I am doing a guest post in September on another blog (I am Meg and so can you) and she wrote a little feature about me the other day in anticipation. Go check it out!

I got my haircut. Looks really different, right?

(I was not wearing makeup. SO BRAVE.)

For reference here’s how it looked before.

I forget why I was so surprised. There was a good reason though, I’m sure.

Seen at Target—that’s pretty much how I am on the phone. I’m so excited that somebody is listening to me that I just talk nonstop until I have something else to do. I mean, I definitely am a good listener and ask questions. Sure.

Speaking of Target, I bought this awesome Owl Shirt and polka dot jeans. How adorable am I? I bet I could pass for 14. Luckily I have the sort of job for which I only have to be dressed, not dressed up. Unless I’m wearing black, and then I have to wear black. So my wardrobe is split between black clothes, purple clothes, and whimsical clothes. With a few cocktail dress and recital gowns. It’s kind of odd—not a traditional “professional” item of clothing anywhere to be seen. Being a musician is the best!

I had to be at a gig this morning at 7 am. It was rough. I need a nap.

The cat doesn’t mind the heat because she is inside and enjoys lying in the sun. Or lying on the floor. Really anywhere she can lie down, that is what she likes best. I think being a cat must be a pretty relaxing life.

Here’s Leslie’s cat, doing a similar thing.

What I like best about this picture is that you can tell Leslie and I are related by the fact that we both take pictures of our cats with our toes in the picture. Obviously that is a genetic thing.

So, I’m having a dilemma. Awhile back I was comped an entry for the Dirty Girl Mud Run (link goes to blog about it, and if you are interested there’s a discount code) which is coming up in like, a week and a half here—September 7. So…I haven’t really been running. Do I suck it up and go anyway or do I bail like I’ve been doing on stuff lately? (Which I’m okay with, I just probably want some people to say either, hey, go do it it’ll be fun, or hey, you’ll probably die.) Or, YOU SUCK AND I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU AREN’T GOING TO RUN A FREE RACE JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVEN’T BEEN RUNNING YOU ARE REALLY LAZY AND I HATE YOU.

Do you ever have periods of time where you just find it really difficult to get things done? You know you have a lot to do, but you just…can’t?

I’ve been like that for awhile. You work (and maybe practice too, in my case) but beyond that simple tasks can seem really overwhelming. Or you think, man I ought to go for a run, but then you just don’t feel like it?

It’s kind of like a depression, but it’s not.

I’ve decided to let myself off the hook. I’m tired of feeling guilty for what I am or aren’t getting done. As long as the bills are paid, the students are taught, the gigs are played, the rest, well, I’ll just do what I can. I think that’s good enough right now, isn’t it? If I want to spend the entire evening lying on the couch watching TV, that’s okay. If I want to stay up until 2 am and stay in bed until 10:30 am, that’s okay too.  I’m tired of feeling guilty and overwhelmed. The guilt is all in my head.

It doesn’t matter if my dishes are washed promptly, or if my bed is made, or if my apartment is smartly decorated. It doesn’t matter if I dry my hair or if it’s a bit wavy, and it doesn’t matter if I go a day without eating the US RDA of vegetables. If I want to cook pasta for every meal, that’s okay too. In the long run, yeah, maybe some of these things matter, but in the short run, no they don’t. If I have the chance to ask a friend how he or she is doing, that’s great. If I forget, or I just can’t, well, that’s fine too. Friends will understand.

It’s hard enough just keeping up with my work schedule! I feel so old and forgetful, though now that the school year is started and everybody is supposedly coming regularly it’s a bit easier. And it’s easy to get ready to go to a gig…it’s just doing anything else in the downtime that’s challenging!

But that’s my mantra going forward here. It’s okay. It’s my life, and I’m not going to stress myself out anymore by beating myself up.

Remind me of this tomorrow, okay?

My friend April took this picture of me in the opera pit the other night. It was intermission so I had my violin away for the moment. I like to think of it as “me in my natural habitat.”

Today was one of those days where I had other plans for my lunch hour which involved authors and lunches…and I ended up deciding that the best thing to do would be to play hooky (as it were) and get Taco Stand with my husband.

Now I’m sleepy and I have to teach in a little over an hour. Coffee is in order.

(that’s an old picture of coffee, but I think you get the idea. also, I like cows.)

