Cracked.com’s 5 Most Terrifying Side Effects of Exercise.  Please click through!!

I saw this on Eat, Drink, and Be Meiri’s Blog today and wanted to share with you.  It’s very funny, especially if you work out!  You should read her blog too, but I’m going to copy her idea and give my own thoughts.  (Flattery, Rose, right?  I hope you don’t mind I copied your idea!)

#5 Running makes you poop yourself.

Well as you may know I already covered this on my blog the other day (which led to my blog being found from a google search for the word “poop”).  I personally have not had this issue…yet…  I’ve gotten mixed opinions from my friends on whether pooping your pants is worth it to make it into the Olympics.  Some say yes, some say, no, because even if you win the Olympics you are forever known as that woman (or man) who crapped their pants.  I guess it depends on your level of vanity.  How often do you fix your hair in the mirror at the gym?  (way too often…and it continues to look bad)

#4 Constant, endless sweat

Yes. I do find that I sweat more these days.  But I feel like that’s GREAT.  Plus when I’ve had too many martinis or glasses of wine the next day I know I can just go to the gym and sweat that out and feel fantastic.  Or get robbed.  Either or.  But I do throw my gym clothes into the laundry after every wear.

#3 Abuse to your feet, nipples, and “scrotal zone”

I agree with Rose, I’d rather have blisters than not be able to see my feet!  But seriously, mine aren’t TOO bad, just blistery and some callouses that I STUPIDLY allowed my pedicure lady to shave off the other week.  That made my run hurt on Sunday, but I learned my lesson.  I have a little black spot on one toenail, but nothing really impressive.  My friend Jen has a lovely black toenail (pride, Jen!) and Leslie got an awesomely nasty blister (oozing) after her marathon.  As far as nipples and “scrotal zone”, well, I’m just glad I’m not a guy.  And I recently discovered Bodyglide, which is helpful for wearing shorts (stupid thighs rubbing together).

#2 Swimming can kill you in endless creative ways

I can’t recall ever swimming for exercise.  My gym doesn’t have a pool and I don’t think we are meant to swim in the Mississippi River?  (can somebody clarify this?  is that something people do?  has the river ever been on fire?)  But I DO know that you are supposed to wait 1 hour after eating or YOU WILL DIE IN THE WATER FROM STOMACH CRAMPS.

#1 Your junk disappears

Firstly, I really hate the phrase “junk.”  Secondly, well, may I say AGAIN how glad I am that I am not a guy.

This comes to mind:

Jerry, George Costanza: Elaine!
Jerry: Do women know about shrinkage?
Elaine: What do you mean like laundry?
Jerry: No, like when a man goes swimming afterwards.
Elaine: It shrinks?
Jerry: Like a frightened turtle!
Elaine: Why does it shrink?
George Costanza: It just does.
Elaine: I don’t know how you guys walk around with those things.

My thoughts:  it’s easy to come up with reasons not to exercise or not to eat healthfully.  These are not good reasons!  But it’s a funny article.  People always seem to get upset over articles on cracked as to not being “accurate” but they must have missed the whole “America’s only humor site since 1958” tagline, which (to me) implies it’s a humor site.

Michael Scott: Finishing that 5K was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I ate more fettuccini alfredo, and drank less water than I have in my entire life. People always talk about triumphs of the human spirit. Well today I had a triumph of the human body. That’s why everybody was applauding for me at the end. My guts, my heart and well I eventually puked my guts out. I never puked my heart out, and I am very proud of that.

Okay, I’m going to talk briefly about a topic that we don’t generally talk about here on my blog.

Poop.

Evidently this is an issue runners have.  Before going for a run, you want to make sure you have “gone”.  But…if you are really pushing yourself in a race?

{image redacted due to copyright/legal issues and just good moral fiber 😉 but yes it was a picture of a woman who lost control of her bowels on the race}

http://deadspin.com/#!5793292/the-poopiness-of-the-long-distance-runner
http://blog.kropewnicki.com/2011/04/18/caroline-white-leaves-it-all-on-the-boston-marathon/

I originally saw this picture on Skinnyrunner’s blog but then I did a bit of internet research (that I am so known for) and found the above links.  The woman ran a 2:37 marathon on Monday in Boston, qualifying for the A group of the Olympic trials.  Not sure what the A group means, but that sounds pretty good to me.  That’s twice as fast as I can run!

So the question of the day would be:  is making the olympic trials worth the whole world seeing you with poop running down your leg?  (thanks to Leslie for the wording).

source

I am not entirely sure how I feel about charity runs.  Probably the same way I feel about charity gala dinners.  On the one hand, it’s great that you are supporting a great cause.  But…couldn’t you simply support the cause without making the person run or without having a fancy dinner that costs money to put together?  Your dollars would go farther.  Nonetheless, I suppose anything that gets people to donate money to non-profits is a good idea.

I received this comment today:

It seems like a great idea!  Go visit www.facebook.com/boltforthebso now, especially if you live in the Baltimore area.  The active giving link didn’t work for me though.  I wonder if other orchestras have had experience with this?

I wonder how many musicians are also runners?  I know quite a few marathoners—what I’m wondering is if a higher percentage of musicians are distance runners versus the normal population?  Distance running requires discipline and the ability to do something for a long time.  In my mind, those are skills that we honed in the practice room.  Granted, musicians also love rich food and wine, but the two are not mutually exclusive.  Are you a runner?  Are you also a musician?  Does anybody know the statistics on this?

Then again, as I’ve said before, if I ran faster, I wouldn’t have to run for as long.  Better get going then!

“I won’t be able to make it fellas. Veronica and I trying this new fad called uh, jogging. I believe it’s jogging or yogging. it might be a soft j. I’m not sure but apparently you just run for an extended period of time. It’s supposed to be wild. “

Okay, so it DOES sound a little crazy when you describe it like that   And I must admit, the first time I saw Anchorman I didn’t even LIKE it.  In fact, I thought it was stupid.  Unfortunately (or fortunately) for me, Chris loved the movie and so I was forced to watch it several more times.  Each time I laughed harder! 

Another great scene is this:

Ron Burgundy: (lifting weights) 1001, 1002, 1003.

Veronica Corningstone: Uh, Mr. Burgundy? Helen said that you needed to see me.

Ron Burgundy: Oh, Miss Corningstone. I wasn’t expecting company. Just doing my workout. Tuesday’s arms and back.

Veronica Corningstone: Well, you asked me to come by, sir.

Ron Burgundy: Oh, did I?

Veronica Corningstone: Yes.

Ron Burgundy: Oh-h, it’s the deep burn! Oh, it’s so deep! Oh, I can barely lift my right arm ’cause I did so many. I don’t know if you heard me counting, I did over a thousand.

(This is what I do at the gym as well.)

Yes.  If you haven’t seen Anchorman, I recommend you watch it.  And if you don’t like it right away because, well, frankly, because the plot is AWFUL, watch it over and over until you do like it!

So on a related note:  are too many people running marathons?  From NPR:  Marathons, Once Special, Are Now Crowded.   If something is crowded, does that mean it is no longer special?  Have I jumped onto a bandwagon that is going out of style?  Is joggling the new yogging?

I saw that NPR story on Facebook initially, and a lot of people were angry at people who run marathons, for being rich and spending all their time running.  They thought that you had to run 8 hours every day to train for a marathon.

What do you think?  Do you like “yogging”?   Are you angry at people who like to run?  If too many people run marathons, does that lessen the accomplishment? 

And…in a country where obesity is such a huge problem, what’s wrong with a bunch of folks having a good time running for a long way?