin—concertos with orchestras, and lots of concerts with my quartet. Really, it was quite funny. Suddenly as First Lady (which is also funny since I’m not actually married to Louie) I was in great demand as a violinist. And our quartet was playing so many concerts, using all our repertoire and having  a great time!

We are going to a wedding this weekend in Owensville, Missouri. I’m looking forward to getting out of town for a few days (just a short time since it’s not terribly far away.) I’ll tell you about it in a few months . The wedding is for some friends of Louie’s, though I’ve met them. It is at a winery and should be quite fun.

Friday night we went to an event at the Ritz-Carlton for Louie’s job. We had decided to go because…free dinner at the Ritz! We sat through some interesting speeches (well, ranging from interesting to not-as-interesting) and then had a very nice dinner with salad, salmon, and dessert. We didn’t know anybody there, really, but another couple joined us (and then some more) who were VERY friendly. I’ll tell you though: please feel free to talk about your kids but don’t assume you know my situation. Not everybody wants to have kids, not everybody plans to have kids, not everybody CAN have kids, and when you’ve just met somebody, you don’t know where they fit in and I think it’s rude to assume. Personally I think there are more interesting things to talk about that my relationship and uterine status…then again, it’s not like this blog is that interesting either, so maybe I’m wrong!

A handful of students participated in the Arch Cup over the weekend. They did a great job! I played piano with them all, and I did okay too. I’m thinking I need to consider getting a real piano soon so I can improve my skills more. I used to play pretty well, and now I can accompany Twinkle Twinkle and such easily, but the harder stuff is beyond me. I also don’t use the pedal: that was always kind of a mystery and challenge for me. But I’m proud of my students for pushing themselves outside their comfort zone—many of them were VERY nervous, but they played anyway! It’s really all about that: not giving up. People think professionals don’t get nervous. We do. We just deal with it. Just like adults in other fields—I imagine plenty of people get nervous for meetings or presentations at work, and you just do it anyway. Don’t let fear keep you from following your dreams. (I went there.)

Mackenzie is doing well. She loves violin music, as always. It’s great to have such an avid fan!

I’m almost to the point of pulling out my notes and info from our trip and blogging about it. I almost did yesterday but then remembered I had some work to do for something else. And then I needed a little nap and then it was time to teach…but I’m getting there. Chipping away at stuff. Technically this Saturday is a day off work but I’ll be out of town at a wedding. And it’s only one day off.

The rest of the semester should be a blast though. Four quartet concerts, a piano trio concert, a trip to Washington D.C. (to visit my friend April!), Thanksgiving in Phoenix, Christmas in California…plus loads of teaching and other random concerts. It’s all mostly at a manageable level of “busy-ness” so it’ll be good. Somehow September and early October (somehow: Bach Fugue) ended up being like a black hole…

On that note…off to run errands, then teach, practice, and teach. Really looking forward to our concert tomorrow night at Washington University: An Evening with the Schumanns. (Check it out, local readers!)

It’s been a rainy day today, hence the title. It’s rained on and off, but not too much. And it’s finally a bit cooler. Fingers crossed that fall is here!

This has been a good week for “getting things done”. My stress levels and schedule (the two DO often go together) have been at a manageable level of busy-ness and so I’m able to make progress in areas of life other than simply showing up for scheduled events and letting the rest slide. I’m getting things done around the house (this is probably an overstatement, as there’s most definitely a basket of laundry I need to fold), I’ve got the holidays planned out, I’m working on some of my commitments for SLAMTA (music teachers organization that I’m a board member of), I’m definitely caught up on paying bills, mostly caught up on some other important paperwork. OH and I’m working hard practicing for our quartet concert next week. I still need to brainstorm what needs to be done to prepare for November’s teaching and quartet commitments, but October is mostly either done or planned out.

How do you deal with your to-do list? I keep a running “to-do” list on my phone and when I have a moment I’ll check the list and see if there’s anything I can take care of. Some things stay on there for a long time, but mostly I do pretty well getting things checked off. And if there’s something super timely I’ll add a timer to it to make sure I don’t forget. For larger projects, I try to break the tasks down into manageable parts.

I never include practicing on the list—maybe I should? This year I’m trying the “binder” route where all the music I’m learning is copied and added to a binder. That way I’m not searching for things—it’s all there, and I can just grab it and start working. I have it in order of priority (what’s coming up on the next performance) right now and I’m mostly focusing on our Schumann concert next week, but I had enough time today to work on some other pieces too which was really great. It gave me the confidence that I was on track with my practicing, and also reminded me of the challenging parts from some pieces I hadn’t worked on in awhile.

This is probably the world’s most boring blog post, as it’s mostly just  a brain dump about my to-do list, but my next plan is to work through what I really need to accomplish for my private teaching studio between now and the end of the year. This weekend is the Arch Cup, a festival run by a piano teacher I know, and five students are participating. They are each playing one piece by memory for a judge, and I’ve decided to push myself with my piano skills by accompanying them. Since starting to teach at Wash U I’ve had access to a real piano several times a week in addition to a small keyboard at home, and I feel like I’m getting a bit better on a little effort. A little goes a long way, I think! Anyway, after the Cup is over then it’s time to prepare for the recital in late November…that means I’ll have to add several tasks to my to-do list, perhaps I should even do that now! (Adds: “make recital sign-up sheet” and “prepare student newsletter about upcoming performances, recital, and student accomplishments”—that’s a long one, but sometimes I’ll divide things up more later).

