Deep Thoughts

On being busy

Everybody says that they are busy, and everybody says that we shouldn’t talk about how busy we are because being busy is bad.

Of course, everybody doesn’t say both of those things, but as a freelance musician and teacher, the way the conversation goes is this:

“How are you?”

“Busy!”

“That’s good!”

I’ve had this conversation (is it a conversation if it’s just three sentences?) with many people over the years. And while it doesn’t allow for much nuance, the idea is: busy equals working, which as a musician is good.

One thing I have been struggling with is how MUCH I need to work. On the one hand, I enjoy what I do: I like playing concerts, I like teaching students (not every day, but I do enjoy working with them overall), I like seeing my colleagues at various rehearsals and working together, and I love music. So when I see a free space on my calendar and somebody asks about something, or when somebody asks about something that sounds super fun, I will make it work. At the expense of, I suppose, everything else.

Many of the podcasts and books for women are how to balance work and life, with work being work and life being family/children. What if you are trying to balance work and life, with life being friends and your partner and whatever ELSE it is that you want to do other than work, because you don’t have children? This is something that people used to talk about, when I was in my 20’s and early 30’s, but I feel like nobody talks about it anymore. It’s assumed, in our culture, that all women in their 40’s have children to balance around, and it is also assumed that any who don’t have children have this freedom to their lives to do whatever they like, whenever they like. And I do know some people who do tend towards the latter, but I’m sure there are other people out there like me?

So, what does a 40-something do when they have to work very long hours to make their career work the way they want it to, but they also want to have a good relationship with their partner, their family and friends? It’s hard to fit it all in, even without children! (And yes, I know how people with children do it: as the lower earner in my household I would be the one cutting out work.)

January and February are traditionally my less busy months, but as I’ve mentioned here, that isn’t the case for this year. It’s a variety of things, but mainly because I took on four different chamber music concerts, two candlelight concerts (a new addition) and a two week run of a show at the Fox theatre, doubling on violin and viola…doing all that with teaching is a bit busy. If you are asking, how do I make it work, the answer is, extreme calendar organization, panic, and years of experience. The good news is, two of the concerts are today which will lighten the load a little bit. And then I have three days off (well, one day off, one day doing colonoscopy prep, and one day having and recovering from the procedure.) I should get some good reading in!

Random thoughts

Snow, but not much

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We got some snow last night!

This was the view from my bedroom window when I woke up. You can see there is a little snow, just enough make it look really wintry.

Louie is finishing up his “J Term” class this weekend. He’s been teaching every day since December 27, and tomorrow is the final exam. That means I’m just hanging around the house today: it’s cold and snowy, so why go anywhere? So far I’ve taken down the majority of Christmas decorations: I left up the trees as I’ll get his help with those (it’s a 2 person job) and the wreath outside and the window candles. Otherwise, ornaments, nutcrackers, and other random decor is in boxes and either down in the basement or awaiting that trip.

I do tend to get a few new items each year, but I also think next year I may have to get rid of a few things: there were definitely some decorations I chose not to put up this year, so I put those in a separate box…mostly…with the thought that when I decorate next year I will decide if I want to use them or maybe give them away. My Christmas decoration storage grows so much that I probably should try to pare down, especially if there are non-heirloom decorations I no longer like or plan to use.

In any case, tonight is my last Christmas concert, thus ending the season. That’s part of why I left up the outdoor lights: I want to see them one more time returning home from work, ha! Very festive of me.

I didn’t mention my Phoenix trip too much: I had a nice visit with my sister Leslie and her family. We went to the Zoo Lights, the Phoenix Symphony New Years’ Eve concert, the McCormick-Stillman Railroad Park in Scottsdale, and some other random places. We had some good food: Thai and Mexican, in addition to some amazing home cooked meals, desserts, and drinks. It was great to see everybody and especially the kids, as they are STILL GROWING, so fast, I can’t believe it!

At the Train Park
Zoo Lights with Bison. I thought this one had a strange expression.

Anyway, it’s an exciting month ahead: this weekend I’m finishing un-decorating, maybe going to see a friend play a concert/show on Sunday evening, brunch with a friend, concert tonight. Louie is finishing up his class so I won’t see too much of him, but then he’ll have a week off before the semester starts. This coming week is back to teaching, but not college teaching yet. We are also doing a wine dinner at the Whittemore House, the neighborhood movie club (we watched Rustin last night in preparation) and I’m getting ready for two chamber music concerts on Saturday. One is free and open to the public, and the other is at a retirement community.

