All posts by hannahviolin

I am a violinist. I also enjoy running, working out, reading, and hanging with my friends and cat.
Performing, Random thoughts

May Flowers

I keep waiting for the extra time I calculated from no longer having college classes to materialize but it really hasn’t yet. Of course, playing 8 shows of Phantom of the Opera each week cuts into that time…

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I attended a board meeting for a music teacher’s organization I’m a board member on. While I haven’t been able to contribute as much to my position as I feel I should, I’m still glad I’m doing it. I learn so much from the meetings and the other people! Most of the other members are piano teachers, but they run such creative and amazing studios and want so many opportunities for their students and I find it inspiring. It’s also nice to learn about organizing events, disagreeing with other people yet remaining civil, and how to stay organized while remaining so very busy. Though as the woman sitting next to me said, well of course you’re busy—you teach at so many different colleges! I realized, as I’ve said here, I may have bitten off too much. I’m allowing a small amount of attrition in my private studio to let myself breathe a bit (though, in all honesty, it’s mostly because I have 7 weeks of shows booked for the fall and that means so much evening teaching I’ll need space for rescheduling.)

Nonetheless, there were years here in St Louis where I felt like my musical experience was completely underused and underappreciated, and the other day when I got another request which I unfortunately had to say no to, and was feeling bad, Louie said, well, isn’t it great to feel so in demand? And yes it is! Right now I feel like things are at a point where I will continue to have a reasonable amount of work without panicking …and that if things start to dry up because I had to say no to too many things I have so many contacts that I will have no problem making things flow again. And that feels positive!

Of course, often I worry about being positive because then that’s when things go wrong, right? Eh, I think this time things are looking up. I just have to figure out how to balance it all so I’m a little less overwhelmed than I was last semester!

I was delighted last night when one of my student’s families came up to the pit at the end of the show. They didn’t even know I was playing, but were just looking into the pit to see all the musicians, and we were surprised to see each other. I love that they were curious about the music!

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I’m lucky to have the opportunities I’m currently having too—as much as I complain about my stress levels and such, I’m lucky, I’m grateful, and yet I also know I’ve worked hard and deserve some measure of success, even though that measure is different for everybody.

The other thing I deserve IS time off. I’m looking forward to taking a short trip to Rocky Mountain National Park. We are camping for four nights at Glacier Basin Campground (we’ve stayed there before) and I’m really excited. I’ll be celebrating my 40th birthday while I’m there, and we are definitely taking another downhill bike tour. Other than that we plan on lots of hiking, hopefully seeing a bunch of critters and animals, taking pictures, and hanging out by the campfire.

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Planning is in full force! It isn’t a crazy trip like we’ve done in the past, just going there, camping, and coming back, and I’m really looking forward to it!

Until then, teaching, playing, and lots to do around the house! I’d better go work out, run a few errands, hopefully do some practice, and then teach.

Random thoughts

Morning Off

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I have this morning off! Mostly I’m responding to emails, but I figured I’d put up another post after last night so you know I’m not totally off the deep end Winking smile Freelancing IS hard though!

The new cat, Muriel, is doing well. We got her spayed last week so she still has her stitches, but she’s starting to act more and more like herself. Yesterday she kept trying to sneak out while I was teaching, and one parent actually let her out—she was so insistent that he assumed she was an indoor/outdoor cat. Luckily she had only gone a few feet…I don’t know. I don’t WANT her to be an indoor/outdoor cat but she is really pushy at the doors. I think we can get through this period though, right? Any advice?

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In the above photo she looks like she was mid-crawl, but she was actually just sitting like that. Below she is stalking the front door.

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I still can’t believe I have several months off from college teaching. The college year is strange! It is nice having the extra time, because while this week is pretty darned busy due to playing a show (Phantom!) at the Fox (this is the big venue for traveling musicals in St Louis) at least I only have my private students to worry about.

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I never mentioned a really fun workshop I attended last weekend. I went to the Max Aronoff Viola Institute Workshop on Saturday. One of my colleagues helped to put the event on here in St Louis and I spent the day learning about viola technique, teaching, and repertoire. I had a private session with one of the teachers, Joyce Ramée, which was informative and helpful. I’ve been a little uncomfortable asking for help with my viola journey from local people…(not sure why, variety of reasons) so I’m really glad I attended the workshop. Of course many things are similar between viola and violin, which meant that during the day I kept being reminded of important points to help my students with regarding bowing and vibrato in particular. I love attended educational seminars and workshops and always come away with valuable information that I mean to go back over and really study…and then often run out of time! Joyce also gave me some ideas on exactly what to practice on the viola in order to improve my skills, and gave me the confidence that I was already doing many things well, which as a professional I needed.

