Yesterday a student told me she didn’t want to play on the G String because it was dark and angry sounding, and that’s not how she felt. I told her that music was like acting—that you didn’t have to be angry and gloomy to play gloomy music. What I didn’t tell her was that so often it’s the opposite, that you feel angry and gloomy and have to put on a happy face for the world. She’ll learn that soon enough.

A friend of mine is battling breast cancer. She’s already had a double mastectomy and now she will have to undergo chemotherapy and radiation for the next few months.  She’s going to be fine (yes, yes, she will, the doctors say so too) but I’m still afraid. And I have to stay strong for her, because again, it’s not about me.  I find sending plates of bar cookies home with her kid (student of mine) makes me feel like I’m doing something.

And more so, the recent tragic loss of Drew Thompson, bassoon player in the SLSO. I am shocked and saddened by the news. This isn’t my tragedy, as I had only hung out in a group with him a few times, but I feel so much sympathy for others who were closer to him.

Sometimes I feel like all we get in life is bad news, that life is just full of tragedy with fleeting moments of happiness and hope that never quite comes to fruition.

Here’s the thing: amidst all the awful junk that is happening right now, there is good news. My audition the other day was a success—for what it’s worth—(not a guarantee of work 😉 )—moments of hope, right?

And I have a new polka dot top from Old Navy. Gotta find your moments of happiness in the small things right?

I figure, the world needs more polka dots. We can be sad, we can be angry, but if we dwell too much on the tragedy and forget about our moments of happiness, even if fleeting, if we forget to laugh, to joke, to smile, then we have truly lost.  And we have already lost so much…

A little Bach helps too. This is exactly the mood I’m in.

I had an interesting conversation with my sister Leslie tonight. Well, not really…but she did drop the phrase “well, your blog USED to be more interesting.”

It was like being stabbed in the gut.

I’m kidding. I have no idea how that would feel

Okay fine. It didn’t hurt because I know that my blog has been, well, less than. But I think I’m doing better! Please keep in mind I am not actually looking for constructive criticism here.

Anyway, we were primarily talking about my new Caturday guest cat feature. I think it’s probably best if I limit my cat posts to once a week…well, for the most part. Self-control has never been my forte.

I guess part of it is this: my life got really uninteresting, at least as far as blogging goes, for a bit. And now it’s a little more interesting, and I hope to convey that in the blog. I now have a bike helmet in the back seat of my car—that’s new. I’m going to some yoga/fashion blogger thing Thursday morning (I’m already thinking about what to wear—I presume if you are invited to a “fashionable” yoga class you have to dress fashionably, right?) And I have a recipe I want to share with you guys, many more cats to share, and who knows what else!

Stuff I’ve learned recently:

1. Target brand Q-Tips are not as firm as regular Q-Tips.

2. This recipe for “Herbed Quinoa” is pretty good. Did you know that quinoa is technically a seed, not a grain? Some of my friends and I had a long discussion the other night about grains, seeds, gluten, and shortening. I’m still pretty confused—the more I study Wikipedia the less I know.

3. I posted this on facebook, but it’s worth reiterating here (since many of you might not be facebook friends with me): The other day a student told me she could tell when a note was F because of the hashtag sign next to it.

Arguably this blog post is an example of just giving up, but I figure blogging more means I’m trying and trying is what really counts, right? Now I’m going to hit publish and go do some violin practice.

I feel like lately I’ve had a lot of conversations about things that end up with me saying, oh, yeah, I used to (fill in the blank) but then (voice trails off).

For instance “I used to run around Forest Park weekly, but now…” or “I used to eat really healthy and have a vegetable at every meal, but now…” or “I used to play a different concert with a different orchestra every week, but now…”. The list could go on and on.

The question is: what is important to me. Honestly, I’m eating like crap, and I felt so much better eating better (and I have loads of clothes that are a bit or more too tight, there’s a definite connection there)…I’d like to be that way again. Running…well I definitely need more physical activity in my life, though I’ve been getting better recently. A friend and I have been doing some running and actually I went hiking over the weekend, and that is helping me feel better about myself. (Way easier to force yourself to run when somebody is meeting you too.)

Minor problem, I turned my ankle on a “run” this morning—stepped off the path and MAN that really hurts. I hadn’t rolled my ankle in awhile…and I forgot how freaking much it hurts.  But that’s a little setback, I can deal with a little setback, right? (Ignoring the fact that the entire year feels like it has just been one little setback after another, I will continue to maintain positivity as best as I can.)

Violin wise…it’s always a question of what do I want. My entire adulthood has been based on “hey, I really like playing the violin, how do I make this my living.” It’s a constant stream of trying to cobble everything together…and this year I’m excited to have some regular chamber music rehearsals happening in addition to my teaching, practicing, and wedding gigs.

So…I’ve talked about how I’ve tried to let myself off the hook, (and a few years before that, oh, and wait here’s another one about not comparing myself to…myself) and how I am trying to relax and just be and be okay with that. But honestly, I don’t WANT to eat like crap and just sit around watching netflix. I think that’s boring and among many things, I don’t want to be boring. I also don’t want to look back on my life and the things I used to do fondly, I want to be doing those things. But it’s a challenge, and I know I have to strike a balance figuring out what I am mentally capable of and not to stress myself out more or be too hard on myself…but I don’t want to use that as an excuse.

