Category Archives: Deep Thoughts

Deep Thoughts

The School Year Beckons

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We just got back from another fabulous road trip. Truthfully, Louie and I hadn’t set out on a good camping road trip in a few years, so we were glad to do so in the past few weeks. We’d forgotten how to do a few things, but it came back pretty quickly. I’ll tell you more about it in detail, but in a nutshell, we spent about a week visting my sister Leslie and her family in Chautauqua, New York and then we spent time driving through Vermont, New Hampshire, and Maine, camping, hiking, getting bitten by mosquitoes, and buying maple syrup, before driving all the way home in two days.

So here I am, home again, sending out oodles of emails and trying to convince myself to finish folding laundry and get those last few things out of the car. Lessons start up again on Monday, and things are…mostly scheduled at home, and starting to get scheduled at the college. I have spent entirely too much time at the computer, but Muriel loves it because she sits by me, glad that I am home. Miles is less glad, because we turned the a/c down to a cooler temp and I think he prefers the hotter temperature. He does enjoy the pets I think, but less from me and much more from Louie.

It’s going to be a busy year, again, of course, as things always are. Each year starts full of promise though, right? It’s like the shiny school supplies, the new start, the freshness of the new semester beckons. We are rested, excited to begin. The weather promises to start cooling down and get nicer as the months go on, and we are getting into the fun holidays: Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas are getting closer (but not TOO close.) And honestly, I had a terrific summer, and we were so lucky with the tornado missing our house, and other than hurting my ankle (did I mention that? I rolled my ankle in June pretty badly) it was a good summer…so many nice trips, the Alaska cruise, the girls trip to Wisconsin, a New England Road Trip, so many evenings free, so many lovely gigs that paid pretty well and some fun times with Louie and other friends. I feel like it was one of the better summers in a long time.

(Other than you know, the whole *waves arms around* world falling apart around us. But what can you do? We are determined to do what we CAN about that, while not letting it ruin our lives any more than it HAS to. We did notice that we saw no Canadian license plates while we were on our trip, even though I have read many places that usually Canadians like to drive over the border to vacation in New Hampshire and Maine. We did see a fair amount of Trump signs. Inflation was rampant. There were many places where I had checked prices and made notes in early summer as to what things would cost and the prices were already higher by mid-August. My dad suggested maybe I had written down the non-peak season prices, and maybe, I could have made that mistake once or twice, but I am pretty sure that I made notes of what they said prices would be for the summer, and they just raised prices. And that’s just one small thing, the thing we were told would be changed, the thing that we were told Americans cared about, that I’m not seeing anybody doing a damn thing about, but instead rounding up and torturing people of color and shipping them off to concentration camps instead. So, yeah, that puts a damper on things. )

But I’ll leave you with a few pictures of the cats, that our amazing cat sitter took and sent while I was gone.

Deep Thoughts, Performing

It’s September, but where is the fall weather?

I’m taking a break from writing about our trip to just writing about my life right now. I’m sure you’re disappointed 😉

September is shaping up to be BUSY. I got asked to play a wide variety of concerts: several on the violin, one on the baroque violin, one on the viola! So there’s a fair amount of “I really should practice” going on, some actual practicing, and then setting up rehearsals, adjusting some students, that sort of thing. I added a chamber music coaching to my responsibilities at Wash U, and I added it on Wednesday evenings, which means that suddenly I am a night person rather than a morning person. I left the music school at 10 pm the other night and was somehow surprised by how busy it was! I also had to teach a makeup last night until 9:30 pm…and I wasn’t even that tired! My alarm didn’t go off until 8 am this morning and it was glorious.

Seriously, after teaching for 4 years in a job (which wouldn’t even have started up yet, but still) which required a 5:30 am wakeup on 4 days a week, not doing that is still a real treat. I will miss aspects of the job, but NOT the morning wakeup. I can freely add things to my evenings and nights without worrying about getting an appropriate amount of sleep, and it’s really relaxing.

The cats can never get enough of Louie. Me, they tolerate. Him, they absolutely love. For Muriel, I suspect it is partly because he does NOT play the violin, and she detests the violin. For Miles, well, they are special soul mates and that’s just how it is.

Monday we biked from St Charles to Machens on the Katy Trail, about 13 miles each way. It was probably the last long bike ride I will manage before our biking/canoing trip in mid-October, but we will get some shorter ones in. I don’t have any more days off until after that, but I do have some days with less things on them.

Sometimes I wonder if we are doing things wrong…other friends without children seem to have a lot more free time! I think often people think that if you don’t have kids that means you will have a lot of free time, and it definitely depends on what you do for your job. If you have jobs like us, which take up so much time (especially seasonally) you still end up being quite busy! I have thought maybe I should do a whole post on not having children, and perhaps I will someday soon. I wouldn’t say that my life looks exactly how I thought it would when I was a child, but whose does? I am not regretful about it in any way, and I love having so many worthwhile (to me at least) things that I do.

