All posts by hannahviolin

I am a violinist. I also enjoy running, working out, reading, and hanging with my friends and cat.
Random thoughts

Hot Concert

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The concert yesterday went well, with one caveat:  the air-conditioning was broken!  They did their best to have fans and such, but seriously, it’s hot here.  I know people existed for a long long time without air-conditioning, but not anymore.

Thanks to all of you who came out though!  It was a full house, even with the heat.  I only played on the last piece, so I got to watch the first half.  Chamber Project St Louis did a fantastic job!

Afterwards we hit up the Three Monkeys where I decided to test out my new camera.  I need to play around with it more.  Plus, since I’ve been trying to be a good blogger and take more pictures, my friends are getting annoyed at me.  EVIDENTLY some people don’t just love getting their picture taken all the time.  But that is not my problem.  I don’t take pictures of people I don’t like (well, unless they are really funny looking 😉 ) so please consider it a compliment rather than a punishment.

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Does anybody else find it strange that I have the exact same expression in both of these photos?

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Melissa and me, Todd, Katie

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Vanessa, Kyle (who played on the concert with me).

Some of the other pictures I took were terrible.  Oh well, you’ve seen the other people before.

Anyway, a quick public service announcement:  if you have pizza and beer late at night, chances are you will hurt in the morning when you go for a run.  Plus the self-hatred of having eaten pizza when you are supposed to be trying to lose weight.  Grrr.

Today:  First I am attending the dress rehearsal of The Death of Klinghoffer by John Adams.  It’s performed by Opera Theatre of Saint Louis with the symphony, and (naturally) I have a comp ticket (yes, they evidently sell tickets to the dress rehearsal as well.)  Then I go teach, my last day of maternity leave teaching at the St Louis School of Music.  I’ve had a wonderful time teaching some fabulous students and will miss them.  Tonight I’m getting together with some of my girlfriends for a quasi-ladies night, meaning, all ladies, but we may not do anything more crazy than simply gossip.

Tomorrow:  Two weddings, and then I’m going to St Louis Brewers Festival in Forest Park.  Likely Jen and I will simply camp there overnight and then wake up early to run…saves a lot of trouble.

Sunday:  My last student recital of the spring!!  Two of my students at St Louis Ballet School are performing on the recital.  I will be accompanying on piano…which means today I need to take advantage of the piano in my studio.

Do you have big plans for the weekend?

Random thoughts

Concert tonight

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Tonight! Concert starting at 7:30 pm with Chamber Project St Louis at “The Chapel” (location here).  (This is the group that I was ON TV with in January.)  I play on the last piece on the program, but the whole program should be great!

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I have gotten some nice feedback on my post about Body Image.  Thanks for reading guys!  And remember, you can comment ON the blog…

I haven’t gotten to much of the virtual retreat stuff the past few days.  I got really sucked into some wedding planning stuff (who would have thought that I really enjoyed thinking about invitations and paper…oh wait, that’s right up my alley) and have spent many hours doing stuff.  It’s amazing how much time I can spend on this stuff.  I guess wedding planning really DOES take up a lot of time.  But we’re doing well—venue, invitations, officiant, and we are currently working on music and photography.  One thing at a time (or two, if you split up)!  Plus I had my birthday and all…

Anyways, local readers, come to the concert tonight!

Other helpful things:  Vote for the St Louis School of Music to take 5000 1-8 graders around the world with the Ocarina.  Follow this link for information and to vote (it’s not automatic, you have to log in, annoyingly).  I would be involved in the project.

I read a great article by Peter Sagal (host of Npr’s Wait, wait, don’t tell me) about why he works out with a personal trainer.  It spoke to me, as I feel much the same way!  I recommend reading it.

Random thoughts

Post birthday blues

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Isn’t the day after your birthday the worse?  You have a whole year to wait…

I guess I have other things to look forward to in the meantime 😉

In any case.  How WAS my birthday you ask?  Well it was wonderful.  I only had one mental breakdown and that came earlier in the day.  Honestly, I remember I turned 30 with no worries, and now I’m starting to freak out about getting old.  Weird, right?  I will likely implode by 40.

BUT.  Chris gave me a fabulous pink camera.  I haven’t gotten around to figuring it out yet, but I will after I do this blog post. 

I had invited some friends to meet for dinner at Vin de Set.  They have a really nice open rooftop seating area, and we wanted to enjoy the weather.  It’s also the top floor of the building where we’ll be getting married so I thought it was meaningful.

Naturally I took some pictures, though on my old camera.  There were a few more people than this too, but not all the pictures were good (surprising!)

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Can you believe Chris is SMILING in a few of those photos?  I’ve been telling him that he needs to get used to getting his picture taken.  Perhaps he has taken my advice to heart.  Or this was the first time he was genuinely happy?

After Vin de Set we hit up 33 Wine Bar (since I was actually turning 33).  We stayed out too late, but I think everybody had a good time.  I know I did!

Random thoughts

Happy Birthday to Me!

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That’s right.  It’s my birthday! And I’m actually wishing myself a happy birthday.  How self-obsessed is that?

(It’s not yet my birthday.  I’m writing this to the future.)

Today will be filled with working out, teaching, and then celebrating with some friends.  I rarely work on my birthday, but I don’t mind…it’s cool. 

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Thanks for all the well-wishes (both those that have already happened and those that have not yet come to pass).  I am sure it will be a fantastic day.

Practicing, Running, Weight

Summer Retreat Day 5: Body Image

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Before I start today’s post, a few things to keep in mind for the upcoming week:

Tuesday, June 7:  My birthday!  I have some plans with friends, and naturally will tell you all about it later!  It involves a delicious dinner.

Thursday, June 9:  Concert starting at 7:30 pm with Chamber Project St Louis at “The Chapel” (location here).  (This is the group that I was ON TV with in January.)