Though maybe sometimes lying on the couch watching TV and trying to figure out which face angle is best for selfies is just what the doctor ordered…I’ve decided it depends on whether or not my ear is showing as to which side of my face is best. This is the real important stuff I manage to accomplish, rather than checking off important items on my to-do list like getting my BOW REHAIRED.

I do often feel like I’m just going in circles…I’ve written this post over and over, haven’t I? Maybe this time I mean it, with “it” meaning whatever I want it to mean. And I really do need a bow rehair in a bad way, and that needs to happen this week. (We string players have to get the hair on our bows replaced every so often as it gets old and worn out. The bow is made of wood and the hair is horsehair, and that’s the replaceable part.)

A few blog business items:

Check out my posts on Yoplait Fruitful and Wendy’s Flatbread Sandwiches. Help a girl out by checking out the links in the posts, okay?

Oh, and a great idea that started with a comment from a dear reader: want your cat to be included in a semi-regular kitty round up? (I imagine it’ll be on a Caturday)—email me (hannahviolin@gmail.com) with some awesome pictures of your kitty or kitties and I’ll include them in an upcoming post! If you have a blog I’d be happy to link to it, or a twitter handle or whatever. Whatever information you want to share would be awesome.

Why do I blog?

It’s my creative outlet. I enjoy writing about my life, and I enjoy sharing it with you people. I don’t really have a focus to my blog, other than it’s about stuff that interests me. 

To answer a question from one of my twitter followers: yes, I basically wrote a yogurt commercial. Why? Well…I can use the extra cash. Not going to lie about that. I have this little piece of the internet that is mine and why not get a little money to at least cover costs (there are actually costs!). Besides, as much as I love being a freelance violinist and teacher, it doesn’t pay so much.  So I’m willing to sell out a little. The other reason I did it: I actually really like yogurt. I’m cool with telling you guys that hey, there’s a new product and here’s a coupon, and we’re all adults here, and tomorrow I’ll just be posting a ton of cat pictures, you know? I’m not one of those bloggers who will do anything for a free whatever, but I’m also not one of those bloggers who has super high moral (or high and mighty) standards and won’t ever do anything on the blog for payment. And yes, there will be more “commercials” in the future, but I promise you I will more than balance them out with posts about nothing, about my cat, about music, and maybe even about working out or running! I appreciate you all reading, and hope you continue to do so.

This is not a paid advertisement: I really like these crackers. They are especially tasty with chicken salad or tuna salad. Plus they put the tune “Some Enchanted Evening” in my head which is an added bonus.

If you have some free time, you should go see pictures of a three legged kitten wearing a bunch of tiny hats. It’s pretty much, minus pizza, all my favorite things added up together.

I’ve been entertaining for the past few days and haven’t had a moment to myself, but I’ve finally got the house to myself. While doing some listening for rehearsals and practicing this week, I was also puttering around online and catching up on links and articles my friends found worthy and interesting enough to post on facebook and twitter.

It is Labor Day, after all, and while many of us don’t realize, have forgotten, or perhaps don’t care what unions have done for us (with the attitude of either, “I’ve got mine, you get yours on your own,” or the attitude of “Mine stinks, yours should too”), as a working musician I am a member of the American Federation of Musicians, local 2-197 here in St Louis, and I’ve been a union member of various locals since I started playing with small orchestras while in school.  I don’t agree with everything the union does and sometimes feel that the union is more interested in the union itself than its members, but the underlying VALUE as a union member is that if we work together, our lives will be better than if we work against each other. That I believe in wholeheartedly: that our lives and our society will be a better place if we work together and work towards the future.

Today on Facebook lots of my friends (most are current and former classmates and colleagues, so primarily musicians) were sharing various blog posts people have written about the Minnesota Orchestra’s ongoing work stoppage. Here in St Louis we have a wonderful symphony with hard working and talented (as much as I hate that word, sometimes it works, as long as you include hard working too) musicians who are paid at or above market value for their careers, and they start their 2013-2014 season soon. Minnesota, on the other hand, has been locked out for a year. Some might say, well, there is no place in the world for classical music and “overpaid” musicians, but I think the fact that other similar markets find plenty of place for their orchestras shows otherwise. Sure, some would rather watch Miley Cyrus twerking on television, but many are thrilled to attend an orchestra or chamber music concert and see some actual artistry and passion…and have the expendable income to spend to help make sure that our culture and humanity continues into the future. (And some might like both—why limit ourselves as human beings?) And why settle for a watered down version of our culture, and pretend that our country doesn’t have the potential for greatness?

TL:DR version: Check out some links to blogs possibly better written than mine (I imagine they proofread and possibly even edit…)

Drew McManus—Arrogance is a weed that grows mostly on a dunghill

Baseball and Beethoven: The Minnesota Orchestra, the Marlins and the Perils of Market Correction

On Patron Advocates

And, if you don’t care about reading all that, I posted the Homestar video that is most appropriate for today on twitter and facebook, but why not here too…