Sometimes I day dream what it would be like to have a “regular” 8-5 job, but I know if I did I would just fill my evenings and weekends with music activities. There’s no way for me to not be a musician! On the rare nights that I am done early, like 5 pm, which happened here and there over the summer, it was funny, because we didn’t even know what to do with ourselves! And then sometimes we would just go to bed really early, which was pretty nice anyway, because so much of the summer felt like I was just catching up on sleep and trying to get back into a more normal sleep routine…but it wasn’t like I suddenly had all these hours free, they just went away anyway. I’m sure some people have more interesting hobbies that take up their evening hours (my friend April does aerial silks and plays the flute in addition to biking, hiking, etc) but certainly many people just watch more tv.

Anyway! Louie and I have Saturday evening off together and we may go out to see some live music Saturday night, and we also need to watch The Whale for our movie group. We also have a bike ride planned, in addition to our work: for me a few rescheduled lessons, a concert tonight, a wedding tomorrow, and a church service Sunday morning and rehearsal in the evening. This is September!

Deep Thoughts

On being busy

Everybody says that they are busy, and everybody says that we shouldn’t talk about how busy we are because being busy is bad.

Of course, everybody doesn’t say both of those things, but as a freelance musician and teacher, the way the conversation goes is this:

“How are you?”

“Busy!”

“That’s good!”

I’ve had this conversation (is it a conversation if it’s just three sentences?) with many people over the years. And while it doesn’t allow for much nuance, the idea is: busy equals working, which as a musician is good.

One thing I have been struggling with is how MUCH I need to work. On the one hand, I enjoy what I do: I like playing concerts, I like teaching students (not every day, but I do enjoy working with them overall), I like seeing my colleagues at various rehearsals and working together, and I love music. So when I see a free space on my calendar and somebody asks about something, or when somebody asks about something that sounds super fun, I will make it work. At the expense of, I suppose, everything else.

Many of the podcasts and books for women are how to balance work and life, with work being work and life being family/children. What if you are trying to balance work and life, with life being friends and your partner and whatever ELSE it is that you want to do other than work, because you don’t have children? This is something that people used to talk about, when I was in my 20’s and early 30’s, but I feel like nobody talks about it anymore. It’s assumed, in our culture, that all women in their 40’s have children to balance around, and it is also assumed that any who don’t have children have this freedom to their lives to do whatever they like, whenever they like. And I do know some people who do tend towards the latter, but I’m sure there are other people out there like me?

So, what does a 40-something do when they have to work very long hours to make their career work the way they want it to, but they also want to have a good relationship with their partner, their family and friends? It’s hard to fit it all in, even without children! (And yes, I know how people with children do it: as the lower earner in my household I would be the one cutting out work.)

January and February are traditionally my less busy months, but as I’ve mentioned here, that isn’t the case for this year. It’s a variety of things, but mainly because I took on four different chamber music concerts, two candlelight concerts (a new addition) and a two week run of a show at the Fox theatre, doubling on violin and viola…doing all that with teaching is a bit busy. If you are asking, how do I make it work, the answer is, extreme calendar organization, panic, and years of experience. The good news is, two of the concerts are today which will lighten the load a little bit. And then I have three days off (well, one day off, one day doing colonoscopy prep, and one day having and recovering from the procedure.) I should get some good reading in!

Deep Thoughts, Performing

Mid July musings

I realized my last trip recap was published without a title…oops! It seems like maybe my program could have reminded me of that, like when you try to send an email in gmail without a subject. Anyway, it’s fixed now, and I may even get a few more recaps written soon: there are probably 2 or 3 posts left and I’ve at least figured out what pictures to show you.

Mostly I just take pictures here, of Miles and sometimes Muriel (you’ll see her later in the post.)

But let’s catch up in the present, shall we? I hope you had a wonderful 4th of July (for readers from the US, that is, otherwise I hope you had a wonderful Tuesday.) I had one full week of regular work, and did some fun things as well. One of my students gave me tickets to see Ben Folds (so generous!) as they couldn’t use them, so Louie and I took advantage of our new proximity to the Metrolink (our light rail) and took it downtown to see the concert.

Ben Folds with his band. The cellist and guitarist on the left are a band called Tall Heights and they sang the first set alone–I really liked them as well.

Other social activities included having dinner with a friend who is moving, having dinner with Louie’s parents, and visiting with friends who had just moved and getting to see their new house.

Miles always has plenty to say

I also played a concert at a retirement community after some MAJOR storms–we got some crazy winds around here and a lot of trees got knocked down. Luckily we didn’t have any real damage ourselves, but some people in the city were killed by falling trees, so it was a good reminder of how dangerous these storms are.

