Category Archives: Random thoughts

Friday the 13th

*dusts off blog program*

I know I say this a lot, but WOW where do the weeks go? How are we one full week away from Thanksgiving already? I guess the trick is to keep your head down and keep plugging away, eh?

Or keeping busy. Sometimes I think, WHY oh why do I keep doing things that cause a lot of stress for no good reason? For instance, last night’s quartet concert caused a lot of stress because we were performing Beethoven’s Op. 59 Quartet no. 1 for the first time, and it is really a beast of a piece. I put many hours of practice into it, and we put many hours of rehearsal into it. But the fact is, there is plenty of good reason, just not financial. So often society tells us that success is measured through paychecks and job titles, but I disagree. We succeeded last night by pushing through and doing something really difficult for no real reason other than the sheer joy, no, exhilaration of performing at our highest level, and performing one of my favorite quartets. Granted, I have quite a few favorites, but op 59 #1 is up there. One of my goals is to be able to perform the late Beethoven Quartets… op. 132 is my absolute favorite piece of music. But without performing and working through and struggling with these other Beethoven Quartets, which are so satisfying and wonderful in their own ways, I will never get to the late quartets. I may never anyway, but I’m on the path. So my whole point is, yes, this stressed me out, like all performances do, but I love performing and I love finishing a performance and feeling successful and accomplished, and feeling like my life is important and that I am doing something important.

(We perform again next Saturday at the Tavern of Fine Arts. Come out and hear us play Beethoven and the Dohnanyi Piano Quintet.)

Last weekend we traveled to Phoenix to see our friends Mark and Karen get married.

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I did not realized quite how tall I was until this picture.

Louie and I stayed with my sister Leslie and her family—everybody else there plays with the Phoenix Symphony, basically.

I played with a quartet for the ceremony. It was like being at work but with a shorter yellow dress. Perhaps nearly too short for sitting on a stage.

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This was my view during the ceremony. It’s one of the things that sucks about playing for a friend—you don’t really get to enjoy the ceremony, but it is always an honor to be asked to play by a fellow musician!

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The reception was at a place called The Duce and was a lot of fun.

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Too much fun, probably.

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This picture is stolen from another wedding guest’s facebook page. Louie and I met through Mark and Karen, but failed to get a picture of the 4 of us. Actually that’s not true, as they are in the background of two pictures above, but that’s not what I mean. IMG_3755

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Since it was such a short visit, and we ended up hanging around the house each day looking a bit rough until it was time to get ready for the events, I didn’t get as many Athena photos as I should have! *vain*

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She wasn’t sure about this selfie.

Anyway, after a whirlwind trip over the weekend, the week felt like it had been going on and on. This weekend isn’t so bad, though I have some makeup lessons each day so I don’t get any official days off. We are going to the symphony tonight and out (finally) for a nice dinner for Louie’s birthday tomorrow (3 weeks late) so it should be a lovely weekend.  We’re also hoping to get out into the world during the day and hike, walk, or run, and perhaps get some housework done too. Basically there aren’t nearly enough hours left to do all the things we’ve had to put off, or to do and see the things we want, but we keep at it.

Chloe is healing…slowly. I wish I could explain why she has to wear the cone, but then maybe she could explain what’s going on with her and then we’d all be happier. Until then, lots of cuddles and petting, and cleaning up urine and gross stuff. It’s a hard time.

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I have to remind myself that life isn’t a straight line, there are ups and downs, and sometimes you take a few steps forward and a few back. I’m feeling run down and tired right now, and as usual I’m rambling, but…I’m really looking forward to some downtime over Thanksgiving (and seeing family!). I always really need to make an effort to see friends and people other than Louie-he’s great, but I can’t ONLY hang out with my boyfriend, and the same for him, we need more people! When life gets busy it’s easy to want to finish the day in sweatpants watching TV with a glass of wine, but that’s not necessarily the best thing to do every night. I think part of this age group is that we are all busy with work and then exhausted, and if you don’t plan in advance, nothing happens, but you just hate planning every step of your life in advance. Sigh.