I then spent the week being incredibly picky with my students on their intonation and posture. Which I think is good: I didn’t make anybody cry, at least not IN the lesson. And sometimes I have weeks where I’m more particular, and other weeks I’m not, because it’s hard to pull teeth every week.

Another nice thing I was able to do was get my hair done last week!

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Next week I hope to get a pedicure. It’s sandal weather already and I LOVE starting the summer with nicer feet. I am okay with paying somebody else for that.

Okay, I’d better get off the computer and get to a workout. Then it’s a matinee show, a few lessons, and another show…did I mention it’s a busy week? The show is so much fun though, and low pressure because I’m sitting with their traveling concertmaster. I just have to do exactly what she does, unless it’s a solo in which case I have to be certain to NOT play. It’s much easier than being the concertmaster (this is why concertmaster pays more!). And tomorrow morning we are planning on a bike ride, if the weather isn’t bad. I’m afraid to look, but assuming it’ll be warm with a small chance of storms.

Deep Thoughts, Performing

Freelancing will make you crazy

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I just got home from a long day of rehearsal, teaching, sound check, and a performance. It was a fun day—both challenging and satisfying, with some good conversation, lovely colleagues, and a few interesting lessons. But what a day.

I’m trying to put together my gig schedule for next year and I keep getting offered really cool opportunities, that conflict with other things I’ve done. This is the big conundrum of freelancing: to bail on the first gig to take the second gig? I don’t like doing it, in fact, it makes me sick to my stomach, but I have to sometimes. This is my job, and I am failing at my job if I turn down $3000 (or more) to make $300. It’s hard though, because you want to be seen as dependable!

I was having a hard time making a decision today, until an older colleague who I greatly respect said, well, of course you have to take the other thing, when I was telling her I didn’t think I could play this gig she’d asked me about. And yes, she was right. I have to sometimes put myself and my financial future first, and take the well paying job. Why is this something that makes me feel bad? It was a no-brainer.

I also had to rearrange a quartet concert. This was a hard thing too, because my quartet is my favorite thing to do and I want to be dependable.

I want to be dependable. I always show up early, I’m prepared, I’m ready, I’m dependable.  I’m talking about a job that is 4 months away, and worried about canceling on people.

It’s been a hard year. A good year in many respects, in terms of career opportunities, financial rewards, and things like that, but hard. I’m hoping things get a little easier in the months ahead, though I had that feeling in the pit of my stomach all afternoon, just the stress of it all.

Freelancing will make you crazy.

I shouldn’t have to be uncomfortable with some form of career success. I’ve worked really hard to get where I am, on every level.

Camping, Hiking

Camping at Babler State Park

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Since today was my first day off from college teaching, Louie and I decided to take a short trip to celebrate. Since we try to make life so much harder than it needs to be, we made a reservation to camp at Babler State Park, which is about 40 minutes away. We wanted to take the dog, Mackenzie, along, since she is getting older and we thought she’d enjoy being outdoors and camping, and also having us to herself (away from Muriel the new cat.) We almost canceled the trip after we realized Muriel had a little bit of recovery to do after her spay surgery, and then when the weather looked iffy, but we decided all would be well.

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The other reason I wanted to get out for a night of camping, besides relaxing and getting outside before it gets toooooo hot, was to check on our gear situation before taking a longer trip this summer. It’s easy to forget what problems occurred, so I thought we’d have this trip to remind us of what we needed. Basically we are in good shape, but there are always a few things here and there to make life easier.

My years of camping experience have taught me how to interpret a campground map as best as possible to figure out what site to reserve in order to best meet our needs. Since we tent camp, we want privacy and shade, or at least as much of each as possible. I’m diligent in my searches, looking online for exact site numbers, looking for pictures of the site, comparing the availability, seeing which sites are MORE popular, and therefore likely better. Since this was only night, I wasn’t too concerned, but I’m pretty sure I got the best site in the campground, or at least one of the best. The only drawback was that it was very far from the restrooms, but it was very close to water, had lovely shade, privacy on three sides and was below the road a bit too, so I’d say we did well. Site 68 at Babler State Park, if you are keeping track.

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You know I love taking pictures of my tent in various locations.

Let me back up just a little, since you know I hate to stay on topic too much. Since I’m done with my college teaching for the semester (15 more hours a week, I believe) I’ve already forgotten how hard it was. This happens immediately—as soon as I have a relaxing evening or afternoon I tend to forget how awfully stressed out I was. This is a good sign, I think, but looking back a few weeks, Louie was saying he wished we could get out and about more, that we used to do a lot more outdoor activities. So we planned a trip—we figured even though I’m going into a few busy weeks (playing a two week run of a musical) we’d take a day and do something fun. I realized we could get away overnight and the plan was hatched!