The most recent week then: my sister Carrie visited, and we did a variety of activities. We had dinner at Olio and Mission Taco (separate visits), went to the Whitaker Music Festival concert at the Botanical Gardens, the Kemper Art Museum, and spent the 4th at two different parties with friends, both with pools.

The guest room is ready for more visitors!

I’ve been working on getting things done this summer. I’ve been doing more planning on paper (I have been inspired by a podcast I started listening to called The Best Laid Plans) and have really felt like I’ve been staying on top of my to-do- list and getting things done. I do enjoy taking my weeks and figuring out how to work things out within them, though with the caveat that it is a lot easier in the summer when my actual teaching hours are lower and my overall workload is more manageable.

Though, that brings us back to my evergreen problem of, how to work less while still bringing in the income I would like and feeling job satisfaction. I don’t see many freelance/teaching musicians who do this as a good example, so it’s a tricky thing to figure out. I will be setting up my fall schedule at the end of July, and I suspect the answer for that is, no more new students for the fall, even though I will likely get a dozen queries. For gigs, I’ve been doing some things lately I really enjoy, and I want to have room in my schedule for them. I also enjoy the weird thing of looking at my calendar empty and then gradually seeing it fill up with activities, concerts, gigs, etc. I do enjoy some days off, but I also enjoy seeing colleagues at jobs and playing fun concerts, so it is a constant game of give and take. When I do too much of any one thing I tend to wish I were doing something else.

Muriel, I promised I would share a picture! She loves jumping up on this wall.

Real talk: I do have a tendency to feel overly jealous of things I see other people doing, and some of my overscheduling is caused by a bit of FOMO though. I remind myself that nobody can play everything, and that I have had many wonderful opportunities and PLENTY of work, and I have a lovely old home which I love, and Louie and the cats, and that’s plenty to have. But I am not immune to the jealously factor, especially when so many people I went to college with or know are traveling the world playing music, or getting to sub with amazing orchestras, or who knows what. But it’s all relative, and I really try to focus on what I have in my life: for instance, I still haven’t even managed to finish telling you about my last vacation since it was so long! And I have too many students, and I am getting to play viola on a chamber music concert this week and playing four straight weekends of orchestra music with the Gateway Festival Orchestra. So, really, I am sure people are jealous of me, and I in return am jealous of them, and then we should all say, hmm, that probably cancels out, but that’s far easier said than done.

Other real talk: I think I mentioned that I slipped on the mud in May and hurt my knee? It had healed somewhat but was still bothering me so I went to the doctor last week. It looks like I sprained or strained my MCL, on the inside of the knee. It will likely heal up just fine but I am going to be doing some physical therapy, which unfortunately won’t start until later in the month. I did have the go ahead to continue running, which I have been trying to get back into, so I was glad to know that was okay to do. Hopefully the PT will get things back to normal over time!

I’m off to do some errands around the house, as one does: laundry, and probably more laundry. Oh, and for local readers, tonight is the first Gateway Festival Orchestra Concert, and the weather looks great!

Deep Thoughts

Too much to do and thoughts on phone calls

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It’s amazing that sometimes things can feel overwhelmed and go go go, and then you get a morning to sleep in and relax and suddenly all is right in the world again.

I’ve been entirely too busy–a thing I keep returning to in my life due to my workaholic tendencies and the fact that a musician really can fill the entire week with work if you aren’t careful…but it’s been going well, and aside from a few moments last week when I was wistful about the time I spent 10 days in bed recovering from surgery in August, and secretly thinking getting COVID again might be nice because then I wouldn’t have to go anywhere…aside from those moments, things are going well.

Fun things: Louie and I went to dinner again at the Lucky Accomplice. It was us really wanting to eat the Missouri Rice dish again (so good!) and a few other things. We agreed that we need to not go there for awhile. We also went to the Symphony last night, which I didn’t want to do because I was tired and the idea of staying home and watching Deadwind on Netflix instead was so very appealing, but we had tickets and so we went. And enjoyed it. Leila Josefowicz played a concerto by Helen Grime, and it was an intense experience. I would say that half the audience was blown away in a good way and the other half was blown away in a bad way, but there is no way to walk away not having had an experience!

Other fun things: the Election results weren’t so bad, so that was okay. And that was a gorgeous day, weather wise, so Louie and I were able to spend a little time walking around the neighborhood. It is becoming a bittersweet feeling, and we will really miss this neighborhood.

Work things: I had two lovely weddings yesterday: I love working with good musicians who are relaxed about weddings. I’ve had some stressful experiences the past few years and it’s nice to just show up, play, and be told calmly what the plan is. Yesterday was great.

