I feel like I’m going through post-audition stress disorder. It’s where you feel like everything you’ve been doing is all wrong and that you are a complete loser and you might as well find a new career. That switches between, oh, hey, I’ll be great, and I can’t wait for the next audition and I just need to work a little bit harder…and then you think, how can I possibly do that, I’m so exhausted, I’ve never been in better shape and really, everybody can just bite me.
I thought after the audition I’d be back to my normal self, but I’m still just so behind on everything and I feel like I’m walking around in a fog half the time.
I’m sure it’ll pass soon. What do you guys do when you’re in a funk and you feel like a failure? Or worse, you feel like this is just as good as it’s going to get career wise…
The Book of Mormon was awesome last weekend. Definitely worth missing the Oscars for 😉
Then I spent a day just documenting my cat’s activities all day long. Well, I also did other stuff that day, but every time I saw her…(from the moment I woke up to when I went to bed)…
I can’t say I’m not jealous.
I know you feel. Wish there was a quick-fix or a cure for that horrible feeling, but honestly, I still haven’t figured it out. I have good days and bad days. I hope you feel better soon, but you’re definitely not alone in that feeling.
Hannah, I have been thinking of you and remembering my life disappointments, of which there are more than a few. It is so difficult to invest your talent and hard work and not receive the validation/result you expect, especially if you’ve allowed yourself the natural luxury to see yourself in that new place. Experiences like this really trigger a mourning process that you really can’t short circuit, but just have to slog through but it is plain yucky to navigate. Looking back on my life, I eventually make sense of it all, but that takes even more time. You are incredibly talented, you are passionate, and you are graced with a wonderful sense of humor and the talent to connect to others. I love the music you make!
I feel that way a lot, totally let down in my career and as if I’ve failed at everything. And I’m not a super amazing violinist, so at least you have that going for you.