I ended up of course teaching in the morning before we left and then of course had to get back to teach today, but nonetheless we were able to get away. Packing the car for camping is no small feat (and unpacking) but luckily some of our systems were in place and most of the gear was in one box and ready to go. We did forget a few things but nothing we couldn’t live without.

We got to the campground around 4 pm and check in was easy. We bought firewood there, and then set up the tent and the campsite. It was a little sloped and we weren’t exactly sure the best place for the tent, but overall it was lovely. We were at the end of the road on a cul-de-sac, and while we did end up with neighbors across, it was still pretty private.

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After we set up, we wanted to take a short hike. I’ve been having a little knee trouble, and Mackenzie doesn’t like walking too much so we picked a short hike—Steve Henry from 60 Hikes within 60 Miles of St Louis said it was his favorite though, so we were okay with our choice. We went on the Hawthorne Trail, which was about 1 1/4 miles.

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After the hike we headed back to our campsite and relaxed a bit before dinner. I’d brought Trader Joe’s vegetarian chili for dinner and popcorn for dessert…we made a campfire (well, Louie did) and relaxed a bit first.

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Mackenzie couldn’t figure out how to get comfortable (not much grass on our site—they’d put down a lot of straw to cover the dirt, but we didn’t think of that) so she kept pacing around, giving us these looks like, are we heading home soon?, and finally ended up napping in the backseat of the car. Then the storms started. We couldn’t relax because it kept raining off and on, off and on. It wasn’t anything terrible, just the edge of a storm or two that was passing through, but Louie and I kept going into the car, then back out by the fire, and the car, the fire, etc. Finally we realized we might as well just make dinner—we could always hold an umbrella over the stove if needed, so we did that. The rain held off long enough to make the soup, and then started up again. Finally it seemed to be a long enough time without rain and we were able to enjoy the campfire. Fascinating story, right? But the moral of the story is: always be ready for rain. It will likely rain.

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This is the other view of the campsite.

Anyway, we finally decided to just go to bed. Note for those camping with an older dog: make sure the pad you brought for her is working. We brought an older inflatable pad for her to sleep on, but it wouldn’t hold air. She was antsy all night until finally she squeezed at the foot of the tent on the thermarest and sleeping bag combo and then she was comfy! Other note for those camping or hiking: it’s definitely already tick season…

Oh, and another thing: camping so close to St Louis, it never really got dark. We kept expecting it to get darker, but it never got totally dark. And before we went to bed for the night, we did hear something bigger in the forest, moving around, but didn’t see anything. So that was a little fun and exciting!

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Anyway, we slept well enough, and then got up around 8:30 am. The weather was nice—not too hot, not raining anymore, and we made coffee and oatmeal, and then packed up. We thought about trying to do another short hike, but I think we overestimated what Mackenzie was up for, so we thought maybe she’d better just get home…so we drove home, unloaded the car, and then got back into the workweek. It was a nice diversion and quick overnight trip.

Since there weren’t any photos of me in this post, let me include one from last week after I got my hair done–

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That’s totally how I looked while camping as well.

Random thoughts

Car troubles

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I did a lot of driving last week, as I was playing with the Illinois Symphony, which rehearses in Springfield but also does a concert in Bloomington, Illinois. Those places are not super close to St Louis.  We had a great concert though, and it was super fun to play with an orchestra…playing in an orchestra full time used to be my dream job, and I still absolutely love a big orchestra.

On my drive home, south on I-55, traffic came to a standstill, for nearly an hour. I could see trucks and sirens up ahead, and, ultimately, a lifeflight helicopter landed, and then took off a bit later. It’s always a bit sobering to see these things, and to think how in an instance, everything could be totally different. Once traffic got moving we drove by the scene, and there were at least four cars, all kinds of smashed up and crushed and wrecked, and it was a hard thing to drive by and think about. It really makes you drive more alertly for awhile, and it makes you realize how freaking dangerous driving is. It is seriously the most dangerous thing we do every day!

Then today, after teaching a few students at Wash U, I get out to my car, and nope, it won’t start. I was glad this didn’t happen while I was at rehearsal in Illinois or something, but it’s always a bit frustrating. Louie came to help and tried to jump it, but that didn’t take, so I called AAA. They sent a tow truck, but luckily the driver was able to jump it (he said he had a more powerful starter than just jumping from one car to another) and I was able to drive to the mechanic instead of being towed. It ended up being a small issue, thankfully, but I did end up missing one student and having to postpone taking my violin and bow into the shop for repairs. Louie is bugging me to get a new car, but I’m cheap and stubborn…and I like my car!