This morning at the gym was chest and back. I was totally bench pressing like, 55 pounds. (Honestly, for upper body, I feel pretty hard core just having any weight on the bar, which weights 45 pounds—so I’m psyched.)

Taco Stand didn’t actually fit into my plan of “lose weight so my muscles actually show” but I’m still down 2 pounds since about a week and 1/2 ago, so that kind of rocks. And I am not willing nor mentally able to do a diet that entirely cuts out my favorite things. I am willing to eat a very light dinner and eat well tomorrow to make up for it though.

(Taco Bell is different than Taco Stand. Both are amazing. Yes, you’ve seen this picture before, but I’m lazy and sleepy.)

And I’m running. Regularly. Crazy. Runkeeper tells me I’ve run 31 miles since I started using it under a month ago. *takes bow*

Tonight: the final St Louis Symphony regular season concert. Well, they have four shows but it’s the final program of the season. There’s a post-concert party for the musicians and their significant others so I’m excited for Beethoven 9 and a party of sorts. Purple pants and red shoes seem to be in order, though that’s more common than rare.

Before that: teaching. My regular Thursday afternoon schedule. Which is a great group of students. I might be collaborating with Sarah Crowder on a video about me and teaching and she asked me to think about what I love about teaching. I’ve been thinking a lot about that, particularly this week as I’m contemplating my teaching future…it’s hard to pinpoint. The main thing I love is: playing the violin. And I want to SHARE that love with as many people as possible.

It’s tough because playing the violin is hard work and takes a lot of commitment, and there are so many things to worry about while you play, and I’m a firm believer in TECHNIQUE FIRST (this is also why I have a trainer at the gym, in addition to the motivation, but because I don’t know enough weight lifting technique to feel comfortable on my own—I do understand violin technique though!)

So you can see, my brain is all over the place. I’ve got a few professional personal things (personally professional..the lines in life are so blurry, aren’t they?) going on offline and it’s been making me take a hard look at myself and what I want from my career. This is a good thing, but an unfamiliar thing. I am not a “five year plan” type of person, but I’m trying to figure out what I want out of my career here in St Louis. Assuming we end up staying here, which we’d love to do…but…

(Me, contemplating my five year plan)

And that’s a blog post for another day! Or not, really, as that’s not necessarily about me.

I’ve been wanting to share that picture for awhile. I love it. Today seems appropriate.

I saw something on a friend’s facebook page today—it was a wonderfully written post about the Boston attacks…it was very long and both personal and not personal. And ended with this sentence, which I thought was exactly what I’ve been thinking…

“When a major street in a major city in this country is closed for a week, not just because it is a crime scene, but because they have to remove the blood and body parts from the sidewalks, then maybe it is simply time to condemn ALL violence everywhere, unequivocally, and leave it at that.”

I was reading something a few weeks ago (maybe more) and the author was talking about how movies with sex scenes are rated more harshly than movies with extreme violence. And to her that is crazy—that an act of love between two people is considered something children shouldn’t see, but ridiculously graphic acts of violence, not as big of a deal. (Yes, I said “act of love”. Don’t mock me.)

Just more random thoughts! I’ve been feeling really on edge all week. I’d love to come here and post a picture of my oatmeal and coffee and chicken that I ate (and my instagram followers have seen those things!), but it all seems so TRITE and ridiculous.

But I challenge you to take what I said in my last post and really think about it. I don’t ask much of my readers, so this is important.

“What if, though, what if, we all tried our hardest to relate ANYWAY? What if, when something like this happened to people that we felt we had nothing in common with, nothing we could even relate to, except that we are all HUMAN…what if we felt as strongly every time? What if we tried our hardest to want the best for people not only just like us, but utterly unlike us? Just by virtue of them being people?”

Maybe music will save the world. It saves me all the time. I got this just the other day and I’ve been really enjoying it while driving around. Bill Preucil was my teacher for graduate school (and I still consider him my teacher—if I ever refer to my violin teacher, present tense, that’s who I’m talking about) and to me there is nothing more beautiful than hearing him play. We all need more beauty in our lives, I think.

I should probably leave this post with a funny picture. Sunday night we had people over to watch the Master’s. I guess one of our friends put his beer in the freezer to chill it and then forgot. I like the name of the beer. Sunday night was simpler, wasn’t it?