Category Archives: Random thoughts

Musicians in a box

I’m glad so many people liked yesterday’s post on Orchestra Auditions.  I wanted to write something about them because so many of our friends and family are confused about what it is that we do.  Now, the audition post doesn’t really cover that, so I’ll have to write another post later about the day to day life of a performing musician (even though my blog covers MY life, I’m technically not a performing musician at this time, so it would be quite a bit different).

When I was growing up I felt isolated from my peers.  I was an avid reader, I wore thick glasses, and I was a bit of a “know-it-all.”  I also played the violin and piano.  All of these things made me stick out, and when you stick out in school, generally people don’t like you.  I didn’t mind, because I didn’t like them either.  As I grew older I knew I would be leaving my hometown for college and wasn’t planning to look back.  (I also grew taller, got contacts, and became ridiculously-good-looking.) I was very serious about the violin and spent my summers and weekends with other like-minded teenagers, with whom I got along (generally) very well.  I became convinced that non-musicians were just incompatible with musicians.

I went off to college and surrounded myself for the next six years (bachelor’s and master’s degree: musicians are generally VERY well-educated) with musicians.  Other than family and a few select friends from home, everybody I knew was a musician.  We all shared the same problems, we all understood our successes.  It was a very homogenized environment, and at the time I loved it.  Yes, we had our own hierarchy—there were groups of “cool” musicians, those who considered themselves to be better at their instruments than the rest of us, but there were plenty of great people to go around.   Overall college was a fantastic time, though busy and stressful.

After I graduated, I got a job in the Charlotte Symphony.  There I made friends with members of the orchestra, but I was quite a bit younger than most of them, and they enjoyed telling me that quite often.  I felt rather alone.  Luckily I was able to make some friends outside of the symphony through a friend of my sister’s, and spent quite a bit of time hanging out with them. They were generally computer programmers who appreciated free symphony tickets so it worked out well.  This was my first real taste of “normal” folks since school, and the experience was MUCH more positive.  It helped that they had also been “nerds” growing up and had played in their school bands.

But then I returned to Cleveland…and again insulated myself with a musician only crowd.  It was easier, not having to explain our lifestyle, why we got up late (we worked late), why we only worked 20 hours a week (a common fallacy), why we had such dainty wrists (oh, is that just me?), and why sometimes we would cocoon ourselves for weeks on end practicing every spare moment and then become really depressed.

The problem with only having musicians as friends is that it gets a little boring.  Some people love to talk “shop” all the time.  Some people don’t do anything other than practice and go to work.  Some people are emotionally stinted, having spent most of their formative years practicing instead of socializing and learning how to deal with society.  And especially, when you are like me and teach more than you perform…you do get jealous…and tired…of hearing people complain about how awful the guest conductor is this week or how tough it is to have 4 1/2 hours of rehearsal.

But if you branch out from musicians, NO ONE UNDERSTANDS WHAT YOU DO.  And they do want to.  Recently Chris had an audition and I was attempting to explain it to some people.  They were most baffled by the fact that no one had been hired for the position, but their minds were pretty blown by the amount of time he had spent practicing for it (all of his time for over a month).  Few people even understand that a symphony job can be a full-time job!  (I remember the shocked looks on the faces of my extended families when I explained that).

That’s why I entitled this post:  musicians  in box.  We musicians put ourselves in a box.  And we need to take ourselves out of the box and branch out, meet more people, spread our love of music, and become better people for it.

Week in review (long)

What a long weird week.  It all started (for me) on Sunday morning, very early, for the world’s hottest half marathon.  (not really, but it felt like it).  Let’s remember, I did actually throw up a little.  How awesome am I?

I don’t FEEL awesome.  I feel like the race sucked.  I want a do over.  I thought I’d have that awesome race feeling all week and instead I just felt like a failure.  I guess that’s life?

(I’m going to give you some more of the race pictures if you can make it to the end of this post—you’ll love it.)

After Sunday…came Monday, and Monday sucked more.  Auditions are torture.  I was a little maudlin.

The rest of the week has flown by.  My hamstrings have been ridiculously sore.  I’ve done some great teaching—IMHO.  I even set up the recital date for the kiddos.  It should be a good time!  I am really loving some of my students lately, even when they are super whiny like many of them were yesterday.  It’s okay, I felt whiny too!

I’ve also decided to take the plunge and go with shorts for the rest of the summer.  I have a few more pairs on order, of a few different kinds.  They DO show off a bit more leg, which I am self-conscious about, but I like the coolness.  I’ll just have to deal with it.

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Maybe if I pair them with knee socks?  Or if I had those legs?

Last night Chris and I went to “The King and I” for dinner.  It was a nice dinner out after a long week.  I ate too many noodles, but…oh well!   What’s funny is that even though I feel like I’ve been eating pretty crappy for awhile, I tried on a pair of jeans that had been too small (yes, sometimes I buy clothes small) and THEY FIT!  Guess all that working out is doing something.