Nobody tells you in music school that most of your day will be spent on various administrative tasks! Being self-employed means being your own agent, secretary, president and CEO. I spend my time marketing myself and my quartet and other groups, finding places to perform, telling people about our performances, planning repertoire and rehearsals…I spend my time scheduling and rescheduling students, keeping track of payments, sending invoices as needed, figuring out who is behind on payments, finding videos and recordings to share with students, keeping current on the latest pedagogical ideas…I spend my time practicing and listening to music I’m performing or want to perform…I spend my time responding to phone calls and emails about potential jobs, gigs, and students…not to mention taking care of taxes and insurance! I love how many different things I do in my daily life, but sometimes, it can be overwhelming. Especially when then people act surprised that I do this for a living. No credit and no rest!

But I wouldn’t trade it. I live for the performances, for the “aha” moments while teaching, and for the smiles on people’s faces when they accomplish something they thought they couldn’t!

Those are some of my rainy day thoughts. Stay dry!

Hello readers! I’m still here, just plugging along.

I played my recital last weekend. I had a weird case of the shaky nerves. I used to have issues with shaking back in college, and took beta blockers to help deal with it for a long time, but over the past few years I’ve been playing concerts without having any issues or taking anything and it’s been great. This summer it snuck up on me. I don’t know that I want to use the beta blockers again but I did get a new prescription just in case.

I was happy the recital was done but not super happy about it overall. I liked some things, loved some, and hated others. I’m just taking time to regroup and relax now. It’s been one of those weeks since then, between some extended family health issues, the presidential election stresses, and just normal life stuff. The weekend was really nice though and yesterday I had my first day off since August 28. Really. That’s the worst stretch (or best, depending on how you look at it ) of work I’ve had in a long long time. Years? Ever?

The good news is that my bank account is back to looking good. It was a tough summer and even though our vacation was inexpensive as far as vacations go, it was still 3 weeks with no income. I do plan to sit down and start writing more about that (I’m sure you’re even tired of hearing me say that) but I haven’t quite had the energy yet. I’m getting back into running after hurting my foot (that’s part of the trip recaps) and generally being so ridiculously busy I couldn’t fathom it. It’s nice to do something good for oneself! Oh, and for the record, running is hard. Have I ever mentioned that?

Louie and I went for a hike yesterday afternoon. It was our first hike since our vacation in August and it was very nice. Hiking in Missouri isn’t like hiking in Colorado or Utah, but it still beats walking around on sidewalks! We went to West Tyson County Park and took the Flint Quarry Trail.

Pretty view! The leaves are falling and starting to look really pretty, even though the temps are still in the high 70’s in the afternoons here.

Oh, and I finally caught up on Orange is the New Black. Now watching the newest season of Longmire.

This has been a hard month! So much work, so much stress. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it’s still a small light.

I did have time to go to Trader Joe’s today. Like this time every year, a pumpkin seems to have exploded in there. I did purchase some pumpkin biscotti to enjoy with coffee as well as many of my favorite’s. Tonight is going to be salmon with maybe asparagus. Or salad with burrata cheese on top. Maybe all of the above!

The broadway show I was playing is done—it finished on Sunday afternoon. I got to see my friend April that night for dinner but was too tired and stressed to really enjoy it. This concert Sunday (2 pm! Christ Church Cathedral! FREE!!!) has just become a huge stressor, hanging over my head. I’m looking forward to being done. I don’t regret that I chose to learn and perform an incredibly difficult Bach Sonata for it, but the timing hasn’t been great. The rest of the program hasn’t been neglected, exactly, but I’m not as happy with it. Oh well.

It should be a good performance nonetheless, and then I can focus on the next performances (LOTS of quartet stuff this fall and a piano trio concert in December as well). And focus on getting back to my own life, and maybe work on mental well-being and having friends too.

Mackenzie had an ear problem this past week, culminating with a small procedure yesterday. I’m worn out from all the pet problems we’ve had this year too, just absolutely emotionally drained. 2016 has been a hard year, losing two cats, one after a difficult illness, dealing with Mackenzie losing hair and it taking forever to get diagnosed…it’s just been a lot. Hopefully this ear thing isn’t ongoing, and hopefully she can just relax and enjoy having her hair back for awhile longer.

On the bright side (besides the salmon, I mentioned the salmon, correct?) I am playing another show at the Fox next year. It’s not for a year, and maybe something else will come up in the middle, but I’ll tell you: as stressful as getting all the other parts of life to work with the show, it was so much fun to play. And it was fun to see colleagues more often, and fun to perform at a high level and have a lot of fun doing it. I always love performing and want to do more. (Maybe less stressful stuff that a solo recital though.)

Time to get back to practicing! Today I don’t teach until early evening. (Every other Tuesday I teach at Wash U in the early afternoon, and this is the week off, small victory!) And coffee drinking. What would we do without coffee?