Category Archives: Hope

Deep Thoughts, Hope

2021: Looking Back

I promised a recap of sorts of the year. I sometimes forget about 2021, and think we just finished 2020…I’m not sure what that means.

Highlights: getting a new President in January, getting vaccinated in March, getting to see my parents in person again, taking a trip to Arkansas, weekly zoom visits with my family, actually visiting family in New York over the summer and having them visit us too, teaching in person again, having an outdoor in person recital in May, seeing students graduate and perform in person, attending concerts again, having meals with friends at restaurants, enjoying food from my garden over the summer, eating foods I’ve prepared (fresh, frozen, and canned!), getting outside for walks and hikes, summer “happy hour” outside on our new patio furniture, watching the cats on the catio, taking a few short trips, getting a new back porch built, getting stuck in a bison jam at Lone Elk Park, visiting family over Thanksgiving and Christmas, seeing so many different lights in December, hosting two small holiday gatherings at my house…

It’s funny, I didn’t realize what a wonderful year I’d actually had until I just scrolled back through my posts and my calendar. I thought of 2021 as being a pretty blah year, but really, we did a lot of really fun stuff and I need to be better about counting my blessings, as they say! It had some downs, but it had a lot of ups as well.

Books: I’ve listed books throughout the year, but I thought I’d mention a few that have stuck in my head the whole year. The Girl with the Louding Voice by Abi Daré, Wish You Were Here by Jodi Picoult, How the One-Armed Sister Sweeps Her House by Cherie Jones, The Glass Hotel by Emily St. John Mandel, American Royals by Katharine McGee. There are more I enjoyed, but those I particularly enjoyed.

Concerts/Shows: We saw Opera, symphony, jazz shows, so wonderful! I particularly enjoyed watching my student Catherine play her Senior Recital live at Wash U, seeing my sister Carrie play a Doctoral Recital streaming, seeing the Clark Terry Centennial Concert at Jazz at the Bistro in December, seeing Opera Theatre St Louis’s production of Highway 1 by William Grant Still, and seeing a few SLSO concerts in the fall, though at the moment none in particular are sticking in my head. I also loved seeing A Christmas Carol at the Repertory Theatre.

Food: homemade fruitcake, homemade eggnog, orange chocolate chip ricotta cookies, dilly green beans for canning, dinner at Louie, dinner at the Crossing, corn casserole, cinnamon rolls, frozen peaches at my Mom’s, fish tacos and shrimp fajitas at Lily’s Mexican Restaurant, goodies from Nathaniel Reid Bakery for Louie’s birthday, dinner at Brave New Restaurant in Little Rock, swiss chard pesto with bucatini pasta, tofu enchiladas at Mezcalitos’ in Atlanta, and more!

Downs: there are many I won’t list, but the attempted coup/insurrection on 1/6, people taking the side of the virus for political gain, having to keep worrying about COVID and losing work again, getting things canceled due to COVID, people getting sick, worrying about family, being busy and stressed out (especially in the spring), not being able to travel freely, having to worry about the reaction of other people in rural areas when we wear masks in public, having to wear masks in public still because not enough people got vaccinated to avoid more mutations, etc, etc, lots of downs due to COVID concerns and worries. (And it’s a new year, I know, but I have students who are currently sick with COVID and missing their lessons.) Ugh, and feeling like my go to cloth masks aren’t good enough but not likely any of the other mask options I currently have…

So, here we are on January 10: what’s next? I don’t have any real New Year’s resolutions, other than, get through it! Hoping to travel this summer, planning not to take on too many commitments, see more concerts, cook more, do a garden again, read a lot of books, exercise, hike and walk, keep decluttering the house, maybe get a new roof, do activities with friends, and who knows what the year will bring!

Did you make resolutions? Did you have a good or a bad year, or somewhere in between? Read any good books lately?

Hope, Quarantine

Feeling Good

I got my second shot yesterday morning, and so far, other than a sore arm (which happens to me with flu shots too) I am feeling good.

I was tired all day yesterday, but that started before the shot. I attribute it to starting back at my early morning job and having a really long day on Tuesday. I probably teach too much, and I especially taught too much on Tuesday (I had 11 hours of teaching!) but it’s not like I do that every day. I told Louie, well, nurses work 12 hour shifts and nobody tells them, oh my god how do you do that? He pointed out they work 3 of those a week, and I countered that they usually do 4 because they love the overtime, and then we decided that probably working slightly more than 3 hours a day (what many people seem to think is an appropriate amount of teaching, what, how would I make a living) and less than 11 is a more ideal amount of hours.