Why do I always start complaining when I start blogging? I swear I have all these interested positive thoughts and then…I just start complaining about how hard life is. It’s not so bad. After the concert last night I met Louie at Mission Taco for our traditional Taco Thursday and had some good food and great conversation. Between now and Monday I only have 4 1/2 hours of teaching (!!) and that doesn’t seem like so much. Lots of time to catch up on all the housework Smile

And thanks for your comments on my last post, the few of you reading. I think you’re right—my writing hasn’t gotten better, but different, as I’ve grown as a person. The best thing I can do is keep reading and writing. A good excuse to read more books, to help my blogging, right?

*After hitting publish I was thinking about how I often feel tired, even after having gotten a new bed. Sometimes I think it’s because I need more exercise! But I thought, gosh, why do we keep trying to do all these activities when I’m run down, and the answer is, because you look back and you remember the activities fondly, you don’t remember nights on the couch in your pj’s. At least that’s how I feel! So it’s worth it, and I probably just need a couple days off to reboot. I haven’t had a few days off since we got back from our trip in August.

Adulting

I read somewhere, somebody, complaining that millennials aren’t properly grown up, and that they even use the word “adult” as a verb, as in “I don’t want to adult.”

 

I’m not a millennial, I’m evidently Gen X (though I don’t recall that I was growing, I recall being Gen Y growing up, but now I’m Gen X and Gen Y has been renamed, so whatever) and…it gets old hearing people complain about young folks. I think every generation has worked hard, and for those of us entering the workplace post-9-11 it has been exceptionally hard. And yet constantly we are being told how lazy we are and how we just expect everything to be given to us, and all I see are people working really hard.

Most of the time when people make the “adulting” joke it’s about stuff like dealing with financial paperwork or insurance issues, perhaps renewing a driver’s license, or more complicated things like dealing with sick parents or a pet. Does anybody look forward to those things?

For me lately, it’s the sick pet thing…Chloe has been picking at her fur and skin again, and the other day had a horrible spot on her side. We put the cone back on for the foreseeable future, and took her to the vet. We aren’t certain yet the source of her issues, but I hope we can figure it out soon. She doesn’t pee in the litter boxes anymore, either…sigh. Having older cats is tough, but I hope we can figure out what’s going on.

This week has been going by in a blur. The fall has been busy, tiring, and pretty hard. Things are generally good, but just that there’s been so much to deal with!  Once Louie finishes school and starts working I think everything will be a little easier…at least his schedule might be easier, and that stress will be lifted.  I tend to pick up his stress and also have my own (keeping my schedule intact and keeping up to date on my students is a constant stress, not to mention performing, and then all the around the house stuff, plus dealing with a sick kitty.)

I’m happy that November is here. I’m not really into Halloween like some people are, and frankly I’m glad it’s over. It was starting to annoy me. (I know, I know…I sound old and cranky!) But Thanksgiving, well that’s a holiday I can get on board with. And this weekend I am traveling to a wedding in Phoenix and though it’s ALSO adding to my stress (early travel! how to pack to avoid checking a bag! playing violin at the wedding!) it should be a lot of fun and I can’t wait to see Leslie and my niece. Next weekend ALSO has a few fun activities planned, and then I’ll be visiting family for Thanksgiving, so this month is full of good stuff…hopefully. And not that the every day isn’t nice, but October felt like I was working all the time, and I’m looking forward to having some downtime this month. Fingers crossed!

