I went to Trader Joe’s today and WHOA it was all decorative gourds, and pumpkins and all the products you can imagine with pumpkin in them. (I used to be obsessed with pumpkin spice lattes, but now that I mostly work from home I rarely buy coffee out…I guess I’m saying I will probably have one at some point this season, but I tend to save my calories for other stuff than lattes these days! Sadly.)

I did buy pumpkin ravioli, and considered a few other things. Pumpkin waffles, pumpkin butter, and pumpkin biscotti looked quite interesting. Pumpkin spice cookie butter looked awesome too, but probably a bad idea. If nothing else, I should make my homemade pumpkin bread that I love! I don’t think I made it last year, so it’s well overdue. I used to bake more than I do these days, and I keep meaning to change that. I suppose I practice and teach more than I used to, but it’s not like I don’t have some extra time. (Right now, for instance, because while it’s Friday night and I’m sure I should be out doing something fantastic, Louie is doing homework and we are resting up for a little backpacking trip this weekend. Tomorrow morning we must get a decently early start…and last night we went to Gringo so…)

We are going backpacking in Taum Sauk State Park with a few friends. I’ve never been backpacking before (where you carry your camping supplies on your back) so I’m a little terrified, but I had a fun time camping with Louie for three weeks in August, so I’m sure this will be fun too. (It’s not Colorado or Wyoming though, sadly.) (And I promise I am at some point going to finish telling you about the August trip and sharing pictures…but it’s harder because everything after Yellowstone isn’t as fun!)

This week really flew by. I did a few social things (yay!) and had some nice meals out (Layla, Sameem, Gringo) with friends. I had quartet rehearsal and decided to learn the Bach C Major Sonata for my recital with Jen in the spring. I joined a new music federation with the idea of having some of my students play for a festival in the spring to motivate them more (ALWAYS the trouble!). I ran 9 miles yesterday after having a bit of knee pain earlier in the week, and felt great after it.

I got distracted and starting reading some of my old blog posts. I sometimes worry I am in a teaching rut and am not being creative enough to inspire and motivate the kids, or that I start getting used to seeing some of their bad habits and get tired of bugging them all the time. I’ve been trying to review each student in my mind before the teaching day and remember some important technique points to focus on (or make careful notes, so that I stay consistent) but I don’t know if I am as fun of teacher as in the past…one of my students told me awhile ago that I need some new games, and I never have gotten around to doing much with that idea! I need to attend an institute or workshop next summer, if I can swing the money, to get inspired again.

I was reading a blog about teaching the other day, and about how we as teachers are constantly comparing our studios to other people’s studios, and perhaps feeling like we are falling short, but that they are OUR STUDIOS, and not anybody else’s. And therefore they are ours to run as we please and how we see fit, and that we can do what we think is best and with the approach that we want, and that our students will appreciate and respect us for being the teacher than we are (or not, and then they will find other teachers, and we will get new students who will.) It doesn’t help when I’ll have students come in telling me what their orchestra teacher needs me to work on with them…I don’t work for their orchestra teacher. I work for me. If I am trying to meet somebody else’s invisible and impossible standards, and especially if those standards don’t align with mine, then yes, I will feel like I’m a bad teacher. If I’m trying to meet MY standards, then I’ll feel like a bad teacher too 😉 but I know what my standards are, and I know that they are what I firmly believe in and want to work towards! I am not even halfway through my teaching career, so there is time ahead to learn and grown, but I must remember that I have already been teaching for over 20 years, and playing the violin for over 30 years, and I certainly have a fair amount of expertise in both!

I do feel like many of my blog posts lately are about me trying to build my own confidence up! I don’t know if I’m being too hard on myself, or allowing other people to bring me down? Or just forgetting that what people project on the outside isn’t necessarily what they have on the inside (comparing my inside to their outside?) Or that I feel too dependent on other people and their opinions? The problem with being self-employed is that it often all feels like it can fall apart…which is ridiculous—it can’t fall apart all of a sudden. Even if one person decides I’m a terrible teacher or violinist there would be a dozen more who thought I was fantastic!

So, I went “full nerd” the other day and bought this book:

I’m working hard on getting all of my students up to the levels they should be on their scales (often it’s like pulling teeth, and I haven’t gotten everybody involved yet, but I will, because, gosh darn-it, scales are important to being able to enjoy playing the violin) and I figure this book might give me some great ideas, while improving my own technique. I also own “Basics” by the same author, and would love to eventually get his other books too, because while Basics is very overwhelming, I’ve learned some really interesting exercises from it as well.

I don’t have any good cat pictures to share at this time, but there’s a fun cartoon I’ve seen on the internet.

Oh, and the animals are doing basically okay. Chloe, the white cat, is having some trouble with a scab related to having fleas, but we are hopeful that she will heal up soon. I’m worried to leave her for an overnight trip, but we will be gone for only a bit longer than 24 hours really and someone will be stopping by.  Mackenzie the dog is more energetic than she had been, after starting some thyroid meds, and Oistrakh, aka the Fatness, aka Dr. Oysterman, my tortoiseshell cat that I’ve had since 2002, since she was a little kitten only 5 weeks old…she is thinner than ever (in a good way!), and though she is still pretty mean to the other animals, she doesn’t hiss quite as often. All of the animals are getting old, but hopefully they still have many good years left. An old friend from my time in Charlotte (Alex) once said, pets are little tragedies just waiting to happen.

And on that note…do you have any plans for the weekend? Am I the only musician who is often filled with self-doubt and assumes other people are harshly judging her?