2597FA2B-EB3A-41EB-B8F7-E705202D49D7

I also like to look at the overall week of work. Tuesdays this semester ended up being really busy because I have 3 1/2 hours of college students normally on Tuesdays. Last semester I had zero hours of college students on Tuesdays. I can’t move all my private students around every semester, so I just fit college teaching into the regular day. It’s a bit unpredictable, because I would prefer to put the college students on Fridays, and often manage to put a lot of them there, but it doesn’t always work out for them. Overall I’m averaging 38-40 hours a week of teaching, plus a few hours of commuting time, so it seems like a lot, but is reasonable. I don’t have a ton of admin as I’ve streamlined it quite a lot, so probably only 1 to 3 hours outside of that, depending on the week (maybe more at the end of the quarter or preparing for festival). I do have weekly grading to do for my school job, but it usually only takes 15 to 20 minutes.

I should say that I haven’t been finding a lot of time for practicing though, and would like to get into a better routine for that. I don’t see myself dropping back my teaching commitments any time soon though, so maybe I should just figure it out!

6DEA9BA4-F7A6-4605-AD31-CAF3EE78272A

Another important thing to note is that my work is seasonal, and that college semesters are really only 8 months of the year, and school is out June through August, so I like to work a little more so in the summer it’s okay to work a little less. Last summer I didn’t really work less, but I’m sure this summer people will be back to normal camps and such so they won’t be taking weekly lessons throughout the summer and I’ll miss some of the income/have more time off.

Just some random thoughts this morning! Keep wearing masks!

*it is worth noting that today ended up being a 3 hour teaching day though it was supposed to be four, and now I’m in a short break before a rehearsal for a Good Friday service. I started this post in the morning and then got distracted by various tasks. It is also worth noting I feel great and my arm isn’t too sore anymore either, I recommend exercise with lots of arm swinging!

Hope, Random thoughts, Teaching

March Goes Out like a Lamb

This has been my “spring break” from one of my jobs, which has been nice. I’ve gotten to sleep in a bit, and a few students have missed so I’ve caught up on some admin tasks and other things I needed to do.

Over the weekend, we planned to do a nice long hike because there was excellent weather, but I ended up hurting my lower back and had to scratch that idea. I’ve been getting better, doing yoga videos and taking ibuprofen and such, and I think I’ll just keep doing some of the yoga going forward because it has been a lot of fun and feels good.

IMG_7898

We did go over to some friends for dinner Sunday night and enjoyed outdoor time with people not from our household, which…was missed. I miss seeing people, and really can’t wait. I’ll get my second shot in less than one week though, so it is only a little bit longer until I’m fully vaccinated.

I’ve been working on some things for my studio, some policies changes for fall that I am working on and will announce to them probably at the beginning of May, and figuring out a “return to in-person lessons” plan. After Louie and I are both fully vaccinated, in late April, it seems like it might be time to start trying to get back to it, if we wear masks and take reasonable precautions. If the kids can be in school, I think they can come to their lessons, if they and their parents want…after my household is fully vaccinated. I hope also that the kids’ parents will be vaccinated, but it shouldn’t matter too much if we are wearing masks, if I run a good air filter, and maybe even leave the windows open (at least a bit), and limit the number of students at one time.

So that’s all exciting, but strange. I assume I’ll have a mix of in-person and online students for a bit, so I’ll have to work on the logistics, but I think it’ll be wonderful to start returning to normalcy. That might mean that within a month I’ll have to start wearing real pants to teach with!

IMG_7905

I thought the sky yesterday looked really cool in my neighborhood.

I got a few more plants and things yesterday at Home Depot. I am trying to grow a few things in pots as well and spruce up the front of our house. It’s a little tricky, I realized, because we don’t get much sun in the front of the house, but lots in the back. There’s a lot to growing things and gardening, but I have been enjoying just trying my hand at it. I have some brainstorming ideas as well, such as making a wildflower area in our yard to attract bees and tearing down the horrible back porch we have (it is just awful, needs to be redone, but we don’t know if we want to redo it in the same way, so my latest idea is to demo it FIRST and then see what we miss about it, which I suspect will be, a way to get out the back door upstairs and nothing else.)

IMG_7906

The front of our house is in need of some TLC, some paint mostly, but a bit of concrete work, but I thought flowers would cover it up and make people think we care a little bit. That white splotching is where the red paint has worn off, and there’s some white paint peeling in the front, maybe these are things to look at this summer? Home ownership can be a constant time suck, I’ve realized, if you let yourself get bogged down by all the small things that are wrong. I really don’t want to spend all of my free time doing things around the house and would prefer to read, but I suppose a few things are okay.

Books!