I do feel like my blog posts this fall have been whiny…sorry to make you read it if that’s the case Winking smile (maybe they have always been like this?) I think I have to work harder on choosing what to stress over and what to let go…or I have too much on my plate?  It’s not that I’m too busy even, but just that it’s hard to feel like I’m on top of things. I guess having 38 students means there are always a few things to take care of. I really should do what people suggest and have a set time to deal with emails and non-time urgent things. Maybe I’ll start ONLY dealing with those to-do’s in the morning, and spend a certain amount of time, and then move on with my life. Music lessons are rarely a life-or-death situation, but sometimes rescheduling feels like it.

I sometimes read my old blog posts and think that I write worse today than I used to. I wonder if that’s true or if I am more critical of myself in the present day than in retrospect. Thoughts?

All Kinds of Professional

Well, hello there! It’s been a busy weekend, and I’m just now getting a moment to sit down and collect my thoughts.

There’s been a lot going on in my life lately, and most of it good. Louie (who has been going back to school since I’ve known him) got offered a full-time job the other day and he accepted. He starts in December. I am very excited, both for him and for us. He’s worked really hard to get where he is now, and I think the next chapter is going to be really interesting and even a bit fun.

Friday morning I had a few errands to run, and I ended up doing a few things at the bank that will be helpful for my violin teaching business. I felt like such an adult, having a long meeting with a bank associate. A couple of times she told me to check with my accountant, and that made me giggle, since my accountant is a computer program. I also got a flu shot and a library card (to check out books on my kindle, woo-hoo!) so it was just a full day of activity. I would like to say, I think it’s funny when you do errands in the morning and people often assume you have the day off. Why, sure, I have the day off, until 4 pm when I teach and then have rehearsal until 10 pm. So it’s kind of a half day, plus a couple hours of practicing! I think I’d think it was a half day of work if I worked from 8 to 5 too, as that gives your whole evening free Winking smile Maybe I have a problem.

I mostly worked through the weekend—teaching and a wedding on Saturday, and a double rehearsal day for Winter Opera yesterday. We did have a little fun on Saturday night and went to the Symphony and then out with another couple we ran into at the concert. The concert was pretty good, though sparsely attended. I think people who don’t regularly attend arts events are really missing out, especially here in St Louis. Then again, there are so many events that perhaps it’s hard to keep up.  On any given weekend I will have 2 to 3 concerts in mind that I know would be really interesting to attend, but often I don’t make it to any of them…I also get invites and see advertising for tons of great looking concerts on weekday evenings..there is just so much going on culturally that there is no excuse for people not to get out there and see it. Many events are free too. I guess seeing so many empty seats at the symphony (to me it seemed like a lot, maybe I’m wrong) made me think about what people do for entertainment. It can be hard to get off the couch sometimes, because watching TV on the couch is so easy and relaxing and comfortable, but I’m glad we went out Saturday night, and every time I attend a live performance I’m glad I went.

That’s all for now! Time to run, finish some laundry, grocery shop, practice, teach, and run a sectional with the orchestra at Washington University. Busy day and busy week ahead!

Time’s a tickin’

I don’t think my title is totally grammatically correct…

I texted April earlier today that I feel like all I do is work. This month has been a lot of work, and running, and some hanging out with Louie, but mostly we just watch TV because we are too exhausted to do anything else, or it’s just too late anyway. I don’t even feel like I’m that busy, except when I’m trying to figure out when to get things done. I’m used to teaching 38 students and practicing 1-3 hours a day, and running, and doing mostly everything around the house because Louie is too busy (hopefully that is changing soon because I don’t actually do everything so lots of things aren’t getting done.)

But! So, I went for a run this morning, (20 minutes without walking) and what is with the weather? It’s still summer outside—it was 80 degrees by midday. Is this the future? Global warming? I don’t really care for it. I’m ready for those cooler temperatures to stay for awhile. I bought new purple running leggings that I really want to wear, but I can’t wear pants to exercise unless it’s near or below freezing.

