Let’s talk about running, shall we? After all, it’s on the headline of my blog here.

I was running a lot when I started blogging regularly. And then last fall I sort of…stopped.  I still ran some, and then I tapered off, I ran a few more races I’d signed up for, and felt like a huge failure during them, and then in February…well, I just stopped entirely. Then I did the half marathon in April, and after that I felt like a huge weight had been lifted, and the weather got nice, and suddenly I find myself back on the running wagon. (It’s not really a wagon, as that wouldn’t be running, but you probably understand the analogy.)

So what happened?

I was thinking about this today on my run. It’s a beautiful day today, and that certainly helps me want to go run. But it’s more than that.

I’d been feeling like a failure because I wasn’t able to run as well as I had the year before.  I’d been feeling like a failure because I had talked about running a marathon and then that just…fell through. And I’d been feeling like a general failure in life and career and all that nonsense.

The problem, I realized, was that I had been comparing myself to well…myself. I generally don’t compare myself to others, at least with physical activity, because I am kind of BAD at physical activities. But my thought process is generally, that’s okay, because I’m trying, and because I’m improving. But when I stopped improving, due to injury, being busy, and then laziness…I started to really feel like a loser. Which is a problem and a bad cycle: you feel like a loser for being bad at something that you are bad at because you aren’t doing it, and then you keep not doing it and therefore get worse…and feel worse. It’s hard to break that!

So what turned it around for me? These past three weeks of running have been fantastic, and I’m back to my old self of, hey, get your butt out the door, do the run, it’ll be hard and then you’ll be done and feel great…and that’s working just wonderfully!

I think a few things helped: one was realizing that I was still making really great gains at the gym with lifting. So I wasn’t a total failure at exercise, just running. And I realized I just needed to start over. Rather than going out and feeling like a failure, I decided to start fresh. I downloaded Runkeeper on my phone and a program called Couch to 10k and just got started. That’s the key—just get out the door and do it. Stop sitting on the couch feeling sorry for yourself, and go.

I’ve always been a slow runner and I love walk breaks. I know that I would like to have less walk breaks and run a little faster, and the program is pushing me. It tells me when to walk and when to run, and I follow it. Today I had to run two intervals of three minutes, and two intervals of five minutes. It sucked, and by the end I thought I was going to throw up…and I didn’t. And I feel FANTASTIC right now. Plus each time I finish a workout I get a little check mark, so I feel like each run is an accomplishment, and I can tell I’m improving.

Right now my goal race is the 80’s 5k in June (which I totally registered for today, woo hoo!), and my plan is to be ready to run the whole darn thing.  I will be, if I follow the program, because I’ll be running further than that by then. 

Of course I’m still comparing myself to myself, but I’m not gunning for a 5k PR. I am gunning for a 2013 PR and I’m mainly just planning to keep improving, and most importantly, keep feeling good about myself.

Moral of story: if you stop running, when you start again, it is really hard. And that’s okay. Stop judging yourself.

And it’s important to take a lot of self portraits, so people know you went for a run. Also it is important is to buy new running clothes that fit and you feel good in 🙂

Shortly after finishing this post I saw on twitter the horrible news of the bomb explosions at the finish line of the Boston Marathon. Words can’t express the horror I feel. I think of how I felt last weekend, waiting at the finish for Leslie, and how I’ve waited at the finish for many races…and how I’ve run many races…and the horror that fellow humans inflict upon one another. I don’t really have coherent words for any of this, except that my thoughts are with those affected by the tragedy, and I hope that there will be swift justice for those responsible, as little as that helps.

Ah, the long awaited race recap for that race last weekend that I just barely made it through.

Let’s see. I read somewhere that people like to see the finishing time at the beginning. 2:56:47. AWESOME.

Okay, but let’s put all the cards on the table. I ran a half in January as part of my training for what was supposed to be the marathon. Then I got the flu, a cold, a stomach virus, took an audition, and ended up spending a few weeks just wallowing in self-pity and generally being sad and pathetic. (aka I turned into a cat.) I wouldn’t have run this race at all (not have RAN, have run) if Leslie hadn’t been visiting and running the full. I figured I owed it to her to do the race, since I’d already failed her in that we were supposed to be both running the full.

And let me be clear. I wasn’t undertrained. I was, for all intensive purposes, un-trained. I just looked at my calendar, and between the race (Rock and Roll Arizona) mid-January and this race, I ran a total of 4 times. Two of which were the week of the race, and were primarily walking. I did continue going to the gym to lift weights on a fairly regular basis (approximately two times a week, except for a few weeks in February) so I wasn’t completely out of shape…

I’m not saying these things to make excuses. There are no excuses. I’m simply setting the stage for what was going on for me at the time. Honestly, Chris was concerned I would severely injure myself during the race and thought I was both crazy and stupid to even attempt it. But I’ve sloughed through quite a few half marathons in the past few years, and I knew that while I wouldn’t set any land speed records, I’d be able to finish, because I had so many times already.