I’m writing this while watching “Harry Potter and the Order of Phoenix”.  I tivoed it a few weeks ago.  I am a huge Harry Potter fan!!  I haven’t liked all the movies, but I loved the most recent one, and I cannot WAIT for part II.  I actually don’t care for this movie, but I wanted to watch it anyway.

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That’s also why I’m so random this evening.  I’m distracted.  I’m tired.  I’m waiting to go meet up with friends after the concert, but that’s hard when I don’t attend the concert.  I’m sure it will be a fun time, but for now I’m just decompressing.  And wearing shorts!!

OH!  So I found this on the internets recently–

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I’m not a huge fan of the captions, but it’s ANOTHER cat that looks like the fatness!  Do YOU have a cat that looks like the fatness? Please reply in the comments!

I’ll end this post by giving you a few more race photos–

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And Jen, looking good! Especially the middle one where it looks like she’s whistling…

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She looks so hardcore!  I was referring to her as the ninja runner all day.  Well, all morning, until I become catatonic.

And then there’s Mike (and he knows I looked at these, he looked at mine too, I’m not being stalky…oh, except he may not be a blog reader…should I have asked permission?  Meh, I didn’t ask Jen either…) And it’s totally not fair that he had more pictures—I guess when I’m faster I’ll be ahead of the pack more and get more pictures, right?

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Obviously he was feeling a little better than we were at the end.  I couldn’t even fathom doing a picture at the end with my medal.  Maybe that’s why I’m upset?  That was my favorite picture from Phoenix…it’s on my mantle!

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Maybe Jen and I should put our (clean now) outfits back on and take some medal pictures together?  Or we’ll just have to try to feel better at the end of the next race, so we can be awesome rather than puffy, red-eyed and near death.

Sunny Day (or the blog post in which I used too many parentheses)

Another gorgeous day!  I’d love to go out for a run, except for, well, firstly, my hamstrings are KILLING me (I can barely walk) and secondly, I have 4 hours of teaching ahead of me…

How weird am I?  “I’d love to go out for a run”.  Seriously.  It’s not even that I truly enjoy running (though I do love the awesome feeling after a great run or race…not so much the feeling after a crappy run, or say, Sunday’s race) but that I want to get better at running (competitive spirit) and I know the more I run, the faster I will get.  I am tired of being slow and pokey.  Also, I’m enjoying my current tan arms from the past two weekends of running, and exercising outside means guilt-free tanning.

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It’s almost Friday!  Tomorrow night I am getting together with some friends at Bailey’s Chocolate Bar (ostensibly a girls’ night out, which I am much in need of).  Chocolate plus martinis…my favorite combination (perhaps yet another reason I keep not losing weight.)  No concert for me this weekend—I need an SLSO break for awhile.

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Sunday is two gigs, one an outdoor service at the World’s Fair Pavilion.  Home of the world’s hottest wedding (aka, my hairdresser’s wedding) last July.  I hope that Sunday is nice enough (not too cold, not too hot, not ridiculously humid.)  Then it’s a Palm Sunday evening service.  Holy week is almost here.

Next week should be a little easier as one of my schools is on Spring Break (in fact, today was the last day for me before their break.)  Perhaps I’ll be able to get in a couple additional runs…

Which brings us full circle today.  Oh, and I should add that the cat is sitting in the sun, in the window, yelling at something outside.  Rough life!

Things I’ve learned

Today my second morning class was “canceled” because the students had MAP testing.  Or something.  That might be the wrong acronym.  I am sure they are all learning as much from taking the tests as I used to.  So I drove approximately 1 1/2 hours round trip to teach a 4 student class.  With gas at $3.89.  I definitely lost money according to the IRS.

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My hamstrings are totally sore from yesterday’s workout.  Today I was able to go for a short run in the park.  Today: the beginning of my “heat training” wherein I attempt to acclimate myself to summer.  It was about 72 degrees outside at 12:15 or so when I headed out.  I felt pretty good, albeit incredibly slow, and enjoyed wearing my new purple shorts.  I did not throw up.  (If I had, I now know I can just keep going!  Who would have thought?)

Life as I know it did not end on Monday as I had feared.  Though the weekend seems like a bust, life continues on.  I loved teaching last night—I am teaching some students for a colleague on maternity leave, and it was a true delight!  I may steal the students and never give them back.  No, of course I’m just kidding.  But it was great fun, and I think the next six weeks should be challenging in a good way.

I hate when people call me for lessons and the only question is:  “How much do you charge?”  It’s funny because I am not even accepting new students right now (starting in June I will be!) so my rate is irrelevant to them.  What’s relevant is WHY it is worth your while to wait a couple months to start lessons with me.

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This is how I got Chris to propose. 