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I wonder how much productivity gets lost due to various car troubles?

In any case, thoughts from my last post…I had a commenter tell me to stop worrying about what people think so much. On the one hand, that means I should ignore her comment. On the other hand, this is an excellent point. I had a great time in Illinois not worrying about what people thought and just doing my thing, and I think it definitely is something that I should focus on. I have spent a long part of my life trying to please other people, and the sad truth is that nobody cares. The people that don’t like me or don’t like my playing aren’t going to, and the rest of the people will no matter what. I don’t have to care about that first group.

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Then again, I’m not going to stop striving for perfection in my playing. But I’m going to do that for me. And well, for my audience so that they feel like they got their money’s worth Winking smile

One more day left of college teaching! I finished up at Lindenwood, and it doesn’t exactly feel real yet. But today is my last Wash U day, with juries and all that, and then I’ll really have more time. My fun focuses are practicing and working out (I promise those are fun things!) and I also have plans to organize and de clutter the house. As one does, right?

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From a year ago…finished up then too! I think I was less overwhelmed that semester than I was this semester, but I’m nonetheless relieved it’s done!

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Definitely still enjoy coffee and light hearted mystery novels! And playing, and teaching, and all of that. I just maybe need to cut back a little on teaching…I’ve got a couple quitting, and while it’s not that I’m GLAD they are quitting, because I’m not, I’m not eager to replace them. I think I end up having to reschedule so many that losing a few won’t even affect my income!

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Planning for May lessons and the summer schedule…I do my best thinking by hand, even though I use an electronic calendar.

This blog post has actually taken more than one day, so I think it’s time to publish. I’m off on another errand, then teaching, juries, teaching, and perhaps avocado toast for dinner.

Performing

Winding Down

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My quartet’s concert on Tuesday went quite well! And we had a nice audience, and even got a standing ovation afterwards. It’s hard, teaching full time plus and trying to practice to maintain a high level of playing too…it definitely adds to my stress levels.

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We saw the Calidore Quartet play at Wash U on Sunday night, and it was so inspiring and wonderful watching a world-class quartet perform. Of course I had a lot of emotions during the performance, ranging from relief that I wasn’t playing on the concert (ha) to a bit of jealousy at how much time they likely have to practice and rehearse, and also simply enjoying the intense musicality and emotions from the music. I need to take more time to attend and enjoy concerts. I need to change a few things.

Louie and I were talking the other day and he suggested our problem is that we try too hard, that we need to just allow ourselves to be “good enough.” I tried to take this thought to heart going into Tuesday’s concert. I relaxed in the afternoon a bit rather than drilling some spots in the Schubert (Death and the Maiden) and who knows, I missed a few things, but I might have missed them anyway. I don’t have enough time to practice as much as I would need to to guarantee hitting everything (or a higher percentage) so I just have to do my best. I am a professional musician, but when you have 47 students sometimes something has to slide! Or at least I’m trying to convince myself of that. It’s like I’m worried that all my former teachers will come out and tell me I’m a complete disappointment and a failure at life.

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I want to just be a positive person and not compare myself to others and not compare others to myself, and simply enjoy my life experience…but gosh it’s hard.

I’m so happy to be done with the concert on Tuesday.  And I finished my 100 days of viola practice on Instagram!  Now I don’t have anything pressing on the calendar to stress over, so I can practice in a relaxed manner, I can play etudes and scales (I love them!) and I can (next week) take my violin in to figure out why it’s making weird noises. I can also read and relax, work out, hike and bike perhaps, cook more, see friends, and perhaps even respond to some emails that have been lingering for awhile (there are so many work things to do even still that I just have to chip away and again, be good enough.)

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Oh, after this weekend that is, because I’m headed up to Springfield for the Illinois Symphony. It’s not a stressful thing but it does take up all my time. Brahms First Piano Concerto with Stephen Hough and Beethoven Sixth Symphony. I’m looking forward to playing this concert, even though it’s a bit of a drive and a time commitment, and I feel a little guilty for skipping so many lessons and taking so much time to do it.

As you can tell, I’m liking the idea of trying to be “good enough” but have a lot of work left to put it into practice. I do need to take the summer to seek more balance in my life (and just relax more) and then figure out how to make the fall work well with a little less stress and angst. I made it through this school year, but this spring semester has been incredibly tough and I don’t know that I wish to repeat it.

In any case, things with new kitty Muriel are good, Louie is doing well and almost done with his semester as well…and after Wednesday I’m kind of sort of on summer vacation, so life is really looking up!