Recently read:

Super Host by Kate Russo: I enjoyed this book quite a lot, though there was a gratuitous (in my opinion) sexual assault scene that happened to one of the characters (spoiler alert, simply for that, it isn’t graphic, but it just seemed unnecessary). Otherwise I thought it was well done, a unique novel set up, and felt modern.

Wandering in Strange Lands by Morgan Jerkins: nonfiction, a Black woman tracks down her family history and roots, a great read, very interesting and thought provoking, highly recommend.

(forgive me if I already told you the following, but I couldn’t find where I did)

Between Two Kingdoms by Suleika Jaouad: I cried a lot during this book, so just a warning, but it’s good. It’s a book about the author, the story of her getting sick, dealing with it and the aftermath. I felt a personal connection to the story of difficulties Suleika was going through because I met Louie shortly after his wife died of cancer, and it made me see a bit more how that might have felt, from a different point of view. I think that’s partly why I cried so much, but it was a good cry.

Between Sisters by Kristin Hannah: good! This was a bit longer ago so I forget exactly, but I liked it quite a lot.

Maya’s Notebook by Isabel Allende: good in a different way. I need to read more Isabel Allende.

How about you? Any books to recommend? Thoughts on protocols for returning to in-person lessons?

Hope, Quarantine

One Year Ago

One year ago today, I was visiting my friend April in Atlanta. We knew we were already in an unprecedented pandemic, and we were determined to enjoy our time together nonetheless. Around us, the world was collapsing and people were panic-buying toilet paper, and more importantly, many were sick and dying.

But then I got the call. We were sitting on the porch, and I hadn’t answered my phone because it was an unknown call. But I checked the message, assuming it would be something about my car warranty and I heard a woman say something about my cat Miles. MILES.

They had him! and the next day we picked him up and brought him back home, and then we all just stayed there. We stayed home, for weeks and weeks.

IMG_7884

We didn’t stay at home as much as everybody, and yet we stayed at home so much. I can’t remember the last time I did something social, not just hanging out with Louie. Yet we did do a few things over the summer.

And now things are looking up. We have both gotten a shot, thankfully, and I fully recognize how lucky we are to have managed when so many haven’t been able to yet.  It’s so much less stressful when we go into teach, now that we are somewhat immune, and soon will be totally immune, or as good as can be. I don’t know what the next steps will be, but I hope that soon I can start teaching in person again (summer?) for those that are ready, maybe still with masks and not allowing extra people in? I just don’t know, but I am feeling more positive and also choosing to feel more positive.

IMG_7877

My parents are fully vaccinated and will likely be visiting in April sometime. And Louie and I are planning a week long trip in early June, just to Arkansas and with flexibility…who knows what will happen, and we are fine wearing masks everywhere. I know people have been traveling this whole time, but we haven’t been. I think once we are both vaccinated maybe we will think about doing patio dining somewhere…that sounds crazy to think of, honestly. I know we aren’t there yet, but it also seems crazy to be trying to claim vaccination is the answer and yet telling people once they are vaccinated to continue acting the same way.

Sometimes I just get struck by the awfulness of everything. How many have died…how many who have been sick, how many who have and are suffering. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel, I think. We can’t let our guard down, and I know so many have not been as lucky as we have with getting vaccinated, but I am hopeful that in the few next months we will all really be recovering from this time, and starting to really turn a corner, and hopefully being in a position to help other countries too. I’m not so naive to think that the problems here and the people who refuse the vaccine won’t continue to be problems, but I’m choosing to focus on the positive. We will get there.

IMG_7844

If Miles could come back home after being missing for 11 months, it seems like anything is possible. Having him here has been a little bit of a miracle every day, and I am so thankful. He has gone from being a little bitey creature to a very sweet bitey creature. He loves baskets, hammocks, beds, and cuddling. He also loves attacking Muriel and running all around after her.

I’ve got to get back to do more teaching in a few minutes, so I’ll leave you there. Life is hard still, but it’s getting a little less hard.

Hope

What a week

These weeks really fly by, don’t they?

Okay, so I had some good things happen this week. I didn’t post on social media, but posting on my blog is a little bit different somehow. Maybe this will help someone else.

I knew my time to be eligible for the COVID vaccine was coming up soon since I teach in the schools. I actually teach at 3 different elementary schools and see three different groups of children each week! In any case, thanks to a social media post by a friend and a facebook group I below to, I learned that teachers can go to Walmart or Walgreens in Illinois and get their shots already. I asked my friend for advice, as she had an appointment, and I started trying to get one. The whole time, I figured it probably wouldn’t work, but I lucked into an appointment at a Walgreens in East St Louis, which is under 20 minutes away from me (St Louis is right on the border of Missouri and Illinois.)

