There was a time in my life when so many of my friends were getting married, and it seems like every year there were a half dozen wedding invites, some I went to, some I couldn’t due to work or finances. And then it all sort of slowed down and stopped, and the last wedding Louie and I went to was for the daugher of his boss, so we felt like, hmm, we’ve moved into the next generation, now we will go our friend’s kids’ weddings.
Which is why this weekend is so excited, it’s the wedding of two of my friends and I’m so pumped for them! By the way, I want to note that wordpress tells me every time I write that my sentences are long and convuluted, that you people won’t be able to read or understand them. And then I hit “ignore for this post” because I haven’t yet been bothered enough to figure out how to make them stop telling me this ever. We were reading some things yesterday that Lincoln wrote and I’m certain that his speeches and letters would also be marked as too long and convulated, and yet he was considered a great orator.
Not that I see myself as Lincoln, by any means! But that I am going to write how I think, and how I want, and if I were writing for page views and seo I would be way more popular BUT I don’t do this for the money. I mean, good gosh, I’m a musician, do I do anything for the money?
Anyway, so my good friend Stephanie is getting married, and last night there was a little girls only thing, and it was a lot of fun. I met some new people and chatted with people I already knew, and I had a lovely time. One woman asked me if I loved teaching violin, and I said, no, and she looked disappointed, and asked what I would do instead. The answer is: nothing. I am doing the jobs I want: my other thing I would do is NOT work, and instead read and walk and hike, and travel, perhaps 4 trips a year? And putter and write, and get better at crafting and all of that stuff.
I do enjoy teaching, sometimes, and other times I find it invigorating and challenging, and sometimes my students frustrate and annoy me, and other times they make me laugh so hard. But love is a strong word for me. I think many teachers do love teaching, and I don’t. I don’t love playing the violin for weddings either, but it’s something I do because it’s fine, and easy enough, and I know that people enjoy hearing it, and they pay me. I do enjoy some of my concerts, quite a lot, and I enjoy playing the violin, but not enough to practice as regularly as I should or could.
Maybe I’m burnt out, but maybe it’s ALSO ok if even in a creative field, or working with children, we don’t LOVE It, and we just think its good enough, or fun enough, or even that we don’t hate it, so it’s fine. Maybe it’s okay! Life isn’t always amazing or fun, and not every moment of every day can be spent doing something you absolute adore, can it? Am I delusional? Is it okay just to like your career and not to love it? To feel that you do it well?