I have gotten better at making phone calls again. Over the course of my life I’ve had mixed feelings about calling people I don’t know (as many do, I’m sure!). I got over my fears in college when I worked for the Box Office at my school and often had to make and answer phone calls. At some point in my life I grew wary again, and a few years ago really got bad at it after getting yelled at by a potential student’s mom. Well, not a potential student. I had kind of forgotten this, but I remembered recently and wanted to share because I realized it made me stressed about phone calls for a long time afterwards and now I feel like I can face it again and that yes, it’s okay to pick up the phone, because that wasn’t my fault and most people are kind and decent.

What happened was (at least in my recollection) I got a voicemail from a person looking for violin lessons on a Friday. I was busy. I was busy all weekend, and besides, it’s the weekend, right, there’s no law that you have to make business calls on the weekend? and then I called the number Monday morning, and they YELLED at me for not returning their call sooner. It took me several years now to realize WHY I was stressed when I got voicemails and to feel like I needed to call them back right away, because getting yelled at by strangers is for me one of the worst things. And I am reminding myself, I didn’t do anything wrong. In fact, I can return a phone call weeks after and anybody who yells at me about that is the one in the wrong. So when I have phone calls to make, I am trying to just relax, and say to myself, they may or may not answer, and if I leave a voicemail and they call back later and I can’t answer, that’s okay too. Because my work schedule is such that often answering the phone is hard.

That’s my Sunday navel-gazing 😉 but seriously, with all of the stressful things going on, trying to get in touch with people about house and moving stuff, it’s nice to pinpoint why phone calling is so stressful because then I can move past it, which I did pretty well with last week and made like, 6 phone calls to people I didn’t know, and every single person was totally great!

Okay, one more full week until Thanksgiving week, isn’t that crazy?? What are your plans for Thanksgiving?

Deep Thoughts

So many appointments

My to do list isn’t too bad, but I keep having appointments! For instance, in addition to my regular work schedule (nearly 40 students a week plus morning classes) I had an eye doctor appointment and an appointment for a blood draw for my yearly physical. Nothing big, but adding those things on makes life busier! In addition, I’m working on decluttering here, giving things away on my local Buy Nothing Group (this is relatively new to me and I absolutely love it), and we might be getting ready to buy a house…that is, we are working on that, and that means more appointments, as well as looking for various financial paperwork stuff and figuring out what needs to be done.

The “Ain’t Too Proud” mural at the Fox Theater: visiting shows can paint on the walls backstage and it’s always fun to see the new murals.

I’m also getting my students ready for the Arch Cup, which means more paperwork and communication. And we divided into individual classes for my morning job, which means attendance is now my issue as well as communication with parents. Basically, things are hectic here! It’s a lot! We are managing, but I sometimes feel like I’m just running on adrenaline. I had thought October would be my breathing time, and while yes, it is compared to September, it’s still pretty crazy. If we end up getting the house, I don’t think we will have any breathing time until all is moved and settled, and that seems like a long way away.

However, it’s all good stuff. If we get a new house, it’s a very good thing. My students are doing well and most are really trying their best and just the sweetest kids. Decluttering is always a good thing as well, as we all know. And while I feel like I’ve been having tons of doctor’s appointments, it’s just the time of year a lot of my annual things come up, and I’m recovered really quite well from surgery: almost entirely back to normal. I’m dealing with a shoulder problem though, nothing super serious, but I’m meeting with a physical therapist next week about it. And I thought my vision was getting back that I couldn’t read well and would need bifocals, but it turns out that my right eye prescription just isn’t strong enough, and when my new contacts come in I should be able to see perfectly again! The cats are well, Louie is doing well, our parents (and siblings) are doing well dealing with their various maladies but with solutions and medical interventions that seem to be working, and we have some nice travels planned for the rest of the year: New Orleans for Thanksgiving and our families, though separately due to scheduling issues.

Muriel and I enjoy a few moments of down time.

Other than the horrific things going on with our state and national government, life is good. We are planning a hike for this weekend, which will be lovely. I haven’t gotten outside for something like that since before my surgery, and the weather looks perfect for it: cool enough and sunny. Every time I think life will be less busy I obviously don’t mean it, but I think it’s probably just important to recognize that I get value from being needed in my career and that Louie and I both do enjoy our work and end up doing it more hours than some people do.

Funny thing yesterday: (well, sort of funny). I have this two drawer wooden filing cabinet that I bought the first year I was working. I remember I thought, well, I need somewhere to file important paperwork. Which is absolutely true! And then I’ve kept things filed in it for years, I know that any important papers are in there and even if the filing system isn’t always perfect stuff is there. I was looking for a particular tax document yesterday and realized I still had my taxes from 2003 and 2007. Which I don’t need so, yay, decluttering! But you know, that little filing cabinet was a really good purchase!