It’s been a tough week-if you follow me on anything social media you already know that Miles got out Saturday night and is missing.

At first I was mad, because this happened while I was gone, and it was Louie’s fault, but I’ve forgiven him. This did not come easily, and I was very mad for at least 12 hours, but I thought it was important to do, and not just conditionally. I mention this, because it’s just part of the story. No matter whether Miles comes back, I couldn’t have that hanging over us. I don’t know if he’s forgiven himself yet, but I hope he does. Though it was a bit of a mistake on his part, Miles is a cat, and cats do things sometimes that end up with them running off, and he is a great cat, but he is a cat.

I’m incredibly sad. It’s been horrible, and the grief comes in waves, as it does. And there’s hope, and then more disappointment and sadness. I tend to get overly attached to my pets…one of my students the other day said, “oh, I’d be a wreck if I were you!” and of course, while I was able to hold it together to do my teaching, of course I’m a wreck.

We’ve done a bunch of things, flyers all over (and we are doing new flyers tonight since it’s been raining), litter box and food out, one of the cat trees, going around the neighborhood over and over, searching, talking to people, facebook posts, next door posts, craiglist posts. He has a microchip, but wasn’t wearing a collar, so if he got scanned at a shelter or something we’d be notified. I haven’t visited shelters, but I’ve followed online. We’ve had a couple possible sightings, but who knows.

I am trying to stay positive, and if nothing else, to remember how much fun with had with Miles during the time he was here. Everybody has a story of how their cat disappeared, even for weeks, and then came back, but I know that happy endings aren’t always there.

I’d say that Muriel is despondent, but she’s a cat. She’s fine. I imagine she’d be happy if he came back though! I thought he was more attached than she was…we have taken her out back to get her smell around more too, in the hopes it would bring him home. I hope he’s not off hurt somewhere. I hope that he is doing okay. Maybe he’s having a fun time. But maybe he’s scared. Maybe there are too many cats outside here to let him come home (he ran because he got out, and then got spooked by another cat). I don’t know.

So anyway, I’m pretty consumed by all of this. We’ve been hanging out in the backyard at night (the weather has been lovely for this), we’ve been walking all over the neighborhood. I went for a few runs around the likely places he might be as well, thinking if I got extra sweaty and smelly that would send my smell further. I saw a cat the other night eating the food, but I went to get a closer look and scared him off. I thought it might have been Miles, but there’s been a gray cat hanging around and it might have been that one.

It sucks.