Then (perhaps a little TMI, but oh well)…it’s time to prep for my first colonoscopy! Yes, friends, I’m having my first colonoscopy the following week. I am…not excited, yet, it’s still a new experience, so it’s kind of interesting, I guess? I expect to have a really not terrific day, and then enjoy relaxing and eating normally the day after. Also consider this your PSA that you need to make sure you are getting your suggested preventative tests and such. I know there’s that other option for the test, but my doctor thought that the actual colonoscopy was better so that’s what I decided to do. Hopefully all is in order!

After that, there’s another chamber music concert, and then it’ll be time for two weeks of Funny Girl at the Fox Theatre. I’m doubling violin/viola and it’ll be a lot of fun, but exhausting. That will bring us into February, which is where I’ll stop telling you stuff right now. The spring looks to be busy (of course, I’m always busy) but full of a lot of fun and interesting activities. And I’m looking forward to seeing students again this coming week, so there’s that.

Random thoughts

Happy New Year!

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I’m a few days belated, but I’ve been out of town and just got back this afternoon. I hope this is a good year for you!

I have been catching up and getting ready to work tomorrow. I have early morning class and a rehearsal, easy enough day. I hadn’t played violin in nearly a week so I spent an hour or so practicing after unpacking from my trip and repacking my backpack for my class tomorrow.

I also am writing this because I learned that some people aren’t getting the RSS feed anymore. I did something and perhaps this will work, but otherwise, hmm. How do you read this blog and get updates? Comment and let me know!

Grand Ideas

Year in Review/Looking Ahead

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I’m sitting here in my office area (which is a long room with a couch and lots of windows) and it’s lightly snowing outside. Could this be any better?

I thought I’d do a quick year end recap and tell you some of my fun goals for next year. I got into some planning podcasts this year and one of the things they do is NOT make resolutions per se, but set goals instead, and goals are great!

2023 in review:

The big thing is we bought a new house and moved in! This took up a lot of the beginning of the year, and I couldn’t be happier with it. We closed in mid-January, and then spent some time fixing up the walls (lots of cracked plaster) and getting fresh paint everywhere. We also had the floors waxed (old floors, can’t be refinished). We got lots of rugs, some new couches and a few other furniture pieces, and then moved in in mid-March.

Work: It was a busy year for work. I ended the year with 10 students at Wash U, which is a record, and I had a full private student as well. I performed over 90 different concerts, weddings, funerals, or other events. I judged students for Illinois Solo and Ensemble and for the Missouri Music Club Federation Spring Festival. I worked with students at a Composer’s Camp over the summer. I played solos with two different orchestras, a guitar orchestra, and an ad hoc orchestra put together by a local composer. I really upped my viola skills and even performed as principal violist for a chamber orchestra concert.

Personal: I continued my duolingo streak (I’m learning Norwegian) and just finished 500 days. I flossed daily–this is a habit I didn’t get into until my 40’s and I finally accepted that I need to use those flossing sticks. I read a fair amount, and I started running again. I went to a lot of concerts and events, many with Louie, Jazz shows, Symphony Concerts, Opera Theater, things at Wash U, various performances my friends played on, shows at Joe’s Cafe, the Amazing Acrocats, Circus Flora, Ben Folds, and probably a few more. I hosted a cookie exchange party and we hosted an after concert party for a small chamber orchestra. We also hosted a graduation party and several small dinner gatherings, and we attended a variety of neighborhood events.

Travel: Louie and I took two big trips together: one a road trip to Colorado and New Mexico, and another a road trip to Chautauqua New York and then to Niagara Falls and other places in Ontario. We also visited Urbana for a weekend to see our friends Michael and Heather and see a variety of concerts at a Guitar Festival. We also had a lot of people travel to us! My sisters visited, my parents came a few times, Louie’s dad and brother visited for his graduation, and more! It was nice to use our new guest rooms and show off our house and our new neighborhood.

This is not to say that all of 2023 was good, because there were definitely some not great things that happened. Some lowlights included: Louie getting COVID over Thanksgiving, hurting my knee in May and having to do PT, having a squirrel infestation of sorts and having to deal with that. and of course some illnesses and such with people we know that I won’t go into on the blog.

So! Plans for 2024: I won’t tell you everything because some is more personal, but here’s some of the main points:

Work: Do a bit less. One thing I ran into was taking some jobs that had rehearsals that interfered with teaching, and then turning down other jobs for the same performance date that wouldn’t have had a rehearsal! So maybe I need to consider that other stuff may come up, but I should be more mindful of what I’m doing. I need to get out of the scarcity mindset: it’s so hard to do!

I also want to continue to stay organized and communicate well, stay on top of my schedule and my email inbox, and show up to work prepared.

Personal/Self: I want to keep up my duolingo and flossing, read even more books (I didn’t read as much as I felt like I did and I want to read ALL THE BOOKS)–sometimes that simply means put down the phone, pick up the kindle! I also want to make some marmalade and stay on top of my baking skills. I have the thought of getting back into needlepoint some as I have a few unfinished projects. I want to run or workout 3 times a week during the school year and 5 when school is out.