I asked myself if I was doing the right thing, taking this appointment, and I decided yes I was, because I was teaching those three groups of kids, plus another small class in person, with no employer provided health care or sick days. Additionally, I knew many other teachers were doing the same thing, and I also felt like since I was driving less far to get the shot than I actually drive to work, I wasn’t even going out of my jurisidiction. These shots are paid by my tax dollars, and just because the idiot governor I didn’t vote for won’t let teachers get them didn’t mean I didn’t deserve one. Me not spreading COVID will help all the kids at that school, and the people I come into contact with. And it’ll help Louie lower his risk, since college teachers aren’t eligible yet in either state. Sure, I’m rationalizing, but aren’t we all?

I’m sure others deserve them more, and everybody deserves them and hopefully will all get them soon and I frankly think it’s ridiculous that we said how important grocery store workers were and yet won’t give them vaccines or raise minimum wage. But I digress.

So I drove over the river to East St Louis on Wednesday, all the time assuming there was a good chance I’d be turned away. But NO. They took my ID and my insurance, and I signed something saying I was an essential worker (the employee said that’s what teachers should say, that they had been vaccinating teachers all morning) and then I waited a few more minutes, and the pharmacist came out and gave me my vaccine. I thought I would cry, and I almost did, but I was just so excited. I also felt super guilty  for getting the shot, and I felt like I was doing something that was unfair since Louie couldn’t get his shot yet, but I am glad I did it. I got the Pfizer shot, and I go back at the end of March for my second dose.

I do know my privilege (of internet skills and having a flexible enough schedule to take a weekday morning appointment, and easy access to a car, though this site would have been possible via public transportation as well) helped me get this shot, and the rollout statewide and nationwide is really awful, but if I hadn’t taken it, someone else would have, and this helps all the teachers in the district, all the kids, their parents, etc.

If you are reading this, and you are in Missouri and are either already eligible or will be eligible very soon (or are a teacher), I recommend joining this facebook group for information. There are people on the group helping others get appointments as well and ways to help with transportation. If you know any elderly people in the area still looking, that’s a great resource for them or for you to help them.

Other good things happening: one of my students defended her dissertation yesterday! I watched on Zoom, and it was really amazing. She is a chemistry student (or was!) and will be going to work at Pfizer next month. She did a great job and although I didn’t know really anything that she was talking about, it was really great to watch. I am amazed how much I don’t know and I am so glad that others do work with all of these subjects I don’t understand at all.

IMG_7843

Otherwise, this week seems to have flown by, as usual. The weather has been lovely but I’ve been inside too much. I have a few online seminars I’m attending this weekend and have a gig Sunday, but hope to get some outside time in. It feels like spring is here, and while that might not be entirely true, we are on our way. The weather gives us hope (as well as the hope I feel having gotten vaccinated).

I wasn’t sure this day would ever come.

Hope

Inauguration

1 Comment

I don’t want to jinx anything, but I think it’s going to happen.

I can’t wait until we have a president who isn’t constantly lying to us, and who is willing to admit that COVID is a real problem that we have to deal with.

The past few weeks have been pretty tough, every since the riots especially. I’ve just been working, getting up early to go teach violin to small classes at a school (in person).

I’ll sleep better tonight than in a long time, knowing that the people in charge will be doing their best for the American people again. They will fail at things. They will do things wrong and we will disagree, but I will know that at heart, they are doing their best. This isn’t actually too much to ask in our government, as we have had it for most of my life.

It’s a shame how little some people are willing to settle for. It’s a shame that some people think that lies, hate, and violence are the way forward. It’s a shame that some people choose white supremacy while, at the same time, insisting that racism isn’t a huge problem in this country.

It’s a tragedy that over 400,000 Americans have died of a disease due to one man’s ego taking over. The president couldn’t stand failure so he just pretended it didn’t exist. He chose to stoke division and hate rather than lead. Instead of our country taking the lead in the pandemic and possibly saving 100s of thousands of lives, we relinquished all leadership and left the pandemic management as a free-for-all. Those of us lucky enough to have lived so far have lost nearly a year of our lives trying to stay healthy. Some have chosen to live their lives however they feel, not caring who gets sick around them, and this has divided our country further.

I don’t envy the job President Biden will have ahead of him. I doubt he really wanted this job, but I think he’ll do it, and he’ll do his best. That’s a change from the previous occupant, who did his worst, intentionally.

I’m not happy yet, because the past ten months have taken my ability to feel true happiness away.

I did buy a bottle of sparkling wine to open tonight after work though. We will celebrate at home, just the two of us, as we have celebrated all the holidays in the past year.