Okay, enough of the TL:DR bit. On to some pictures!

The expo was on Friday and Saturday. Usually I like to go to these things on Friday because I dislike crowds, but that wasn’t possible, so Jen, Leslie and I went on Saturday morning.

We got our bibs. I love how they have our names. It seems great in theory, but turns out to give you a lot of stress on the course, wondering, oh, hey, did I ACTUALLY know that person yelling my name or did they just read it?

Leslie thought that shirt might be a bit small even for her.

And then I decided to sign up for a half in October (Rock and Roll St Louis) since there was a discount and you got a free tech shirt for doing so. Yeah. I’ll train for that one, I promise.

Leslie is an awesome blogger companion because she understands how to take good pictures!

The shirt is pretty much like the shirt from the race the other year, but oh well.

The rest of the day we just relaxed and tried to keep off our feet. The night before the race we made pasta with red sauce and a lightly panko and parmesan crusted chicken. It was a great pre race meal.

We rented Lincoln on the DVR to watch. It was a great pre race movie because Leslie actually fell asleep 15 minutes in. Perhaps it’s a sign of anti-intellectualism, but we switched to a different movie. There was no real suspense (I knew how it would end) and there was just a lot of talking…

Okay, race morning. I got up around 4:45 and Jen was meeting us at the house at 5:50. We caravaned down to the race area and parked in the same lot we parked at two years prior. It cost $5 but was worth it for the ease of parking.

Chris was concerned I’d be mad that he didn’t get up with us, but honestly, it wasn’t like I was going to PR or even do remotely well on the race, so I didn’t feel he needed to ruin his sleep pattern. This was a self portrait.

Bench photo! After we parked, we hit up the porta potties and then found a bench. We figured we’d be on our feet enough so we might as well sit for a bit. I was (oddly) placed in the highest corral of the three of us, but they decided to sneak up there with me. I was definitely seeded incorrectly, as I was planning to do a 3 1/2 minute run, 1 1/2 minute walk interval, and Leslie was planning to run at 4:00 marathon pace (you do the math, I’m too lazy right now).  My goal was to not die and finish in less than 3 hours.

Anyway, the race started. It starts downtown and goes towards Soulard and through the Budweiser factory, and then back downtown, towards Forest Park, where it splits with the marathon. They continue through Forest Park to Clayton and then back and then finishes downtown again. It’s (to the best of my knowledge and recollection) entirely uphill. Even if it seems parts of it are downhill, really, no, it’s just all uphill. I don’t know how they manage, but I’m impressed by that.

I started out just fine. My legs were shocked by the fact that I was running. And then they started hating me, around mile 4. I thought, oh my god, I’m an idiot and I’m never going to be able to finish this race, I should just give up. But they didn’t feel any worse for a few miles, so I kept trying to do the intervals my watch was beeping at me. By mile 7 or so  I had to make the running intervals shorter and the walking longer, and by mile 10 I switched it entirely. It was pretty awful, and I hated feeling like a loser, but that’s what you get for not training, right? I won’t bore with you any more details about how awful and slow I was. I managed to run to the end though—all uphill to the finish (that’s NOT an exaggeration either.).

I collected as many snacks and water as I could carry and met up with Jen. We went to the car to change shoes and then went to go watch for Leslie to finish.

She was a little behind schedule, and we started to worry that either we’d missed her, or she had gotten lost, and finally Jen had to leave for work. That’s when I saw Leslie coming through—we were probably 1/4 mile from the finish.

I ran into the street and started yelling for her—I took some pictures too.

She pretty much ignored me until she was right there—she said she didn’t see me and had been ignoring people yelling her name for hours. I started running with her (yes, in flip flops) for a bit and asked how she was doing—the answer was POORLY—I guess she was having quite a lot of hip pain and had been struggling for the past ten miles or so. I realized I was getting towards the finish line and asked if she wanted me to keep running with her (I hear that sort of thing can be inspirational) but she said, no go on and I’ll meet you on the other end, so I left her to struggle to the finish.

That’s her in the middle, running uphill to the finish. Nice, right?

I limped around all the barricades to meet her (that took a lot of energy, honestly.)

 

I was proud of Leslie, even though she was upset by her performance. She trained well, she did her best, and even though she had some hip troubles towards the end, she persevered. I trained poorly, and persevered too, so I guess that’s something.

Here’s the shirt: pink for girls, blue for boys…I’ve already expressed my thoughts on this…

And the medal.

What’s the moral of the story? I don’t know. I was sore that day and the next day, but fine afterwards. I guess the moral is: I can finish a half without training, but I shouldn’t.