Relationships/Social: I made a separate category here. One thing I really want to strive for this year is doing more things with friends: making new friends and strengthening my current friendships. I want to attend the neighborhood Book Club when possible, and the same with the Film Club (but also with Louie!). I want to go on at least one hike a month with Louie (not sure what category this should actually be in) and host 6 small dinner parties. I want to have lunches/coffee with two friends a month (anybody reading this, reach out!). I feel like I ended up taking so many gigs just to see people, but there are other ways to see people as well!

Travel: We are brainstorming some summer travel ideas: though it may seem early for some, I am getting queries about summer dates (I have started using the word query in my own life, and I love it) and therefore need to block out some plans. We aren’t sure if Louie will have any work travel opportunities this summer but I think we can work around that anyway. We are looking at a trip to California to his family’s cabin, and maybe a road trip to Yellowstone/Grand Teton/Rocky Mountain, but we aren’t sure if this is the best year for that or waiting until the following.

House: there are a few larger projects we want to do and I’d like to tackle one of them this year: my closet needs an upgrade, the sunroom needs work, and we want to put a bathroom on the third floor. I think we can definitely do one of them. I also want to finish putting our existing paintings and framed pictures on the wall and figure out how to decorate the stairwell.

Do you make resolutions or lists of goals? How was your 2023? Are you glad to see it behind you or sad to say goodbye?

Christmas

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

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Whew! We made it!

I have to say, this fall was absolutely over the top busy. I am not sure how I survived. (The usual way, organization, lots of screaming, no friends, etc.)

But it’s my week off, and it is GLORIOUS. Today was my second day in a row of sleeping with no alarm set, and I am better at it than I thought I would be.

Okay, what happened in the meantime? Well, I hosted a cookie exchange party with about 15 people, and it was really fun! It was a school night, so it had a finite end time, but we had a lovely time drinking Wassail Punch, eating spinach artichoke dip, taste testing a few cookies, filling some tins with a large variety, and catching up (of course!). I ended up with a large tin full of terrific cookies, and gave a few away. Some are still frozen, so they will be doled out over the next few weeks. I will try to open up my guest list next year to non musician friends as well, but I wanted to keep things simple and have everybody already know each other!

The next day I finished up at my before school class, and though I still have to submit my grades, it has been really glorious not getting up so early. Except for Christmas Eve, when I decided to pile on and take entirely too many gigs! It was a festive and memorable day though, with five church services at 3 churches, a lovely dinner at Louie’s mom’s house, and more Christmas music than you could shake a stick at. Unless you have a lot of sticks.

Another enjoyable gig was playing with Mannheim Steamroller. Interestingly, my parents had just seen the show in Shipshewana, Indiana, and then I got to play with the show here! I chatted with the traveling violinist a bit and she had nice things to say about Shipshewana, of course.

The thing about playing a bunch of concerts is that it is utterly exhausting BUT it is also quite fun to see colleagues and chat at each gig. So it ends up being more social than you might think. Teaching from home is great, but I don’t get as much interaction with adults and certainly not from adults who are not paying for my time, haha! So although it was an exhausting month/months, there wasn’t much I would change.

I do have a few thoughts though, which are 1) I need to be more cautious about taking jobs that conflict with teaching. I ended up doing a lot of rescheduling and then having to turn down other jobs that conflicted but might have had less teaching conflicts and 2) if I am hosting Christmas next year I will likely only want to play one Christmas Eve service. The last one I played was at Ladue Chapel, which is one of my favorite churches to play at: the musician director is amazing, and the people are so warm and friendly, and it always ends up being a wonderful musical experience. Plus it reminds me of my home church(in South Carolina) more than any other places I play at, which makes it feel extra special. The rest, it was fabulous, and I can’t wait to see what the new year brings!

I will be enjoying my week “off” though: I used quotations because I made a rough schedule/to-do list for the week, but it’s really a week off because I don’t have gigs or teaching! I do have some household chores to take care of and some practicing to do–January is of course busier than ever, and I’m playing four different chamber music programs during January and February (only 1 in February) in addition to a show at the Fox where I double violin/viola (Funny Girl) and we only just got the music. So there’s work to be done, but it’s all very manageable and hopefully fun. (I say that now, we’ll see, hahahahahah!)

We are in no rush to take down the holiday decorations: I think it’ll get done after I return from Phoenix (I’m taking a trip over New Year’s.) It was great having two trees, though that means extra decorations to take down, less fun. We have plenty of storage space though.

My mom sent this violin snow globe as a gift. It also plays music.