For my opera class (taking a class at EdX on opera) I just listened to the recording of Ave Maria done by Alessandro Moreschi, a castrati born in 1858 and who made the recording in 1903. It made me sad on so many levels. What people did in order to make their voices like that. And then thinking about everybody who made the recording, and how they are all long dead…and what will happen to all of our videos and recordings from now? And that it was socially acceptable to have castrati, and now it absolutely isn’t, and that you can’t do that to a child who can’t make that decision…it’s fascinating, but tragic really. And who had the idea first, to do that to a person in order to keep their voice from changing??

I got to see my brother-in-law, Peter, this week. He was in town for a “job interview” (he’s a musician as well, so it was an audition, but it’s the same idea, only with more work, more money paid out of pocket, and well, more personal devastation afterwards.) I’m really looking forward to visiting Phoenix in a few weeks and seeing the whole family…my niece just had her first birthday. She’s getting so old, soon she will be a real person!

I’ve been battling a cold all week. I feel mostly okay, except I’ve got a slight cough, congestion, and just TIRED. I’ve been trying to rest but it’s hard, and I haven’t wanted to miss any paid work so I’ve been forging ahead. I do feel like this evening I’m starting to feel more like myself, but (sigh) between Louie and I we’ve been sick for nearly two weeks and I’m pretty much over it. I want to be back to normal and be able to sleep on my side or even better, my stomach! (I can’t breathe well enough yet, so it’s been back sleeping for DAYS.)

I helped out at a nearby high school with a little after school “audition prep”. I was really doing a favor for Eliana, but I had a great time. I’m thinking maybe that’s how I can “give back.” I always feel like I need to be volunteering, since that’s what people do, but I realized today that the best use of my skills would be to volunteer and occasionally help with a sectional or something for a school. There are plenty of benefits for me too, of course, from networking and recruiting, to simply feeling like I have skills to offer that are top of the line and invaluable…not second rate, not “not in the symphony” or “following direction from an orchestra director” but teaching the way I know how and teaching the students to be their best selves. I know I can’t let other people’s opinions bother me, but it’s just hard when you don’t feel respected and appreciated. Today I feel like I AM respected and appreciated.

And on that note. Dinner time! Tonight is a bag salad from Schnuck’s, roasted yellow squash with parmesan, and mushroom ravioli from Trader Joe’s. Yummy!

Getting ready to Rock and Roll

This weekend I’m running my…fourth (?) Rock and Roll Event. It’s the St Louis Rock and Roll Half Marathon, and I am probably a little crazy, but the memory of last weekend’s pain is already starting to fade…so…I’ll be there!

Tomorrow I’ll hit up the expo. RNR does a good job with the expo, or at least they have in the past. I’ve only run the St Louis race once and that was the first year. I’ve run the one in Phoenix twice and LOVE that race—it’s just so giant and the energy is great. Interesting fact: my half PR (personal record) is from the St Louis RNR Half a few years ago. I won’t be setting any new records on Sunday but I am totally okay with that. I was so happy after last week’s race and that is enough for me right now.

I went for a run in my new running shoes this morning. They felt fantastic, so I think I won’t be out of line running in them this weekend. “They” say don’t wear anything new on race day, but the shoes aren’t new. 1) I already ran in them and 2) They are the exact same model I’ve been running in for around two years now.

Okay, non-running talk…hmmm…well, there’s teaching. I’ve been doing lots of teaching, as usual. LOTS of repetition and patience (I don’t know that I agree that patience is controlled frustration, as some say…I think that patience means knowing that things that many might find annoying are important and necessary steps and so I don’t get bothered) and lots of trying to prepare kids for the recital in November. It’s still over a month away but that means that NOW is the time to be really putting in the work. I don’t know how other teachers do it, but I think of one month away as the time to really be decided on what piece (or pieces) to play and be polishing the piece. It’s not the time to be still learning anything, at least not for the younger and less experienced performers, because performing is hard enough without having to perform something you aren’t 100 percent comfortable playing by yourself!

