All posts by hannahviolin

I am a violinist. I also enjoy running, working out, reading, and hanging with my friends and cat.
Cat

Fat Kitty

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My last student tonight told me that he had been without internet for about a week, so if anything super exciting had happened on my blog, he’d have missed it.  Adam, this is for you.  Actually I lied.  This is for everyone.  This is my favorite cat video ever.

I even told Mike he had to check it out and Mike is not a cat person (it was the working out bit that I thought would appeal…).  He asked, how do you FIND this stuff?  The answer is:  I don’t.  It finds me–people tend to share cat videos with me (they’ve learned that I enjoy them.)

I haven’t been responding to my comments lately.  Let me tell you: each and every comment is appreciated.  If you are on my home page, to comment just click on the title and that will bring you to a post with a comment form at the bottom.  I’d love to have a way to have people be able to comment on each post from the home page, but I’ll figure that out at some point (or hey, can anybody help?)  But I’ve gotten some really sweet comments from people and let me tell you: it means a lot to me.

Also cat videos.  They always help!

 

 

Deep Thoughts

Tosca

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I’ve been busy all week rehearsing this:

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This Friday night and Sunday afternoon Winter Opera St Louis is performing Tosca.  I HIGHLY recommend the show because the singers are AMAZING.  Plus the orchestra (I’m concertmaster) is not bad…in fact I think we sound pretty good and this is one of the first times I’ve really insisted to Chris that he come (he always does if he’s free anyway, which is rare because the symphony usually performs during the same times, but this time I think it’s a MUST SEE!).  Visit Winter Opera St Louis for more information, okay?

Also that theme you see is constantly in my head.  My friend Sarah got mad at me last night because I kept singing it out loud.  Oh well, better than Lord of the Rings, right?  (Different.)

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I’ve been trying to keep up the practicing.  I think that’s another reason I haven’t been blogging as much (other than being a little depressed and not having a whole lot to say).  I made my first Target trip in over a month and got new socks and a new gray sweater. 

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I didn’t buy this card, but I love it.  “It’s every Irishman’s delight!” Though I prefer the spelling Moustache to Mustache.  My spell check tells me both are acceptable.

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When you aren’t preparing for an audition you have more time for etudes.  I thought working on one with a bunch of flats would be good practice for the opera.  It’s so challenging to play in the tune in the keys with so many flats, but SO important to not play sharp.

I love being back into working out.  My legs are sore and I feel great because of it. 

I’m working really hard to get back to feeling like myself.  It bothers me most because I think it’s primarily “just” in my head (which I know isn’t a just thing) and other people have actual problems.  Or I do have actual problems…I just don’t even know anymore.  I think it’s probably a good thing I have a spring break pretty soon.  Maybe I’ll be able to sort some stuff out.  I’m just tired of being sad and angry.

Auditions, Cat

Post Audition Stress Disorder

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I feel like I’m going through post-audition stress disorder.  It’s where you feel like everything you’ve been doing is all wrong and that you are a complete loser and you might as well find a new career.  That switches between, oh, hey, I’ll be great, and I can’t wait for the next audition and I just need to work a little bit harder…and then you think, how can I possibly do that, I’m so exhausted, I’ve never been in better shape and really, everybody can just bite me. 

I thought after the audition I’d be back to my normal self, but I’m still just so behind on everything and I feel like I’m walking around in a fog half the time. 

I’m sure it’ll pass soon.  What do you guys do when you’re in a funk and you feel like a failure? Or worse, you feel like this is just as good as it’s going to get career wise…

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The Book of Mormon was awesome last weekend. Definitely worth missing the Oscars for 😉

Then I spent a day just documenting my cat’s activities all day long.  Well, I also did other stuff that day, but every time I saw her…(from the moment I woke up to when I went to bed)…

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I can’t say I’m not jealous.

Cat, Running

Pictures of my cat and some blabbing about 80’s themed races and other stuff too

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Quick reader poll:  do you read my blog FOR the cat pictures, or DESPITE the cat pictures?

(note: I will not change anything based on this poll. please respond in the comments)

The other day the cat spent all day on the bed.  Yesterday she spent all day on the couch.  Today it’s the bed again.

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I had a workout with Mike today.  We are all (well, Jen, Mike, and I) getting excited about the Benton Park 80’s 5K, this year on June 1. 