Christmas Day was pretty low key. Louie and I don’t really exchange gifts, but he brought me a few things from his trip, and I gave him a “Birds of the National Parks” Calendar for his office. I made cranberry rolls with orange icing, and we watched Christmas episodes of the Great British Baking Show for a bit. Later in the day we went out for Chinese food with his family, and then we ended the night still chipping away at Suits, hoping to finish the show at SOME POINT. There are SO many seasons!

The cranberry rolls, so good! I ended up having to make a second batch of dough however, since the first batch just wouldn’t rise properly.

Anyway, that’s it for now. It was a low key holiday after too many performances: 16 different performances/church services in December, not counting rehearsals!

Christmas

Cookies and Concerts

This has been the busiest December I can recall. Certainly since before the pandemic, so that’s something. I’m averaging 55-60 hour work weeks, which is insane and unsustainable…thankfully things are coming to a close soon and I’ll get some breathing time.

We haven’t been doing a whole lots of social activities here, as you can imagine. In a way some of my concerts are social as often there is downtime to chat with colleagues, so that’s been nice. I’m doing a cookie party in a few days, and I’m looking forward to getting a massage later this week. I’m finishing up teaching at Wash U on Tuesday, at my morning school on Wednesday, and at home on Thursday. And then I get a break for a few weeks, and I can’t wait!

I read some blogs and see people doing parties, and cookie decorating, and seeing concerts and shows, and I’m so happy for you all! I’m the one playing for all of those things (well, not cookie decorating.). I’ve played Messiah with two choirs, played with the 442’s (a local band), played at a variety of churches, played with backup tracks for a solo gig at a corporate event, even did a wedding (no Christmas music at all, crazy!). We did manage to celebrate Hanukkah and had a nice time with that, and I even accomplished a completely insane week where I added up approximately 70 hours of work. December pays for some other months, really, though it’s gotten to the point that I wonder which months that is. It’s possible I need to cut back, but I’m also having a good time, other than being tired.

Now, it’s ME so I’ve also done some baking, with more planned. I’m still getting used to my “new”oven. I finally ordered an oven thermometer and plan to use it later today to see what’s really going on: the oven definitely runs hot, but the other issue is that it’s not totally consistent through the space. Our old house had a wonderful convection oven, which we have been tempted on more than one occasion to bring over here (the old house isn’t sold, though a friend is currently living there.) I have had various successes and failures with baking, some due to my errors, some due to oven errors (and probably me too), and one due to misreading and putting the dish in a smaller pan than asked for AND overbaking it. Sigh.

These cookies didn’t spread at all, but they are delicious and fudgy and I love them. I did have some spreading issues, which makes me think that either my baking soda/powder isn’t working anymore (getting new of both to be sure) or I’m adding too much flour (though the dough has felt okay for some of the recipes) or who knows. I’m also thinking the oven being weird doesn’t help, but hopefully I can figure out what to do with that. Nonetheless the above cookies were delicious and some are still left…(actually many.)

Miles and Muriel really love the radiators when the heat is on. They are going to be so disappointed when spring comes! They spend most of their time going from one radiator to the next, together or separately. There’s no specific rhyme or reason to it, but I’m sure it makes sense to them.

I have a church service to play for this morning (Vaughan-Williams at Ladue Chapel), some lessons to teach, and a concert this evening at another church. Last weekend I had four different performances with rehearsals, which was a bit much. Seriously, this December has been crazy. I’ve said no to a ton of stuff too, which I always hate doing, but I’m happy to be so busy! In a way. Louie has been crazy as well, with finishing up classes, getting ready to teach a winter break class, and getting a paper ready to submit. We are both workaholics, which is a fundamental part of our relationship, I suppose. We talk about what is sustainable about this, and what might work for the future to slow down, but he has no intention of retiring early, and he seemed surprised when I suggested that I planned to retire at 65. I guess one can never tell the future, but sometimes I look at this and say, hmm, 20 more years and then I’m done!

We’ll see! How is your December going? Do you find this is the first year that things are REALLY back in full swing with events and parties and concerts? Are you leaning into the holiday craziness or stepping back and trying to focus on just a few things?

Cheeseball for a work party

One more thing: I’ve been listening to various podcasts about life balance, organization and such, and I’m thinking about my goals for 2024. I haven’t been setting specific goals or intentions for a few years (pandemic mind) but there are some things I would like to accomplish in the near future, and maybe writing them down and actually, you know, working towards them, would be a good idea. Perhaps I’ll do a goals blog post, with the ones that I would feel comfortable sharing publicly.

This was from a concert the other week. I thought it was a great photo: I took it from somebody’s facebook page to share with you all 😉

thoughts about violin, teaching, running, life.