Recent posts (from the weekend) you should read if you haven’t:

A Night at the Circus

Feeling Good

Okay!  Business concluded.  Now for the fun.

Happy Monday, loyal blog readers.  Today I have a few students and a meeting with a woman who makes invitations.  I am also thinking of either going for a run or hitting the gym for some cardio (if it ends up being just way too hot to run in the afternoon, since I didn’t get up early).  Should be a really great day, though hot.

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I am not entirely up to date on the virtual summer retreat, but I think that’s about par for the course and perfectly acceptable.  I’m doing what I can.  It’s been an odd week—I feel like I’m on summer vacation, yet I still have work and stuff to do.  Plus that constant feeling that I am forgetting something but not being able to recall what it is.

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Anyway, I decided to look over Day 5: Body Image for today.  As a woman, obviously I have body image issues.  On the one hand, I’m in better shape today than I have been since I started dating Chris.  On the other hand, it’s not as if I was happy with my body THEN either.  So it’s a double edged sword.  I’m strong, I’m capable, I can run for miles, I can lift heavy objects, I’m in great health.  I can wear SHORTS in public without worrying too much about it, and I can run wearing only those shorts and a sports bra and feel confident.  But it only takes a look, or a thought, or a pair of jeans that are too tight out of the dryer, for those ugly fat thoughts to reenter my head.  I definitely still think of myself as overweight (even though my BMI is not overweight, it’s still on the top end of the scale) but I want OTHER people to think of me as thin.  (and the most beautiful girl in the room…isn’t that what everybody wants?)

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(yes, I always dress in those colors, why do you ask?)

So, what does the VSR recommend?

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write a letter to yourself filled with self-compassion. in part 1, you will forgive yourself on any perceived ‘flaws’, and in part 2, detail the many gorgeous and delicious features you have that you LOVE [both inside and out].

Forgive myself for my flaws?  Is she crazy?  How will I improve them if I forgive myself for them?

Oh, I get it.  I’m supposed to be happy in my skin right now.  Rather than consider myself a work in progress…  I am not sure I’m ready to do that.  I am fine with being positive about some of my “gorgeous and delicious” features, but how can I forgive myself for my flaws?  Do I stop with teeth bleaching and hair removal then?   Start eating cheesecake every day?  Quit the gym?  I’m certainly not ready to do any of those things (though the cheesecake is tempting).

Inside and out?  I can embrace my inside—my sense of humor, my quick wit, my patience with children, my kindness, and my guilt.  Yes, I shall embrace my guilt!  (Guilt over what, you ask?  Why, you name it, anything that I could have done that I haven’t!  Constant sense of guilt!)

Outside…I do love my hair, I love that my teeth whitening is working, I love my smile, I love my eyes, I love my height, and yes, I do love that I can wear shorts this summer.  Do you know the last time I wore shorts comfortably all summer?  Without too many worries of people staring at my fat thighs?

But that doesn’t mean I’m ready to settle yet, do you hear?  I want more defined muscles and a smaller waist.  I will get there.  I hope for smaller thighs and butt too, though we’ll see how genetics serve me there.

And I need to quit biting my fingers.  Less mutilated hands would go a long way.  Chris generally thinks I am beautiful all over…except my fingers.  And you know, negative self-hating thoughts.  Meh.

meditation
5 minutes focused on loving yourself — and forgiving yourself for any perceived ‘imperfections’. [emphasis on the word perceived]

I haven’t really embraced the whole meditation aspect of this retreat…yet.  But maybe practicing the violin is sort of like meditating?  You are alone with your music, focusing on the HERE and NOW and concentrating on yourself.  When I watch myself in the mirror playing, sometimes I notice my strong arms, my nimble and able fingers, and I love the profile of myself playing the violin…I think that is when I am most beautiful.  I also know it’s something I do well, better than most everybody else (statistically speaking, there are really so few excellent violinists in the world, that with a margin of error, I could be considered the best.  You know, with a plus or minus 2 percent or something.)  I feel a great sense of confidence when playing, backed up with years of experience and tens of thousands of hours of practice.

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Haven’t changed that much either!

Running, Teaching

Feeling good

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Jen and I ran the park today.  5.6 miles in 1:09.  No walking!  I was lagging behind her almost the whole time but it was a good run.  Not too hot either, and we went extra early because we thought it might be.

We also found a new boyfriend for Jen.  He passed us, and we considered turning around and running after him, but he was going too fast for us.  We also considered getting the car and going back around and finding him, then getting out and pretending to be running, but decided that was a little crazy.  Instead we just went home.  Such is life.

Now I’m taking a short break from house-cleaning.  Today is the student recital at my house.  6 of my students are playing, and I am naturally super stressed out for the company.  Even though these people come into my disheveled house every week, they don’t see as much of the house as they will today, so I’ve been frantically cleaning.  Those who know me know that cleaning is NOT my forte.  I enjoy a clean house as much as the next person, but I rarely do a really good job cleaning, instead simply doing a cursory vacuum and dusting around objects.  Today is really no different, just that I am doing that all over the house!  (Good thing I’m engaged already, right?  What man would want a woman who can’t clean properly??)

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Last night I had a wonderful time hanging with friends at Sasha’s on Shaw and then to the Amsterdam Tavern.  The Amsterdam is actually where the Pumpkin Run started, and is also (evidently) a great place to watch soccer.  I am not a big soccer fan, but Jen is, and it seemed that she knew everyone in the place!  (When I say not a big soccer fan, I mean, seriously pretty bored by the sport.  I prefer baseball and the Olympics.)

After all the work today, we have a movie date: the final installment of the Lord of the Rings, Return of the King.  Will Frodo live to destroy the ring?