Louie and I had to skip Taco Thursday this week due to other commitments and I won’t pretend I wasn’t disappointed. It looks like we’ll be having Taco Friday though, so that’s a good compromise. I figure that mexican food is good carb loading two nights pre-race. I don’t think that it would be that great the night before…especially not beans or anything spicy! Louie has been having a really stressful semester this fall, and it’s been hard on me as well, feeling like I have to pick up some of the slack. Between that and dealing with sick pets, I’ve been a little overly stressed the past few weeks, but I’m hoping that soon things will turn around. We have some traveling ahead of us for a wedding and some family events, so that will at least put some variety into the daily grind.

Being a musician isn’t all fun and games…there’s a lot that just feels like work and like each day of the week is like the same day a week prior, and that nothing ever changes! I suppose that’s how most people feel with their jobs, but people often say “inspirational” things like “If you do what you love, you won’t work a day in your life” or other such BS things, that are obviously written by somebody who hasn’t turned their passion into work. Or maybe it’s that my true passion is for performing, but all the work that goes into THAT, and all the teaching that is required in order to have the money and time to be able to practice in order to perform at a high level…all of that isn’t totally my passion…and therefore I’m just working my butt off! I do LIKE teaching, and some days I have a great time, and some students are simply delightful, and other days it’s like pulling teeth and I just dread it (sorry students, it’s not personal, it’s just that teaching is HARD WORK and exhausting sometimes!) I do a lot of unpaid work and sometimes I wonder if I should have just done something easier! But eh, I kind of love what I do and I certainly don’t intend to change much about it other than trying to feel more secure, and make more meaningful performance opportunities and more opportunities for my students. And maybe write more, and try to write better…

Okay, time to get to work: I’m taking an EdX course on Italian Opera and I’m only part way through watching the Marriage of Figaro. I think taking online courses can be a fun way to improve yourself (is it super nerdy that I think learning is fun? Smile) and I’m eager to learn more about opera—I have played a good number of operas over the years but I’ve really only seen a select few!

Pet Update

I thought I should follow up on how the animals are doing! Chloe is still wearing her cone and being a little sad about it…I don’t have a recent picture and she’s not around at the moment, so here’s a reminder…

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She is getting more used to it, and really has to wear it…when it’s off after a few minutes she will try to pick at her scab, and that’s no good. Poor thing! But everybody is doing better, all the medications seem to be working, and various tests show that glucose and thyroid levels are getting back to where they should be. Fingers crossed for healthier animals in the future!

Last Saturday I played with a friend, Michael, at the Artica Festival near the riverfront in St Louis. We played his original works for violin and didgeridoo (or guitar and some with drum) for a small crowd. I’d asked Louie to take a picture of the performance, but he forgot. (I needed April there!) The festival wasn’t really my style—Louie said it seemed in the spirit of Burning Man but obviously way smaller—but it was a fun performance and pushed me outside of my comfort zone, which they say is a good thing. I took a few pictures as we walked around beforehand.

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I’m recovering decently well from the Great Halloween Half Marathon on Sunday. I thought I’d do a “shake-out” run this morning but my hips are still pretty tired so I’m postponing that. I’m still planning to run again Sunday at the Rock and Roll Half Marathon, and figure that even if I don’t run until then it’s not like I’ll forgot how. I’ve been stretching, foam rolling, and taking short dog walks (could definitely do more of ALL of those though…)

I got new running. There is a newer version of the shoes I love (Mizuno Wave Paradox) so I got the older version at a steep discount (woo-hoo!). I thought they were the same color as a pair of them I’d already owned so I was pleasantly surprised to see that they weren’t exactly, though they still look like it on the computer. Weird. The body of the shoe is a light blue. But totally looks white, doesn’t it?

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Not sure why my left sock is up so high. Weird.

Anyway, that seems like enough blogging for today. I’ve got errands to run, practicing to do, and students to teach. I can’t spend all day typing about myself Winking smile