We’ve run it two years in a row and are shooting for the third year.  (first year, second year, well worth checking out for the pictures)

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I’m hoping Chris will run and some other people (local readers come on out, and of course it’s totally worth flying in for as well, ROSE…) too.  This means we have to do a couple of important things:

1) Start thinking about costumes, of course

2) Get Mike, to perhaps win this year rather than coming in second again to the same guy.  We brainstormed ideas that might improve his time and help him win: great ideas, like, speed work and dropping weight, or “taking care of” the previous winner Tonya Harding style, or perhaps just showing up for the race slightly less hungover…all valid ideas at this point.  (except that second one.) Also helpful, mantras like “second place is the first loser”…also I’m trying to get other fast people to run to really put the heat on him. 

The good news is that I’ve run TWICE this week, approximately 2 miles each time and the second run was far better than the first.  Mike suggested I try for 3 to 4 miles since, after all, I was able to run a half marathon just over a month ago and I should be able to do more than that.  You’d think. 

Thoughts after the other day’s post.  I’m trying not to let negative thoughts get me down.  Let’s just put February behind us and try again, shall we?

Deep Thoughts

Getting the gist of myself

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I read a friend’s blog post the other day and she wrote the line “To me, it is very difficult to get the gist of myself.”  That really struck a chord with me.  I don’t like to veer too negative or TOO personal here on the blog, because I’m just not comfortable with those things…we’ll just say that it’s been a challenging week and perhaps before that too.  I feel a little unlike myself.

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Yesterday for instead.  I got up.  I met a friend for lunch.  I was supposed to go to a blogger meet up and I just suddenly felt entirely overwhelmed.  I just couldn’t.  Sometimes I get horrific society anxiety, and the idea of talking to a bunch of virtual strangers (one person there I would know) just pushed me over the edge and I sat in my car crying for a bit.  Yeah, great, right?!

I went home instead and played violin for two hours (which was GLORIOUS because I am in fantastic violin shape right now and I feel like I’ve never been able to play better).  Friday night was a similar thing—after the concert I had originally made plans to go hang out with the girls, but I just couldn’t deal with the idea of all the people.  I went home and waited for Chris to get off work instead.  Lame, but…I guess it’s just something I’m dealing with.  I think the feeling that here, we are still struggling to put our careers together, and it’s such a disgusting horrific struggle…that I just don’t want to deal with people.  Or maybe I’m just depressed.  I’m not a psychiatrist, I can only attempt to self diagnose.

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That said.  Don’t start calling in the men with white jackets just yet.  I’m really good at faking it.  So I figured, you know what, I need to get my butt out there for a run.  I ran for 1.5 miles and it was just awful.  I wanted to puke for most of the run and stopped to walk a couple times too.  I had to run in the street to avoid the icy sidewalks and honestly, my running tights were a little snug.  But I did it.  My first run since that race in January that WENT SO WELL.  Because it DID. It was great, and then I got sick, and then I got sick again, and in the meantime I nearly had a nervous breakdown.

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And then I did feel a little better.  Maybe it’s feeling like I’m in control of a few things.  I can play violin, I can work out, I can lose those few pounds I’ve gained in the past weeks (at least) due to stress eating.  Sure, a lot of things are out of my control, but not everything.

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It’s funny then, you make one good decision, it’s easy to make a few more.  I made a healthy lunch, put together some chicken in the crockpot for dinner, and suddenly had a lot more energy.  Now I’m off to practice a bit before I teach.  I’m not saying I’m suddenly magically feeling amazing or even really that great, just that I’m not feeling like a big pile of you know what.  So there you have it.  Happy Monday!

Oh, and this is all pretty personal stuff.  Writing helps, so I hope you enjoy reading it!

Random thoughts

Chamber Project St Louis at the Art Museum

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The chamber group I play with occasionally, Chamber Project St Louis, performed at the St Louis Art Museum last night.  We are repeating the concert this next Friday (I included this and next to be super clear that I’m not talking about yesterday, how’s that for grammar?) at the Chapel (visit CPSTL‘ s website for more information on all of that.) 

The concert poster.

Last night’s venue.

Warming up amongst the art.  My stand was behind the LINE but no guards yelled at me.

Performing one of the pieces.  That’s my friend Laura standing because the piece (Derek Bermel’s Soul Garden) was for viola and string quintet, which meant her part was more important and we thought she should stand up to reflect that.  She sounded great.

Jen and Vince playing some Piazzolla.

If you are local and don’t have plans next Friday night, I’d recommend you come see me (us) play!  The tickets are very reasonable ESPECIALLY since they include two drinks (alcohol AND non-alcoholic beverages are offered.)  If you have any questions, feel free to ask, but remember, it’s a concert for everyone, not just classical music buffs.  Plus I’ll be wearing more color for the next one, which should be incentive enough.  Maybe I’ll wear purple.