Unfortunately I didn’t win the race on Sunday. Yeah, I know we’re all disappointed. Next time I’ll try running beforehand 😉

I did finish though! And so did Leslie! I’ll tell you more about it later, but I’ve spent the past few hours in tax mode (oh, hey, isn’t that deadline coming up?) so I’m not up for the challenging task of writing a race recap quite yet. I’m also trying to get Leslie to write one, since I feel like hers would be more interesting (flattery…)

So what do you guys think? This was the pink shirt the race gave out for women. The men got a lovely blue shirt. I’m not saying I don’t like pink, because I do, but I don’t that we got different shirts…I think it’s weird and sets a bad precedent. Thoughts?

Next year I think we should run the Paris Marathon instead. The author of one of the blogs I read ran it this year and though she hasn’t written her recap yet…I think it must be the most amazing race ever. I also love Paris, as you know (and if you haven’t read about my trip you totally should!) and hope that someday I can visit again. Does anyone want to sponsor me and Leslie for the trip? I’d train my BUTT off too, I promise! We’d even pay for our own food if we got our trip and lodging covered!

Leslie and I were brainstorming other (more practical) ideas for our next race today. Anyone have any suggestions? We’re looking for something that is…a bit flatter perhaps…

Did anyone catch last night’s Mad Men? I don’t think it’s a spoiler to mention that there was a violinist in a minor storyline. She wanted to go to Juilliard…now here’s the thing about music: there are other schools than Juilliard (well, a few others.) I wonder why no one suggested she try my alma mater, The Cleveland Institute of Music. Sometimes I’m sad that the only school non-musicians seem to know of is Juilliard.

Local readers: this Friday night I’m performing with Chamber Project St Louis—I’m playing on the Schubert and the Schumann, 8 pm at the Chapel. This link will give you all the information you need, and I’d love to see you there! The Chapel is a great place to see a concert because you can dress as casual as you like and you get two drinks (alcohol and non-alcohol options available) during the show.

My friend Jen commented I hadn’t been blogging as much. I mean, it’s because I’ve been so busy LIVING life, you know?

That’s a joke. You know when bloggers do that, as if it’s so hard to spend a couple of minutes posting a couple of pictures with captions. I understand being too busy, sure, but let’s not pretend that blogging takes a lot of time. It doesn’t.

Carb loading takes time though. My sister Leslie is in town now to run the Marathon tomorrow (I’m not sure why I capitalized that, but I feel it deserves it) and she wanted to go to St Louis Bread Company, also known as Panera, since they don’t have one in Phoenix.

Naturally we also went to Taco Bell.  (Nobody appreciates Taco Bell like Leslie.)

I was thrilled to try the cool ranch Doritos Taco again. I think Taco Bell should sponsor me because I would be an excellent ambassador.

Speaking of things that take time: selfie photo collages.

So yes, we’ve been drinking a lot of wine and taking self portraits. But today the real work began.

We had to go to the Expo for the Go St Louis Race–I’m running the half…totally not trained properly but I’m going with determination and the run/walk method to hopefully get me to the finish line before Leslie finishes her race. I’ve been getting back into running this week actually (too little too late but still good for the future)

And…I decided to register for the RNR race in October. I felt like a real blogger then…signing up for another race at the expo. Plus there was a discount and I got a free tech shirt.

I’ll show you a picture of the shirt from the race I’m running tomorrow in another post. But I was annoyed—women got a pink shirt and men got a blue one. I don’t like that kind of thing…why must women be pink and men blue?

Wish us luck tomorrow! Oh, and how do you like my new sunglasses?

I’ve never been an outdoor sort of person.  I don’t like dirt, or mud, or sweat, or tears, or any of that…but ever since reading Rose’s blog post awhile back about Mud Run tricks and tips, I’ve had it in the back of my head.

I’d read people’s blogs about mud run and think, hey, maybe that would be kinda cool.  After all, I do occasionally enjoy pushing myself past my comfort level.  But there weren’t that many options nearby and the dates didn’t work out when there was a race.  Until now!

I was offered the chance to run the Dirty Girl Mud Run in St Louis on September 7 and I hope you will think about it too.  You can use the code DGSTLBLOGGUEST to get 20 percent off your registration! 

The run is billed as a 5k women’s only run for all ages and abilities.  You’re encouraged to form teams and help each other finish and have fun.  Now, that doesn’t really sound like me, I know (I am a violinist, not really the epitome of a team player) but again, pushing myself outside of my comfort zone, maybe I can work in a team!  And brown looks good on me, right?

Another good thing about the race is that they give money to the National Breast Cancer Foundation.  I’d rather it be a more generic cancer charity like the American Cancer Society (breast cancer gets so much more money than other kinds!) but I still think that’s pretty cool.  Cooler YET is that you can register for free if you are a cancer survivor.  I’m signed

Okay, who wants to come mud run with me?  Does it sound fun to you? (I’m bummed that it’s women’s only, honestly, because I’d love to make Chris come and get him all covered in mud…but I digress…) I’m signed up for the 9 am wave…so come join me!!