I remember a month or two ago I was super excited about wedding planning and now I’m not.  Of course I am still excited about GETTING married, but the planning is making me sleepy.

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That’s me.  With lettuce on my head AND a bell! 

Seriously though, maybe it’s because I don’t care about place settings, or flower arrangements or stuff like that?  I don’t really care about my colors, unless you are talking about purple, which is awesome.  I just want a pretty dress, some great pictures, beautiful music and good food/drinks.  Music problem:  I will not be available to PLAY at my wedding as I am going to be getting married…so the music won’t be of the HIGHEST caliber.

Honeymoon ideas thus far:  Bora Bora, Venice, or skiing in Breckenridge (we love Breck in the summer, but what about the winter?), OR perhaps the alps.  I do love the mountains.  I also love pina coladas.  A cruise has not been ruled out.

Date range:  May, August, Christmas day, or maybe between Christmas and New Year’s even though SOME people say it’s tricky to travel then (I know, I do it almost every year).  Or maybe next summer Winking smile  That’s what you are all worried about, right?  That we’ll wait until NEXT summer…mwah hah haaaaa!  

Still haven’t found my Garmin…I even felt the cat’s tummy to see if she ate it!  I have spent close to 2 hours looking for it.  Did I inadvertently throw it away or something?  Grrrrrrrr.  I guess I can just run by feel for a week or so while I keep my eyes open.

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Does this make anybody else crave Taco Bell?

Déjà vu all over again

Well, things didn’t turn out in our favor today.  They could have been worse, but (seemingly as usual for the past decade) life will continue on a temporary part time basis.  Suffice it to say (for those of you not “in the know”) that being a musician is a tough job and auditions are the devil. 

What next?  We shall see.  Some things will become clearer over the next month, yet, there are a few auditions over the summer that could change everything.  I had hoped for more certainty in my life, but I suppose life is always uncertain anyway!  But how will this affect wedding plans?  Do we continue to wait to plan?  How can you plan a wedding without knowing where you will live?  How can you plan ANYTHING? 

What I do is, I pretend.  I pretend nothing changes.  I plan for the fall (and I do have plans) and you plan for things, and then plans change.  A few years ago some of my friends were overwhelmed by not knowing what would happen after college.  My advice was to look at the unknown as a grand adventure, something to be looked forward to rather than worried about.  Maybe I should take my own advice!

It was very hard to move to St Louis.  The decision was easy, I wanted to move with Chris and I was ready for a new adventure.  But it was hard.  I didn’t know people, I didn’t have any work.  I gradually met people, made friends, got job offers (though primarily in teaching rather than performing).  And now I am pretty happy with many aspects of my life.  But, do I really want to live here the rest of my life?  If we lived elsewhere, maybe I’d be able to perform more. 

I do enjoy teaching, but I prefer performing.  And ideally I would do both.  No offense to ANY of my students—it’s just that I never intended to be a full-time teacher.  I always want to be a teacher though.

And maybe we’ll end up here after all, but I’ll just consider this the grand adventure of life.  I have Chris (he has me!), I have my cat, and I have all my work experience to draw on.  I’ve led a fairly charmed life so far, why not presume that will continue on? 

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I think I’ll take this advice! 

Okay, less serious.  Last weekend remember the boot camp I did with Jen?  This is a picture off their facebook.

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Can you pick me out? 

Why couldn’t THAT have been the day of the Half?  Seriously.  It was the best weather ever for being active outside. 

Okay, I’m off to do other things today—I had to take off teaching for personal reasons.  I’ll be back and better than ever tomorrow.

Mahler success

I loved the concert last night!  You just can’t go wrong with Mahler.  We sat in the second to the last row for the best sound (you really get the reverb up there).  Overall I loved the concert…except for the fact that there was another piece programmed with the Mahler.  It was a lovely piece, I’m sure.  But Mahler 2 stands alone.

I also remembered I had most recently played Mahler 2 with the Columbus Symphony. 

Afterwards we headed to Franco for drinks and food (for some).  I finally was able to introduce myself to Tom, the owner who works out with a personal trainer at my gym, usually at the same time I am. 

Today I am heading to Illinois to play with some of my students on a concert for all the Lutheran schools in the area. It should be a good experience for them to play with a larger group, as our “orchestra” is very small.  Out west, some of my Child of God students are playing solos for a “solo and ensemble” type of festival today.  I wish them luck (and I know they are well prepared so I’m not worried.)

Speaking of well prepared, this is a busy weekend for me.  Tomorrow is the half marathon (for which I keep reminding myself I am well prepared) and Monday Chris has a little audition.  I have been working hard to keep the stress at bay…auditions are stressful no matter what…but particularly when you aren’t even the one taking the audition and are simply waiting.  No matter, it will all be settled by Monday evening and we will know where we stand.

  kitties!

In honor of “Caturday”……KITTTTTTTTTTTTIES!